A Couple of Crazy Weeks....

During November and December time seems to fly by at a crazy pace.

Be warned there are a lot of pic's with this entry......

Just look at these last few weeks.....

As I wrote two weeks ago, we had just finished updating the bathrooms and completed some minor repairs.  Then finally, our eyesore shed was finally taken down.  I hate to admit that once the doors were off it pretty much fell apart.  Right now, there is what looks like a double burial plot in my back yard (in case anyone is interested).  Next spring, I will seed that area and all reminders of the shed will be gone.

We finished decorating the inside of the house and lit the tree BEFORE Thanksgiving!! I just couldn't wait.....

Also, in my continued quest to do new things, I signed up for an interview with Story Corp.  They have a mobile unit traveling around the country and are in Columbia, SC.  You bring someone to interview you (I voluntold Jenn).  They give you a list of suggested questions for the 40 minute interview they record.  You get a copy of the interview and a copy is stored in the Library of Congress in a Folklore Section. Nice to know a permanent recording of our conversation will be part of a historical record.

You have all heard the phrase "turn about is fair play"......well Jenn is finally getting even with me.....she was a good sport and came with me to see Barry Manilow last year.  Well, next July I get to see NKOTB (Boys To Men and Paula Abdul will be performing too)in concert !! I am sure I will be one of the more senior concert attendees.  Jenn is working hard to bring me up to speed on the songs I might hear. I gave Jenn her first NKOTB sweater when she was about 7 years old......OK I am aging  by the second !!!

I also spent a big $8 to buy tickets to see "It's A Wonderful Life" at the Nickelodeon Theater the Sunday before Christmas.  Nothing like seeing a classic on the big screen!!

I am also trying out new social situations.  Jenn's office invited me to go to lunch with them.  I am not always great in a group where I really don't know anyone.  But guess what ?? I had a great time!!

I made it to the gym 4 times this week and it felt great to be back in the swing!!

Then squeeze in my birthday which fell on Thanksgiving made for a fun 24 hours. Jenn gave me my gifts at midnight.  We used real plates vs paper plates for dinner.  Jenn really only cared that I made real mashed potatoes (which I only make twice a year). By late that evening, we were out doing our traditional Black Friday shopping. We did some ordering online and saved a bunch by scanning the flyers before shopping.  We spent the smallest amount of money ever on a Black Friday shopping trip partly because we didn't have any big ticket items to shop for......

We headed out again on Friday for another new experience.  We went to a book signing.  Ainsley Earhardt from Fox and Friends was in Columbia (back in her hometown) promoting her new book.  Jenn and I went and waited on line.  It  was so worth the wait!!  Ainsley was so friendly and really made time to talk to us.  She told Jenn she loved the FDNY t shirt she was wearing.  Ainsley asked if Jenn was from NY? She autographed my book " from one writer to another" In Jenn's book she wrote "To a New Yorker who moved south from a Southerner who moved to New York",  She gave us each a hug and said "God bless you!" And I said "Merry Christmas!!

We just finished decorating the outside of our house......

And this is what I fall asleep to each night and wake up to each morning.....

I am really trying to get into the holiday spirit which is a little harder some days than others......but I am pushing through the tougher days..........no one said it was going to always be easy did they???

Lastly, I went to Weight Watchers today.  Taking into consideration the week I had and the strawberry cupcake I had for my birthday......I was up a smidgen.  My leader said that is like a no change since it was so small a difference.  I am hoping I can say the same thing on Jan 2nd......

See you next week......

Money Can't Buy Happiness? Yes, it can.......

Money can buy happiness.

I am not talking about luxurious homes, lavish vacations, expensive cars or designer clothes.

I found happiness for $180.77.

That was the total for 2 gallons of paint, brushes, rollers, paint trays, drop cloth, shower curtain liners, new shower curtain rods and hooks, a new toothbrush holder, a new shower caddy, new shades for 4 bedroom windows and new mini blinds for 3 windows........phew....

Now we are talking big buck items..... let's talk cost...
94 cents for shower curtain hooks
$1 for  a toothbrush holder
$2 for a bathroom night light
$3 for a shower curtain liner
$9.72 for 3 sets of mini blinds
$24 for 4 new shades
$42 for 2 gallons of paint

and the all the rest.....

By the time we were done we had made 3 trips to Lowe's and 2 trip to Walmart  (that was for purchases and returns).  It was clear to the sales associate at Lowe's that I was not experienced at buying paint.  Did you know there is a machine that shakes up the paint before you buy it?  Did you know you get free wood sticks to stir the paint?

I learned how to tape a room before painting.

I found out a little wood glue held in place would fix the piece of trim that had been hanging loose from under my kitchen counter top.

I was amazed at how bright and shiny the glass globes that are part of my ceiling fan can look.

The bathroom vanity looks new after being painted.

