I started my day at the gym. In the pool by 10:00 and no children in sight. Jog, jog, jog. Bob went a to a USC baseball game which meant peace and quiet in the house for a few hours. I downloaded some songs no one but me would care about or remember. Got the veggies steamed. Ironing done. Blog entries done and it's only 5:30 which means the Sunday paper will be read on Sunday (this doesn't always happen). If I had just squeezed in a nap this day would have been nirvana.....oh well at least I am going into Monday feeling like I accomplished a lot today.
My biggest decision for the rest of the day is do I watch the Amazing Race or The Academy Awards......
I will probably go with Billy Crystal......he can be very funny......and I can always DVR the Amazing Race.....well wasn't that an easy decision to make..... I can only hope all my decisions are that easy this week.....I am so in a zone......time to buy a lottery ticket......OK maybe not.....LOL.....too bad every day can't be this easy.....
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Sukiyaki and more.....
I love my Ipod. Today, I purchased 15 songs.....yes 15 songs. They range from Bobby Vinton, The Vogues, Leslie Gore and on and on. I have been making a list of "old" songs that I love.....Mr. Sandman bring me a dream....I think the new commercial that has that song got me started with the "old songs". Jenn was very patient as she showed me once again how to purchase the songs and load them on to my IPod. While I listen to the instrumental version of the theme to A Summer Place for some reason it makes me smile. My parents had a "record player" and I remember as a youngster listening to a mix of music. From the Big Bands, to Vera Lynn, to Joanie James with some Mathis and Mario Lanza thrown in. My grandmother had a hi-fi system. This was a major piece of furniture.....it had speaker on each side, a turntable and on the other side a radio.....the cover for the turntable slid over so you could stack up some albums.
When ever I hear Dean Martin sign "Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime" I am transported back to the Bronx. I am in the 4th or 5th grade. It's Friday night and Dad takes us to a restaurant (pizzeria with a dining room in the back) on Tremont Avenue. Sometimes we went in the car other times we walked. I wish I could remember the name of the place. We would sit at a long table and have a few pies and soda. This was a major treat for us. And Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra were always being played on the juke box........nice memory......I think we did this during Lent when meat was a no-no on Friday's. Hard to believe that was over 40 years ago.
OK by now you might be wondering about the Sukiyaki part of the title of this entry. I remember this song so clearly when we went to visit my grandparents in California. Riding in my grandmother's Country Squire station wagon and that song on the radio. My Mom and her sister's trying to master the new dance "The Mashed Potato".....LOL.
My Grandmother made sushi from scratch. It was wonderful. She made it in sushi cones which I believe are now referred to a "nouri". I talked to the lady who make sushi at Publix. She knew exactly what I was talking about and told me if I called in advance she would make them for me.....yum. ( Not high in the calorie dept either....LOL).
Sukiyaki and sushi.....takes me back in time to a place where you watched your parents dance and laugh.....forever young.......
When ever I hear Dean Martin sign "Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime" I am transported back to the Bronx. I am in the 4th or 5th grade. It's Friday night and Dad takes us to a restaurant (pizzeria with a dining room in the back) on Tremont Avenue. Sometimes we went in the car other times we walked. I wish I could remember the name of the place. We would sit at a long table and have a few pies and soda. This was a major treat for us. And Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra were always being played on the juke box........nice memory......I think we did this during Lent when meat was a no-no on Friday's. Hard to believe that was over 40 years ago.
OK by now you might be wondering about the Sukiyaki part of the title of this entry. I remember this song so clearly when we went to visit my grandparents in California. Riding in my grandmother's Country Squire station wagon and that song on the radio. My Mom and her sister's trying to master the new dance "The Mashed Potato".....LOL.
My Grandmother made sushi from scratch. It was wonderful. She made it in sushi cones which I believe are now referred to a "nouri". I talked to the lady who make sushi at Publix. She knew exactly what I was talking about and told me if I called in advance she would make them for me.....yum. ( Not high in the calorie dept either....LOL).
Sukiyaki and sushi.....takes me back in time to a place where you watched your parents dance and laugh.....forever young.......
Friday, February 24, 2012
Thank You For The Feedback
Last week I think some of my entries were subconsciously asking for feedback.
I appreciate the fact that some of you commented on my postings. I actually heard from more of you than I expected. That was a nice surprise. Anytime someone takes the time to call, text, e-mail or message me with their thoughts I love it. Since so many of you have such a variety of life experiences your feedback is not only varied but also gives me a lot to think about.
Please keep those cards and letters coming in......knowing that you are reading and are taking the time to share your thoughts with me means a lot. You never know when something you share with me may end up in one of my blog entries. Don't worry.....I will never reveal anything embarrassing about anyone except myself......promise!!!
I appreciate the fact that some of you commented on my postings. I actually heard from more of you than I expected. That was a nice surprise. Anytime someone takes the time to call, text, e-mail or message me with their thoughts I love it. Since so many of you have such a variety of life experiences your feedback is not only varied but also gives me a lot to think about.
