Twas a few days before Christmas

And here we are just 5 days to go.

Three more days of work and I am home free until January 4th, 2021.

I want this week to go slowly because I want to take it all in.

Right now, I am sitting in my living room with just the tree lights on.  My blinds are open so I can see out the porch windows. Grey skies make the tree lights on the porch stand out too.

There is another tree, it is sitting in my office at work.  Still decorated for St Patrick’s day, how sad.

On the plus side, the cards have been mailed, the cookies have been delivered to family, the gifts wrapped and the house looks festive.

Jenn and I have made a list of what needs to be accomplished between now and Wednesday night. Our goal is to have everything done so when we wake up for our favorite day of the year, we can soak in and enjoy every minute, the same for Christmas Day.

At work, we are working through a huge challenging reorganization.  The team I managed for a few years and was the best version of a dream team has been split up.  This has been very hard for me.We had formed a work family.  I wont lose them as many have become friends too.

We still had our Secret Santa exchange this week.  We did it on Webex so we could see each other, open our gifts and find out who our Secret Santa was.  The Head Elf, Jenn, was surprised with gifts too.

The best gift was letters to me from each member of my team.  I had to wait until the evening as I was afraid that I would ugly cry while reading them in front of my former team.

Each letter was unique.  Whether a person had been on Team Pizzo for a few months or a few years, each talked about the support they received from each other. I was touched as each letter spoke about the uniqueness of our team and my role as their manager. 

Yes, I did ugly cry.

I doubt I will ever have a team like this again.

I was thinking again about when I was young and what I wanted for Christmas.  Things such as the easy bake oven, the game operation, some other popular toys never appeared Christmas morning.  As a teenager, the list of “didn’t gets” included, an ankle bracelet, a boyfriend and a princess phone for my bedroom.  The lack of a phone just led to the option many teenagers chose, stretch the phone cord from the wall phone around the corner, down a short hall way and into my bedroom behind closed doors. As a young Mom as I have written before, the hardest thing was not being able to afford the American Girl doll that all of Jenn’s friend were getting (although I did rectify the situation 30 years later).

Now that I am at a point in my life where there are more Christmas’s behind me than in front of me.

I have have come to some conclusions.

It’s not the big house.

It’s not the expensive car.

It’s not the over the top vacation that matters. 

It’s the memories, the daily laughter, the friends and the love that are now the greatest gifts I can give or receive.

Merry Christmas!!

See you next week,

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

It has been a long, long time since I wrote you a letter.  You might find my previous correspondence filed under Donna Raboni.

How are you and Mrs. Claus?

I hope that this crazy year of 2020 hasn’t had a big impact on all of you at the North Pole.

In all honesty, it has been a challenging year for all of us.

My list this year is more about wishes than material things which I am sure is pretty common with people my age.

Do you have any pull with regard to making 2021 a better year for all?

I would like the word COVID to be erased from our vocabulary.

I would also like to see people feel more of the Christmas spirit.  I know it is hard as we all have different challenges in our lives and this can weigh us down. Can I ask you to help those who need it to find even the briefest moments of joy?

You might remember me as one of the people who starts thinking about Christmas around July 4th.  I also watch at least one Christmas movie each week of the year.  Thank you, if you had any involvement in the creation of the Hallmark Channels.

If I could have a wish or two, it would be to go back to Christmas’s of my past: one from when I was a child, one as a teenager and one as a young Mom.  To have one more Christmas with my parents and friends I have lost would be amazing.  I guess the fact that I have those wonderful memories stored in my head and heart is about the best you can do.

I want to thank you for being such a special part of my life as the anticipation of your arrival has always been among some of the best moments of the year.

So let’s just say I would like health, happiness, joy, laughter and love for all of my family and friends.

I will be looking to the skies on the night of the 24th, the best day of the year, hoping to catch a glance of you and your reindeer.

Safe travels and please wear a mask.

Love,

Donna

PS would it have really broken the bank the get me an Easy Bake Oven back in the 60’s?

Saw you next week.

 

An interesting question

There was a question posed on FB this week that got me thinking,

“What did your Dad teach you?”

While this might be a more appropriate topic for Father’s Day, my Dad’s all consuming love of all things Christmas makes it apropo at this time of year.

I asked my siblings the question.

Here were their responses:

1. He taught me how to parallel park and was a little critical that I was quite a distance from the curb.

2,  He taught me how to get from our apartment in the Bronx to Mount St. Michael in Mount Vernon.  It involved buses and subways.  I was 11. Dad walked me up to the front gate.  He basically said “now you are on your own. See you tonight”.

3,  He taught me that you never fight on a holiday as you can’t get the day back.

