I used to read the obituaries every day. I would look to see what people died from and how old they were. A good day was when everyone was older than me. I hated when I didn't know what the cause of death was.....I am a mess!!!
I have decided not to read the obits anymore. It was too depressing. Why focus on death......I need to focus on life. I have spent too much time worrying about dying......it is time to start living.
When they write my obit.....I want it to talk about my family, friends, that I knew how to live and laugh and love......
If you let it.....life can be depressing......that is not the the path I want to take......I am trying so hard to stay positive and celebrate each day.....I don't need anything that might bring me down.
Give me more comics.......I can always use a good laugh......and it burns calories when I laugh.....that's a win win.....
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Another good quote from my friend Mary.....
what the caterpillar believes is the end of life, the butterfly knows is just the beginning....
My first 54 years I was a caterpillar.....now I am in my cocoon......I am hoping a butterfly emerges soon.
The changes sometimes are small......opting for different foods and quantities of foods. Some changes are big.......being able to workout, increased endurance and slowly building confidence.....
I am not sure how long my cocoon stage will last but once I break free......watch out!!!!!
My first 54 years I was a caterpillar.....now I am in my cocoon......I am hoping a butterfly emerges soon.
The changes sometimes are small......opting for different foods and quantities of foods. Some changes are big.......being able to workout, increased endurance and slowly building confidence.....
I am not sure how long my cocoon stage will last but once I break free......watch out!!!!!
Observations Of People
As I walked down the aisle of each flight....I felt like people were looking at me and thinking "I hope she is not sitting next to me". Now that may not have always been the truth but in my mind it was.....
I have to say each person I sat next to did not make me feel uncomfortable.....I was very aware of their space and did not invade it.
Maybe because of the issues I have dealt with I bend over backwards to not hurt peoples feelings.....sometimes at my expense. I am hoping there is a day when I won't be looked at as a person who stands out and even then I hope I look at others with compassion and recognize each of us carries some baggage ....for some of us the baggage is on the inside and for some like me......it is on the outside (it does impact the inside too).....
I have to say each person I sat next to did not make me feel uncomfortable.....I was very aware of their space and did not invade it.
Maybe because of the issues I have dealt with I bend over backwards to not hurt peoples feelings.....sometimes at my expense. I am hoping there is a day when I won't be looked at as a person who stands out and even then I hope I look at others with compassion and recognize each of us carries some baggage ....for some of us the baggage is on the inside and for some like me......it is on the outside (it does impact the inside too).....
I Really Did Not Miss A Workout
I was concerned that I would miss my time at the gym and with my trainer while I was away last week. Not to worry.....
I climbed and walked and climbed and walked. I was up and I was down. I did more activity in those 5 days that I do during my workouts at the gym. And it was constant....
By the time I got in the car Friday night to go home.....my whole body ached. I did feel a sense of accomplishment that I was able to do all the tasks I needed to do. I am not thrilled that I have to do it all again next week but I know I can and that makes a big difference.
So Carol......don't worry that I slacked off while I was away.....I definitely did not!!!!
I climbed and walked and climbed and walked. I was up and I was down. I did more activity in those 5 days that I do during my workouts at the gym. And it was constant....
By the time I got in the car Friday night to go home.....my whole body ached. I did feel a sense of accomplishment that I was able to do all the tasks I needed to do. I am not thrilled that I have to do it all again next week but I know I can and that makes a big difference.
So Carol......don't worry that I slacked off while I was away.....I definitely did not!!!!
My Biggest Travel Fear
I will now reveal my biggest flying fear.....
Will I be able to fit in the little airplane seat??? Do you know how difficult that is to admit?? I have read about airlines that charge people of size (oh how I hate that phrase) for 2 seats. I was so afraid that I would be singled out and told I had to pay for 2 seats. How would I explain this to my employer? For most people....this never crosses their minds. For me......it was all I could think about.....I was paralyzed with fear.
Imagine my relief when my butt fit in the seat!!!!! I am not going to say it wasn't a little snug......it was..... but I did not overhang into my neighbors space. I did not have to move the arm rest for additional space either.
