Solitude in the pool...

I went to the gym today....my 4th time this week. I decided to water walk. I did 24 lengths of the pool. The water aerobics instructor said walking 1/2 hour in the pool equals 2 miles on dry land and 1/2 hour of jogging in the pool equals 4 miles on dry land.

I was in the pool a few minutes and realized I was alone in the pool. It was wonderful!! I was able to think and it was just me time. It was about 30 minutes before anyone else got in the pool. When was the last time you spent 30 minutes doing something you love in total silence. It was rejuvenating and peaceful. I wish I could do have some time like this everyday.

Usually, when I get to the pool it is peak time....in other words the gym looks like Grand Central Station at rush hour. The pool at that time will have 20-30 people in the water aerobics class. It is fun and very social.

But there is something to be said for being in the pool alone, working out, wrapped up in my thoughts and able to look out the ceiling to floor windows and watch the rest of the world go by.....

Very, very cool........now this is living......

New clothes (unmentionables)

When you struggle with weight clothes are ALWAYS an issue. Shopping is a pain.....I cannot remember the last time I was able to shop off the rack in a "regular" store. The problem is once you find clothes that fit comfortably you tend to wear them and wear them. Sometimes they can get pretty worn out and then you have to go shop again. ....uugghh.

Or like now....although I haven't lost a zillion pounds, I have lost enough to need some new tops (I can get by with the pants I have now but another 20 pounds and I will be shopping!!!). I am trying to hold off on whatever I can for now but there are somethings that can't wait.....I need a new bathing suit for the pool, my demin shorts are getting threadbare (and here in SC I can wear them a while longer before putting them away for the year) and there is always the need for new underwear. Yes, I said it underwear...... So for a change I ordered myself some from Just My Size....but instead of the cotton I usually order (I know this is way too much info!!!) I opted for some with a silkier feel. You know what....they feel wonderful!!!!

I am sharing way too much with all of you.....
Silky undies.....don't I deseve them.....nothing anyone will see but they sure make me feel special......something to celebrate.....goodbye cotton......I am feeling just fabulous!!!

Keeping A Journal

One of Weight Watchers big suggestions is to keep a food journal. Everything you eat has a point value. An apple is 1 point and a bagel can be 3 -6 points (depending on if it is a frozen bagel which is a standard size vs. 6 points for a bagel from a bagel shop). As I was told in a meeting, all points are not created equal. That really makes sense. For example, I could eat a salad for 10 points or a chic-fil-a chicken biscuit for 10 points....see the difference. That is why you have to make good well balanced choices. In other words, I cannot eat my daily total in points in Almond Joys and expect to have a good week at the scale. If you bite it you must write it....is the motto heard at some meetings. After a few so-so (which translates to lousy at the scales) weeks, I decided to get back to basics which includes writing down EVERYTHING I eat and drink. That includes the half a slice of cheese I eat when I give Jeter a treat in the morning, it means counting the pretzels I bring to work as a snack, it means the mouthful of grapes (yes even the grapes) and all the other tastes that are easy to ignore. Each morning I would write what I anticipate eating and then during the day I make adjustments if I change what I am going to eat. By the end of the day, I make sure I haven't exceeded the points I am allowed each day ( I am not telling you how many points I can eat each day or you might be able to figure out my current weight and then I would have to kill you !!!) unless I use some of my weekly bonus points. Each week you get 35 bonus points to use as you want. It could be an extra 5 points a day or blow all 35 at a dinner out with friends. I do not use any activity points I earn working out at the gym, I ignore them and hope they will work towards any weight loss for the week.

So last week I journaled and I ended up having a good week at the scale.

It is not hard to journal....it just means discipline. I am now carrying my journal in my work bag and I also carry my points calculator in case I need it.

It is said it takes 30 days for something to become a habit.....9 days of journaling done.....I will let you know how I am doing in 21 days.... ;-)

Small differences....

The distance between my stomach and the steering wheel.....the clothes that are getting looser....the reflection in the mirror that doesn't look quite as round.....choosing not to eat something....yes, I said choosing not to eat something.....these are the daily changes I am seeing. These small changes keep me going.

Not having to take breaks during my work-outs with Carol......drinking lots of water (although at 3:00 AM I am not loving it).....my knees not hurting as I walk the track.....OK I still have to stop due to the not breathing correctly.......keeping up with the water aerobics class even when I feel like my arms might fall off......all of the things say I am heading in the right direction.