4,  He taught that worry is pointless.  Whatever is going to happen is going to happen so why waste time worrying.

My friend, Kathy, said she learned how a parent loves their children.

I learned:

Work ethic.  Everyone one of his children obtained gainful employment as soon as they were old enough. My brothers both started working at 12,  both at neighborhood deli/grocery stores. My sister and I babysat but started “real” jobs when we each turned 16 at Bambergers (a subsidairy of Macys).

Dad taught me how to come in second in a Waltz Contest (avoid the judges for as long as you can).  

He taught me that holding my hand and squeezing it was another way to say “I love you”.

His belief in me going to work in The Big Apple.  Mom said “no”. Dad said, “she will get an education working there like no where else in the world.”  As I got ready to head out my first day as a commuter, I asked Dad what do I do when the train from Pearl River arrives in Hoboken, NJ.  He said “follow the crowd” . He was right.  I followed the crowd to the PATH trains through the World Trade Center and out on to the street for the one block walk to 140 Broadway.

He also taught me the joy of  Christmas.  I learned to believe that on Christmas Eve anything is possible. And yes, like Dad, I still look to the skies on Christmas Eve and watch for Santa in his sleigh and reindeer pulling them through the night sky.

At this time of year more than any other, I miss him because of the way he made December 24th feel. From lighting the fireplace Christmas Eve morning and making sure it never went out until we headed to bed Christmas night, to his taking over the kitchen to make our Christmas Eve feast, to him dragging a sled through the backyard, making hoof prints and boot marks to the back door of our house.

Magic.

What did your Dad teach you? Their lessons/advice are things that last throughout our lives.

See you next week.

OK I will give it a try

I work long hours.  I work just about every day. I am tired.

One day rolls into the next.

Being home has been a blessing and also a challenge.

Before “the virus”, we were passing through our house rushing to and from work.

We were spending a few nights a week at “The Mefford Inn”.

Being home has opened my eyes, housekeeper of the year, I am not.

Surface cleaning is fine and makes things look passable.

But the long hours we have been putting in working at home has left less time for chores.

We have started using Instacart for grocery shopping. It is fabulous.

Place your order and drive up to pick it up. I am too cheap to have it delivered.

This alone saves hours every week so it is a real win.

But the housecleaning, ugh.

I honestly do not have the energy by the time Saturday or Sunday rolls around.

Also, things with Jenn have been a little off so I am not wanting her to spend her free time cleaning.

And how often do we have the time and strength to do a “deep clean”?

I came into a little extra money.

I really could not think of a thing I wanted for myself.

Then it hit me, use the money to have the house cleaned.

Really cleaned.

On a recommendation from a neighbor, I made the call.

Last Friday was the big day.

No surprise, I was nervous.

And we did some straightening up before the two ladies arrived,

I was worked in the kitchen.  Jenn was in her room working with Jeter at her side.

They arrived at 11:30 and left six hours later.

Yes, six hours.

They hardly spoke to each other and your could hear them moving around the house.

I knew I was in for a treat when the first thing done was opening the oven, removing the racks and spraying everything.

The smell of Clorox, furniture polish and other cleaning materials filled the house.

Windows were washed, blinds dusted, baseboards cleaned, cabinets wiped down, lampshades cleaned, bookshelves cleaned and dusted and on and on.

The continuous thought that popped into my head was they must be thinking “what a mess”.

When they were ready to tackle the kitchen, I grabbed my laptop and moved to the recliner in the living room to continue working.

I needed to put on sunglasses to look in the shower it was so shiny.

By the end of the day, I was amazed.

It was worth every cent I spent and I really had no reason to be stressed or nervous. I am sure these ladies have seen a much worse project than mine.

Now in my quest to do more things for the house, I have someone coming this week to give me an estimate for new sliding doors for my shower.  My current ones are over 30 years old and one handle is being held on by duct tape.

Don’t I deserve better than a duct taped door handle at this point in my life?

I am not used to spending money on these kinds of projects or myself.

I am at a point in my life where I don’t need another bracelet or office clothes or many material things.

Sure I still have a bucket list, some travel, getting a book published, living long enough to enjoy life after I retire and more time with family or extended family near and far.

Now simple things like a super clean house of which I had no part in the process and no longer putting up with the duct tape and paper clip repairs is something I can enjoy.

Not having to walk the aisles of a supermarket (thank you Publix and Walmart) gives back hours of me time.

In the next few years, I will be tackling a kitchen renovation.  Two years is plenty of time to learn the options, make decisions about what “I” want and get ideas from others.

Part of the fun is planning.

And on the rare occasions, without much thought, I can treat myself to something.