At least when I travel next week, I will have one less thing to worry about....now that I know I can fit in the seat.....I need to work at have a little extra room to spare......
Will I be able to fit in the little airplane seat??? Do you know how difficult that is to admit?? I have read about airlines that charge people of size (oh how I hate that phrase) for 2 seats. I was so afraid that I would be singled out and told I had to pay for 2 seats. How would I explain this to my employer? For most people....this never crosses their minds. For me......it was all I could think about.....I was paralyzed with fear.
Imagine my relief when my butt fit in the seat!!!!! I am not going to say it wasn't a little snug......it was..... but I did not overhang into my neighbors space. I did not have to move the arm rest for additional space either.
At least when I travel next week, I will have one less thing to worry about....now that I know I can fit in the seat.....I need to work at have a little extra room to spare......
I Need To Sleep
I am a restless sleeper. Most nights I sleep in my recliner. It is comfy, tilts back and lulls me into a fit full slumber. Last week, I spent 4 nights in a bed at a hotel. A nice big king size bed. The most I slept was 2 hours in a row and then I would wake up. I walked from one side of the bed to the other, I rearranged the pillows a zillion times, I even tried sleeping in the chair in the room.....still no rest. By the 6:30 wake up call.....I had gotten a few hours sleep but it was not very restful.
It was wonderful to get home to my recliner and have 6-7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Next week, I have to spend 2 nights in a hotel....I know I can handle it because on night 3 I am back in my recliner.....nice and comfy.....
It was wonderful to get home to my recliner and have 6-7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Next week, I have to spend 2 nights in a hotel....I know I can handle it because on night 3 I am back in my recliner.....nice and comfy.....
I Have To Go To Terminal What and It's Where??
I have a suggestion for the airlines......if I am flying United.....why can't all the United flights be at the same terminal???? On my flight from Philly to Portland on the same airlines as my flight from Columbia to Philly......why do I have to hike to another terminal. Or worse, when I had to switch planes in Washington DC (Dulles).....why in God's name would I have to take 2 people movers, approximately 8 escalators and a train to get to my next flight......
Who plans this.....is someone sitting behind a camera saying.....watch this person try to get to their next flight.....and laughing.
Trust me the Dulles Airport thing was not funny......it was exhausting. I had to climb out of the plane in the rain, walk on the tarmac in the rain.....climb another set of wet steel stairs...in the rain. Then I was told it was a 15 minute walk.....yeah right. There was a 15 minute walk in addition to the people movers, escalators and the train. It took about 25 minutes. I wasn't sure if I was wet from the rain or sweat.
By the time I got to my gate.....I was a mess......I thought I would cry. Of course, then my flight was delayed. And these are supposed to be the friendly skies????
Who plans this.....is someone sitting behind a camera saying.....watch this person try to get to their next flight.....and laughing.
Trust me the Dulles Airport thing was not funny......it was exhausting. I had to climb out of the plane in the rain, walk on the tarmac in the rain.....climb another set of wet steel stairs...in the rain. Then I was told it was a 15 minute walk.....yeah right. There was a 15 minute walk in addition to the people movers, escalators and the train. It took about 25 minutes. I wasn't sure if I was wet from the rain or sweat.
By the time I got to my gate.....I was a mess......I thought I would cry. Of course, then my flight was delayed. And these are supposed to be the friendly skies????
Goodby Wachovia
This post has nothing to do with weight, food, exercise or health.....
It has to do with a company I worked for 11 out of the last 13 years. I had my first job in South Carolina lined up before I moved here. It was with Wachovia. Wachovia was a unique company......they really cared about their employees. I made some great friends during my time there. Some are like family to me. Wachovia was mindful of the needs of their staff. Retirement plans, generous PTO and family care time. Jenn was awarded a Wachovia Dependent Scholarship of $4,000 a year for her 4 years as an undergraduate.
Last Saturday as I drove to the gym, I saw the Wachovia signs were gone......the new company signs were up.....
I miss Wachovia and Wachovia blue.....