When I went to got in the shower this morning, the shower curtain slid open.  The sound of metal rings on a very old shower curtain rod was gone. During the night when I had to get up for the bathroom, I didn't have to turn on the overhead light since the new nightlight was doing its job.

The new mini blinds work....LOL...yes, they go up and down like they should.  They all match in color.  They look crisp and clean.

The shades in the bedrooms no longer have the little tears from too long absorbing heat.

It was a face paced weekend but from taping to clean up the effort was well worth it !! I now have 2 very freshened up bathrooms.....long overdue.....it made me smile looking at how great they turned out.

I am not going to post pictures of my two white bathrooms.  The color that will make the rooms pop is going to come from the shower curtains, new towels and other accessories.


Oh OK I can tell you are dying to see a picture of one of the bathrooms .....see what can be accomplished with just a little money, creativity and hard work.....

LOL...don't I wish......


Next up...painting all the rooms in the house and all the floors need to be done. These two items are long overdue.  I have started looking at colors for the paint and searched some flooring websites.  For me half the fun is the looking.....it is also a challenge since I know decorating is not my strong suit.

The painting and floors will have to wait until early in 2017.....next weekend the Christmas decorations go up!!!

I think my emoji says it all.....

See you next week,,,,,,

The Blog About Nothing (like a Seinfeld Episode)......I Had Nothing To Write About.....

Yesterday,  I stared at the computer screen......nothing....I had nothing.....I couldn't think of anything to write about....

This doesn't happen too often.....

This is like a Seinfeld episode....the show about nothing....a blog entry about nothing......

I didn't want to write about the lack of Trick or Treater's on Halloween....

I didn't want to write about the birthday present I had bought for Jenn a month ago......Jenn bought herself the same thing yesterday not knowing  I had already gotten it for her......

I didn't want to write about the election......I think more than enough has been written about that.....

I think people have heard enough for now about my process of cleaning out my house.

So I thought and thought......nothing......

Finally, I came up with a few things to write about.....

This morning it was cool.....actually cold by SC standards....38 degrees.....the heat actually kicked on in the house. I decided to wear a jacket and could just carry my cell phone, car keys, wallet and weigh-in card in my pockets as I headed to my Sunday morning meeting..  I walked into WW a few minutes late thanks to being stuck at a RR crossing while a train with a zillion cars passed (OK slight exaggeration....authors prerogative).  I reached for my weigh in card and my wallet....they were not in my pocket.  If you have every lost your wallet you know ho w I was feeling.  Cash, credit card, debit card, drivers license, CWP card and a few other identifying items all missing.  I got weighed in sans my weigh in card. I knew there was no way I could sit through the meeting not knowing where my wallet was....it also crossed my mind that if someone came across my weigh in card that could be embarrassing too.....but then again who really wants the world to know how much you weigh. I went back out to my car ....nothing on the front seat or the floor.  Thank goodness there they were my weigh in card and wallet on the floor in the backseat!!

As I was looking in my car, I heard someone behind me.  It was one of my WW buddies, Sabrina, she had come outside. She thought I was going to skip the meeting.. This is what is great about my WW buddies on Sunday morning.  They thought I was giving up or had a bad week .  It was clear leaving the meeting was not an option  I knew I would not be pulling out of the parking lot even if I wanted to.  I started to laugh but was also amazed that people cared enough about me to make sure I was present to hear the words of encouragement and this week's topic..

When I sat down in the meeting my friends were chuckling.  I announced to the group I had been stalked in the parking lot.  The new members probably thought WHAT??? I told them no one lets you cut out of a meeting.

I so appreciate the concern of my WW pals!!! Some of the plateau's have been hard to hang in through but I am at the meeting just about every Sunday.  We talked about the fact the next 7 or so weeks are the hardest of the year......THE HOLIDAYS!!!!...........we have to plan and track and maybe just have a teaspoonful of what we really, really want.....before you know it 2017 will have arrived!! Do I really want the scale to go up?  Nope.  I will give it my best try and hopefully like last year....I will be down more after the holidays.


The other thing I wanted to write about is ......

Jenn.....

Her birthday is this week.  There is no way I could have ever realized the impact of having her in my life would change my life.  From the baby I first saw when she was a few hours old to the adult woman who has become my best friend,  What an amazing trip it has been!! It has gone by in a flash. I would not have passed up one single second of any of the wonderful journey we have shared.

Happy Birthday J !!!! You are the best and deserve the best too!!!!

Not too bad I guess for a blog entry about nothing.....

See you next week.......

How many more things will I find??? More surprises........

As I continue to clean out and purge items from my house you just never know what you will come across.....

Look at these two items.....

A braidini???? I have had hair long enough for one of these in 20 years and a VHS tape with instructions on how to use it.......

Electric curlers???? I haven't had hair long enough for those in 2 decades either.......I am afraid of what else I might come across........