Something practical without guilt. OK without too much guilt.

I have given myself the gift of time to write, binge watch something, nap, a long overdue phone call or just time to dream.

It’s worth every cent.

See you next week.

Nothing like feeling foolish

There used to be a column in the newspaper called “embarrassing moments”. People would write about these moments when their elevator might not have made it to the top floor.

I had one of those moments Friday. 

It started very simply, I went to get my car washed.

I pulled up and paid, the gate lifted. And I pulled ahead.

A young man hosed off my car.

Another employee waived me ahead pointing at which way I should turn my wheels.

I moved ahead slowly.

Car locked in position.

Then the car is supposed to move ahead.

My car is bucking and will not move.

I put down my window.

The young man who had just been pointing which way I should move the wheels says, “Is the car in neutral?” I say, “Yes”. 

He then asks, “Do you have your foot on the brake?”  I answer “No”.

Then he tries to move my car ahead again.  The car bucks again but does not move.

I am now asked by another young man, “if I have the brake on and is the car in neutral?” 

Again I answer, “No brake on and yes to car in neutral question.”

I now can see the line of cars in my rear view mirror including Jenn in her car behind me.

I then realize, I have pressed the brake hold button.  

This allows me to stop at a traffic light by pressing on the brake and I can then take my foot off the brake and the car will not move again until I step on the gas.

Problem solved.

The young man once again presses the button to move my car along.

The car doesn’t move and once again bucks.

I am at a loss.

Then another employee comes over looks in the car and says “the word “brake” is showing up on my dashboard in red.“

I tell him, “there is no brake on.”

Meanwhile, Jenn is telling another employee to tell me to take off the “brake hold”.

The employee comes to me and says “The lady behind you who has the same car as you said you need to take off the brake hold”.

I reply he can tell my daughter “the brake hold is not on.”

Then I am asked “Is you emergency brake on?”

My response “I don’t know where the emergency brake is since I have never used it since I bought the car.”

They now go back to Jenn and ask “if she knows where the emergency brake is?”

More cars are joining the line out to the road.

Lots of cars.

Now Jenn gets out of her car and walks up to me laughing.

She says “Mom is the parking brake on?” I say, “I don’t know because I never use it.”

She then explains to all five us us trying to figure this issue out that my car is smarter than all of us.

Since the car is in neutral and I do not have my foot on the brake and I have taken off the brake hold, the car automatically puts on the emergency brake (labeled “P” for parking break).  This is to prevent me from rolling forward,

Jenn still laughing says “ Mom, press down on the letter “P” and release the parking/emergency brake.”

The young man hits the button to move my car ahead.

As I move forward, he says “these new cars have a lot of fancy options”.

I think he was trying to be nice to offset my humiliation.

He is all of maybe 18.  

Dear God, the last car I owned was older than him.

Thank goodness my car moved along as it should.

I did not look back as I am sure there was some laughter from the employees and annoyance from all the drivers behind me.

It was not one of my finest hours but in retrospect pretty funny.

See you next week.

 

Do our memories fade

 “Memories light the corner of my mind. Misty water-colored memories of the way we were.”

A thought just popped into my head, I was remembering the blankets my brother and I had when we were kids.  I think they were called “army blankets” .  I remember how rough they were against my skin. Itchy too. But we were warm.

In our 5th floor Bronx walkup, our room was small. We had bunk beds and a crib in the tiny bedroom.  Our toy boxes were large cardboard boxes with some toilet paper brand name on the side. 

George and I would take turns sitting on the top bunk and hold a piece of rope.  The other one would dig into the bottom of the card board boxes and get out a toy and tie it to the rope. Then it is time to pull on the rope to signal a”fish” had been caught.  The person on the top bunk would pull up the rope to see what had been caught.

Was it really that fun?

“Can it be that it was all so simple then? Or has time rewritten every line”

My sister, Cheryl, and I shared a room years later when we moved to a two family house. We had twin beds with no headboards.  My Mom saw an idea in some ladies magazine and made us headboards.  They consisted of fancy curtain rods attached to the wall. Hanging on over rod and attached to the wall below our beds were strips of felt alternating pink and white strips.

Mom’s way of decorating on a budget.

More trips to the Bronx Zoo on free admission days than I can count. Also, going for a ride in the station wagon. Destination nowhere but remembering how it felt to have the cool air hitting my face from the rolled down window.  A real treat was going to the drive-in in our pj’s.  We got to play in the playground until the movie started,  Then we would lay down on the pillows and blankets in the back of the station wagon where the seats had been folded down.