It has to do with a company I worked for 11 out of the last 13 years. I had my first job in South Carolina lined up before I moved here. It was with Wachovia. Wachovia was a unique company......they really cared about their employees. I made some great friends during my time there. Some are like family to me. Wachovia was mindful of the needs of their staff. Retirement plans, generous PTO and family care time. Jenn was awarded a Wachovia Dependent Scholarship of $4,000 a year for her 4 years as an undergraduate.
Last Saturday as I drove to the gym, I saw the Wachovia signs were gone......the new company signs were up.....
I miss Wachovia and Wachovia blue.....
Stepping Out Of My Comfort Zone
The new job, new staff and travel.....yes I said travel. In my job interview, I was told that traveling would be involved. I said no problem!! I thought.....what are the chances I would really have to go anywhere??? Before I knew it....I was booked for 2 trips to Maine within a 3 weeks period. I am not a big fan of flying but driving 15 hours is not that appealing either.
I have never traveled alone. Some of the entries that follow will make it clearer why I do not like to travel or why I am uncomfortable with traveling. I have a pretty simple life over which I had all the control (at least I like to believe I do). Any one who knows me well knows I in almost all situations MUST be the driver. My routine/schedule is very predictable. The time I get up, the time I go to work, the time I get to the gym, what I bring for lunch.......no real variations. I am very comfortable with this routine.....then I suddenly find myself walking into an airport to go somewhere I have never been before to spend a week with people I have never met.
Stepping out of my comfort zone.....that's putting it mildly.....
I have never traveled alone. Some of the entries that follow will make it clearer why I do not like to travel or why I am uncomfortable with traveling. I have a pretty simple life over which I had all the control (at least I like to believe I do). Any one who knows me well knows I in almost all situations MUST be the driver. My routine/schedule is very predictable. The time I get up, the time I go to work, the time I get to the gym, what I bring for lunch.......no real variations. I am very comfortable with this routine.....then I suddenly find myself walking into an airport to go somewhere I have never been before to spend a week with people I have never met.
Stepping out of my comfort zone.....that's putting it mildly.....
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Run, Walk and Don't Look Back
Run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must, just never give up...If someone is strong enough to bring you down, show them you're strong enough to get back up...Don't regret the past, just learn from it........another great quote from an unknown source
I should make this my mantra....I feel like I have crawled......I think I have shown that I am strong enough to get up when someone has knocked me down mentally....I know I have learned from my past.
The workouts at the gym have been my crawling.....just walking in the door of the gym. My baby steps were actually getting out on the gym floor to work out. Now I work out with Carol 2 days a week.......that is a major leap.
The mental cruelty of others......I have survived the stares, snickers and the cruel remarks. Sometimes these are much harder to bounce back from.....they don't go away. It can be physically painful at times to know you are being made fun of, laughed about or subject to remarks that intended to hurt. I am not strong enough to always escape without tears. The mental abuse may be even more painful than physical abuse.....mental scars don't fade in a few weeks......they can last a lifetime.
I work hard to battle my demons......I am in a better place then I was a few years ago both physically and mentally.....I have learned to laugh at myself and allow others to join in that laughter but that is different from being laughed at by people who think they are better than me.....
I am not perfect......never said I was.....but I am getting better each day and that is all that matters....
I should make this my mantra....I feel like I have crawled......I think I have shown that I am strong enough to get up when someone has knocked me down mentally....I know I have learned from my past.
The workouts at the gym have been my crawling.....just walking in the door of the gym. My baby steps were actually getting out on the gym floor to work out. Now I work out with Carol 2 days a week.......that is a major leap.
The mental cruelty of others......I have survived the stares, snickers and the cruel remarks. Sometimes these are much harder to bounce back from.....they don't go away. It can be physically painful at times to know you are being made fun of, laughed about or subject to remarks that intended to hurt. I am not strong enough to always escape without tears. The mental abuse may be even more painful than physical abuse.....mental scars don't fade in a few weeks......they can last a lifetime.
I work hard to battle my demons......I am in a better place then I was a few years ago both physically and mentally.....I have learned to laugh at myself and allow others to join in that laughter but that is different from being laughed at by people who think they are better than me.....
I am not perfect......never said I was.....but I am getting better each day and that is all that matters....
My Aching Back....