Next was my dresser.  I have been using the same two night shirts.  They are too big but who cares since I don't go out in public wearing them. I had a few more than I thought......9 in all.  Yes, they are all too big but I can still wear them. I must have ordered them over time and never kept track of what I already had.  Some had fallen behind drawers so until we removed the drawers (and vacuumed inside each drawer and behind each drawer) I had no idea they were there.

As I have shared before.....due to my weight loss I have invested in some new unmentionables....they feel silky and have some spandex and microfiber in them so they fit nicely.  That meant out with the all cotton items.

I haven't worn pantyhose or knee highs in over 10 years. That meant I could pitch the 12 pairs of panty hose and 12 plus pairs of knee highs in various colors.

Socks that had lost their elasticity were pitched too.

I did keep a few things:  my favorite maternity top, a t shirt from college and a sweatshirt from the Nauraushaun Indians (the Nauraushaun school was behind my house in NY), a pin from The Glee Club (not sure if it was from PS 71 or JHS 101), my girl scout sash with all badges and pins attached), a pin that look liked an artists palette from 4th grade, a button from my favorite dress coat that I was given when I was about 10 (kelly green dress coat), there was a button from the uniform I wore my 1st year in HS at an all girl's Catholic HS (Preston) and a bell from a 4th grade trip to Carnegie Hall. On that trip each student was given a bell and when the conductor pointed at the students we would ring the bells.  And as the old very bad joke goes.... the conductor said we could all now say we had played at Carnegie Hall.

Out went 3 t shirts that were not only way too big and they had holes in them (one of my friends called the kites).  Also, among the pile of gotta go things was several pairs of jeans that fall off when I tried them on.

Jenn was helping me sort and put things back in place.

And then it happened.........

OK guys you might want to bail now from the rest of this blog because the visual might give you nightmares......

As I was looking and examining and sorting...... hear Jenn say "What is this??" I looked up and the she sat holding.......a thong.....yes I said a thong......brand new in black.

Jenn tried really hard to control herself.........for about 10 seconds.  Then......it started.  She literally was laying on the floor laughing and crying at the same time.  She said  "Mom, what are you doing with a thong?"

As I was trying to act nonchalant and said to her "It was free when I went to buy some clothes."  I was mortified and she was still hysterical laughing.  Her laughter was not mean and she finally said "you are my Mom.....you don't wear thong's"......the tears continued to run down her face.

I said "just throw it out" and she said "Oh no you are keeping it."  Getting a little defensive now I said " I haven't worn them yet and I might never wear them" (Just the thought of how ridiculous I would look would give me a nightmare). I could just picture me ending up in the ER wearing them and the ER staff hysterical laughing.

This year I felt I had lived on the edge with underwire  bras from my bra fitting and my other favorite item Spanx.......the black thong was supposed to be my secret.......and I was not sure I would even have the guts to put them on but there I sat turning three shades of red ......my secret was out.

And now I have shared it with you.......it was too funny to not write about.

The next time you see me....please, please, please do not look at my ass to see if there is a panty line and guess if I finally got the nerve to put them on......it is a pretty safe bet that item will never touch my skin.......

Another of my secrets bites the dust.....it made me think what will Jenn find when I die and think "Really Mom??" I doubt there is anything that could cause me more discomfort.....

As I read Jenn this entry her only comment was "Mom, that was funny shit"......dear God help me......

Just a few more quick notes....

I went back to WW today and as I told them at the meeting I feel like I am on an elevator up a floor and down two floors but I am not giving up. I said without my meetings the elevator would go all they way back to the top floor and who would want to go back there again.  Still working toward the next BIG number and this is the challenging time of the year but I will get through it!!!! And hopefully hit a new high in weigh loss as we ring in the New Year.

I have also been writing a minimum of 10 minutes a day as it was suggested in my classes last week. I write about what ever pops into my head and it has been fun.

I am thinking about doing a NC/SC lighthouse tour....AAA and FB both had directions to 7-8 lighthouses that I would love to see.

Tomorrow is Halloween.  I doubt we will get many Trick or Treaters but that's OK with me. I am already watching Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel.

PS Those few quick notes were added in hopes you would forget the part of this entry about.....the thong....LOL LOL.....

See you next week......

A Tote Bag, A Festival, An Island and Me....

Let me start by saying the last few days have been amazing!!!!

Earlier last week one of my underwriters surprised me and sent me a tote bag she had made for me.  The material used was Van Gogh's Starry Night.  It is the perfect size to carry all of my writing materials.  It also has an outside pocket for my cell phone.  It is so me!!

It's arrival was perfect timing. I was spending the end of the week attending writing classes in Beaufort.

I headed out very early Friday morning (6:30AM) with my new tote. I had packed it with my IPAD, chargers, a hard cover notebook with a cover of gold glitter, two gel pens (pink and blue) and my cell phone.

I attended two Memoir classes at the Pat Conroy Literary Festival. The time spent at those classes in Beaufort were eye opening. I learned so much and felt like a sponge taking it all in.