Dad’s version of a family outings.  How much did they cost? Not too much but based on my parents tight budget it was a bit frivolous  

Walking to a local pizzeria that had tables in the back. Sitting at those tables with red and white plastic checker board print tablecloths. Candles on the table with wax dripping down the bottle holding it. The juke box in the background playing fairly recent records.

Dad’s idea of an evening out.  It was such a treat and a little luxurious for the budget.

I knew Dad and Mom did not have a lot of money in those days.  

Maybe that is why I never took for granted the trips to shop for school clothes or uniforms. The new Easter dress was special. The occasional trip to an ice cream parlor for hot chocolate with whipped cream on top, there were always two Lorna Doone cookies placed on the side.

“If we had the chance to do it all again, tell me would we? Could we?”

The smell of clothes and sheets right off the clothesline.

Having our school books covered from brown paper bags not those fancy shiny book covers.

Mom sharpening our pencils with a knife since we didn’t have a pencil sharpener.

Mom created all of our Halloween costumes, no store bought costumes for us.

Homemade corsages for birthdays were made by Mom.

The whole family walking to a  Christmas tree lot to find the perfect tree.  Learning the art of negotiating from Dad and the tree salesman. Hearing Dad say “$7 , no look at the bare spot here.” Walking home with all of us carrying the tree.  Dad carried the trunk while the youngest carried the tip of the tree.

My Mom watching my Dad drag a sled across the snow in our backyard on Christmas Eve, make hoof prints with the top of a broom handle and foot prints back and forth to our door.  All so my brother, Greg, had real proof of Santa’s visit.  Magic.

I sit here typing on a remote key board with the words showing up on my IPAD and IPhone next to me.

How the world has changed.

How my world has changed.

“Memories may be beautiful and yet, what’s to painful to remember we simply choose to forget. So it’s the laughter we will remember, whenever we remember the way we were.”

I am so grateful for the well grounded childhood my parents gave me. I wouldn’t change any of it.

“The way we were.”

See you next week.

What if

From “Letters to Juliet”, “‘What” and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if”?...”

A few weeks ago, I wrote an entry called “I am”.  It was thought provoking for me. From the responses I received from others, it made them think too.

How differently my life could have turned out based on if I had taken any of the “what if’s” paths.

Some ‘what if’s’ are about questionable choices:

What if I had gone away to college vs living at home and working while in school?

What if I had followed through on one of the other careers I had originally thought about teaching, physical therapist or journalist?

What if I had followed  through on one of my original choices in majors (Science, Education and Journalism) vs getting a degree for which I had the most credits (Behavioral Science)?

What if I had not put pressure on myself to be like everyone else and get married?

What if I hadn’t stayed in a marriage longer than I should have?

What if I didn’t spend years struggling and making poor financial decisions?

Some ‘what if’s’ are about the things that turned out right:

What if I hadn’t taken my friends advice that life exists outside New York?

What if I hadn’t taken that first bank teller job that has lead to a career in mortgage banking?

What if I hadn’t decided to not wait to have a house before starting a family?

What if I didn’t bite the bullet and follow friends sage advise to get my financial house back in order?

What if  I didn’t ask my friend what “Dataw Island” was like?

What if I hadn’t found my strength at work was in management?

What if I hadn’t made a friend in high school that would ultimately change my life?

Ending up living in a lovely location in the Lowcountry of South Carolina, having built up strong friendships, ending up in a career and role for which I was well suited and having a daughter who has grown into a wonderful woman and a best friend means the ‘what if’s’ turned out as they should.

When I look back, I tend to view the past with rose colored glasses. I prefer to want to remember the good.

Looking into the future there are less ‘what if’s”

Yes, I wish I had met my soul mate, someone to grow old with but that wasn’t in the cards.

But I do wake up each day to a beautiful view in a better living space than I ever could have dreamt of owning. I am blessed with amazing friends.  I have a job where I now work from home which makes a very big difference. I now make more prudent financial decisions based on needs vs. wants (ok and maybe an occasional whim buy). 

So maybe the real question is “what if I had done some of the things I didn’t get to do or choose to do?”

The paths and choices that caused me to end right where I am, it all makes sense to me now.

I am where I was meant to be.

See you next week,

Simple Pleasures

This week, I could feel the start of fall in the air.

The last few days the weather has been amazing.

A cool breeze and lower temps.

The sliders and door to the porch left open.

Porch windows wide open.

Fresh air finally in the house.

Doors slamming shut due to the draft through the house.

I am sure Indian Summer will surface in the next few weeks but no more 90 plus degree days.

Another good thing this week was a few rainy days and thunder storms. 

I love the sounds that kind of weather provides.

Add to the “little thing list”,  a desk chair,

I have been working at my kitchen table for the last six months.

