I had a great time on vacation......once we got there. It was the first real ME vacation in a zillion years. I was able to decide what time I wanted to get up, sleep, nap, eat and just sit an read. I was lucky....I didn't like the desserts they served...LOL. I did get in the pool every day and jogged too. I didn't stress about getting in the pool with strangers or worry about what people thought I looked like in my bathing suit. For one glorious week I didn't think about work, the dog, what to make for dinner or any of the other things or people that bring stress to my life......it was heavenly!!!! One afternoon, I actually fell asleep while reading by the pool. Another morning, I sat on a deck near the ocean and read while listening to the sound of the ocean. If I didn't want to do something....I didn't. How fabulous is that??? Yes, I did indulge a little.....those lovely island drinks.......an occasional snack......nice breakfasts......I didn't go berserk and still got in my daily exercise. I don't think my blood pressure went up a point....in fact it probably went down a lot......
Now I am back home......
back to the gym......back to healthy eating......back to focusing on trying to lose weight. I think the vacation rejuvenated me. Back to portion control.......back to what's for dinner? Back to reality.....
Hopefully, some of the magic from vacation will stay with me......for a while......or until my next vacation. It gave me a chance to recharge and to see what life is like when I don't have to answer to anyone but me.....guess wha......t it was nice.......more to think about.
OK vacation is over.....time to get back into 4 to 5 trips to the gym each week, healthy eating and Dear God some weight loss......the pounds are going to come off come hell or high water!!!! When things get bad....my mind will wander back to that deck and the ocean and the water and me.....just me....
Monday, July 30, 2012
The Ups and Downs of the Internet....
This week I have faced the highs and lows of the way we work and communicate.
The low......
I had to do some work at home this week-end. I brought home my laptop and hooked it up to my extra monitor. I even figured out how to have both screens with different info. I spent hours working on a project for work. I know I hit the save button.....I know I did.....I am absolutely sure I did.......I think......
When I went back to open the report and the spreadsheet.....all my notes were gone. I will admit I started to cry....all those hours of work ......gone. I got myself together and tried to re-create the wheel. It took about 1 1/2 hours and I was lucky that I had copies of e-mails I had sent.....so once again I finished and I saved it to my desktop, my file, my e-mail and anyplace else I could. The one good thing is that I checked it while I was at home and I didn't find out about it after I arrived at the office this morning.
The high.....
My cousin set up a family site on Facebook. He started it last week and it already has almost 90 members. I have reconnected with cousins I haven't seen in years and am getting to know their children too. People are posting pictures and sharing memories. There is even talk of a reunion next year!!!!
I definitely experienced the good and bad of having a computer.......
Thank goodness there is an auto save on this blog site or you might have missed some great entries!!!!
The low......
I had to do some work at home this week-end. I brought home my laptop and hooked it up to my extra monitor. I even figured out how to have both screens with different info. I spent hours working on a project for work. I know I hit the save button.....I know I did.....I am absolutely sure I did.......I think......
When I went back to open the report and the spreadsheet.....all my notes were gone. I will admit I started to cry....all those hours of work ......gone. I got myself together and tried to re-create the wheel. It took about 1 1/2 hours and I was lucky that I had copies of e-mails I had sent.....so once again I finished and I saved it to my desktop, my file, my e-mail and anyplace else I could. The one good thing is that I checked it while I was at home and I didn't find out about it after I arrived at the office this morning.
The high.....
My cousin set up a family site on Facebook. He started it last week and it already has almost 90 members. I have reconnected with cousins I haven't seen in years and am getting to know their children too. People are posting pictures and sharing memories. There is even talk of a reunion next year!!!!
I definitely experienced the good and bad of having a computer.......
Thank goodness there is an auto save on this blog site or you might have missed some great entries!!!!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
I Am Not An Experienced Traveler
I have never traveled outside the US before.......
What a learning experience this has been.
I had no idea that I had to go through Customs and Immigration going into Barbados.
I knew I would have to go through Customs on the way back. But I did not plan on immigration, having to go get my bags in Miami, bring them somewhere else to be rechecked and give them back to be put on another plane ( I learned the key is direct flights to skip that step. But unfortunately the airports within 100 miles of my home do not have direct flights to Barbados). We had to go through security again. At our gate 5 TSA agents showed up to check ID's and carry on bags at random.
On our way to Barbados we learned that American Airlines in order to keep their on time percentage up closes their flights 15 minutes before departure time. So if you are there 10 minutes before flight time (as we were.....you are out of luck). It wasn't just our flight this happened to........I saw it happen to flight after flight while we spent 5 hours waiting for the next flight to Miami. I even saw a Platinum member of the American Airlines travel group told "sorry we can't get you on the flight even though the plane is still at the gate and isn't scheduled to leave for another 10 minutes". Can someone explain to me why the security at Charlotte Airport sent every person through the full body scanner???? Should it take close to 60 minutes to get through security? I was then patted down since the scanner showed I had something in my shoulder and knee (I didn't know it was also an arthritis check too!!!) I told the agent to pat away. I am sure that made her day.