Class 1 on Friday was supposed to last 90 minutes.  It went on for almost 3 hours.  There aren't many places where I feel comfortable from the start but put me in a room of writers and I am home. The instructor shared and asked and encouraged discussion. The class started by us each talking about why we were given our names.  My answer was " I am Italian from the Bronx in the 1950's.  Donna Marie was a very common name." Not a very exciting story but the facts as I know them. And I think my parents liked the name Donna and Marie just seemed to go with it.  I went to school with several Donna Marie's......similar to the name Jennifer in the 80's and 90's. Our next exercise was writing something referencing each of the 5 senses.  I didn't have a problem with sight, hear, smell or taste.  I did struggle with touch but finally managed to get some words down. We then moved on to writing about any picture we had with us.  I chose to write about the last picture taken of my Mom and me at my nephews wedding a few years ago. The day ended when we were given a homework assignment for our next class.

When asked what to do when you suffer from writers block the instructor said "when you have writers block.....lower your standards"...great advice. She also said you need to write at least 10 minutes a day. It can be about anything from French Toast to music.

After the extended class, I headed out to visit my friends at the beach.  I was very cusious to see how they had fared after the recent hurricane.  It was very quick visit but we still managed to squeeze in a golf cart ride, vodka and conversation that went from politics to Chapter 3.  There is something great about old friends who pass no judgement, make suggestions and really only want the best for you.  They also accept you as you are faults and all.  My friends encourage, are positive and sometimes point out things I hadn't noticed.  It is great free group therapy.

Saturday, it was back to class. This class also ran much longer than scheduled and no one seemed to mind.  Now it was like walking into a room of friends.  We had shared so much the day before we were no longer strangers. After some general discussion, we started to share what we had written the night before.  I chose to write a letter to my Mom about my life since she left us.  It had humor and sadness as I moved from paragraph to paragraph.  When I was done reading my words, people applauded.  Several turned to me and said "I would love to read that memoir and I would buy it".  I felt so pleased !!

I may share some of the writing I did this weekend in future blog entries. I don't think it was an accident that I found these classes on memoirs.  I was meant to be there.

When class was over a group of us decided to form our own writers group.  This gives us each an avenue to share, encourage and have our work critiqued. This will be a great new opportunity.

Before I knew it I was heading back to Columbia.

I missed my Weight Watcher class this morning.  I will be back there next week.  I have passed up many events to make it to those meetings. I now feel secure enough on my path to miss an occasional meeting in order to attend another event. Life is about choices and I am finally making decisions just for me.  If it means missing a meeting now and then to spend time with friends and family or go on an outing that's OK......part of Chapter 3 is living life to it's fullest......and that is exactly what I intend to do......

See you next week......

Getting In The Game

"Life is not as much fun watching from the sidelines"....I have no idea who said this but it is true.

I have been sitting on the bench and watching life go by from the sidelines most of my life.

I never had the desire to be the center of attention.  I did want to be loved and laugh and have friends.  Many times I tended to watch  my friends do things I wanted to do but my fear of failure held me back.

I am finally getting in the game.....trying to push the fear of failure out of my life and my head.

I soak in and enjoy some of simple things....

-that first cup of coffee in the morning

- sitting on the porch drinking that cup of coffee ...even better

-and if it happens to be raining while I am having that cup of coffee while sitting in the rocking chair on the porch....perfection

-the wonderful feeling of laying in bed on a Saturday morning....the room still dark and just let my mind wander.....I get some of my best thoughts for my writing during those moments of solitude in the early dawn

-the same feeling at the end of the day.....in my bed.... my covers wrapped around me (except for one foot that I always leave hanging out)......I will reflect on the day, my goals and what is next for me

- being willing to go with copper color highlights in my hair and not give it a 2nd thought.....pure fun

- today Jenn and I went to my friend, Mary's house for a long overdue cooking lesson....sauce, greek tortolini salad, meatballs and hot tortolini.....actually if I were honest except for the meatballs Jenn did the cooking while Mary took notes and we drank coffee and chatted.....we left Mary with a weeks' worth of food and yes some pots and pans to wash......

-on the way home from Mary's, my sister called and said she and Mike were passing through Columbia so we got to catch up for an hour......not surprisingly we never stopped talking.....

-my Giants finally won one.....it was a nailbiter until the end........go Big Blue....

None of these items above are major life events but now I am able to enjoy every second of them....in fact I relish them.

Later this week, I will be attending the Pat Conroy Literary Festival in Beaufort.  I will be attending 2 writing classes each day (Thursday- Saturday) and on Sunday I will be going to a brunch where two authors will be doing  book readings and having a literary discussions.  Attending writer seminar's, sharing ideas, honing my writing skills and just hanging out with other writers......it's just a little slice of heaven.