Laptop, two monitors, keyboard, mouse, notepads, etc. and a chair.

But this chair, I can adjust the chair height, arm rests, firm back and a very comfy seat.

I can get up after sitting for a long period of time and my hip doesn’t hurt.

I resisted the temptation to buy a pumpkin, it can wait a few more weeks.

Trying to enjoy the small things while still staying close to home.

See you next week.

I Am

Jenn told me about an activity that took place in one of her departments staff meetings this week. It was a way of getting to know each other better.

Jenn suggested it to me as a blog entry.

You start with the two words I AM and go from there.

Team Pizzo get ready this activity may be heading your way soon.

Here goes, in no particular order and very random:

I am still 35 in my head (although my birth certificate has a very different number).

I am a writer.

I am a Mom (the best job in the world).

I am Hawaiian which allows me to check the Asian/Pacific Islander as a race.

I am funny at times.

I am able to  cry easily whether happy, sad, mad or laughing.

I am happy to have a reliable vehicle after years of driving an old SUV that could break down at any time.

I am crazy for the smell of fireplaces burning, sweater weather and crunch sound of leaves under my shoes.

I am a lover of snow.

I am a Christmas fan.

I am a Cheese freak  

I am jealous of those who planned right and could retire early.

I am not afraid to fly but am afraid of airports.

I am afraid of crowds.

I am afraid of falling.

I am a loyal friend,

I am in love with the color yellow.

I am a big fan of yellow roses.

I am happy smelling garlic and onions cooking on the stove.

I am finally sleeping back in my bed after years of sleeping in a recliner.

I am tired of talking to people by the end of each work day.

I am a good people manager.

I am starting to accept the things I will never do again.

I am sorry I can’t find a good hard roll or a potato knish or a linzer tart in South Carolina.

I am afraid of going to new places without checking them out ahead of time.

I am crazy about all kinds of soups.

I am happy to see each months new plates, flags and tablecloths in my house.

I am happy to not be commuting 300 miles a day.

I am sorry I didn’t watch my Mom make Chocolate Cracker Pudding so I could make it myself.  It doesn’t help that the Uneeda Biscuit Crackers needed for the pudding are no longer sold.

I am happy to be alone but can feel lonely.

I am......

See you next week.

 

A long weekend with nothing to do

 Labor Day has always been the farewell to summer weekend.

As a kid, my Dad always took his vacation the last two weeks of August running into Labor Day.

It always made sense to me.

Now I think, what would it be like to have two consecutive weeks off?

People that I know who have taken off two weeks in a row say it really does feel very different than  a single week.

Also, when I was young the Supreme Court of NY would close for the summer.  No AC and vacations let the court calendar light. This meant Dad had a long break.

The last summer before his children started to move in different directions, he loaded us all into the family station wagon for a trip across the country.

Imagine a whole summer off?

Imagine Dad, Mom and us four kids in that vehicle with tents and sleeping bags.  From NY to California and back.

It was amazing,

But here we are in the year we would like to forget, 2020.

Labor Day and no place to go and feel safe (at least for me).

I was thrilled to have a long weekend after a very long week at work.

Sunday, we ran some errands or I should say I drove with Jeter and Jenn did the running.

Other than that I was home.

I caught up on the bills and paperwork.

Jenn made some ribs and a new chicken dish that was amazing.

Naps were worked in.

I tried not to watch the news too much as it disturbs me greatly.

I decided to watch some movies.

I started with Jumangi which Jenn and others have called “2020 in a movie” . After watching it, I got it.

Today, I watched one of my favorite movies, “City Slickers”.

I love the conversation between the friends with a long history.

Listening to Billy Crystal explain to Daniel Stern how to program a VCR was so funny.

But hands down my favorite scene it the “best day and worst day conversation”

Hearing each character pick their most memorable day and their hardest day always gets me thinking.

As they said in the movie, you cannot pick an obvious day like when you children were born.

I am sure we can each come up with more than a few best days and hopefully not too many worst days.

It will be challenging to come up with a long list of best days this year.

So maybe this is the year we spend time looking back in retrospect to our past and what we have been blessed with.

Best days- the days you met friends for the first time that changed your life, holidays with those no longer with us, maybe a day you got some kind of recognition, watching your child graduate or a day you made someone smile.

Worst days- losing people you loved especially those for which you were not prepared, the day I went to court for my divorce and maybe the days when my fellow mangers and I are made to feel defeated and unappreciated. 

This weekend ended up being a weekend of self-reflection. 

The up’s and down’s of life.

Maybe the weekend wasn’t such a waste after all.

See you next week.

The BER’S

 Starting Tuesday are my four favorite months of the year.

The BER months.

