A Nice Saturday

Many times my week-ends are full of stress for a variety of reasons. Yesterday, was not one of those stressful days .....for the most part anyway.

Jenn and I went to a friends Pampered Chef Party at 11. I was on time which in itself is an accomplishment. (I am working on my punctuality.) The food demo was a chicken made in the deep dish baker in 30 minutes. It tasted great!!! The nice part was the skin does not get hard or crunchy so I have no desire to eat it!!! I also had some grapes. I haven't had grapes in weeks since I am trying to stay away from as much sugar as possible. OMG....the grapes were amazing.....so sweet.....yum!!!

When we got back from the party, I spent some time reading and doing paperwork.

At 4:00, Kathy picked me up in her convertible. OH how I LOVE that car !!!!!We rode up to Chapin to go to Mass. Yes, I went to Mass and the church didn't fall down!!!! Fr. Tim.....my all time favorite priest was saying Mass this week-end and next week-end at Our Lady Of The Lake. The weather was great for the ride. Riding with the top down and feeling the fresh air was wonderful. Father Tim had a really good message and homily. As we were leaving church, I gave him a hug and told him how much I had missed him. The ride home was so relaxing and Kathy and I talked about what Fr. Tim had said.

One of the things that Fr. Tim talked about was the impact we have on each other. How a friendly hello can make a day. A cutting remark can have the opposite effect. He compared it to throwing a rock or pebble in the lake and seeing the rings created by it. That is a good thought for me to focus on this week.

I wish I could feel everyday the way I did for most of Saturday but that's not likely. So instead, I have to grab for those moments of relaxation and be grateful......

Crazy Eights

Thursday I met with Carol. We worked on the balancing thing again. Standing in the middle of the room with nothing to grab onto and Carol tells me to stand on one foot and put my arms out. I know this sounds so simple but for me it is hard. My fear of falling is there front and center!!! Carol then has me move over to where there are bars I can grab onto if I feel like I am going to lose my balance and fall. I do better. Carol says it is all in my head and she is right. The fear of falling is hard to conquer. I was able to lift my leg and stand a few seconds each time. I would try to find my center to not shake so much. Carol would remind me to keep my shoulders down and my arms didn't have to be out at my sides like the wings of a plane.

After I had worked up a good sweat, we moved on to the stairs. She had me hold weights in my hands and climb up a step, then go down a step, walk around the stepper to the left and start the process again only this time I went to the right......so I was doing a figure eight. LOL.....I was looking at the floor so I wouldn't trip (do you see a recurring theme here???)....but actually started to get dizzy from walking around and around.....I am such a noodle head!!!

By the time we were done, I was sweating on the stepper and all over myself. Yes, I even had that wonderful experience of sweat running down my back all the way down to you know where (how is that for a visual you would rather not have wanted to have)......which made even my pants soaking wet......how attractive a picture is that.....LOL......

None the less.....that is a price I am willing to pay as long as I see the results.....so if you see me this week standing on one foot trying to get my core straight and my balance right.....don't laugh too hard.....it's just me doing my homework.....

Hey Guess What I am Down At The Scale....

I decided it was time to weigh myself. I was supposed to do it on 6/15 but decided to give myself some extra time. I only weighed myself 4 times this morning. That is a big change for me......usually I weigh myself 8 times. I was nervous.....I hadn't been on the scale for several weeks. I am trying the eat when you are hungry approach. I am also not forcing myself to eat what Bob eats. I don't know why I felt I had to eat the same things he does. Not any more!!! I am eating smaller quantities, too. Jenn and I both feel good about the choices we are making each day.

For breakfast it is either oatmeal with Brummel and Brown or an extreme wheat flat bread with low fat cream cheese. I use the WW kind of cream cheese because it is already measured out so there is not much chance of overdoing it. Lunches have been a lot of salads......I love salads. I change the ingredients in them daily.....sometimes lean ham, sometimes tuna, feta or blue cheese, mushrooms or olives.....and the choices go on and on. By dinner I kind of assess how I feel.....am I ravenous or just a little hungry......I may go for a PB & J or a chicken breast and some spinach. I have allowed myself a sugar free vitatop or few teaspoons of sugar free ice cream to handle the sweets cravings......popcorn with nacho cheese popcorn seasoning takes care of the salty cravings.