And yes.....I am doing this by myself.  My comfort level continues to grow with regard to doing things alone.  Plus, I am not sure anyone would find this event as exciting as me. I on the other hand will be like a sponge soaking it all in......there I will be with one of my glitter covered notebooks and a few of the many gel pens I recently uncovered.

A new adventure to experience and write about.......another chapter in my book "The List".  The chapters are adding up.  When I go back and look at all the things I have taken on I am pleased that I have pushed myself so much.

None of the growth I have expeienced thus far is anything in comparision to what lies ahead.......scary, challenging and exciting all rolled into one.

And you......my family and loyal friends get to come along for the ride. I don't know if I will recognize myself in a couple years both physically and emotionally......healthier, confident and ready for whatever is next.......it will be like looking a mirror and not really knowing the reflection looking back at me.......like the catepillar I referenced a few weeks ago........this butterfly is getting ready to break free.......just watch me fly......

See you next week......

Change, change and more change.....the intro to Chapter 3

When I moved into my current residence I put the furniture where I thought it would look best.........
and there it stayed......
for more than 16 years......

No re-arranging for me......
No vision.....
No creativity.......nada.....none....at least when it comes to home interiors.....

I have spent the last few weeks purging and tossing things out.....
a pair of night tables.....
a large amoire.....
a headboard.....

Clothes closets have been examined......

I cleaned out my front/coat closet.  I was able to hang each of my shawls on a separate hanger.  Now, I can see them all, I do not have to hunt for one or forget any I have.

Every drawer and cabinet in the kitchen has had an initial review.....

Who needs 14 coffee mugs or 10 water bottles....
I have a Keurig...... so why would I need a 12 cup AND 4 cup coffee maker???

6 coffee mugs survived the cut but for a change I was able to choose which ones I wanted to keep.

You have to remove every drawer to find some treasures.  It is amazing how many things fall out of drawers and end up in the cabinet below.

Knives.....missing pieces of flatware.....a shoe horn.....all hidden after falling out of the sharp implement drawer.....although I have never heard of  anyone being stabbed  to death with an old shoe horn.....

I had more than 16 pairs of corn holders.......why?????

I got rid of 12 juice glasses.  I do not drink juice and have never ever had enough people here drinking juice to need those.

I had kitchen utensils that I couldn't identify.

I cleaned out the little key bucket on the kitchen counter......it contained.....

two sets of car keys for cars we no longer own......
6 house keys......I guess I kept having them made.....
3 luggage keys.....
several keys that I have no idea what they are for......
2 girl scout badges....
some screws and bolts (I held on to those because Lord knows what they are from)
some lanyards labeled Gatorade and various schools.....

And on and on......

It has been easier than anticipated to part with most treasures.....

During this process of change and out with the old.......I am slowly ....very slowly..... finding myself.......it is a long road ahead but most days are not too bad......I do run into those totally unexpected moments that hit me like a 2 X 4 and make me sad......

I have also had very understanding family and friends that when I say "I can't talk about it now"..... they will just let it go and move on to something else.....

Decisions and changes that have taken this long to happen are bound to lead me to some rough moments......but I do push on.....

Working on my health and weight go hand in hand with all the changes that surround me......all slow but all in the right direction. I am pleased with the way it is going and try not look back with regret too often....

Over the past few years, Jenn has done a great job of spotting bargains and knows my taste.  One of her finds was a room divider at Hobby Lobby for $20.  It has been standing folded up for the last couple of years  in a space between my dryer and a wall.  When I was doing the laundry last week,  I looked at it and in one of the very, very rare moments of designing creativity I have ever experienced....I thought to myself..... "I wonder how this would look as a headboard".......

Jenn helped me lift it into place and guess what??? It looks great!!! Not like some of the beautifully matched bedroom suites I know a lot of people have..... but guess what.....this is more me than a very expensive matching bedroom set..... add the $19.99 quilt and $6.00 matching pillow shams from Walmart and it really works......(the quilt and pillow shams were another Jenn Pizzo find)......Jenn is now on a mission to find me some bargain night tables to replace my practical but not very fashionable tv table/night tables.....LOL

Now the bedroom with the new headboard, quilt, pillow shams and my Mom's desk with all my treasures really feels right.....for me.......

And that's all that really matters.....

My headboard.....

My space......

See you next week........

Hanging in through the stress and the sadness.......

If stress can be self-created then I am the master of this process.

Month end at work is always stressful it that is the nature of the mortgage business.  After all these years of month end after month end, you get through it and before you know it.......it is month end again.

 Life out side of work has it's own stress.  The hot water needs to be replaced. Will my car that is getting up in miles need a major repair anytime soon? Will I have ever be able to retire? Does the fact that I dream every single night mean I have some health issue?

See where I am going with this......

My worries turn into stress and then I start to feel sad.  I really do try and fight off the worries......really. But is is part of my makeup.

As I continue to clean out, throw out, donate and purge it can be stressful.  Should I keep this....why.....why not....