As I have said in previous posts, I am very busy at work. Many times I get so engrossed in my reports that I forget about the time. The problem with this is .....I end up sitting too long. There were several days last week where I had been seated at my desk for 4-5 hours. This is not good for my back.
While I was working out I told Carol my lower back was aching. She had me do stretches and squats. When I told her how much time I spent sitting she told me I need to get up and move every couple of hours. She also suggested I sit in a recliner and put my hands behind one leg and lift it and then the other leg. She said this would help stretch out my back. OK....I haven't done that yet but I did raise the height of my chair.....I got up every 2 hours and took a walk. I worked out in the pool today for the first time in a while.....the water felt great and my back didn't ache....
New plans......get up and walk every 2 hours.....stand up and stretch....don't slouch in my chair....a lot to remember.....oh and make sure I don't go all day without eating.....with all of this to think about.....when will I have time to work????
While I was working out I told Carol my lower back was aching. She had me do stretches and squats. When I told her how much time I spent sitting she told me I need to get up and move every couple of hours. She also suggested I sit in a recliner and put my hands behind one leg and lift it and then the other leg. She said this would help stretch out my back. OK....I haven't done that yet but I did raise the height of my chair.....I got up every 2 hours and took a walk. I worked out in the pool today for the first time in a while.....the water felt great and my back didn't ache....
New plans......get up and walk every 2 hours.....stand up and stretch....don't slouch in my chair....a lot to remember.....oh and make sure I don't go all day without eating.....with all of this to think about.....when will I have time to work????
Cottage Cheese Thighs
I am sure at some point my thighs looked normal. The sad part is I can't remember when it was.....my thighs.....uugghh.....they have cellulite beyond belief.....I see people with smooth legs......mine look like something out of Ripley's Believe It Or Not.......
I have to watch the thickness of the material in my pants.......if the material is too thin....my dimpled thighs stand out.....same if I pick the wrong color.....no light colors for me!!!! Right now I wear black, navy and grey......I was actually thinking about getting a pair in brown but I really don't have a lot of things that go with brown......orange which works great with brown is not my signature color.
Although I love going in the pool....I do hate having people see my ugly thighs. I know you are thinking I could wear one of those swim dresses. Well, there are a few problems with those.....first, when you are in the pool working out they can slide up......so I would spend too much time pulling the skirt down.......the second problem is.......my ass. Because my butt is how shall we say enhanced, rotund, enlarged, protrudes.....hell it is big and sticks out. In one of those swim dresses the front might look nice but because of my butt.....it would be shorter in the back then the front. Yes, this does happen.....I wish the dress and bathing suit manufacturers took this into consideration. A few extra inches of material can make all the difference......especially to me.....
Ok so here I sit with my cottage cheese thighs and big butt wondering what could be worse......I know what could be worse......flabby thighs and saggy butt that still bear the reminder of the cottage cheese......I love cheese.....just not as part of my body.....
I have to watch the thickness of the material in my pants.......if the material is too thin....my dimpled thighs stand out.....same if I pick the wrong color.....no light colors for me!!!! Right now I wear black, navy and grey......I was actually thinking about getting a pair in brown but I really don't have a lot of things that go with brown......orange which works great with brown is not my signature color.
Although I love going in the pool....I do hate having people see my ugly thighs. I know you are thinking I could wear one of those swim dresses. Well, there are a few problems with those.....first, when you are in the pool working out they can slide up......so I would spend too much time pulling the skirt down.......the second problem is.......my ass. Because my butt is how shall we say enhanced, rotund, enlarged, protrudes.....hell it is big and sticks out. In one of those swim dresses the front might look nice but because of my butt.....it would be shorter in the back then the front. Yes, this does happen.....I wish the dress and bathing suit manufacturers took this into consideration. A few extra inches of material can make all the difference......especially to me.....
Ok so here I sit with my cottage cheese thighs and big butt wondering what could be worse......I know what could be worse......flabby thighs and saggy butt that still bear the reminder of the cottage cheese......I love cheese.....just not as part of my body.....
Too Busy To Eat
I am so busy at my new job that I don't have time to eat. This can be good and this can be bad. When I show up st the gym and tell my trainer all I have had all day was oatmeal and string cheese.....she is not thrilled. Another day on the way home I realize I had a PB & J for breakfast and have had nothign but some pretzels since then.....