I feel better not having the stress of the weekly weigh-in .....for now. Let's see how it goes......I would like to lose a little more a little faster but if this takes the stress off of me then maybe it is the way to go......

The Dental Floss

This is another one of those entries that Jenn probably wishes I wouldn't post.....

Last Monday, we had corn on the cob. It is early in the season but the corn has been very good and sweet. I know, I know .....corn has a lot of sugar but I couldn't resist. Hey, I can treat myself to a little corn on the cob every once in awhile....I used Brummel and Brown instead of butter .....so get over it.

Anyway, I had 2 delicious ears of corn. Then I felt it....corn stuck between my teeth. OK I will admit first I tried to pry it loose with my fingers. Jenn then "suggested" I use some dental floss. What a mistake!!! I used the floss which also had pieces with fluoride....this made it thicker than normal. Next thing I know the floss has shredded in between my front teeth.....not a lot of it....just enough that you could see strands of blue between my teeth. I spent the next hour with toothpicks, a toothbrush, a mirror and tweezers.....all to no avail. I was starting to think I was going to have to go to work with the blue sh** and yes I said blue sh** in between my front teeth. I looked in the mirror and smiled and ugh....all I could see was that awful blue. Finally, as I was near to tears Jenn brought me some more dental floss minus the fluoride and after a few minutes I was able to get the floss out......

It was one of those OMG moments....I was never so glad to see those little strands of blue.....

I know...I know.....I can find find anything to stress out about.....but how many people do you know who get dental floss stuck in their teeth......

I need to find something to focus on that doesn't cause me stress......suggestions anyone???

Friends Do Try And Help Out

I have been blessed with good friends. There are those that encourage me, those that advise me and those who know the darkest issues I have to deal with.....

They make me clothes that I love, they listen me in to my difficult moments, they encourage me emotionally, and know my passions.

They do not judge me....

I can be hard enough on myself without any additional help.....

They encourage growth....not the physical kind (LOL).....the mental kind......


Last week my boss told me she had something personal she wanted to discuss with me.....I started to get nervous.....in my head I was thinking "what did I do wrong.....did I say something to offend someone......how did I screw up?"....how is that for confidence???

What did she want to tell me???

Jan had noticed in Good Housekeeping that they are having a short story contest and she thought I should give it a try......whew....nothing bad.....she just wanted to encourage me in my writing pursuit.

I haven't attempted much short story fiction writing but I am going to give this a shot. I hope it doesn't become one of those "fiction" stories where everyone can recognize themselves. The nice part is with fiction I can create the story and decide how it will end. I am up to that challenge.

So....the post that started out about my friends ended up being about..... me......well isn't it all about me???

Finances Have Ruled My Life

Money has ruled my life.....

Even now it does.....

I make a decision about how much time with my trainer based on finances. When I food shop there are things I would love to buy but because of my budget I can't. I can't afford to buy some of the clothes I would love to wear. All because of money....

My fiscal management has not been the best but I do try and stretch a dollar as far as I can.

If I had the money, I would meet with Carol at least once a week.
If I had the money, I would buy more fish, fresh veggies and shop at Earth Fare more often.
If I had the money, I would not have to wear the same clothes over and over. I would have brighter colors, better fabrics and better fit to my clothes.
If I had money, I could eat sushi more often.
If I had more money, I could take vacations by the beach where I could feel the stress leave my body.
If I had more money, I wouldn't stress out of the cost of getting my face waxed.
If I had more money, I could sleep better at night.

Since the money situation is not going to change any time in the near future......I have to make do with what I have......the trainer every other week, sushi once every couple of months, new tops made with material from JoAnne's, try the farm stands for in season veggies, only get my face waxed when I start to look like Honest Abe, and know that somewhere in my future there will be a vacation at the beach. I will try to dream instead of staring at the ceiling at night.

I can't do anything about the past......but my dreams can be about the 2nd half of my life.....in the Second Act I plan to do better.....especially when it comes to me....