Even in 2020, I am hoping they will be enjoyable.

September:

Pumpkin spice surfacing everywhere.

Goodbye to the 90’s and maybe a few days in the 70’s. Maybe less central air?

In South Carolina, leaves starting to lose their bright green hue.

In NY, it meant the beginning of leaves changing color and sweater weather. 

October:

Time to put a pumpkin on the front porch and by the fireplace.

Halloween decorations appear.

In South Carolina, maybe a hint of color changes.

In NY, time to get the rake out.

Days gets shorter, darkness longer.

Apple picking.

November:

Finally, the leaves change colors in SC.

Hallmark Christmas movies 24/7.

Thanksgiving.

Online shopping.

And finally stores deciding to close on Thanksgiving !!

Even if it is just dinner for two, we can still give thanks and feel blessed.

December:

Decorations up.

Christmas music all hours.

The smell of the cookies coming out of the oven,

Wrapping gifts and sending cards.

Trying to find that special gift for someone.

Getting the gifts, cards and cookies put in the mail.

Finally getting to use the fireplace.

Driving around seeing all the outside decorations and houses lit up.

The glow of our tree in the dark.

Christmas Eve Day, the best day of the year.

Still feeling the magic that anything can happen on December 24th,

Looking to the sky as I did when I was a child in hopes of seeing something special.

Christmas Day, my second most favorite day or the year. In some ways after the morning, it slowly starts to be a let down.

A nice dinner and we open our last gifts of the day.

December 26th, I start the countdown to next year.

December 31st, while I have never been a big fan of New Years’s Eve, this year might be the exception.

Farewell to 2020.  The year we wish we could have skipped.

In the blink of an eye, its 2021.

Happy New Year !!!!!

See you next week.

My 16th post since ...and the Team Huddle

Since I last left the office on March 13th, I have posted 15 entries. 

Here goes number 16.

I am not going to go on an on about what has changed, what has been missed and what I am not getting to do.

I have been told by my writing mentor, when you can’t think of something just write.

So that is what I am doing.

In high school, I loved essay exams.  I would write and write and write and sooner or later got to the point of the essay and the answer.

Today, I had two new team members on our team huddle call.

In a moment of trying to have some fun and being impulsive, I asked my current team to tell the newbies a good thing and a bad thing about their new manager, me.

Talk about asking for trouble.

I have to say they were pretty much spot on with their responses.

The bad’s:

Do not ask Donna anything prior to coffee.

Donna cries when she is happy, sad, mad and frustrated.

Donna can use “salty” language.

Donna can be direct and blunt.

The good’s:

Donna loves Christmas.

Donna loves cheese.

Donna loves Hallmark Christmas movies.

Donna is a good team Mom.  (I responded “couldn’t you have said a good team “older sister”?)

Donna always has our backs.

My add’s:

OT is not mandatory, you work it as you see fit.

If you are having issues  with a Loan Officer and I will happy to reach out to them. (I really said “I don’t mind having a “come to Jesus talk with them”).  

Life is more import than work.  I preach Life/Work balance.  Time with family, friends and away from work is very important.

I make sure everyone uses up their Paid Time Off vs giving time back to the company.

Epilogue:

There will be good days and bad.  

Happy Donna, Cranky Donna and Quiet Donna.

Donna who acts as the buffer between the team and the expectations of Sr. Management.

We laughed a lot during the call.  I am sure the newbies are wondering what they got themselves into.  

It was a a good way to end a busy day.

Learning and laughter, Welcome to Team Pizzo.

See you next week.

Boredom, depression and me

 I go back and forth.

Am I bored?

Is  the fact I am tired due to the long workdays?

Is the desire to sleep or take naps from exhaustion or boredom?

I am finally feeling depressed over the months of no’s?

Is sleep my escape?

Besides writing, binge watching TV,  a weekly trip for groceries and work, life it pretty much the same every day.

Every day.

While I have never been one who was always running all over the place, at least it was my choice.

Thank goodness for the phone.  It is my one real contact with the outside world.

The rides to get groceries let’s me see life is still out there but the changes are obvious.

I worry about depression, feeling sad and I do try to fight that feeling.

I fight it more some days than others.

It is summer and I should be sitting by the pool with a nice tall drink soaking in the sun.

I miss jogging in the pool with my waterproof IPOD.

Hopefully, soon again I can get back in the pool and exercise.

Instead, I am on Season 6 of Grey’s Anatomy.

Last weeks big accomplishment was catching up on reading all the magazines I had piling up.

I have mastered so many games on my IPAD.

I am also fearful of getting the virus. I have a cough that is allergy related but each time I cough I have a small bit of doubt in the back of my head.