I know this not a healthy way to lose weight......the hard part is I can feel like I am losing.......and that is a struggle. I really only want to eat when I am hungry and am not intentionally not eating....or am I??? This is part of the weight loss battle....
I love the fact that the day flies at work but am I in the long run sabotaging myself...
I am not sure what to do.......it sounds crazy to force myself to eat but if I don't eat right......I won't lose.....uugghh....what to do......what to do????
I know this not a healthy way to lose weight......the hard part is I can feel like I am losing.......and that is a struggle. I really only want to eat when I am hungry and am not intentionally not eating....or am I??? This is part of the weight loss battle....
I love the fact that the day flies at work but am I in the long run sabotaging myself...
I am not sure what to do.......it sounds crazy to force myself to eat but if I don't eat right......I won't lose.....uugghh....what to do......what to do????
Monday, September 5, 2011
Just because you don't win....
You're in a lion fight just because you didn't win doesn't mean you can't roar....
I am learning to fight ......for me. I am learning to roar......Ok maybe not roar but celebrate each little victory.....everyday. I have always felt each day was a gift........any day I wake up.....I am ahead of the game. Just because I am not winning the battles I fight as quickly as I would like doesn't mean they won't intimately be won. I know that each choice I have made in the last year has added days to my life. Those days turn into weeks, months and years......what better fight could I win.
I am standing in the middle of the boxing ring.......I think I can last all 15 rounds and win the victory that I so desire.....I will raise my clenched hands over my head in victory .......and yes I will roar!!!!!!!!!!!
I am learning to fight ......for me. I am learning to roar......Ok maybe not roar but celebrate each little victory.....everyday. I have always felt each day was a gift........any day I wake up.....I am ahead of the game. Just because I am not winning the battles I fight as quickly as I would like doesn't mean they won't intimately be won. I know that each choice I have made in the last year has added days to my life. Those days turn into weeks, months and years......what better fight could I win.
I am standing in the middle of the boxing ring.......I think I can last all 15 rounds and win the victory that I so desire.....I will raise my clenched hands over my head in victory .......and yes I will roar!!!!!!!!!!!
It All About Attitude
I was in Publix last week and had three unusual things happen.
First, I was checking out and the cashier was very cheerful. She said "I love the design on the side of your glasses". I had forgottten there even was a design on the side of my eye glasses. I thanked her and moved on. Jenn was behind me in line. I heard the cashier say to her "that looks like a fun order". Jenn had Lifesavers and a few other things. Jenn agreed with the cashier.
Next, Steve from the bakery dept., he knows Jenn likes a certain kind of muffins. None of her muffins were in the case. Steve saw Jenn and said "I will go get them and find you in the store". LOL.....he came and found her in the store and gave her the muffins.
Finally, the deli manager, Tony......Jenn and I were back looking at meat and Tony came over. He said,"What are you doing here today......it's not Friday night?" I told him this was just a quick trip to get a few things. He told us he was being transferred to a different store. He said Publix does this every few years with their managers. I told him we would stop by to see him at his new location. Here is the amazing part......he gave me a Thank You card. he said he was giving them to his regular customers.....can you believe that???? WOW ....talk about customer service.
The message I got loud and clear was these people have great attitudes, love what they do and are the true meaning of customer service. I am going to try and follow their example....at my job they ask us to WOW our customers.....that is exactly what happened to me at Publix.
I need to learn from these three individuals......I have a lot to learn.....so thank you to the cashier (whose name I did not get), Steve and Tony......you are all amazing!!!!
First, I was checking out and the cashier was very cheerful. She said "I love the design on the side of your glasses". I had forgottten there even was a design on the side of my eye glasses. I thanked her and moved on. Jenn was behind me in line. I heard the cashier say to her "that looks like a fun order". Jenn had Lifesavers and a few other things. Jenn agreed with the cashier.
Next, Steve from the bakery dept., he knows Jenn likes a certain kind of muffins. None of her muffins were in the case. Steve saw Jenn and said "I will go get them and find you in the store". LOL.....he came and found her in the store and gave her the muffins.