We finally get to Miami 5 hours late. Now we have to wait another 5 hours to see if we can get on the last flight to Barbados that American has going that day. We didn't know whether or not we would get on the flight until about 5-10 minutes before the flight took off. We think it had to do with a persistent family member calling everyone and their brother on our behalf.
Finally, we arrive in Barbados 19 hours after we left our house. We go through Immigration and Customs again......at this point I have to watch myself or I might be sent back to Miami as the ugly American. Jenn worked her way through the crowd and lines.......I followed shortly behind her. She went out to get us a cab when she saw that family was there to take us to the hotel. I am having major leg cramps which I am told may have to do with no drinking any liquid all day and standing for extended periods of time.
By the time we get to the hotel everything is closed so getting something to eat is not an option. Fortunately, Jenn goes with her cousin to a gas station and buys a pre-cooked hamburger.and some chips. When she gets back to the hotel, she tosses the bun and we share the pre-cooked burger and some chips.......welcome to Paradise...LOL.
I learned a lot from this traveling experience. I admire people who do international travel on a regular basis. At least, I will know some of the drill for next time.
But I think for a while I may limit myself to domestic travel.......
What a learning experience this has been.
I had no idea that I had to go through Customs and Immigration going into Barbados.
I knew I would have to go through Customs on the way back. But I did not plan on immigration, having to go get my bags in Miami, bring them somewhere else to be rechecked and give them back to be put on another plane ( I learned the key is direct flights to skip that step. But unfortunately the airports within 100 miles of my home do not have direct flights to Barbados). We had to go through security again. At our gate 5 TSA agents showed up to check ID's and carry on bags at random.
On our way to Barbados we learned that American Airlines in order to keep their on time percentage up closes their flights 15 minutes before departure time. So if you are there 10 minutes before flight time (as we were.....you are out of luck). It wasn't just our flight this happened to........I saw it happen to flight after flight while we spent 5 hours waiting for the next flight to Miami. I even saw a Platinum member of the American Airlines travel group told "sorry we can't get you on the flight even though the plane is still at the gate and isn't scheduled to leave for another 10 minutes". Can someone explain to me why the security at Charlotte Airport sent every person through the full body scanner???? Should it take close to 60 minutes to get through security? I was then patted down since the scanner showed I had something in my shoulder and knee (I didn't know it was also an arthritis check too!!!) I told the agent to pat away. I am sure that made her day.
We finally get to Miami 5 hours late. Now we have to wait another 5 hours to see if we can get on the last flight to Barbados that American has going that day. We didn't know whether or not we would get on the flight until about 5-10 minutes before the flight took off. We think it had to do with a persistent family member calling everyone and their brother on our behalf.
Finally, we arrive in Barbados 19 hours after we left our house. We go through Immigration and Customs again......at this point I have to watch myself or I might be sent back to Miami as the ugly American. Jenn worked her way through the crowd and lines.......I followed shortly behind her. She went out to get us a cab when she saw that family was there to take us to the hotel. I am having major leg cramps which I am told may have to do with no drinking any liquid all day and standing for extended periods of time.
By the time we get to the hotel everything is closed so getting something to eat is not an option. Fortunately, Jenn goes with her cousin to a gas station and buys a pre-cooked hamburger.and some chips. When she gets back to the hotel, she tosses the bun and we share the pre-cooked burger and some chips.......welcome to Paradise...LOL.
I learned a lot from this traveling experience. I admire people who do international travel on a regular basis. At least, I will know some of the drill for next time.
But I think for a while I may limit myself to domestic travel.......
Long Distance Family...
I have cousins on both sides of my family that live far away and I haven't gotten to see as often as I would like or should. Two of my cousins from my Dad's side of the family came to Mom's memorial service. I hadn't seen them in 27 years. I have cousins from Mom's side of the family out west that I haven't seen in 25 years. OK that is really not acceptable......on my part.
I have very different relationships with these cousins.
The cousin's from my Dad's side .....we spent Easter's, Christmas's and many week-ends together when we were young. We made up games and put on plays. We bonded over my grandmother's chocolate chips and chocolate cracker pudding ( I may be the only one who likes chocolate cracker pudding...LOL). When we saw each other back in April......it was as if we had never been apart. I couldn't believe how wonderful it was to catch up and make plans to see each other again in the NEAR future.
The cousin's from my Mom's side......we didn't see each other often. It was usually a major trip and we would get to spend a few days together. We bonded over international meals (including homemade Kim Chee). Each part of the family would cook their family's specialty.......the Raboni's had Italian night....the Corona's covered the Mexican food.....and on and on. On one trip my family actually flew to Colorado with a suitcase filled with frozen Italian sausage, a suitcase of bagels, a suitcase of salami, cheese and Italian bread. My brother carried a gallon thermos of homemade sauce on the plane (obviously pre 9/11).