Please keep those cards and letters coming in......knowing that you are reading and are taking the time to share your thoughts with me means a lot. You never know when something you share with me may end up in one of my blog entries. Don't worry.....I will never reveal anything embarrassing about anyone except myself......promise!!!
Dr. S, John J., Sister ? and Jessie C.
The individuals above have had an impact on the lives of me and my family. They changed our lives by simple gestures.....some just for an instant and others for a lifetime.
Dr. S. was the Dean of Admissions at Fordham University when a young George Raboni Sr. applied for admission. Fordham had turned him down. My dad met with Dr. S. and explained that he had graduated in the bottom of his high school class. No one had bothered to notice he was in the bottom of the class at the Bronx High School of Science (read up on this school.....it is pretty impressive). Anyway, Dad offered to take a test against any graduating Senior or Faculty and guaranteed he would come out in the top 10%. Dr. S. offered to accept Dad non-matriculating. Dad fought back and was finally accepted at Fordham. At the end of his first year, Dad won the Gold medal for Excellence......he was #1 in his Freshman class. Dr. S. was the one who presented Dad with the award. Thanks Dr. S.!!!
John J. was a mortgage exec at Marine Midland Bank. When we applied for our first mortgage we knew we were a borderline case. We were approved by the bank but not by the private mortgage insurance company. We needed the PMI since we were only putting down 10% on our first home. I was so upset that we were going to lose the chance to own a home. I worked at a branch of Marine Midland and told my manager what had happened. She gave me a piece of paper with a name and phone number. She told me to call John J. I did and gave him the background of what had taken place. In a very guff voice he said he would look into it and get back to me. About 20 minutes later, he called and said "You have been approved. Make sure you make your payments!!" I sent him a bottle of champagne as a thank you. He called me up and said "Thank you. Now save your money to pay that mortgage"......click.....end of conversation.
Sister ?........this was a tough one. I had finished up my AA degree and had transferred to a 4 year college. I struggled through my first semester. I knew I was in trouble my first day of philosophy class when the instructor drew a square on the wall and asked why that part of the wall was different from the rest.....LOL. At the end of the first semester I was placed on academic probation. I met with the Dean of Students who told me I was most likely not college material and would have to leave school. Now I had to tell my parents I was being thrown out of school......not an easy conversation to have with them. Actually, my grandmother broke the news for me. Well, I ended up at Mercy College (no joke that's the name) a small private Catholic college. And yes, I did get my degree so stick that in your wimple Sr. ?......you didn't know me at all.....your quick to decide judgement could have been devastating but instead my solution was to graduate and copy my diploma, mail her a copy with a note that said I had graduated and I guess I was college material after all.......
Jessie C. ........when you move your child in between the 7th and 8th grade 700 miles form her friends you worry about the transition. Plus, we were putting her in a private school. Orientation was 2 weeks after we moved in. We sat in the back of the auditorium while the students sat up front. Jenn sat alone a few rows between us and the students. Inside I was dying......I wanted to go sit with her but knew it would be wrong. All of a sudden Jessie C. turned around and waved at Jenn to come sit with her. God bless Jessie C.!!!! Later, I met Jessie's parents. I told them they had raised a wonderful daughter whom I would never forget.
4 individuals......each had an impact on our lives. I wonder if I have ever had that kind of impact on any one (meaning the good kine not like Sr. ?)......I hope I have.
Dr. S. was the Dean of Admissions at Fordham University when a young George Raboni Sr. applied for admission. Fordham had turned him down. My dad met with Dr. S. and explained that he had graduated in the bottom of his high school class. No one had bothered to notice he was in the bottom of the class at the Bronx High School of Science (read up on this school.....it is pretty impressive). Anyway, Dad offered to take a test against any graduating Senior or Faculty and guaranteed he would come out in the top 10%. Dr. S. offered to accept Dad non-matriculating. Dad fought back and was finally accepted at Fordham. At the end of his first year, Dad won the Gold medal for Excellence......he was #1 in his Freshman class. Dr. S. was the one who presented Dad with the award. Thanks Dr. S.!!!
John J. was a mortgage exec at Marine Midland Bank. When we applied for our first mortgage we knew we were a borderline case. We were approved by the bank but not by the private mortgage insurance company. We needed the PMI since we were only putting down 10% on our first home. I was so upset that we were going to lose the chance to own a home. I worked at a branch of Marine Midland and told my manager what had happened. She gave me a piece of paper with a name and phone number. She told me to call John J. I did and gave him the background of what had taken place. In a very guff voice he said he would look into it and get back to me. About 20 minutes later, he called and said "You have been approved. Make sure you make your payments!!" I sent him a bottle of champagne as a thank you. He called me up and said "Thank you. Now save your money to pay that mortgage"......click.....end of conversation.