Finally, the deli manager, Tony......Jenn and I were back looking at meat and Tony came over. He said,"What are you doing here today......it's not Friday night?" I told him this was just a quick trip to get a few things. He told us he was being transferred to a different store. He said Publix does this every few years with their managers. I told him we would stop by to see him at his new location. Here is the amazing part......he gave me a Thank You card. he said he was giving them to his regular customers.....can you believe that???? WOW ....talk about customer service.
The message I got loud and clear was these people have great attitudes, love what they do and are the true meaning of customer service. I am going to try and follow their example....at my job they ask us to WOW our customers.....that is exactly what happened to me at Publix.
I need to learn from these three individuals......I have a lot to learn.....so thank you to the cashier (whose name I did not get), Steve and Tony......you are all amazing!!!!
Some Interesting Weight Loss Tools
I was off today for Labor Day. I watched Dr. Oz and he had some really cool weight loss ideas that I had never thought of....
First, he had something like a pedometer but instead it shows how many calories you burn during the day. If there is a long period of inactivity it vibrates and turns red. I think that is something that would work for me better than how many steps I take a day.
Second, a scale that does not display your weight. It takes an initial reading of your weight and after that it just shows if you are up or down and by how much. It takes the stress out of the "number" but keeps you on track as far as where you are at.
Next, is something to manage portions. This is shaped like a dish and when you remove it from the plate all your foods are on the plate in their proper amount. You have a slot for you veggies, starches, carbs and protein. This would definitely help me with portion control.
The last thing was a jump rope. The cool part is there was no rope to trip over. There were handles and some kind of electronic device so when you turned the handle and jumped it kept track of your activity. For someone clumsy like me this is a dream device.
I will be looking into which of these I want to purchase......I will let you know which I get and how it goes.......but they all sound like viable options.......
First, he had something like a pedometer but instead it shows how many calories you burn during the day. If there is a long period of inactivity it vibrates and turns red. I think that is something that would work for me better than how many steps I take a day.
Second, a scale that does not display your weight. It takes an initial reading of your weight and after that it just shows if you are up or down and by how much. It takes the stress out of the "number" but keeps you on track as far as where you are at.
Next, is something to manage portions. This is shaped like a dish and when you remove it from the plate all your foods are on the plate in their proper amount. You have a slot for you veggies, starches, carbs and protein. This would definitely help me with portion control.
The last thing was a jump rope. The cool part is there was no rope to trip over. There were handles and some kind of electronic device so when you turned the handle and jumped it kept track of your activity. For someone clumsy like me this is a dream device.
I will be looking into which of these I want to purchase......I will let you know which I get and how it goes.......but they all sound like viable options.......
Twice With The Trainer In A Week
Last week, I met with Carol, my trainer twice. I think the twice a week is a good part of the jump start I am looking for....
Each session included weights, steps and more. Lifting weights over my head over and over again.....it is funny how 2.5 pound weights can feel like 50 pounds!!! It was also hard to make sure your arms are straight up in the air. My arms started to shake and it was a battle to keep holding them up.
On Tuesday, I decided I would try not to take a break or sit down once during my workout. I had to battle to keep moving. I would lean on the weight bench and stretch against some of the excercise machines. Carol finally asked if I was OK or was my back hurting? I told her what I was trying to do. She looked and me like I was crazy and said "When you decide to try something new.....I need to know." She said she was trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Carol said, "From now on you need to let me know when you get a brainstorm to try something new!!" LOL....
On Thursday when we met she said "anything new you are trying today that I need to know about??" I told her no this would be a regular workout. The one thing I did find entertaining was as I was breathing out......the sweat running down my face would shoot out in the air as I exhaled. I don't know why I found this amusing but I did....
Oh and by the way.....my idea to not stop the whole workout.......I didn't make it.......I lasted 25 minutes......so I still have a way to go.....but my norm was to take a break every 10 minutes so this was a big stretch for me.......
Why is it important that I get to a point that I do not take a break my whole workout......I don't know.....just a new goal and would make me feel more normal......I have never wanted to just be one of the group so bad as I do now.......kind of like in school......it is much nicer to just blend in....
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