Feeling like I belong at the gym........taking a chance by opening myself up in this blog.......getting great numbers at the doctor's office.......having people ask "Are you losing weight?"......ending the 9th month of the year down in the 30 pound range.....things I can feel good about.

Learning to make healthier food choices.....experimenting with new foods. Planning......choosing.....selecting.......thinking about the things I eat. Tofu Shitakke noodles.....not bad. Cherry tomatoes as a snack. Trying Quinoa and liking it. Trying to cut down on sugar. Water, water and more water. Finally starting to get it.....not all the way there yet but at least on the right road.

Yes, I have learned a lot this year....but I have such a long way to go. Can't focus on the destination.....have to celebrate the small differences !!!! So grab a party hat and some confetti.....I ready to cheer over where I am now and where I am heading......

The Pool Is Open.....

WOO HOO !!!! After 2 long weeks the pool at the gym is open again !!!! I really missed it. During the 2 weeks it was closed I did other work outs including walking the track, working out with Carol and finding ways to sweat. I love the pool. The workouts can be tough but I enjoy them tremendously !!!! It is also very social which I enjoy.

I feel like I am ready to gradually get back on the elliptical. My hip is starting to feel better. I just don't want to over do it and end up back where I was a few weeks ago.

I have even toyed with the idea of going to the pool before work......not sure ....it would mean giving up some sleep.

I am going to order another bathing suit since I am really getting a lot of use out of the one I have now. Maybe a size smaller.....hhhhmmmm......that would be nice!! Not a size I am willing to share with all of you but at least it is smaller......a small victory but I will take it.....

When will I learn I cannot do it all by myself

The problem with a good week is that I think I can get through the next week without following all the rules. I stop writing down everything I eat, I guess at what the point values are and act like someone who has not been down this road before. WHEN WILL I FINALLY GET IT ??????



So I go to WW and I am up on the scales. I admit to myself that I didn't watch everything I could have and yes I did eat that damn Panera bagel one morning at work .....I thought I had adjusted my day to accommodate it but I guess I didn't. I didn't cry or beat myself up when I left them meeting. What did I do?? I went to the gym. I worked out for an hour and felt those endorphins popping up. Then I went to Publix for celery, tomato's, low fat string cheese, and some other healthy options. The old Donna would have gone home and eaten something she shouldn't. At least I have learned how to handle the bad weeks......



So back to square one, went to the gym again this morning and planning on a better week. I guess the hard part is it is so easy to fall back into bad habits. But then again I am trying to break a 40 year habit. It was easier to quit smoking (which I did 22 years ago). I did it cold turkey....done finished !! Unfortunately, you can't do that with food......and it is much harder to do it when you have to choose what to eat and what not to.....choices make it difficult.



Well, here is to a better week......just call me the little train that could......I think I can, I think I can....

The World Is Going On In Front Of You

While I am working out, I tend to look at the floor. Carol reminds me to look forward or up not down. It helps with breathing, posture/balance (the core), opens my chest and makes my workout more effective.

I think I tend to look down for a number of reasons:
-lack of self confidence/self esteem
-don't have to catch anyone looking at me while I workout (afraid I might see someone staring or laughing at me even though Carol has assured me that no one cares what I am doing)
- it has become a habit to walk that way and not have to make eye contact unless I want to
-if I don't make eye contact I don't have to see the judgements others are passing about me when they look at me

OK Carol, I have heard you message loud and clear.....eyes forward or look upward.....see what is going on in the world....don't miss seeing the good things.....life is passing me by while I am looking down.....although I may struggle with this new behavior, I am hoping that with each passing day it will become a habit and not something I have to think about doing.....in time it will become habit......I don't want to miss watching the parade as it passes by.....in fact I may want to be part of it.......

Tough Choices

Last year, it was my idea to send Bob to see his family for Thanksgiving. It was his choice to spend Christmas with his family.

