New Goal: 3 Miles in 30 Minutes.......

I need to get to 3 miles in 45 minutes by June 6 for my Weight Watchers goal. My trainer says I should be working toward 3 miles in 30 minutes. The funny part is these goals are not scaring me.....I truly believe they are achievable...eventually.

Saturday, I worked out in the pool. I know my trainer wants me to not go to the pool (known as my safety zone) too often but since this was my 4th day at the gym this week, I thought it would be OK to do. There was a water aerobics class going on so I mimicked what they were doing so it ended up being a good work out after all.

Sunday, got to the gym early. I decided if no one was on the elliptical I would see how fast I could do a mile. I was so lucky (ugh) the elliptical were empty!!! I ended up doing a mile in 14 minutes. 2 minutes faster than my previous time!!

I do much better when I have goals....so 3 miles in 45 minutes is next...then cutting down the time to get to the 30 minute goal....OK that is an ambitious undertaking...when should I shoot for to meet the goal...Labor Day 2020??? OK Donna, set a realistic goal.... Labor Day 2010....141 days....3,384 hours....203,040 minutes....12,182,400 seconds...

Get ready feet.....we are going to do a lot of traveling and journey to places I didn't think I could get to......and miles to go before I sleep and miles to go before I sleep....

Did I say I wanted to work on stairs?????

You know the phrase be careful what you ask for......I learned the meaning of it on Thursday. Last week, I told my trainer I wanted to work on stairs. Between my bad knee and my insistence that one of my legs is significantly shorter than the other, I have really taken to hating stairs. I have to do them slowly. One step at a time. I also find it embarrassing to have some one help me when climbing out of my friends pool. OK the excess weight I am trying to shed doesn't help the situation either. Oh and I do have that fear of falling that is always in the back of my mind.

Why the stairs you might ask?? I had seem a man on the Biggest Loser climb the stairs on his own after working on it and thought I would love to be able to do that too!!

Thursday I showed up at the gym and Carol, my trainer, was ready for me. First we started with the step used in step class....up and down....up and down...then backwards and forwards...backward and forwards...then she added a riser to make it higher...we did it over and over again....I was sweating bullets....it was falling off my head on to the stepper....

By the time I was done, Jenn said my hair was slicked back like a used car sales man in the movies....Carol said next week she will be adding another level....

I know this is good for me...I felt good when I was done....as I walked out of the locker room I saw one of the ladies that I chat with occasionally...she said "you just got out of the pool?" (due to my soaking wet hair)....I said "no I just finished with my trainer"....she said "that must have been a good work out"

It's funny....stairs....such a simple thing that people walk up and down everyday and never give it a thought....to me you might as well ask me to climb Mt Everest...well here I go...one step at a time....

2 Miles in 32 Minutes....

Yesterday was a huge day for me.....I finally broke the 30 minute goal I had set for myself. At 30 minutes I was at 1.85 miles so I went 32 minutes to get to 2 miles. OK I know it is not the world record 4 minute mile but for me it is such a big accomplishment !!! To go from 1 minute and ready to collapse to making it past the 30 minute mark....WOW. I am starting to feel good, not only physically but mentally. I have some great family and friends in my cheering section....there are also those who remind me of my past failures. As I pushed past my previous best time of 26 minutes, I started breaking down the minutes into 30 second blocks deciding I could quit any time I wanted to in 30 second increments... that made it easy. By the time I was done, my hair was flat from sweat and my make-up was running down my face (what was I thinking doing my hair and make-up before I went to the gym???). Saturday, I was also down at Weight Watchers another positive. They are having a 5K on June 6th. Seems like I have my next goal. I would love to be able to do it in less than 45 minutes. OK so now I have 2 goals...5K in less than 45 minutes...think I can do it? Two months ago I wouldn't have said yes....but now I think I can.

I SMILED AT THE GYM TODAY !!!!!!

Yes, I smiled while working out at the gym today. Why? I kept up with what Carol wanted me to do today. Sitting down and standing up may not sound like a big thing but when you are using your legs instead of pushing off whatever you are sitting on is very different. Doing wall push ups on your toes and pressing against the bottom of the palm of your hand is not easy but I did it. Bending down to the floor and stretching to the roof with weights or a ball in your hand over and over again felt great. Don't worry...Carol didn't make it easy for me. If I stood up too quickly she would say "that one doesn't count ...you are using momentum and I don't want you to use momentum." She said that several times until I got it right. I mentioned I would like to work on climbing stairs....I may regret that statement. Next week, Carol is going to have me start working on steps...a little scary for me but I am starting to believe I can do it. I left the gym covered in sweat but feeling great!!! Hard to believe much I love the gym.....