The relationships with both sets of cousins are very different.......but equally important. My time with them had something to do with the person I am today. I would give my eye teeth to be able to reach them within a few hours.
My father and his siblings are gone. My mom along with 3 of her siblings are gone. We are fortunate to have 5 of her siblings to connect with......
Part of my journey to discover me includes getting to know all these cousins better. It is time to get to know them as adults, parents, grandparents not just as children, teenagers and young adults. I want Jenn to know them too. While she has great relationships with her cousins, I think it is important that she know my cousins.
So a new item for the agenda.......no more waiting for the right time to see each other.......no more waiting for an invite.......no more waiting until we have enough money to go (if I wait until I have enough money I might never see some of these people again)........no more saying we will get together next year.......I have to start seeing them NOW.
So this is fair warning to all of my cousins........I will be getting in touch to plan visits.......I hope you are looking forward to it as much as I am!!!!
I have very different relationships with these cousins.
The cousin's from my Dad's side .....we spent Easter's, Christmas's and many week-ends together when we were young. We made up games and put on plays. We bonded over my grandmother's chocolate chips and chocolate cracker pudding ( I may be the only one who likes chocolate cracker pudding...LOL). When we saw each other back in April......it was as if we had never been apart. I couldn't believe how wonderful it was to catch up and make plans to see each other again in the NEAR future.
The cousin's from my Mom's side......we didn't see each other often. It was usually a major trip and we would get to spend a few days together. We bonded over international meals (including homemade Kim Chee). Each part of the family would cook their family's specialty.......the Raboni's had Italian night....the Corona's covered the Mexican food.....and on and on. On one trip my family actually flew to Colorado with a suitcase filled with frozen Italian sausage, a suitcase of bagels, a suitcase of salami, cheese and Italian bread. My brother carried a gallon thermos of homemade sauce on the plane (obviously pre 9/11).
The relationships with both sets of cousins are very different.......but equally important. My time with them had something to do with the person I am today. I would give my eye teeth to be able to reach them within a few hours.
My father and his siblings are gone. My mom along with 3 of her siblings are gone. We are fortunate to have 5 of her siblings to connect with......
Part of my journey to discover me includes getting to know all these cousins better. It is time to get to know them as adults, parents, grandparents not just as children, teenagers and young adults. I want Jenn to know them too. While she has great relationships with her cousins, I think it is important that she know my cousins.
So a new item for the agenda.......no more waiting for the right time to see each other.......no more waiting for an invite.......no more waiting until we have enough money to go (if I wait until I have enough money I might never see some of these people again)........no more saying we will get together next year.......I have to start seeing them NOW.
So this is fair warning to all of my cousins........I will be getting in touch to plan visits.......I hope you are looking forward to it as much as I am!!!!
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Let's Just Call It Temporary Insanity
Have you ever been pushed by rude people to the point where you have had it???
This morning I went to the gym. You guessed it....as I walked into the gym so did a woman with 6 kids. You know where they were heading with beach balls and floatation devices......the pool. As I went by the pool, I dropped my towel on a chair. I went in the locker room to get changed and here comes the woman and her entourage. I tell her nicely children under 12 are not allowed in the locker room. She says she doesn't know how else to get to the pool. UGH!! I also let her know nicely that there will be a water aerobics class starting soon and children are not allowed in the pool during class......she looks at me like I was speaking Chinese. I go out to the pool and the family has piled all their stuff on the chair where my towels is.......why couldn't they pick any of the 20 other empty chairs. Jenn moves my towel on her way to the workout floor. I get in the pool and start to jog. A beach ball goes floating by me. I turn around and the woman and her tribe are all playing on the stairs to the pool and the Mom tells me she and her kids don't know how to swim so they can't get the beach ball which is in about 5-6 ft of water. I swim over get the ball and pass it back to them. I now move to the other end of the pool. When I finish my workout, one of the kids is sitting on my towel and the kid is wet. Is it me?????
After the gym I went and got my haircut.
Then we went to Publix.......
Jenn went in and got what we needed. Then I backed out of my parking spot. I noticed in my mirror than another person was getting ready to back up but since I had moved first I continued to back up. Next thing I know the other person who started backing up AFTER me is leaning on her horn like I had just broadsided her......so I stopped moving......she continues to back up honking her horn at me. Then she manages to swerve around me.
I have to admit something in me snapped........I had been taking crap all morning and I was done. So I took the mature NY reaction......I followed her honking my horn through the parking lot and onto the road, yelling at her (and I wasn't saying Happy Birthday).....we exchanged hand gestures and then I moved in front of her and drove 5 miles an hour.......
Well, wasn't that mature on my part?? Sadly, after a short distance we parted ways never to see each other again.
OK so it wasn't one of my best or proudest moments but I had taken so much from inconsiderate people that I was tired of acting like it was OK for people to be rude, not follow the rules and do whatever they wanted.........why do some people feel like the rules do not apply to them or that they do not have to be polite to others.......I am tired of being treated like a doormat......