Sister ?........this was a tough one. I had finished up my AA degree and had transferred to a 4 year college. I struggled through my first semester. I knew I was in trouble my first day of philosophy class when the instructor drew a square on the wall and asked why that part of the wall was different from the rest.....LOL. At the end of the first semester I was placed on academic probation. I met with the Dean of Students who told me I was most likely not college material and would have to leave school. Now I had to tell my parents I was being thrown out of school......not an easy conversation to have with them. Actually, my grandmother broke the news for me. Well, I ended up at Mercy College (no joke that's the name) a small private Catholic college. And yes, I did get my degree so stick that in your wimple Sr. ?......you didn't know me at all.....your quick to decide judgement could have been devastating but instead my solution was to graduate and copy my diploma, mail her a copy with a note that said I had graduated and I guess I was college material after all.......
Jessie C. ........when you move your child in between the 7th and 8th grade 700 miles form her friends you worry about the transition. Plus, we were putting her in a private school. Orientation was 2 weeks after we moved in. We sat in the back of the auditorium while the students sat up front. Jenn sat alone a few rows between us and the students. Inside I was dying......I wanted to go sit with her but knew it would be wrong. All of a sudden Jessie C. turned around and waved at Jenn to come sit with her. God bless Jessie C.!!!! Later, I met Jessie's parents. I told them they had raised a wonderful daughter whom I would never forget.
4 individuals......each had an impact on our lives. I wonder if I have ever had that kind of impact on any one (meaning the good kine not like Sr. ?)......I hope I have.
OK So About Lent
Lent......just the word conjures up memories of Catholic School. The big decision was what to give up for Lent. You would suggest things like not watching TV from 12 to 1 each day and then Mom would remind you that you were never home at that time so come up with something else or she would suggest just trying to be nicer to your siblings. My Dad would give up sweets, alcohol and bread for Lent. So guess what that meant for the rest of us.....you guessed it meant we would also be giving up sweets and bread (we were too young to have to deal with the alcohol part). To poor Mom's frustration Dad would always lose about 15 pounds during Lent and she wouldn't lose but a pound or two.
Each year I try to find something to do for Lent. One year it was giving up cheese.....what was I thinking??????? Everyone know I am passionate about cheese!!!! I even have a poem about cheese I want read at my funeral or gathering. Another year I chose to work on my language or should I say bad language........I did pretty well with that but you sure wouldn't have wanted to hear what I had to say once Lent was over.
This year I had 2 targets....food and exercise.
Food: The goal for this Lenten season is to work on portion control and exercise every day. If I want pretzels I have to count the out. I want cheese.....I have to put it on the food scale I have. Right now I am steaming up a big pot of vegetables. I am going to put them in some chicken broth (the low fat low sodium kind) and some noodles that are high in protein and low in carbs (they better be for what I spent on them.....LOL).
Exercise: The goal is to exercise everyday in some form or another. I have been to the gym 4 times this week. Each time I spent from 30-45 minutes in the pool jogging. Now I mean real jogging......pumping my arms in the water and moving at varying speeds. I was pleased to find water jogging in the Weight Watchers activity points finder.....wow I am burning a lot of calories and earning a lot of activity points (which I will not be using for more food). The days I don't go to the gym Jenn has pulled out the stepper for us to use. I also read this week that if you march in place lifting your feet at least 6 inches off the floor just during the commercials of a one hour TV show you can burn 150 calories.....the article said that is more calories than walking on a treadmill for 30 minutes. If you don't agree with the article go take it up with the University of Tennessee.
I know it may not be a sacrifice to some but for me this is a lot to undertake. I used to love the days I didn't go to the gym because I could relax......not anymore. I always thought I could eyeball a portion but the food scale will keep me honest.
The saying goes "it takes 30 days for something to become a habit". Well, Lent is 40days long so I have time for these changes to become a habit. hhhhmmmmm......maybe this is an answer to my prayers to help me give my goal of a healthier lifestyle a kick start......OK Heavenly Father I am getting the message........now can you just find a way to make some of my favorite foods a little lower in calories, fat, carbs and sugar??? I would appreciate the help.....
Each year I try to find something to do for Lent. One year it was giving up cheese.....what was I thinking??????? Everyone know I am passionate about cheese!!!! I even have a poem about cheese I want read at my funeral or gathering. Another year I chose to work on my language or should I say bad language........I did pretty well with that but you sure wouldn't have wanted to hear what I had to say once Lent was over.
This year I had 2 targets....food and exercise.
Food: The goal for this Lenten season is to work on portion control and exercise every day. If I want pretzels I have to count the out. I want cheese.....I have to put it on the food scale I have. Right now I am steaming up a big pot of vegetables. I am going to put them in some chicken broth (the low fat low sodium kind) and some noodles that are high in protein and low in carbs (they better be for what I spent on them.....LOL).
Exercise: The goal is to exercise everyday in some form or another. I have been to the gym 4 times this week. Each time I spent from 30-45 minutes in the pool jogging. Now I mean real jogging......pumping my arms in the water and moving at varying speeds. I was pleased to find water jogging in the Weight Watchers activity points finder.....wow I am burning a lot of calories and earning a lot of activity points (which I will not be using for more food). The days I don't go to the gym Jenn has pulled out the stepper for us to use. I also read this week that if you march in place lifting your feet at least 6 inches off the floor just during the commercials of a one hour TV show you can burn 150 calories.....the article said that is more calories than walking on a treadmill for 30 minutes. If you don't agree with the article go take it up with the University of Tennessee.