I can look at a t shirt and memories flood back to an event or an outing or a holiday.

Today, I pitched the cards I had packed away from my baby shower (remember the baby the gifts were for is over 30 years old).  I came across an old satin bag filled with wedding cards.  I opened a few but realized that so many of the people the cards were from are gone. Those cards got tossed too.....

I cleaned out a dresser and donated another 21 books (yes on top of the 90+ from last week).

My night table is now empty.  I have moved all the items that were in the two drawers to another place or thrown out.  Why did I keep mittens, gloves and scarves in the 2nd drawer of my night table......I have no idea......

Through this process of cleaning out I feel so many emotions......good memories, sadness and a feeling I would equate with cleaning out the personal items of someone who has died. That may seem extreme but the tears do fall.  I look at the cards and t shirts and books and think of the promise and hope and excitement I felt when I bought or was given them.

Maybe I am like a caterpillar and just waiting to take on a new form?  My weight loss/ healthier life journey is part of that process......the struggle is real.....the transformation is painstakingly slow but the success is visible and that does make me smile..... at some point I will completely emerge from my cocoon......

During all of this purging, I did find a way to add something positive to the process.

My brother had given me my Mom's antique desk (he said since I was the writer in the family I should have it).  It has been sitting in my room....empty......just taking up space and surviving no purpose.

In a moment of sheer brilliance (OK not quite that extreme), I decided to take all of my writing materials, books, pens, journals and put them in the desk.  I added my books about Italy, lighthouses and other things I love.  A very special binder with letters from family and friends has a place now too. Now, I can find a note card and not have to search all over.

I am so happy with "my space"!! I look at it and smile......so from pain, stress, worry and sadness....I managed to find something peaceful and just about me.....

Here are some pic's of the desk.......

Oh just a couple more things......I am working through one of the hardest times in my life......but I will make it through......changing is not always easy.....life is not always easy but like the desk......I can find things to make me smile.......I have to remember that my healthier life journey has been going on for a while and hit its peaks and valleys but I am determined to get to my goal........just like the caterpillar.......just starting to break out.....starting Chapter 3......finally......

LOL and just one more thing......I have been banned from buying gel pens.......once I had gathered them all I have over 40....yes..... over 40 gel pens......I guess I will be writing a lot .....in a variety of colors........for a long, long time.....

See you next week.........

Weekends Are For Relaxing???????

It starts simply......

Jenn said "let's clean out the spice/baking cabinet". And from there it was the pantry, the cookbooks, the book case, other cabinets and closets.

By the time we were done and on our way to Goodwill, the second seat in my Escape was filled to capacity. We had everything from clothes to coffee mugs to a toaster and other kitchen items and a grand total of 91 books......yes, I said 91 books.  Cookbooks, sports books, biographies......you name it we donated it.

But do not fear.....we still have plenty of books I was not ready to part with......

I was able to organize the antique desk that was once my Mom's.  The desk now has all off my writing paraphernalia, my books about my dream trip to Italy, a book about Cheese, gel pens, glittered covered notebooks and on and on.  It is a space that is all about me.  I have my books filled with my 5 good things about each day that I have been writing for several years all in one place.

I kept cookbooks that have recipes that I might actually use.  I also couldn't part with my Betty Crocker and Better Homes  and Garden cookbooks I was given over 34 years ago. I also kept the binders I have with recipes I cut out and saved over the years.  Each binder has pockets which contain index cards with Christmas cookie recipes.  When you look at the well worn index cards you can see the history of how often they were used by the stains from vanilla and butter that ended up on them.

There were also some practical decision......old newspapers that seemed significant at the time were pitched, the coffee maker was donated since it was replaced by a Keurig a few years ago and some tops I bought just a year ago that have gotten too big are also gone.

As I write this, Jenn is still working.......I have run out of steam.

Due to all that work I have a great space of my own.  I  have more counter space in the kitchen and to I have reclaimed my living room which had become the Goodwill staging zone.

In addition to doing all this purging, Jenn and I also cooked and baked for the week.  We are both exhausted........what kind of weekend was this???? Not relaxing for sure but I am feeling a sense of satisfaction at all we got done.

Are we finished?  Yes, for this weekend but we there will be more weekends like this one in our future.....ugh.

I found time this morning to get back to Weight Watchers, after a few week break for Labor Day and I missed my meeting last week due to bronchitis.  It was good to be back and it was a well timed theme for me......tracking, tracking, tracking.......I had been slack the last few weeks but today's meeting definitely has me back on track (pardon the pun).

The last week has been a challenge for a variety of reasons and due to coughing fits.....I terribly miss sleeping in a position other than sitting up.

Not the most fun week I have ever had but at least it ended with a sense of accomplishment......

See you next week........