This morning I went to the gym. You guessed it....as I walked into the gym so did a woman with 6 kids. You know where they were heading with beach balls and floatation devices......the pool. As I went by the pool, I dropped my towel on a chair. I went in the locker room to get changed and here comes the woman and her entourage. I tell her nicely children under 12 are not allowed in the locker room. She says she doesn't know how else to get to the pool. UGH!! I also let her know nicely that there will be a water aerobics class starting soon and children are not allowed in the pool during class......she looks at me like I was speaking Chinese. I go out to the pool and the family has piled all their stuff on the chair where my towels is.......why couldn't they pick any of the 20 other empty chairs. Jenn moves my towel on her way to the workout floor. I get in the pool and start to jog. A beach ball goes floating by me. I turn around and the woman and her tribe are all playing on the stairs to the pool and the Mom tells me she and her kids don't know how to swim so they can't get the beach ball which is in about 5-6 ft of water. I swim over get the ball and pass it back to them. I now move to the other end of the pool. When I finish my workout, one of the kids is sitting on my towel and the kid is wet. Is it me?????
After the gym I went and got my haircut.
Then we went to Publix.......
Jenn went in and got what we needed. Then I backed out of my parking spot. I noticed in my mirror than another person was getting ready to back up but since I had moved first I continued to back up. Next thing I know the other person who started backing up AFTER me is leaning on her horn like I had just broadsided her......so I stopped moving......she continues to back up honking her horn at me. Then she manages to swerve around me.
I have to admit something in me snapped........I had been taking crap all morning and I was done. So I took the mature NY reaction......I followed her honking my horn through the parking lot and onto the road, yelling at her (and I wasn't saying Happy Birthday).....we exchanged hand gestures and then I moved in front of her and drove 5 miles an hour.......
Well, wasn't that mature on my part?? Sadly, after a short distance we parted ways never to see each other again.
OK so it wasn't one of my best or proudest moments but I had taken so much from inconsiderate people that I was tired of acting like it was OK for people to be rude, not follow the rules and do whatever they wanted.........why do some people feel like the rules do not apply to them or that they do not have to be polite to others.......I am tired of being treated like a doormat......
The Week That Was...7/8-7/14.......
This past week was hectic.
I had a training class Monday - Thursday from 8 to 6. The first obstacle was getting to work BEFORE 8. I had to be in the class AT 8. This was a challenge for me but I am proud to say I was there every day on time. The class involved a lot of numbers, graphing and work done on laptops. I learn best by doing so at times it was hard unless I was the person driving the mouse (you know me I have to be the driver). I also learned how to do a Power Point presentation (I know younger people would say what kind of big deal is that but for me it was something new). I had to stand up with 2 other people and do a presentation. I hate speaking in front of groups of people and there was a person who was able to question things about our presentation. This job has forced me to face a lot of things I am not comfortable with.....flying and group presentations being two of them. Growth......it's all about growth. (See I have heard that phrase before.....right Jan and Mary??)
Each night I had a salad before dinner to curb my appetite....yum.
I opted not to dress up for "Geek Day" at work.
I tried not to let others upset me with their negative attitudes and actually I did well with this......it was probably partly due to being tired when I got home from the gym and work to let anyone bother me.
My sleep pattern has not been great. I fall asleep around midnight. I wake up at about 1:30 and then have trouble getting back to sleep. I toss and turn. I finally fall into a deep sleep around 5:00 and have to get up by 6:00. I am hoping this is just a temporary pattern and had to do with worrying about oversleeping and being late for class.
I also managed to squeeze in 3 trips to the gym, a pedicure, a face waxing and a haircut........so there was some ME time........whew.......what a week.
I had a training class Monday - Thursday from 8 to 6. The first obstacle was getting to work BEFORE 8. I had to be in the class AT 8. This was a challenge for me but I am proud to say I was there every day on time. The class involved a lot of numbers, graphing and work done on laptops. I learn best by doing so at times it was hard unless I was the person driving the mouse (you know me I have to be the driver). I also learned how to do a Power Point presentation (I know younger people would say what kind of big deal is that but for me it was something new). I had to stand up with 2 other people and do a presentation. I hate speaking in front of groups of people and there was a person who was able to question things about our presentation. This job has forced me to face a lot of things I am not comfortable with.....flying and group presentations being two of them. Growth......it's all about growth. (See I have heard that phrase before.....right Jan and Mary??)
Each night I had a salad before dinner to curb my appetite....yum.
I opted not to dress up for "Geek Day" at work.
I tried not to let others upset me with their negative attitudes and actually I did well with this......it was probably partly due to being tired when I got home from the gym and work to let anyone bother me.
My sleep pattern has not been great. I fall asleep around midnight. I wake up at about 1:30 and then have trouble getting back to sleep. I toss and turn. I finally fall into a deep sleep around 5:00 and have to get up by 6:00. I am hoping this is just a temporary pattern and had to do with worrying about oversleeping and being late for class.