I know it may not be a sacrifice to some but for me this is a lot to undertake. I used to love the days I didn't go to the gym because I could relax......not anymore. I always thought I could eyeball a portion but the food scale will keep me honest.
The saying goes "it takes 30 days for something to become a habit". Well, Lent is 40days long so I have time for these changes to become a habit. hhhhmmmmm......maybe this is an answer to my prayers to help me give my goal of a healthier lifestyle a kick start......OK Heavenly Father I am getting the message........now can you just find a way to make some of my favorite foods a little lower in calories, fat, carbs and sugar??? I would appreciate the help.....
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Things That Make Me Smile
Here is a list of things that make me happy......it is very diverse but so are my tastes......I can enjoy sushi or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (it does have to be Jiff peanut butter and strawberry preserves).......I can enjoy a Yoo Hoo or a vodka and diet 7up......this of course it not my full list but just some things that popped into my head. What things make you smile, laugh or brings you joy ????
While I was working out in the pool yesterday I saw a Dad walking up the path to the gym giving his young son a piggy back ride. The look on the little boys face was sheer joy.
I open the glass jar that sits on my desk. It was Christmas gift from Jenn. I pull out some slips of white paper. I know I am breaking the rules.....only one slip at a time. The first slip says....eating a piece of cake by eating the cake part first and saving the icing for last......another says The Jersey Shore....I do not love the show but Jenn thinks it's terribly funny that I know the phrase "t shirt time" and "GTL".......that make me smile.
Friday night knowing I have the whole week-end ahead of me.
Leaving the gym after a workout.
A cup of coffee from my Keurig.
Deciding to watch a Christmas movie the 25th of each month throughout the year.
Getting up Sunday morning knowing I have finished the cooking, ironing, bills and other chores and having the rest of the day to do what I want.
Watching the CBS Sunday morning show.
OK I have to admit it.....reality TV.....The Amazing Race......Project Runway.....The Apprentice.....Dancing With The Stars...Top Chef.....sorry if this doesn't sound like the most intelligent TV viewing.....it uses no brain cells and I find it entertaining.
Ordering The Sunday New York Times on my kindle.
The feel of my fleece blanket when I sit in my recliner at the end of the day.
Waking up and feeling grateful for another day.
Any show with Betty White....I get a kick out of her.
Knowing I am making better choices as I go through the day both health and food wise.
Writing down topics for blog entries during the week.
Something I haven't done in many years.....eating the bottom of the pudding and saving that top skin for last.
Getting to work on time.
Getting out of work on time.
Planning time off.
Getting positive feedback on my blog......hint, hint......smile....smile....
While I was working out in the pool yesterday I saw a Dad walking up the path to the gym giving his young son a piggy back ride. The look on the little boys face was sheer joy.
I open the glass jar that sits on my desk. It was Christmas gift from Jenn. I pull out some slips of white paper. I know I am breaking the rules.....only one slip at a time. The first slip says....eating a piece of cake by eating the cake part first and saving the icing for last......another says The Jersey Shore....I do not love the show but Jenn thinks it's terribly funny that I know the phrase "t shirt time" and "GTL".......that make me smile.
Friday night knowing I have the whole week-end ahead of me.
Leaving the gym after a workout.
A cup of coffee from my Keurig.
Deciding to watch a Christmas movie the 25th of each month throughout the year.
Getting up Sunday morning knowing I have finished the cooking, ironing, bills and other chores and having the rest of the day to do what I want.
Watching the CBS Sunday morning show.
OK I have to admit it.....reality TV.....The Amazing Race......Project Runway.....The Apprentice.....Dancing With The Stars...Top Chef.....sorry if this doesn't sound like the most intelligent TV viewing.....it uses no brain cells and I find it entertaining.
Ordering The Sunday New York Times on my kindle.
The feel of my fleece blanket when I sit in my recliner at the end of the day.
Waking up and feeling grateful for another day.
Any show with Betty White....I get a kick out of her.
Knowing I am making better choices as I go through the day both health and food wise.
Writing down topics for blog entries during the week.
Something I haven't done in many years.....eating the bottom of the pudding and saving that top skin for last.
Getting to work on time.
Getting out of work on time.
Planning time off.
Getting positive feedback on my blog......hint, hint......smile....smile....
I Guess I Am Still In Denial
I have heard there are several stages to the grief process....shock....check.....
anger.....check.....denial.......that the one where I am stuck......I think several times a day about calling her......the world operates as if nothing has changed... well it has. At work it is business as usual.....not for me. I know in time the reality will set in but please do not say to me "it has been six weeks and it is time to move on". Do you have a clue how big this loss is for me?????
