Life Does Go On....But It Sucks....

As I have learned in the last 3 weeks.....life does go on whether we want it to or not. I have wanted the world to freeze and stay motionless while I try to catch up and catch my breath. Unfortunately that is not how life works.

In the three weeks since my Mom left us I have picked up the phone several times to call her. Twice I actually finished dialing her number to end up with the sound of a disconnected phone.

I have one last check I sent her that has gone uncashed.

I forgot about the newspaper subscription that I had ordered for her. When it showed up in my check book I remembered. I couldn't call to cancel the subscription. I asked Jenn to do it instead.

I got the last cell phone bill on which my Mom had made calls. I didn't do the usual thing of shredding the bill like I usually do. It gave me something to cling to.....to remind myself just a few short weeks ago she was on the phone talking to someone. Each month when the bill would come in Jenn and I would call and tease her about the number of minutes she had used. She never used many and I would always say "Mom use the phone that's why you have it."

I haven't cancelled her cell phone yet. I am so tempted to call and see if her voice is still on her voice mail....how crazy is that???

I look the the person from the V-8 commercial that hits themselves in the head. I hit myself in the head (figuratively) and say Mom is gone.

I have gone almost 2 full days without crying. Not back to back days but I will almost get through the day and then it hits me again......she is gone. I do not spend the days crying uncontrollably......but tears do well up from time to time throughout the day.

Friday it had been 27 years since my Dad left us......it was hard to think about Mom being gone too.....although I know they are together.

But somehow I have made it through 27 years without Dad and 21 days without Mom......