The Year Is Almost Over By Memorial Day

I always think of December 26th as one of the saddest days of the year.  Another long 365 (or 366) days to go until my favorite day of the year....Christmas Eve....... rolls around again.  When I was young, the time from 12/26 of one year to 12/24 of the next year took forever.

Now, it seems like in the blink of an eye and the holidays are coming around again.

I love the holidays from Halloween through Christmas....(New Years Eve has always been a let down for me unless one of my favorite college teams is playing New Year's Day).

In New York, we kept our tree up until the 12th day of Christmas (January 6th).  In the South, leaving the Christmas tree up into the New Year is bad luck. As I have adopted some southern ways, the tree usually comes down New Years Eve. Also a lot of people in the South put up their Christmas tree on Thanksgiving.  I used to think that was too early but then again in the South...... I see Christmas trees sitting by the side of the road on Christmas night......how sad......

Anyway back to the title of this entry......

Here is the way I see it....the year goes a little slow from Jan 1st though Memorial Day (unless the NY Giants are in the Super Bowl then the beginning of February can be a big event).  Then time flies.....it is a short 6 weeks from Memorial Day to July 4th and then another quick 6-7 weeks to Labor Day. And once the kids are back in school and Labor Day has passed it seems that before I know it we are putting up the Christmas decorations.

The days pass quicker as I get older.....kind of scary.......

This entry regarding the passage of time got me thinking about a column Erma Bombeck wrote years ago about "saving things"......

How many of you are like me and save things for special occasions?  I don't use the good china because I might break a piece.  I burn the seasonal candles sparingly instead of enjoying the aroma of McIntosh Apples or Christmas Wreath throughout the house. Up until recently, I could have died with a lingerie drawer filled with unworn unmentionables.  I am afraid to wear most of my good jewelry because I might lose it.

I finally thought...what am I waiting for???? I have started wearing them items I mentioned above.  I will burn those damn candles.....after all I can buy more.  The good china.....at some point I will use it for a dinner in the middle of the week....maybe for a sandwich or salad.

With the quick passing of each season......I find myself thinking "where has the year gone or where has the time gone?"

Jenn read me something the other day that said incoming High School Freshman (I think it is still OK to use the term Freshman except at Princeton where they are now called First-Year Students).  The piece Jenn shared with me said 9/11/01 would be taught as part of history since the Freshman were not alive when that event took place. To the class of 2020, Wayne Gretsky and John Elway have always been retired.   Jenn's University 101 class was not familiar with Mr. Rogers Neighborhood.

I am grateful I grew up in a time of playing outside until the street lights came on, where 50 cents could buy me 2 slices of pizza and a soda, where you could sit through a movie more than once(and not have to pay again) and any given Saturday or Sunday could include the family piling in the car to go for a ride......yes, a simple ride in a car. I can still remember sitting in the back seat of the station wagon facing backwards as we rode to nowhere in particular........maybe the fact that these events took place close to 50 years ago makes them seem better in my memory than they actually were......

As I sit here looking toward another autumn followed quickly by the balance of 2016, I would like time to slow down just a bit........too bad that is something I can't control.......and before we know it......it will be Memorial Day again and another year gone.......

In my head though..... will be the thoughts and memories of a little girl laying her head by the open window of a Kingswood Estate station wagon enjoying the warm breeze as we would ride to points unknown on a Labor Day weekend.......

See you next week........

The Best Days.....or Moments

In my team meeting tomorrow, I am asking my team to each come up with a good day or moment or two.  I do not want it to be the obvious days like when they got married or had their children.

Once again this idea came to me from watching City Slickers where they each discuss their best and their worst day.

I think worst days are easy to come up with......it's like when someone asks you to list your good qualities and your bad qualities. I can list my bad qualities until the cows come come.....but good qualities are more of a challenge.

I am also not going to ask people about their worst days........this is supposed to be fun sharing not depressing.

I am a sap from the word go.......I can cry about anything......the other day I caught the last 10 minutes of "Homeward Bound".  I have seen  it before so I know how it ends......but why oh why do I sit there and cry waiting for that last dog to come over the hill......as I said.....I have seen the movie.....I know he is going to make it......LOL

The good list might not even be days....it could be moments......

Yes, this exercise is very "me" oriented and gives everyone a chance to brag or share.

When Jenn was young I told her she could not brag  except to me or Nannie.  If something good happened she would run in the house and say "I am calling Nannie."  Then I could hear her say to my Mom...."Nannie, let's talk about me" and laugh.

On FB, people have shared good news and bad news.  I have read and liked posts about children and spouses and losses and vacations and on and on.......all great to share....... I have seem some great quotes that have given me pause to think.....maybe some oversharers (do I need know know about every second of your life?) and dear God I cannot wait for the election to be over......I am sick of the ugly back and forth posts.

I have made a concerted effort to not overshare but then again I am sure there are those that think this blog is over sharing........hell...... no one said you HAD to read it.........