I don't walk around sobbing but inside I think my heart is a little broken. Yes, I can still laugh about things and act as though things are normal but they are not. I can talk to my siblings and think they get what I am feeling but sometimes I feel very alone. I pray more.....now .....every night before I go to sleep.....I am grateful to wake up each morning to face a new day but I have also been a little more reclusive....I also try to fill the time especially on the rides home from work at night by calling friends and family.....it fills in what used to be "our time"......the nights I drive home in silence can seem long and lonely . I think more about death.....mine. I sure hope that is just a passing phase because of what has just happened......I sure do not want to spend the next 20 plus years thinking about that.....(see I am at least thinking I have 20+ years to go).
I don't know what stage the experts say is next......maybe reality? Well if what I am feeling is not real.....Lord help me when I get to the next stage......these last 6 almost 7 weeks have been way to real for me already.....
anger.....check.....denial.......that the one where I am stuck......I think several times a day about calling her......the world operates as if nothing has changed... well it has. At work it is business as usual.....not for me. I know in time the reality will set in but please do not say to me "it has been six weeks and it is time to move on". Do you have a clue how big this loss is for me?????
I don't walk around sobbing but inside I think my heart is a little broken. Yes, I can still laugh about things and act as though things are normal but they are not. I can talk to my siblings and think they get what I am feeling but sometimes I feel very alone. I pray more.....now .....every night before I go to sleep.....I am grateful to wake up each morning to face a new day but I have also been a little more reclusive....I also try to fill the time especially on the rides home from work at night by calling friends and family.....it fills in what used to be "our time"......the nights I drive home in silence can seem long and lonely . I think more about death.....mine. I sure hope that is just a passing phase because of what has just happened......I sure do not want to spend the next 20 plus years thinking about that.....(see I am at least thinking I have 20+ years to go).
I don't know what stage the experts say is next......maybe reality? Well if what I am feeling is not real.....Lord help me when I get to the next stage......these last 6 almost 7 weeks have been way to real for me already.....
Why I Hate New Years Eve and Valentines Day
New Year's Eve and Valentines Day are days for couples......happy couples.....couples on the same page.
How is it that you go to sleep one night and suddenly you wake up and don't know the person next to you. I know I have changed over the years but I think I have always been realistic about my lot in life. I have always known what I could afford and why I can't afford other things. When it comes to money I think I have done my share. So why am I blamed for the things we do not have. Why do I always have to be the bad guy and say we can't afford this or we can't afford that. I have been blamed for doing a lousy job at the finances.......it's not easy when you haven't had enough to make ends meet. Especially, when other people keep saying I want, I want, I want.......well guess what??? I want things too.....I have denied myself a lot......my part of the income carries the bulk of the financial responsibility but doesn't get the bulk of the rewards......finances can cause a strain on a relationship......so can illness........
It is hard to repair the damage of cruel words. Should a good day be one without any kind of confrontation? Shouldn't home be the place to look forward to going to?
So give me Groundhog Day or Presidents Day.......at least I don't have to be part of a couple to celebrate it......
How is it that you go to sleep one night and suddenly you wake up and don't know the person next to you. I know I have changed over the years but I think I have always been realistic about my lot in life. I have always known what I could afford and why I can't afford other things. When it comes to money I think I have done my share. So why am I blamed for the things we do not have. Why do I always have to be the bad guy and say we can't afford this or we can't afford that. I have been blamed for doing a lousy job at the finances.......it's not easy when you haven't had enough to make ends meet. Especially, when other people keep saying I want, I want, I want.......well guess what??? I want things too.....I have denied myself a lot......my part of the income carries the bulk of the financial responsibility but doesn't get the bulk of the rewards......finances can cause a strain on a relationship......so can illness........
It is hard to repair the damage of cruel words. Should a good day be one without any kind of confrontation? Shouldn't home be the place to look forward to going to?
So give me Groundhog Day or Presidents Day.......at least I don't have to be part of a couple to celebrate it......
This Fat Lady Ain't Gonna Sing
In my heart of hearts I still believe my long range goals will happen. I have started using the stepper in the house. I am now going to use it the nights I don't go to the gym.. The other night I did 250 steps......my goal.......500 steps a night. Doing the first 250 really got the old ticker going.....cardio, cardio,cardio.
When you are told by someone who is supposed to be close to you that the only way to lose the fat on your body is to go to a hospital and have it cut off......you want to cry or scream. The good thing is it made me mad. Anger is a funny thing it can either defeat you or make you want to fight back more. That is my choice to fight back more.......and that is what led me to the stepper. I have tried to walk around more at work. I have returned the shopping carts to the store instead of leaving them in the parking lot. I have chosen life over pain. I know that when I walk I walk stiffly due to my knee. I know when I climb stairs I look funny taking a step at a time. Do I have to wear a sign that says I took an ugly fall 6 years ago and my knee has never been the same since then? Why do I feel the need to apologize for the way I walk or climb? And why the hell do I feel self conscious about the way I walk......no one but me knows what the pain is like......but what do people think when they see me walk....I know what they are thinking......oh look at her she's fat and that is why she can't walk long distances or climb.......well guess what folks that's not it.......it is that it friggin hurts.....but I try to fight the pain each and every day......every once in a while I will walk pain free and when I realize that for some reason I am in a pain free zone.....I relish it......but most days the pain is there......the pain in the knee and in my heart because of the judgement of others......well judge all you want......I will continue to use the stepper and the elliptical and all the other things at my disposal to help me out......I am not giving up and I sure as hell am not singing.....