I also managed to squeeze in 3 trips to the gym, a pedicure, a face waxing and a haircut........so there was some ME time........whew.......what a week.
Picture Me With A Headband
When I got in the pool today I noticed part of my Aquagear earpiece was missing. At first I thought I would just have to use one earphone. Then it dawned on me the earpiece was still there and I was just missing the part that hooked over my ear. I put the earpiece in my ear and it stayed so I was good to go. Later, I thought what if the earpiece didn't stay in place....what could I do? I decided to buy some headbands.....the wide kind that go all around my head. I had already decided I would not put the headband on top of my hair so it would flatten it out........I would wear it in front of my hair and let it push my hair back. Better to push it back than have my hair flattened. OK I was already expending too much energy worrying about all of this just because I couldn't find one little ear hook. I must have spent 10 minutes in CVS examining headbands. Well, I finally selected a few in different colors. I was planning to try them out tomorrow at the gym and really didn't care how foolish I looked.
You know of course how this turned out..........a few hours ago.......I found the ear hook. So at least for the moment I can put off wearing the headband.......thank goodness.......another fashion crisis averted.
You know of course how this turned out..........a few hours ago.......I found the ear hook. So at least for the moment I can put off wearing the headband.......thank goodness.......another fashion crisis averted.
A Tuesday Car
My sister reminded me yesterday of something my Dad used to say. Cheryl's car had hit the 199,000 mile mark. She said it must have been a Tuesday car. My Dad said you always wanted a Tuesday car. He said on Monday people were recovering from the week-end. Wednesday and Thursday people were looking forward to the week-end. And no one would want a Friday car since for some people the week-end had already started. The Tuesday car was built the best day of the week from a working person's perspective. It makes sense to me. Too bad the manufacturers of all products don't have to label what day of the week the product was made. I would only buy Tuesday products.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
It can feel like being in quick sand....
As I work through the changes I have alluded to I sometimes get stuck, Not moving forward or backward.....stuck in neutral. It feels like I am sinking in quick sand. The more I try to move the more I sink. A friend told me about a book she had read about co-dependency. She said I sounded like her......putting myself last and doing what everyone else wanted. I pulled up a sample of the book on my kindle to see if I should purchase it.
Here is short sample from the book.......I am paraphrasing......but you will get the jist of it.
A woman and her friend decided to travel to China. They were going to visit some special churches. They decided to visit one particularly special Temple. They had to climb up the side of a mountain and there were a zillion steps. They got about half way up when the woman had to stop because she was exhausted. Then a man about 75 years old passed them carrying a heavy beam to the temple. That gave the woman the push she needed to continue on. Then as she climbed further she once again ran out of the strength to continue on. A group of Chinese woman came up behind the woman and recognized what the problem was. With no words spoken.....one of the Chinese woman walked in front of the tired tourist, another walked behind her and two walked on either side of her holding her hand as they continued the climb together until they reached the top.
The other day I texted a friend and said that I felt like I was sinking in quick sand. Her response was we have your arms.....meaning they wouldn't let me sink.
Each of you are those people to me.....walking around me helping me on this journey.........holding my hands as I struggle to get to the top or saving me from the quick sand......
Here is short sample from the book.......I am paraphrasing......but you will get the jist of it.
A woman and her friend decided to travel to China. They were going to visit some special churches. They decided to visit one particularly special Temple. They had to climb up the side of a mountain and there were a zillion steps. They got about half way up when the woman had to stop because she was exhausted. Then a man about 75 years old passed them carrying a heavy beam to the temple. That gave the woman the push she needed to continue on. Then as she climbed further she once again ran out of the strength to continue on. A group of Chinese woman came up behind the woman and recognized what the problem was. With no words spoken.....one of the Chinese woman walked in front of the tired tourist, another walked behind her and two walked on either side of her holding her hand as they continued the climb together until they reached the top.
The other day I texted a friend and said that I felt like I was sinking in quick sand. Her response was we have your arms.....meaning they wouldn't let me sink.
Each of you are those people to me.....walking around me helping me on this journey.........holding my hands as I struggle to get to the top or saving me from the quick sand......
Mirror Mirror
Some people look in the mirror and want to change everything about themselves......I read this somewhere this week....... before the incident.....when I read it I thought oh yeah there are things I would like to change about the person whose reflection is looking back at me in the mirror.......
Starting at the top........thicker hair....not have to wax the face.....chin a little tighter......cheeks not so full......longer neck......no eye glasses.......boobs not heading south.......arms that don't have wings (nice way to say excess skin).........I might as well stop here.......so far the only things I don't want to change are my earlobes and nose.......and I would rather not spend three thousand words on what I would like to change about my body.
Anyway.....then there was the incident.........