Dad

OK....once again I am sneaking in a post that had nothing to do with weight loss or the gym or a healthier lifestyle. This on is about my Dad....

I have already outlived my Dad. The 26 years since he left us sometimes feels like a millions years ago and other times it feels like yesterday. He loved good food, his corvette, to travel with Mom and his kids......that order could change from day to day......LOL.

Good food was a passion of his. He would ask Mom in the morning what we would be having for dinner before he left for work so he wouldn't have the same thing for lunch. Breakfast could be banana's with heavy cream or milk toast. Dinners had cream sauces, some foods were exotic and none were low in calories. Osso bucco, fettuccine carbonara, shrimp oreganata.....just to name a few. He would put his box Pecan Sandies in his night table for a late night snack. And a trip to Zabar's for him was equal to a kid visiting the North Pole.

He would bring home all different "treats" and would insist you try them. He would say " You have to try this and if you don't like it you can spit it out." He would get kind of annoyed if you did spit it out. You never knew what you were eating....it could be some kind of chocolate with a strange filling, tripe (uugghh), or chopped chicken livers.....it was always a surprise.

As a person who grew up during the depression....his tastes buds made up for the lost time of his youth when there wasn't much variety in what was eaten.

Mention baked clams, white fish or chocolate cracker pudding and his mouth would water. He would try to recreate meals he ate while out at restaurants.

Christmas Eve....the morning would start with a trip to Zabar's, then he would head to the kitchen. Dad did all the cooking for Christmas Eve dinner. He would make an amazing meal and cleaned up as he went along. A large part of the day was spent on the meal that would go on for hours.....sometimes we would end up finishing the meal on Christmas Day because we were so stuffed.

There is so much more I could write about him but for some reason today is all about the food......I don't think he would mind.

I would give my eye teeth to have one more day with him..... and one more meal.....

I Like Eating When I Am Hungry...

One of the good things about Jenn getting a job is she keeps me on task....

Instead of getting up in the morning and trying to figure out what I am going to eat that day.....Jenn insists I make my lunch at night. This has worked out well. I make salad at night and have the time to make it correctly and with a variety of options. At night, Jenn and I do not necessarily eat what Bob does. We try for healthier options. And we sure do not eat the quantity he does. Thank God I don't.....I would look like a balloon in the Thanksgiving Day Parade.

So, I am trying to eat when I am hungry and not just because it is a certain time of day. I am starting to like that......I am drinking gobs of water. Any the veggies are flying out of the house. I don't know if it is my imagination or not but I feel like I am losing again....I won't be getting on the scale until this weekend to see how I have been doing. My posts next weekend may or may not let you know if I have been successful.

I have been reading a lot of labels....looking at the ingredients.....checking for sugar, flour, etc... checking protein vs carbs, fat and sugar.

I am hopeful these small changes will have a positive effect.....stay tuned....

How I Miss The Pool....

The pool at the gym has been closed for 12 long days.......it is supposed to be open tomorrow. We will see.....

I miss my water aerobics classes.....

I love my other workouts but the pool is a great workout and very social too. I am hoping to get back in the swim (ok a very bad pun ) of things this week. I call the gym everyday and ask if the pool is open yet.

If I had tons of money I would get one of those forever pools in my backyard. Of course, I would build a glass room for it so I could use it all year round and not worry about bugs or strangers trying to use it......ok see I have lost my mind.....I am worrying about strangers being in a pool I don't have.....go figure.

New Contract With The Trainer

I went to the gym today to see about a new contract with Carol. I will be working out with her every other week....for now.....until the finances improve(have been saying this my whole life haven't I). Anyway.....it will work since Carol does do some traveling. Jenn and I both felt comfortable how this worked out for us. So I am set for my time with Carol until next year....yeah!!! And if the financial picture improves, I can add additional sessions. I am sure since I will only see Carol every other week she will make sure I get a real good workout in.....right Carol?

Life Is About Falling Down....Living Is About Getting Back Up

I love that title.....

I have spent a lot of my life falling down....in my mind. It is only now that I focus on picking myself up......so I guess it is only now that I am truly living. Well it might have taken 55 years to get here but it doesn't matter how long it has taken me....it is more important that I have arrived.