When you are told by someone who is supposed to be close to you that the only way to lose the fat on your body is to go to a hospital and have it cut off......you want to cry or scream. The good thing is it made me mad. Anger is a funny thing it can either defeat you or make you want to fight back more. That is my choice to fight back more.......and that is what led me to the stepper. I have tried to walk around more at work. I have returned the shopping carts to the store instead of leaving them in the parking lot. I have chosen life over pain. I know that when I walk I walk stiffly due to my knee. I know when I climb stairs I look funny taking a step at a time. Do I have to wear a sign that says I took an ugly fall 6 years ago and my knee has never been the same since then? Why do I feel the need to apologize for the way I walk or climb? And why the hell do I feel self conscious about the way I walk......no one but me knows what the pain is like......but what do people think when they see me walk....I know what they are thinking......oh look at her she's fat and that is why she can't walk long distances or climb.......well guess what folks that's not it.......it is that it friggin hurts.....but I try to fight the pain each and every day......every once in a while I will walk pain free and when I realize that for some reason I am in a pain free zone.....I relish it......but most days the pain is there......the pain in the knee and in my heart because of the judgement of others......well judge all you want......I will continue to use the stepper and the elliptical and all the other things at my disposal to help me out......I am not giving up and I sure as hell am not singing.....
Saturday, February 11, 2012
We Are Now The Older Generation
When I was young there were three generations over me. I remember visiting my Great Grandmother Raboni a few times, then of course there were my Grandparents and then my Parents. It was comforting to have so many layers above me in the family tree. On my Mom's side there are still 4 of her sisters and 2 brothers but on my Dad's side......there is no one. My siblings and cousins are now the senior members of the family. It's a little scary.....how did this happen. My brother is the oldest of the Raboni side and I am right behind him. The 9 grandchildren of Rita and Orendi Raboni range in age from 46-58. The next generation down goes from 34-16 and now the newest additions (of which there will be more I am sure) are almost 2 years old, 4 months old and a new member due in May.
Oh where oh where have they all gone......Tommy, Gert, Rita, Johnnie, George and their spouses and all the other relatives that used to gather for holidays, weddings and family events.
There is no one to make Aunt Jo's beans or Aunt Gert's Swedish Meatballs......no more sending the kids to the basement to plan a show for the adults......no more black and white cookies that Nana would buy at Zaro's Bakery.
It is also hard to grasp the fact that I now have the term Great Aunt in front of my name....someday the kids will talk about when Aunt Donna did this or Aunt Cheryl did that......now it is our time to be the oldest living part of the family tree......when Mom passed that was the end of that generation on the Raboni family tree......now it is us.....how did that happen?????
Oh where oh where have they all gone......Tommy, Gert, Rita, Johnnie, George and their spouses and all the other relatives that used to gather for holidays, weddings and family events.
There is no one to make Aunt Jo's beans or Aunt Gert's Swedish Meatballs......no more sending the kids to the basement to plan a show for the adults......no more black and white cookies that Nana would buy at Zaro's Bakery.
It is also hard to grasp the fact that I now have the term Great Aunt in front of my name....someday the kids will talk about when Aunt Donna did this or Aunt Cheryl did that......now it is our time to be the oldest living part of the family tree......when Mom passed that was the end of that generation on the Raboni family tree......now it is us.....how did that happen?????
A Super Bowl Sunday.....
There is nothing better than a Super Bowl Sunday with my family and the Giants are one of the teams playing in the game of the year. Their record this year was not stellar but they kicked it into gear at the right time and ended up going up against the dreaded and hated (at least by my family) Patriots.
Anyway, we arrived at my sisters house at 10:00AM and it was great to see the surprised look on their faces that my brother and his wife were with us. We were together from breakfast through post game interviews. The game was great, the food outstanding and well the company......priceless!!!!!
Our family takes football very seriously and we live and die with each play. We watched hours of pregame shows and by the time the game started we were beside ourselves with anticipation. There had been beer runs and different foods for each hour of the day (or at least it seemed that way). I was no saint in the food dept but hell it was Super Bowl Sunday, I was with my family and my favorite team WON!!!!
Before I knew it it was almost midnight and it was time for me to head home. I didn't cry when I said goodbye to my brother because I knew I would see him again in a few months. We got home at almost 2:00AM.....I was so wound up I ended up watching Sports Center for an hour or two. I went to sleep with visions of victory and the salsa (if you don't know what I mean by this look up Victor Cruz).....what a day.....what a week-end......what a victory......the Giants Motto had been a phrase used by gamblers and I have heard is used in Vegas........All In Baby......and that was what I felt like all week-end......All In Baby.....All In........