Jenn wanted to find a one piece bathing suit to wear when she goes wind surfing in Barbados. We went to Belk for their July 4th sale. Jenn wanted my opinion on the bathing suits she tried on so I sat and waited in the fitting room next to her, And then it happened.......
Something caught my eye.....as I turned to see what it was.......I was horrified.......it was the reflection of me sitting down....
I never like to have pictures of myself sitting down. I know how bad they look. Last year at my nephews wedding I did have a few taken sitting down but due to the outfit I was wearing and the angle of the camera.....they weren't too bad. In fact, I actually like some of my pictures from the wedding.
Anyway, back to the fitting room at Belk......the lighting was not favorable and those friggin mirrors.....I thought I was going to get sick.....tears started to build up in my eyes.......I started to sweat.......it took everything I had to not run out of the fitting room screaming as I went across the parking lot. Once in the car I let loose and cried. By the time Jenn got to the car with her purchases I was a mess.
I drove for a while in silence.....trying to regroup and figure out what to do next. I stopped at Publix and.....no I didn't stop at the bakery dept.....I went for the fresh fruits and veggies. I bought things to eat that I knew would be good for me. Dinner that night was burgers on the grill and grilled pineapple. I passed on the roll and the corn on the cob. Jenn made cupcakes for work and I passed on that too......
A friend said recently maybe I eat more than I think I do.....so I went back to tracking my food. I have still not been able to erase that vision from my head.
Maybe it's a good thing......maybe it was the kick in the butt I needed......to see myself as the world see me.....
It has been a few days and I have been very focused.........I am really looking at what I eat and reading the labels of each thing I put in my mouth. OK I get the message......the wake up call has registered loud and clear.
Today as I got ready to go to the gym.......I looked at myself in the mirror.......yes it was the same reflection as just a few days ago......but instead of looking back with horror I focused on the fact that the reflection can change......it is not carved in stone........it will improve.......I am sure of that........but until it does you will not catch me sitting in any fitting rooms.....that is something of which I am quite sure.......
Starting at the top........thicker hair....not have to wax the face.....chin a little tighter......cheeks not so full......longer neck......no eye glasses.......boobs not heading south.......arms that don't have wings (nice way to say excess skin).........I might as well stop here.......so far the only things I don't want to change are my earlobes and nose.......and I would rather not spend three thousand words on what I would like to change about my body.
Anyway.....then there was the incident.........
Jenn wanted to find a one piece bathing suit to wear when she goes wind surfing in Barbados. We went to Belk for their July 4th sale. Jenn wanted my opinion on the bathing suits she tried on so I sat and waited in the fitting room next to her, And then it happened.......
Something caught my eye.....as I turned to see what it was.......I was horrified.......it was the reflection of me sitting down....
I never like to have pictures of myself sitting down. I know how bad they look. Last year at my nephews wedding I did have a few taken sitting down but due to the outfit I was wearing and the angle of the camera.....they weren't too bad. In fact, I actually like some of my pictures from the wedding.
Anyway, back to the fitting room at Belk......the lighting was not favorable and those friggin mirrors.....I thought I was going to get sick.....tears started to build up in my eyes.......I started to sweat.......it took everything I had to not run out of the fitting room screaming as I went across the parking lot. Once in the car I let loose and cried. By the time Jenn got to the car with her purchases I was a mess.
I drove for a while in silence.....trying to regroup and figure out what to do next. I stopped at Publix and.....no I didn't stop at the bakery dept.....I went for the fresh fruits and veggies. I bought things to eat that I knew would be good for me. Dinner that night was burgers on the grill and grilled pineapple. I passed on the roll and the corn on the cob. Jenn made cupcakes for work and I passed on that too......
A friend said recently maybe I eat more than I think I do.....so I went back to tracking my food. I have still not been able to erase that vision from my head.
Maybe it's a good thing......maybe it was the kick in the butt I needed......to see myself as the world see me.....
It has been a few days and I have been very focused.........I am really looking at what I eat and reading the labels of each thing I put in my mouth. OK I get the message......the wake up call has registered loud and clear.
Today as I got ready to go to the gym.......I looked at myself in the mirror.......yes it was the same reflection as just a few days ago......but instead of looking back with horror I focused on the fact that the reflection can change......it is not carved in stone........it will improve.......I am sure of that........but until it does you will not catch me sitting in any fitting rooms.....that is something of which I am quite sure.......
Sunday, July 1, 2012
So How Am I Doing With My New Years Resolution List?
I am kind of proud of myself. At the mid-point of the year, I am still on track with most of the goals I set at the end of December.
I have read more, focused on me more, still hitting the gym, and trying to spend more time with friends.
The weight.....oh the weight is crawling off of me so slowly but I have to remember it is better than going up. All the dr.appts. have been good !!! And I continue to learn about me, food and me, and becoming a healthier me. Jogging in the pool has become my new passion.
Taking a vacation....YES!! In 16 days I will be in Barbados for a week. This is my first real just about me vacation in 30 yes count 'em 30 years!!!!! I am so looking forward to the trip!!!!
