A Really Tough Day.......

You know when the phone rings at 7:40 on a Sunday morning it is not good news. It was my brother......my Mom had taken a turn for the worse during the night. It then became a little crazy and I tried to search for a flight to NY as soon as I could. My brother told me to wait until I heard from him. He didn't want me to be half way through Virginia when he would call and say I was too late. So I waited......

We have two more conversations and in between I spoke with my younger brother and sister a few times.

Then my brother called me back to say Mom was gone. She had gone peacefully and quickly. There were family members there as she transitioned from this life to the next......

My Mom was the oldest of 9 children. She was an Army brat. She met my Dad while both he and her father were stationed at Fort Knox. She was 16 and my Dad was 20 when they got married. He brought her home to the Bronx where they raised their 4 children. It couldn't have been easy for her. So far away from her family, living in a 5th floor walk up with 3 children. My Dad worked a full time job, drove a cab on the week-ends and went to school full time at night. Mom spent a lot of time alone with just us kids. She attended the school plays, helped out as a lunch lady, was the cookie mother for the girl scout troop and on and on.......

As their children grew older and went out on their own.....it was time for my parents to start to enjoy themselves. But their time was short.....at 48 my Dad was diagnosed with cancer and fought a tough battle that took him from us at the age of 51. Mom was just 48 and a widow......

I wondered how my Mom would find her way in the world when the center of her universe was gone. Well, she did discover a world of her own.....she became a missionary and traveled to Israel, she adored her grandchildren and took great pride in their accomplishments. She danced the hula (she was part Hawaiian) at her grandson's wedding a few years ago. It was fun to watch her grand children's faces as Nannie moved gracefully across the floor to the music from The Hawaiian Wedding Song. This was a different Nannie than they were used to seeing....the Nannie in the house dress who would spend her time in the kitchen cooking and catering to every one's request for her specialties. They cried, they applauded and they cheered as she finished the dance.

She has been through some tough battles in the last few years. Today, her battle ended. My heart hurts but in my mind she is with my Dad, the person she fell in love with 59 years ago......

I am not sure what I will do when I leave work this week and I can't call her. I am not sure what I will do when I am having a rough day and I can't call her to vent or use her as a sounding board. I am not sure what I will do now that my Mom is gone.....

She was there when I needed her everyday of my life and now she isn't......how do I get up tomorrow knowing that she isn't at the other end of the phone.......how do I face the next day and the day after that.....

I am not sure how I am supposed to put one foot in front of the other and move on.....

I guess this is just one more lesson she has been teaching me for years......when you lose someone you care about as much as we did for her......you just find a way.....not that it is easy.....tonight for the first time in my life I am going to sleep and my Mom is not here........

Thank you Mom for your strength, your knowledge, your faith and your love......I will miss you everyday......

I can't even begin to imagine this next part of my life without her.....