Anyway, we arrived at my sisters house at 10:00AM and it was great to see the surprised look on their faces that my brother and his wife were with us. We were together from breakfast through post game interviews. The game was great, the food outstanding and well the company......priceless!!!!!
Our family takes football very seriously and we live and die with each play. We watched hours of pregame shows and by the time the game started we were beside ourselves with anticipation. There had been beer runs and different foods for each hour of the day (or at least it seemed that way). I was no saint in the food dept but hell it was Super Bowl Sunday, I was with my family and my favorite team WON!!!!
Before I knew it it was almost midnight and it was time for me to head home. I didn't cry when I said goodbye to my brother because I knew I would see him again in a few months. We got home at almost 2:00AM.....I was so wound up I ended up watching Sports Center for an hour or two. I went to sleep with visions of victory and the salsa (if you don't know what I mean by this look up Victor Cruz).....what a day.....what a week-end......what a victory......the Giants Motto had been a phrase used by gamblers and I have heard is used in Vegas........All In Baby......and that was what I felt like all week-end......All In Baby.....All In........
A Family Visit....Just What The Doctor Ordered
A family visit was just what I needed. I have missed being around family especially the last few weeks. When my brother and his wife showed up I was so excited. I hadn't seen them in almost 4 years. How did I let that much time go without a visit? That is something I need to work on....making time for my family. Anyway, when they got to the house, I couldn't shut up......like a man dying of thirst in the desert and he finds an oasis filled with water.....that was how I felt. I asked a million questions about Mom. I needed to get the details of her passing. All of sudden I looked at my watch and it was 2:20 AM.....I commented on the time and then continued to talk for another 40 minutes. Being able to talk about Mom and Dad with someone who shares that history was comforting. We laughed about the Saturday nights when I was 16 and Greg was 6 and I would take him to BK for burgers, Huff's for ice cream and home to watch emergency.....I called him Bud then.....short for my little buddy.
They brought the items on my shopping list: Reinzi clam sauce, Thomas's toaster cakes, corn muffins, Drakes coffee cakes, Yankee Doodles, Devil Dogs and Funny Bones.....don't worry.....they all made it to the freezer so they will be eaten sparingly.....not all in one sitting......although one person in my household has managed to eat two boxes of coffee cakes in less than a week.....guess who???? Not Jenn or me....
Saturday included a tour of Columbia including a visit to the Mast General Store and Loose Lucy's in 5 points. Then it was home to cook for Super Bowl Sunday......our time together went way too fast.
I am so grateful they made the trip.......it is good to know I will see them again in April.......and I promise not to let years go by without seeing my family again.....and I mean it!!!!!
They brought the items on my shopping list: Reinzi clam sauce, Thomas's toaster cakes, corn muffins, Drakes coffee cakes, Yankee Doodles, Devil Dogs and Funny Bones.....don't worry.....they all made it to the freezer so they will be eaten sparingly.....not all in one sitting......although one person in my household has managed to eat two boxes of coffee cakes in less than a week.....guess who???? Not Jenn or me....
Saturday included a tour of Columbia including a visit to the Mast General Store and Loose Lucy's in 5 points. Then it was home to cook for Super Bowl Sunday......our time together went way too fast.
I am so grateful they made the trip.......it is good to know I will see them again in April.......and I promise not to let years go by without seeing my family again.....and I mean it!!!!!
I Can't Believe I Threw Out The Food....
Friday before the Super Bowl....office fun event......wear jeans.....wear favorite team jersey (I didn't because the two jerseys I have are for players who no longer play for my team).....but I did bring in my 3ft by 5 ft NY Giants flag to hang up.
Oh and the infamous office tailgate event. I brought in veggies, fruit, cheese and dip. Fortunately, the food tables were set up far from my workspace. Around noon the festivities begin.....which means the eating begins. I stay by my desk. Coworkers come by and say "Donna, do you want me to get you a plate?"....."Donna. aren't you going to have something?"......"Donna, come on and have something."....
I don't want to stand out for not participating.....so I go to the food table and grab a paper plate.....I try to make good choices but at least 3 types of dips end up on my plate with crackers and taco chips. I go back to my desk and taste a little of each thing.......then I do the unthinkable.....I throw out the rest of the food......yes I pitched it right in my trash can!!!!! Score one for me!!!!!! I did get stuck late at work that day and started to get hungry.....for a split second I thought about the food I had thrown away......and then I started to laugh and thought "Donna you are an ass.....what would possess you to even think about the food in the trash!!!!" I realized that even though I was hungry chewing a piece of gum was a wiser choice.......OK I am really am a mess.......LOL......
Oh and the infamous office tailgate event. I brought in veggies, fruit, cheese and dip. Fortunately, the food tables were set up far from my workspace. Around noon the festivities begin.....which means the eating begins. I stay by my desk. Coworkers come by and say "Donna, do you want me to get you a plate?"....."Donna. aren't you going to have something?"......"Donna, come on and have something."....