This year, it is my decision to send Bob to NY for both holidays. The flights have been booked and paid in full. No turning back. I do not want to be stressed out if I do not have "events" planned and want to do what I want. Bob will be happy to spend the time with his family and I will not have someone complaining if we have no "events" planned. Jenn doesn't have any problem with it just being us or maybe hooking up with friends at some point. I know it is months away but gives me some piece of mind to know the decision has been made and it is one less thing to worry about. I also told Bob the 2 trips are his Christmas present so that means I don't have to do any shopping for him. I know he will not shop for us and will not even realize he won't be around for my birthday (so that puts the pressure on the rest of you to make my birthday fabulous......LOL). That is OK....I have gotten used to him forgetting my birthday and only shopping for me if Jenn goes along. I gave up a long time ago on expecting any surprises from him. I am one of those people who hears you say you would like to have something and writes it down as a future potential present....Bob wants me to write a list....what fun is that??

The old Donna would have suffered through the holidays trying to please everyone and in the end most likely it would not have measured up to the Norman Rockwell expectations placed before me. The new (and improved) Donna is trying to deal with the life's challenges as best she can and taking herself into consideration for a change. Will I regret these choices on Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?? Maybe? Am I nervous.....definitely. After all the great holidays I experienced when I was young, I somehow feel I have failed. In the New Year, I can take stock and decide if my choice about the holidays was right.

There will be a day sometime soon when Jenn will be spending the holidays with her own family and that is as it should be. I will have to figure out a new plan then and that's OK.....I can only deal with all of this one day at a time.........

Changing it Up Every Few Weeks

Carol is changing up my workout from week to week. There is always focus on balance, core muscles, breathing and endurance. My goal is to not take a break during the workout. It amazes me how hard it is to balance on one leg at a time. Then add putting my arms out at my side and over my head is something I haven't been able to achieve yet. Carol is confident that I will be able to accomplish this in due time. We talked about how to structure my workouts in the pool when I am not in the water aerobics class, she came up with some great ideas. She also suggested I walk to track and either sing to myself (I always have my IPOD hooked to my arm) or walk with Jenn and talk while we walk. This should put me in a position to have to breathe through my nose vs. my mouth. We also discussed aerobic vs. anaerobic. Sometimes when I walk the track, my breathing gets weird and my heart beats hard. Usually, it is when I am pushing myself. The best cardio workout should be aerobic and I should not get to an anaerobic level. Now that I am aware of the difference I know what to look out for.....

I am learning so much about workouts, eating healthy and getting myself to a better place....there is sssssooooo much I didn't know.....what a huge learning curve I am on.....add to it what I am learning about me.....it's almost as if I didn't know myself at all until I started on this journey last January......it has been scary, fun, exciting, challenging and surprising....can't wait to see what is next!!!!

A Good Visit to the Doctor

I went for my 6 month check up this week. BP 124/74....cholesterol should be under 200 - mine was 155, bad cholesterol should be under 100 mine has gone from 111 to 97, good cholesterol should be over 50, mine was 47...Dr. said not to worry about that....he said I am doing all the right things....he said sometimes it is harder to get cholesterol in check than it is to lose weight....I have to go back in 6 months and am hoping for even better numbers.....I felt great as I left the office....the Dr. said it is good to see someone trying to do everything right....

31.6

I went for my weigh-in on Friday. Without saying the exact amount I am down, I am happy to say I am finally over the 30 pound mark.....in fact I am over it by another 1.6 pounds !!! Jenn was waiting in the car for me.....I walked out the door and put both fists in the air like a prize fighter after a knock out punch. I know there will be good and bad weeks ahead but this really excited me !!! It had only been 6 days since I had my last weigh in, so I started to think about what might have been different this week....

I was on vacation this week. Due to the change in routine, I did something I don't always do......I ate when I was hungry....hhhmmm

When I am at work, I tend to eat on a schedule.....breakfast as soon as I get to the office, mid-morning snack, lunch at 1, an afternoon snack and so on....

Also, it was a physical week. Not just at the gym but around the house. Jenn had me on a busy schedule cleaning the house and running errands. There wasn't much down time.....that may have all played into being down at the scale.

At the gym, I didn't take any breaks while working with my trainer, Carol. There was bending, lifting weights, working on balance and climbing on and off the Bosu.

Sometimes it is good to change my daily routine. I am very predictable and do the same things over and over again. The break may have been just what I needed to shake things up.....

I am realistic enough to realize that my next weigh in will not be as good as last weeks but that's OK......I haven't been at this weight in 4 years....I am still shooting for close to 50 pounds down by the end of the year.....my next goal will to weigh what it says on my drivers license....I am not saying what that number is but each day it gets closer and seems more achievable....from there who knows.....the possibilities are endless....