My Refrigerator

My refrigerator is not the refrigerator of my childhood. Mine has skim milk, fat free mayonnaise, egg beaters and brummel & brown yogurt spread. None of these existed when I was a child. I could not drink whole milk now if my life depended on it. We used Hellmann's Mayonnaise as salad dressing when I was young, now I used a flavored salad dressing spray. Turkey bacon is really good but would never have made the cut for my Dad. I use ground turkey for meatballs and bake my eggplant instead of frying it. Small changes that make for a healthier lifestyle. I am not perfect, yes I use light bread and wheat bagels but I still have not fully converted to the healthier choices. I am trying to experiment with different foods. If you look in my refrigerator now there is a package of Shiitake Tofu Noodles. The instructions say to wash them off to get rid of the natural smell (yuck) and if you want to use them with spaghetti sauce you have to rinse and drain them then dry them with paper towels. That's a lot of work. So I decided to try them kind of ramen style. I had chicken broth (the low sodium kind, you will see why in a sec) and added the rinsed noodles. To add a little flavor, just a touch of soy sauce (low sodium kind if there can be such a thing). Guess what....I loved them!!! Low in calories too!!! My next adventure is trying soy crumbles (??)...not sure what they are or how to use them...a new adventure. I now love going into Earth Fare to see what new healthier food I can try. Tofu Noodles would not have made it into my parents house but that's ok....in my dreams I can eat whatever I want but in reality if I want my life to change I will have to make other choices so tofu noodles it is.....

The TRAINER...part 3

Each sessions is now a new adventure....I have started sitting on the half Pilate's ball (I have no idea what it is called) and hold my legs off the floor and my arms out at my side. Shaking and sweating...I surprise even myself. I have tried working with Pilate's bands and even bought some to use at home.

The pool is my comfort zone, Carol encourages me to step out of my comfort zone. I hear her in my head saying "Cardio, cardio, cardio!!" Each time I reach a new time on the elliptical I can't wait to tell Carol. As I said in an earlier post, my first time on that dreaded machine I could only last one minute. Now 8 weeks later......drum roll please....I am up to 26 minutes and went 1.63 miles. Thus weekend I will reach my first big goal...30 minutes and 2 miles on the elliptical. I never imagined I could do it!!! Carol is there with words of encouragement and pushes me to try new things. She was actually the person who suggested I start a blog about my journey. It has been therapeutic and I am learning a lot about myself. Some of what I share is funny, some sad, some very honest and scary too. Sharing this blog is putting my most personal moments to be shared with others. I am hoping by sharing maybe others will start their own journey to reach goals they never thought they could reach. I have such a long way to go. I can only look at it as one day at a time or 5 pounds at a time. When I get frustrated that the numbers on the scale are not what I want...she says "Be patient. You didn't gain it over night, you are not going to lose it over night. It will happen." I believe her!!!! I am so lucky to have Carol there to push me, cheer me on and share my journey. This is my time, no giving up, no looking back.

The TRAINER....part 2

Everyone has seen the big ball used in Pilate's...During one of our sessions Carol says "Sit on the ball." I say "you want me to what?" She says, "Sit on the ball." I say "I can't (or won't)". Why??? I was afraid it would explode. It may sound funny but I was really worried. I have spent my life worrying about things like this...am I too big for this....am I too big for that.....if you have never had to lose weight there is no way you can understand. I should say if you have never had to lose a lot of weight. There are people who do not think about food all the time...I do. Not wanting to eat but trying not to....it can be all consuming. It is not like when I quit smoking...I could survive without smoking BUT YOU HAVE TO EAT.

Back to the Pilate's ball...I trusted Carol. So I SAT ON THE DAMN BALL !!! Guess what...it didn't explode. I sat on it and balanced back and forth with weights in each hand...kind of like I'm A Little Teapot. Just as I started to feel comfy, Carol had me stand up and sit down and stand up and sit down over and over again....I love that Pilate's ball!!!!

The TRAINER....

I was told I would love my trainer, Carol. The only trainers I had seen before were Bob and Jillian on the Biggest Loser. So I asked ...."Will she make me cry?" Guess what she has made me cry....not during the workout but after when I get in the car and realize the things she has gotten me to do. Most of my friends know I am not the most coordinated person going.....I broke my arm and caused permanent nerve damage to my knee when I tripped over a basketball. One of my big fears is falling. What was the first thing we tackled....balance. OK how did Carol know?? She explained about core muscles and how important balance is. Instead of looking down, I need to pretend there is a string in my chest up to the ceiling. I have to stand on one foot and stay balanced.....that shouldn't be hard right?? Oh yes it is...I wobble and shake and finally can stand straight up for a few seconds. The I have to switch to the other leg. Next we go to the racquetball court, I have to walk BACKWARDS...carrying weights in each hand. Next the basketball court walking sideways carrying weights and lifting them over my head. I didn't fall....wow !! Within a few weeks, Carol has me out on the main gym floor just like everyone else. I am not as self-conscious as I thought I would be. I am also not taking as many breaks as I did when we first started meeting. One genetic flaw that has shown up... Carol has to remind Jenn and me to look up towards the ceiling and BREATHE.....

More gym time

Week of Jan. 17th....

Tuesday in the pool.

Thursday in the Ladies gym using the machines.

Saturday was my 2nd session with John....

more machines, weights and me feeling like I am 90 years old.