I really do fight the sadness and boredom.

I do not fight the naps, they feel too good.

I try to think about things like what I want to have done as far as home improvements.

I search Pinterest for Christmas present ideas.

I try to think of other things to do to keep busy.

Jigsaw puzzles? Not a chance.

Crafts, nope.

Fancy meals, no to that too.

Like everyone else, I will get through this time and come out on the other side with a sense of relief.

Just no ideas how long it will take.

This is my 20th week home. If I do that amount of time again, we will be into 2021 thankfully.

The year of virus, depressing news, protests, riots, violence will be behind us, I hope.

The labels put on people will hopefully fade.

I won’t be called privileged or racist or any other labels that have been thrown around at each other for no other reason than to cause pain.

We will all come to recognize the good and bad in all, coming the to the conclusion that there is less bad than good in all of us.

At least that is what I pray will happen.

The power of prayer.

May it heal us all and make our days less boring, exhausting, tiring and depressing.

See you next week.

It is what it is

I used the words in the title of this entry many times during the week.

I am not dealing with the long commute,

I do not have to do more than brush my hair, brush my teeth, wash my face, take my meds and throw on shorts and a t shirt to get ready for work each morning.

Sounds pretty easy, right?

Well,  mortgage rates are at historical lows and it is our busy season.  Purchases and refi’s piling in faster than I can assign them out.

My team is a dream team.

Dedicated, focused and giving the max effort each day.

We are all working between 15-20 hours a week of OT.

Fortunately, my team gets paid OT.

As a manager, I do not.

Last week, the closers, processors and underwriters were told they would be getting retention bonus’s.

As a manager, I do not get a retention bonus.

I made the mistake of doing some simple math.

Big mistake.

I realized how much of my base hourly rate I lose for each hour of “free” OT I work.

The results were damn depressing.

But it is a quandary.

I love what I do and I love to manage.

I am really happy my team is being compensated and the processors even get a quarterly incentive.

My teams rocks at customer service scores, they work so hard to hit goals and as a team they gel so well.

I couldn’t pick a better group of people.

I always say I am the air traffic controller and they fly the planes.

They treat me great too!

They are all keepers!

But there is no glory in being a manager.

Told to jump, you say how high?

The mortgage department beat the company fiscal year goal by June.  This in itself is impressive especially taking into consideration COVID, moving all staff to work remotely and knowing our fiscal year doesn’t end until October 31st.

In one month, the mortgage department closed 2,000 loans and for a total over $1,000,000,000.

A new company record.

I am sure there are more ambitious goals to follow.

I remind my team in the world of life/work balance  LIFE matters more!!

I need to practice what I preach and start taking some time (although at home) to catch my breath and recharge my batteries.

Although my hourly rate is comparable to minimum wage after all the extra hours, I wouldn’t pick another job to do.

I manage.

It is what I do best.

But it sure wouldn’t hurt to get just a little something extra for all the hours.

Oh well, as I said in the title

On to Monday.

See you next week.

I am trying

The days have turned to weeks followed by months.

The  house is decorated for July.  Red, white and blue throughout the house.

Soon to be followed by the end of summer into the fall.

Hallmark is showing their Christmas in July movies.

Seeing the movies makes my thoughts turn toward fall.

Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year.

These past 17 weeks have provided plenty of time for thought.

I have tried to watch the news less as it upsets me. In fact,  I hate to admit it but a few mornings has left me in tears.

I like to have background noise while I work.  I listen to music and shows that make me laugh. 

I find silence deafening.

Even when I drift off to sleep ay night, I have my IPAD on with a show running in the back ground.

I usually wake during the night and shut it off.

I have had to fight moods of sadness and feeling a little depressed.

Thank goodness I have Jenn, family, friends and my team from work to keep me moving.

Some people I can be more honest with about how I am feeling. With others, I just say “I am fine” or “Doing Ok”.

Let’s be honest,  how many people really want to hear you are struggling?

While I doubt life will ever be as we used to know it. I am hoping our new normal will become easy to adjust to similar to the way we adjusted to the changes in our lives after 9/11.

I am grateful to the people who have let me ramble, cry and be honest about my feelings. Those people are few and far between. It is nothing other then the level of comfort I have established with them.

I do believe things will settle down and all of the events front and center in our lives will fade in to the past.

And personally, I can’t wait for it to begin.

See you next week.

Frozen in time

My Dad died when he was 51.  Way to young and too soon.  When I think of him, he is 51.  He hasn’t aged.  I cannot picture him with gray or white hair.  I cannot picture him old.

My Mom will always be 75.  We were fortunate to have her as long as we did.  Although, I sure would have loved more years with her.

