Why Can't My Last Name Be Smith??

It's not the appointment those of us over 50 look forward to.  I couldn't believe it had been 5 years already!!  Well for those of you who have not had this fun yet.....let me tell you what you are in for.....

My appointment was at 8:00 AM Wednesday morning.  I had to stop eating Monday night.  I had nothing to eat after 10:00 PM.  From then on it was all liquid diet.  Basically, water and flavored water.  I did have some chicken broth Tuesday night.  At 6:00 PM Tuesday night and at 3:00 AM.....yes I said AM.....Wednesday morning I had to drink 32 ounces of this stuff.....yucky tasting and hard to swallow.  It had to be done in 8 ounce increments every 15 minutes. UGH!! I drank it like it was shots....one gulp at a time.  Nasty tasting stuff.  Well you know where I spent most of the evening.......

I finish up all the prep work and leave the house at 6:55.  My driver (Jenn) and I arrive at the Dr. office at 7:15.  I fill out all kinds of paper work.  Then it is time to go to the back and get ready.  The nurse who will be with me this morning asks some questions and tells me what to do as far as changing etc.  When she comes back she gets my IV ready.  The first veins she uses blows out.....her term not mine.  Now it looks like the scene from a horror movie.  She cleans everything up and sticks me again.  The black and blue from the previous attempt is already showing up.  While we go through the process, she says " I am sure there are not too many Pizzolongo's in South Carolina.  Are you Jenn Pizzolongo's mother?"  I say yes and she says her daughter went to school with Jenn.  Wonderful, just wonderful.......

At 8:30 I am still waiting.  The Dr. is late from hospital rounds.  Did I mention he was the PTO President at Jenn's High School while Jenn was there.  I am starting to wonder if we are going to have a friggin class reunion while I have my colonoscopy????

Well, they roll me into the exam room and before I know it.......I am back in recovery.  I wake up and Jenn is there.  I see her talking to the Dr. and nurse but have no clue what they are talking about.  Jenn says I told her to sit down several times, I asked about my blood pressure several times,I asked how many people were in  the waiting room several times,  I discuss grocery shopping with her, tv shows and their characters and a myriad of other topics of which I can remember none.  Jenn is thoroughly enjoying this since her "control freak" mother is not in control.  She loves the fact I couldn't drive for the day too.  Anyway, the Dr. says he was not able to see all of my colon (don't you love the way they talk about it like it was my hand).  So he wants me to go over to Providence Hospital and let them do another test.....it involves Barium and the dreaded word enema.......

So now they want to put something in the place that I have just spent the last 2 days emptying out.  I am ready to say NO.  I have deer in the headlights look on my face.  I am totally confused and can't seem to make a decision.  The day I have always dreaded has arrived.....Jenn makes the decision for me. I am going to have the other test.  Now the Dr wants to know if I want to do it today or another day BUT if I don't do it today I will have to fast again etc.  On the plus side if the test comes out (No pun intended) well I won't have to go through this again for 10 years!!!!

Off we go to the hospital.  I am supposed to be a work in but guess what....I show up and there is no one there.......lucky me!!!  The problem is I am still slightly drowsy from the previous procedure but now I have to stay awake and move on command.  I have another stranger doing Lord knows what to me and another person taking something that seems like xrays.  A new Dr. comes in and I don't see him for the first 5 minutes he is there....he is behind me....double ugh!!! The test last 30 minutes.  I am sweating bullets and starting to feel like I might get sick.  They speed things up and finally I am done.  It is now 11:30 and long after the time I thought I would be done.  But the good news is it appears I will not have to do this again for 10 years.

Amen!!!