I have been doing more writing but haven't done anything about trying to get published. Can someone make a suggestion or kick me in the ass about this one???
Yes, I have learned that I can take a day off and the company will not shut down.....LOL. I am trying to take breaks to recharge my batteries. I have scheduled at least one day off every 4 weeks through the rest of the year.
Six months ago today I lost Mom. It has been a very hard 6 months. But I think Mom would have been proud of the way I have tried to keep moving ahead. I miss her opinion about my big life decisions that I am working through......but I feel pretty confident that she is somewhere watching over me.
I have found joy in the little things in life. Whether it be watching a Christmas show on the 25th of each month or carrying on the tradition that was started when Jenn was small of making Christmas decorations on the 4th of July or sitting with friends and having a vodka and diet 7up while we solve the worlds problems and my problems too or seeing how diverse a selection of music I can put on my IPOD......none of these are major events but they have made life more enjoyable.
I am sure the rest of the year is going to fly........as the time flies I am learning to fly too.....flying solo and at control of my own destiny.......
I have read more, focused on me more, still hitting the gym, and trying to spend more time with friends.
The weight.....oh the weight is crawling off of me so slowly but I have to remember it is better than going up. All the dr.appts. have been good !!! And I continue to learn about me, food and me, and becoming a healthier me. Jogging in the pool has become my new passion.
Taking a vacation....YES!! In 16 days I will be in Barbados for a week. This is my first real just about me vacation in 30 yes count 'em 30 years!!!!! I am so looking forward to the trip!!!!
I have been doing more writing but haven't done anything about trying to get published. Can someone make a suggestion or kick me in the ass about this one???
Yes, I have learned that I can take a day off and the company will not shut down.....LOL. I am trying to take breaks to recharge my batteries. I have scheduled at least one day off every 4 weeks through the rest of the year.
Six months ago today I lost Mom. It has been a very hard 6 months. But I think Mom would have been proud of the way I have tried to keep moving ahead. I miss her opinion about my big life decisions that I am working through......but I feel pretty confident that she is somewhere watching over me.
I have found joy in the little things in life. Whether it be watching a Christmas show on the 25th of each month or carrying on the tradition that was started when Jenn was small of making Christmas decorations on the 4th of July or sitting with friends and having a vodka and diet 7up while we solve the worlds problems and my problems too or seeing how diverse a selection of music I can put on my IPOD......none of these are major events but they have made life more enjoyable.
I am sure the rest of the year is going to fly........as the time flies I am learning to fly too.....flying solo and at control of my own destiny.......
The Week That Was........
Let me start by saying a big THANK YOU !!!!! After my post last week I got texts, e-mails, phone calls and messages on Facebook from friends and family. I was suprised at the speed at which they showed up. I don't think my blog had been out there for 30 minutes when I recieved my first message and they kept coming. It made me feel good to see how many people cared about me enought to reach out to me.
This week I didn't spend 24 hours continuosly crying although I did have my moments. The people I have opened up to have not been judgemental. They have been supportive and kind. They have not given me their opinions.....for which I am grateful. They have asked thought provoking questions. They have given me suggestions. But not one of them pushed me for a decision. They all seem to know that I need time....to do what is right for me and only me. I am trying to take everyone and everything else out of the equation except me. It is hard to do and is an emotional gut wrentching process. I am moving at a snails pace......but that is what works best for me.
Never an impulsive person......I think and I think and I think some more. Eventually, a decison will come......I promise. And it will be a right decision for me not anyone else.
I sometimes get tired of thinking and when I do..... I try to find other things to occupy my time. I have been to the gym several times, worked some OT (because I wanted to .......my boss and friend Lisa has been trying to get me to go home at a decent hour), I have read and watched some mindless TV and I sit on my rocking chair on the porch and daydream.
I am working though something life changing events...........it is hard to make big changes...... but as I feel my way through I am so glad to have all of you supporting me. I don't know how I would get through any of this alone and I am grateful I don't have to.........
This week I didn't spend 24 hours continuosly crying although I did have my moments. The people I have opened up to have not been judgemental. They have been supportive and kind. They have not given me their opinions.....for which I am grateful. They have asked thought provoking questions. They have given me suggestions. But not one of them pushed me for a decision. They all seem to know that I need time....to do what is right for me and only me. I am trying to take everyone and everything else out of the equation except me. It is hard to do and is an emotional gut wrentching process. I am moving at a snails pace......but that is what works best for me.
Never an impulsive person......I think and I think and I think some more. Eventually, a decison will come......I promise. And it will be a right decision for me not anyone else.
I sometimes get tired of thinking and when I do..... I try to find other things to occupy my time. I have been to the gym several times, worked some OT (because I wanted to .......my boss and friend Lisa has been trying to get me to go home at a decent hour), I have read and watched some mindless TV and I sit on my rocking chair on the porch and daydream.