The pictures I put on an earlier post have done so much for me.......I know how much I am trying.....seeing those photo's make my efforts more real. I know that I have changed inside but the outside changes have been slow and sometimes painfully slow.

The encouragement and positive feedback from family and friends has helped me to get back up when I thought I couldn't.....

Those photo's will help me stay on track and who knows how I will look the next time I pose for a picture....hhhhmmm.....I wrote that without shuddering.....well with the time to fix the hair, do the make-up and wearing the right outfit.....I might not mind so much......did I say that????

I Need A Shower

Thursday it was back to working out with Carol. We did climbing, weights, lifts, squats and even squats holding on to a bar, resting on my heels, lifting up my toes and holding that position.....oh did I mention keeping my head and chest up and my shoulders back.

By the time we were done I was dripped sweat everywhere. I was pretty offensive too!!! In fact, I walked in the house and headed straight for the shower. I have come out of the gym sweating before but nothing like this.....I even felt sorry for Jenn having to ride home with me.

The workout was great and I cannot tell you the sense of accomplishment I feel when I leave the gym after that kind of workout. I am exhausted but feel the adrenaline flowing through my body. I may be dragging on the way out but on the inside there is a spring to my step.

Sweating never felt so good. In my head, I did one of those sideways kicks in the air. In my heart, I did a little leap too.....

Working Out In The Pool.....On Vacation

We stayed at The Carribean Shores in Jensen Beach last week....

The pool was beautiful and it overlooked the water. I worked out in the pool while we were there. After all the water aerobics classes I have attended, it was not an issue to get my hour workout in......

The sky was clear and beautiful and there was a gentle breeze that kept me feeling comfortable. My nephew, Anthony, was amused by my continually counting to 100 as I switched to each exercise.

I wish I had the luxury of working out in that setting more often but at least for two days I worked out in paradise.

Now back to reality and the gym....

The Oprah Top...The End

I have to tell you something......

it is not often I say I look good or am willing to take pictures.

The day of my nephews wedding was the first time I had put the whole Oprah outfit together. When I had finished my hair and make-up, I got dressed and hoped it would all look the way I had envisioned it.

Guess what?????

I looked fabulous!!! Yes, I said it......I LOOKED FABULOUS!!!! I can't remember the last time I put something on and was that happy with the result. I also think the color due to my time in the sun....(yes I put on some sunscreen!!!) helped.

The overall effect was just what I wanted.

I posed for more family photo's that I have since my own wedding. And I actually like some of them too!!!!

Now I just have to convince my couturier, Kathy, that I need more of these tops in a variety of materials and prints......

HINT HINT Kathy.....

Eating Alligator

My nephews wedding had some very different foods. The rehearsal dinner consisted of two pigs that had been cooked and were sliced right in front of us. It was very good. Jenn passed on the pig once she saw the head was still attached.

At the cocktail hour we had cod cakes, arugula with goat cheese, alligator and a variety of other choices to numerous to mention. I couldn't believe I actually liked the alligator......yes it did taste like chicken.

I passed on any alcohol for 2 reasons.....calories and my recovery time. I didn't need to waste the empty calories on drinks so I stayed with the diet soda and water. I must be getting old.....I used to be able to party and get up the next day....have a bagel and a yoohoo and I was ready to rock and roll.....now....uugghh.....2 days later I still feel the effects of the alcohol. Knowing I had a long drive home the day after the wedding......the last thing I needed was a headache!!!!

We went out for breakfast one morning and I had a veggie omelet.....it was so fresh it was as if they picked the spinach, peppers and mushrooms right from a garden....yum!!! In fact I couldn't finish it all......wow!! My eating wasn't too bad on the trip.....except for a few homemade chocolate chips....I avoided bread, alcohol and the rich desserts. All in all I think I did pretty well for myself!!!

How I Have Changed....

This was me last week at my nephews wedding.......



I guess I don't always see the changes.


The picture of me in the pink top is a photo of me from when I started this journey 18 months ago....

When I compared the pictures I was very pleasantly surprised at the difference. It was good for me to see the changes.

And yes, I am wearing the infamous Oprah top!!!!