We end the session by John introducing me to the elliptical trainer. He said "do about 10 minutes on here and you are done for the day".

I lasted 1 minute and had to get off. My heart was pounding and I was embarrassed. Today, the machine beat me but I will be back.....

Free Training Session #1

Jan 16th- I get 2 free training sessions besides the weekly meetings starting next week with Carol..I tell John I am sorry he ended up with the short end of the stick and is stuck with me while another trainer has Jenn. He just laughs.

OK you want me to hold onto that bar and do what??? My knees would have choked me if they were my hands. We did some machines, some weights and I am so nervous that I could either cry from embarrassment or pass out from sweating....

Is it time to leave yet??? Nope.

Keep working....keep moving.

Funny no one is staring or pointing at me (at least not that I can see).

I survived day 1......

The G Word

Jan. 12, 2010- I walked into Golds Gym for the 1st time. Jenn and I had talked about it for months while the construction was going on...now it was time for action. We did the tour of the gym. I was a nervous wreck. Then I had to make a list of 10 reasons to join the gym...this was harder than you think.

1. Better health
2. Self esteem
3. Lose weight
4. Put myself 1st
5. Not stand out in a crowd anymore
6. Live longer
7-10 are more painful...maybe someday I will share those.

The next thing was checking my body fat...ok how much humiliation can a person take in a day. I told John, the Gold's employee assigned to me for the moment, I didn't want to look at the number. He laughed and said "I am going to tell it to you anyway." It was not a pretty number (which I won't share with anyone right now). Then horror of horrors.....getting on a scale right there where everyone could see me....ok I need a strong drink !!!!

After all of that and me getting ready to cry.....now we talked about a trainer. I wasn't ready to commit to that but Jenn encouraged me and said she thought it would be good for me. Sure why not....it's only money....and it's for me....

Signed up to meet with a trainer once a week. Jenn did too !!! Her name is Carol. Good Luck Carol....I don't know if you are ready for the likes of me.....

You have to start some where.......

Saturday morning....January 2nd..standing on line at Weight Watchers....paid in advance for meetings through the end of April. The weight isn't horrible....didn't gain over the holidays. Reminded by some in my life about how many times I have tried this and failed hangs in the back of my head. My attitude is 5 pounds at a time and as long as I weigh less at the end of the year than I did at the beginning I will be happy.....ok to be honest if I could be down 50 lbs by December would be great....we will just have to see....next the gym...

New Year's Eve 2009

Year End Review of 2009-

Spent 1st half of year worrying about whether or not I would have a job when the year ended. By December it was safe to say I would have a job.

Jenn graduated with her Master's Degree.

Mom was diagnosed with cancer in July. 2 Surgeries and chemo....uugghh !!!!

September- (Labor Day)- Bob diagnosed with cancer.

Feeling the stress of being so far from Mom, doctors bill rolling in and rolling in and rolling in...

Watching Bob travel to Atlanta for a few days of baseball and 2 trips to NY for Thanksgiving and Christmas while I sit here in Columbia and finance these travels...OK who's the dope here??

Well 2010 is going to be different.....lots of changes and lots to think about....

2010 is time for Donna to put herself front and center....no more taking a back seat to anyone.....

Living with someone who doesn't remember or acknowledge your birthday, didn't even think to get you a Christmas present and only thinks of himself makes you start to think "what about me?".......

Good bye to 2009....Hello 2010.....the year about ME....

Christmas Day 2009

Although it is now Easter week-end 2010 and I am writing about Christmas in retrospect, the memories of that day over 3 months ago is as vivid as if it was yesterday. I have been putting off writing about Christmas because the words and feelings are so strong and in some cases painful.

I drove Jenn to work Christmas morning. It was raining hard and I took my time driving home. Driving by houses knowing inside were families celebrating the holiday made coming back into the house harder. I took the dog for a walk. He was not happy to be out in the chilly rain and kept looking at me like why are you doing this to me? It was the first Christmas morning I had ever spent alone.....what to do....what to do....

OK I will make the Stromboli we were bringing to a friends house later in the day...into the oven it went...so now it's 8:30....what do I do next.....

OK I will make the antipasto for our friends house....now it's 9:00....

Take the dog for another walk.....9:15

Get on the computer and send holiday greetings....9:30

9:45 1st phone call of the day....Bob calling to say what a wonderful time he is having with his family...wants to know what we are doing....what are we doing?? The same thing I told you we would be doing....Jenn's working and I am sitting here by myself looking at the tree Jenn and I decorated and listening to the rain on the roof.....what did he think we were doing....conversation 90 seconds....

10:00 decided to watch "A Christmas Story" from start to finish...that will kill some time...

12:00 showered, dressed and put gifts on the table for our friends house....

12:45 Jenn called she was getting off at 1:00....drove like a bat out of hell to get her at work

Then the day seemed to move faster...we went to our friends house for dinner...exchanged gifts and finally laugh....

We didn't get home too late and Jenn and I opened the gifts we had bought for each other. Watched a Christmas movie and drifted off to sleep......

Holiday over.......