I am working though something life changing events...........it is hard to make big changes...... but as I feel my way through I am so glad to have all of you supporting me. I don't know how I would get through any of this alone and I am grateful I don't have to.........
Hot Summer Nights.....
It was 108 degrees in beautiful Columbia, SC today. Yesterday, it was 109 degrees!!! Ugh.....I hate the heat......
When I was a kid, if it was hot my parents would take us for a ride in the car. We would all pile into the station wagon. Our destination unknown.....we would go where ever Dad decided. Of course, we had no air conditioning in the car. We would ride with all the windows open. Any breeze even a hot one was better than the still air and heat. My parents didn't own an air conditioner until after I got married. When I was at home, we would keep the windows open and put a box fan in the window. At least the air would circulate around the room. Whether it was in the 5th floor walkup apartment in the Bronx to the 2 family house in Pelham Bay or to our home in Pearl River......there were no ceiling fans or air conditioners.
Some nights my parents would take us to the drive-in movies. We kids would get to play until the movie started and would eventually fall asleep in the back of the station wagon. We would hardly wake when we got home and our parents had to herd us up to our apartment.
I remember laying in my bed being so hot and just wanting to fall asleep to escape the heat.
Once my father gave in and bought an air conditioner he loved it. In fact, the summer I was pregnant with Jenn there was a heat wave. The apartment we lived in was so hot. I would spend many an evening in the tub in cool water just to get some relief. I was still taking a train and subway to the office and by the time I got home I was pretty wiped out. It wasn't often you were offered a seat on the subway when you were pregnant. Dad insisted I get an air condiitoner.....in fact he paid for it. So I could sleep. We set it up in the bedroom and that became my sanctuary. I would eat, watch TV, talk on the phone and sleep all in the room with the air conditioner.
Tonight, after a brutally hot day......I decided to take a ride to go to the bank and post office. Jenn came along so we could stop at our friends house on the way home and let their dog out for the last time for the day (we are dog sitting). As I drove down the hill toward downtown, I could see fireworks going off at a local baseball game.....we stopped for a few minutes to watch. We did my errands and drove through the Vista and 5 Points.....just to be out in the car with the a/c running full blast felt good. While our friends dog was running around the backyard, I started to think about those hot summer evenings of my childhood.
At least tonight when I walked back into the house it was comfortable. It is going to be super hot again tomorrow and the next day too. Well it is summer in South Carolina and that's life in Columbia, SC so you think I would be used to it by now.........
Tonight when I go to sleep........I will be thinking of me as a little girl trying so hard to go to sleep in the heat to the sound of the blades moving in that box fan...........and I will rememebr those hot summer night rides with my dad at the wheel and destination unknown ........
When I was a kid, if it was hot my parents would take us for a ride in the car. We would all pile into the station wagon. Our destination unknown.....we would go where ever Dad decided. Of course, we had no air conditioning in the car. We would ride with all the windows open. Any breeze even a hot one was better than the still air and heat. My parents didn't own an air conditioner until after I got married. When I was at home, we would keep the windows open and put a box fan in the window. At least the air would circulate around the room. Whether it was in the 5th floor walkup apartment in the Bronx to the 2 family house in Pelham Bay or to our home in Pearl River......there were no ceiling fans or air conditioners.
Some nights my parents would take us to the drive-in movies. We kids would get to play until the movie started and would eventually fall asleep in the back of the station wagon. We would hardly wake when we got home and our parents had to herd us up to our apartment.
I remember laying in my bed being so hot and just wanting to fall asleep to escape the heat.
Once my father gave in and bought an air conditioner he loved it. In fact, the summer I was pregnant with Jenn there was a heat wave. The apartment we lived in was so hot. I would spend many an evening in the tub in cool water just to get some relief. I was still taking a train and subway to the office and by the time I got home I was pretty wiped out. It wasn't often you were offered a seat on the subway when you were pregnant. Dad insisted I get an air condiitoner.....in fact he paid for it. So I could sleep. We set it up in the bedroom and that became my sanctuary. I would eat, watch TV, talk on the phone and sleep all in the room with the air conditioner.
Tonight, after a brutally hot day......I decided to take a ride to go to the bank and post office. Jenn came along so we could stop at our friends house on the way home and let their dog out for the last time for the day (we are dog sitting). As I drove down the hill toward downtown, I could see fireworks going off at a local baseball game.....we stopped for a few minutes to watch. We did my errands and drove through the Vista and 5 Points.....just to be out in the car with the a/c running full blast felt good. While our friends dog was running around the backyard, I started to think about those hot summer evenings of my childhood.
At least tonight when I walked back into the house it was comfortable. It is going to be super hot again tomorrow and the next day too. Well it is summer in South Carolina and that's life in Columbia, SC so you think I would be used to it by now.........
Tonight when I go to sleep........I will be thinking of me as a little girl trying so hard to go to sleep in the heat to the sound of the blades moving in that box fan...........and I will rememebr those hot summer night rides with my dad at the wheel and destination unknown ........
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