The people from my high school yearbook for the most part are still 17-18.  They haven’t changed in my mind since the last time I saw them as we walked across the football field to “Pomp and Circumstance”.  Out of our Senior Class of around 300 students, I haven’t seen more than about 10% of them since graduation.

You might be wondering where I am heading with this train of thought?

I was talking to Jenn about when we might get back to going to the office.  It could be months or never.

Who knows.

Jenn said maybe just to pack my things.

And that is when I started to think how strange the office must look.

Desk and wall calendars left on March.

My planner still open to March 13th.

The Saint Patrick’s Day tree still decorated in my office

Easter decorations sitting in a bag by my desk.

Dust collecting over everything.

The bottle of coffee creamer that has long since expired.

And rows and rows of deserted desks.

Empty hallways.

The break room and conference room not in use.

No cars in the parking lot.

Like a ghost town.

Our lives have been frozen too.

Staring week 16 of working from home.

Leaving the house once a week.

Always having a mask in my pocketbook.

The new normal.

The pandemic has tuned our world upside down.

And to think I thought things couldn’t get worse or more challenging.

Boy was I wrong.

See you next week.

In case you are wondering how Jeter is making out during this work and stay at home time.

He is stressed to the max.

Still a struggle but looking for some light

“Every sunset brings the promise of a new dawn.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

I do wake each day with hope of a peaceful day.  Sadly, the struggle is still present.

I wrote two weeks ago, I was struggling and felt lost.

I was amazed at the reaction I received to my admission of feeling so torn.

I barely had hit publish when I received a call from a dear old friend.  Our conversation brought me to tears more than once (what a surprise).  This person called to tell me her thoughts about me as a person.  She warmed my heart.

The days that followed led me through a myriad of conversations.

Talking with all of these people reminded me of how lucky I am to have the circle of friends that I do. They love me warts and all.

The feedback was I am not a bad person.  I treat people with respect.  And I do show people I care (even if I don’t hug easily).

I am learning a lot about by myself and how the world views me.

It is pretty clear I am harder on myself than I should be.

Maybe.

The jury is still out as I work to get my head and heart in sync.

But I have once again been able to try to find the good in each day.

Here is the list of daily blessings just from this week:

I won a Yeti tumbler this week by guessing the correct names of some movies from the 90’s. (I will admit I had help from someone in my house).

This week was Employee Appreciation Week.  I had sent my team gifts two weeks ago.  I made them wait until everyone’s gift had arrived and they opened them together on a team call.  The laughter as they opened them was perfect!

My team then surprised me with a gift.  A message of appreciation and two items to add to my key chain.

The club on the island where I live asked for members favorite recipes.  Jenn sent in a few of ours.
She sent my Mom’s Spare Rib and Fried Rice recipes and our Penne a la Vodka recipe. We were surprised to get an email back that the Club will over the next few weeks be preparing each recipe.
They will be offered as an option on their dinner menu.  When someone orders the meal they will also be provided with the recipe giving credit to the club member who submitted it.  How fun is that?

In the last few weeks, we have had some amazing sunsets.  People who live on the island share them on our website.  One neighbor in particular has taken some stunning pictures. I can thank Sandra Tazelarr McManamon for these gorgeous photo’s.

Maybe Ralph Waldo Emerson knew what he was talking about when he talked about the sunset being the promise of a new dawn.

See you next week.

It has been a struggle

I am starting this week with a quote I really liked from the TV show “The Council of Dad’s”.

“A heart can do two things, it can be sad and it can be happy at the same time. It can hold grief and hope. The heart is strong.”

I would be lying if I said everything is fine and I am feeling great.

Physically fine.  Or as well as someone my age with the normal aches and pains.

It is my brain and heart that are hurting.

I can’t get them in sync.

I am angry and sad.

I am trying to escape from the constant negativity and finger pointing.

It wears me down.

One minute I am the problem, the next I am the solution.

I am the bad person,

I am the privileged.

I am both the good and the bad.

I am the compassionate and the the person who does not care.

Those who judge me have not walked in my shoes, shared my losses, felt my pain or lived with my struggles.

Why is anyone who doesn’t know me allowed to pass judgement on me?

Are there things that need to be corrected, yes.

Are there wrongs that need to be righted, yes.

If I don’t speak out and stay silent I am wrong.

If I speak my mind, I am wrong.

I cannot win.

I won’t post about all the things going on because there will be criticism and I can’t handle what might be said to me in response.

The responses that I can’t handle will be whether I am pro or con any of the issues facing us.

So I choose to remain silent.

Call me a coward or the problem or so many other labels that are being thrown around.

I am just me, trying to make sense of it all.

See you next week.