I don't want to stand out for not participating.....so I go to the food table and grab a paper plate.....I try to make good choices but at least 3 types of dips end up on my plate with crackers and taco chips. I go back to my desk and taste a little of each thing.......then I do the unthinkable.....I throw out the rest of the food......yes I pitched it right in my trash can!!!!! Score one for me!!!!!! I did get stuck late at work that day and started to get hungry.....for a split second I thought about the food I had thrown away......and then I started to laugh and thought "Donna you are an ass.....what would possess you to even think about the food in the trash!!!!" I realized that even though I was hungry chewing a piece of gum was a wiser choice.......OK I am really am a mess.......LOL......
Look How Flexible I Can Be.....
Sometimes I can't see the forest for the trees. On Tuesday afternoon I start to stress out....I need to get out of the office by 5:00 to make it to the gym by 6:00.
As the clock moves toward 5:00 I start to rush and get mad at the last minute issues that pop up. Then it's 5:15 and I am still at my desk. Then the stress really sets in. Next, I am racing to my car and trying to get through traffic. This routine goes on most weeks and happens again on Thursday nights too. Then all of a sudden it hits me.....so what if I miss the water aerobics class?? Does the pool close....no. Does the gym close.....no. Can I still work out in the pool.....yes!!!! The light bulb goes off over my head!!!!! Even if I am late I can still go to the gym and get in the pool. I can catch part of the water aerobics class and then just stay in the pool while everyone else heads home and jog in the water for awhile.....
I feel like someone has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders.....why the hell didn't I think of this before??? I am so conditioned to my routine I didn't bother to think about other options......duh......
So now on Tuesday and Thursday I know my goal is to be out of the office by 5:00 but if I don't make it by 5:00 I can still hit the gym and get my workout in.......so is this what it means to be flexible??? Well if it is then color me flexible......
As the clock moves toward 5:00 I start to rush and get mad at the last minute issues that pop up. Then it's 5:15 and I am still at my desk. Then the stress really sets in. Next, I am racing to my car and trying to get through traffic. This routine goes on most weeks and happens again on Thursday nights too. Then all of a sudden it hits me.....so what if I miss the water aerobics class?? Does the pool close....no. Does the gym close.....no. Can I still work out in the pool.....yes!!!! The light bulb goes off over my head!!!!! Even if I am late I can still go to the gym and get in the pool. I can catch part of the water aerobics class and then just stay in the pool while everyone else heads home and jog in the water for awhile.....
I feel like someone has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders.....why the hell didn't I think of this before??? I am so conditioned to my routine I didn't bother to think about other options......duh......
So now on Tuesday and Thursday I know my goal is to be out of the office by 5:00 but if I don't make it by 5:00 I can still hit the gym and get my workout in.......so is this what it means to be flexible??? Well if it is then color me flexible......
What a crazy week something every night!!!
I hate when I head into Sunday night knowing I will be busy every night of the upcoming week. That's what I had to face two weeks ago....
Monday Night- off to the Township Auditorium for the Mid-Carolina's TD Annual Awards. This was quite an event. Green was the suggested color for the evening. I couldn't find my co-workers so I sat at an end of a row next to some strangers. It was like a pep rally....cheers of We Are TD filled the air. I have never been to anything like this before.
Tuesday Night- Water aerobics
Wednesday Night- Hair appointment with Wayne- cut and highlights- I wish Wayne could be at my house every morning to do my hair. I love the way it looks when he blows it out. I feel like I have a full head of hair!!!! And I look like I do too!!!!
Thursday Night- my date with my trainer
Friday Night- Family arrives for a week-end visit
Phew...no wonder I was so tired......I don't mind going out a night or two but I do love to come right home from work and get comfy.....maybe I am getting old?? I used to love going out after work Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights......Sunday nights?????....yes even Sunday nights!!!!.....but then again that was just last week wasn't it......or last month.....or last year.....oh hell it was most than 35 years ago......I would never go out before 10:00 PM.....now I would be happy to be in my jammies by 4:00PM....next .......the Senior Citizen Dinner Specials....
Monday Night- off to the Township Auditorium for the Mid-Carolina's TD Annual Awards. This was quite an event. Green was the suggested color for the evening. I couldn't find my co-workers so I sat at an end of a row next to some strangers. It was like a pep rally....cheers of We Are TD filled the air. I have never been to anything like this before.
Tuesday Night- Water aerobics
Wednesday Night- Hair appointment with Wayne- cut and highlights- I wish Wayne could be at my house every morning to do my hair. I love the way it looks when he blows it out. I feel like I have a full head of hair!!!! And I look like I do too!!!!
Thursday Night- my date with my trainer
Friday Night- Family arrives for a week-end visit
Phew...no wonder I was so tired......I don't mind going out a night or two but I do love to come right home from work and get comfy.....maybe I am getting old?? I used to love going out after work Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights......Sunday nights?????....yes even Sunday nights!!!!.....but then again that was just last week wasn't it......or last month.....or last year.....oh hell it was most than 35 years ago......I would never go out before 10:00 PM.....now I would be happy to be in my jammies by 4:00PM....next .......the Senior Citizen Dinner Specials....
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