As I leave work each night I reach for my cell phone......time to call Mom and check in......then it hits.....she is not there. For the last few years I talked to Mom just about everyday and sometimes multiple times a day. And each night as I drove home we would talk. I have driven home in silence a few times in the last few weeks. I have also tried calling friends and family to make the time pass. It is very hard.
I think I am doing well and then something hits me. Or some days are just unbearable.....and I have to struggle to get through the day. The pain is so real. I know this sounds crazy but I miss her so much more than I thought I would. I think I was in denial......now I am mad at her for leaving me.
In our family, once Dad passed away when we would think of things we would say is that before dad or after Dad......now it will be before Mom or after Mom too.......
I have spent more time talking to my siblings then I had before.....it worries me that the person who kept us connected is gone.....how will that impact our relationships......I know we are talking a lot right now because of the newness of Mom's passing.....I hope we don't drift apart.....I will do my best to stay in touch and keep the family together......but I have to say the new normal.....sucks......
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