Here are some moments that would make my list:
- being in the same room with my siblings for a few hours
-being the only one in my Geometry class to get an A on a test and having the teacher annouce it (I can still hear him saying"Yes, Miss Raboni it was you that got the only A on the exam"
-driving a convertible heading to the beach and smelling the ocean
-finding out parts of the letter about my Dad and our picture would be published in Tim Russert's book
- EVERY Christmas Eve day of my life (at least the ones I can remember)...... it is the best day of the whole year
-a early morning cup of coffee on my porch in the fall
-football Sunday's in NY when my whole family would watch the game together
- my younger brother making me a pen in my favorite color
- my older brother showing up as a surprise at our family reunion
- my sister driving 100 miles each way on Thanksgiving to spend a few hours with me
- being asked to write a poem to paint on the windows of my Freshman high school homeroom (pre-Pearl River HS)
- how about the smell of onion and garlic cooking when making sauce
-smells alone can provide a myriad of memories....cookies baking, burning a macintosh apple candle,the smell of Brut (my Dad wore it) or White Shoulder (Mom's favorite)
- getting books, a flip flop wreath, a tiara, sand from the beach......or anything else that someone gives you that says "I thought of you when I saw /made this"

Of course, any day that incudes laughter is always a great moment.

My list could have gone on forever......I guess that shows how blessed I am......

So when I am in those dark moods or feel like a cloud is following me.......I need to think about the good days or moments........and that should help get me through until I shake the mood or chase the clouds away....

See you next week........

It's All Relative.......

Many times my sister and I would have conversations. We would discuss things that might be going wrong.  Once of us would say "I feel bad about complaining about (fill in the blank)".  I would normally say "well, everything is relative"  meaning what may be an issue in my life may not be an issue in yours.  Something that I see as a big problem or challenge may seem minuscule to someone else.

As things continue to evolve in my life I have to be honest I look at everyone else's lives with rose colored glasses.  I do feel shallow when I envy someone with a new car, a beautiful home, a couple with an amazing relationship, someone going on a fabulous vacation, someone who doesn't have to worry about the next major bill that might show up and on and on.......

It's not that I begrudge them what they have earned or worked so hard for......but......I do think to myself sometimes.....when does it get to be my turn??? It's not really a pity party is just the feeling that I too have worked hard and want to reap some of the benefits of my hard work.

Well, life doesn't work that way.......who ever said it is fair and everyone lives happily ever after??? Change is hard.......life is hard......moving ahead is hard.......some days getting out of bed is hard.

The journey I have chosen to take is mine.  I have to figure it out.  I have to work through the changes.  I have to learn and grow.  I have to learn to depend on me more than I have up until now.

I have talked about Chapter 3 for a few years now. I couldn't wait fot it to get going and now that it is finally happening and guess what......it is scaring the shit out of me.

Also, my battle for a healthier life is mind boggling.  My pals keep reminding me that it has its ups and downs.......nothing worth having is that easy....right?

I known I didn't just wake up one morning fat........the sad part is I didn't even enjoy getting there.  You would think I would have at least enjoyed all that cheese...I know there are those who think I got so fat by eating whole pizza's and gallons of ice cream but that is not the case and that's the God's honest truth!!! The only food I can truly say I did over eat was ........yes, you guessed it cheese.....no denying that....I am a cheeseaholic (even though I no longer eat anywhere close to the amount of cheese I did before like an alcoholic you are always one)......I will always be a cheeseaholic even though I now go days without eating it....is it totally out of my diet.......no.....but thinking I used to be the person who could easily go through 2  plus pounds of cheese a week......I have come so far.

I have had so much support in the past few years as I try to get healthy.  I have an amazing bunch of people in my Sunday morning class.  They are so encouraging and won't let me quit even when I have had enough.  And when I don't want to think about one more pound or one more weigh in or tracking my food one more day they are there to push me ahead.  They have also threatened to find me if I didn't show up for a meeting.

Today's topic was about "weigh ins".  It is true that I get tired of guessing what my efforts for the week have done and how they are reflected on the scale.  I obviously avoided the scale for years when I was on my way up and now the scale can either be my friend or my enemy depending on the number I see on the way down.

A healthier life plays so much a part of Chapter 3 that I have to push on......it would be unfortunate to finally move into the next phase of my life and was not in good enough shape to really enjoy it.

One of my WW buddy gave me a little angel today.  I have it as a reminder to keep the faith and remember there are angels watching over me.

One of my former coworkers posted a photo from about 13-15 years ago.  I can hardly recognize myself.  But there I was smiling through the pain.  The pain is very real and pops up when I least expect it.  It is something I have carried with me for many, many years.  It is still there but very,very gradually fading and the smile is becoming more sincere.

As I said in the title "it's all relative"  what matter most to me may not be the same for others.  They might think really??? That's you problem???

Then once in a while something happens out of the blue.  This week a coworker in her 40's with a young daughter lost her battle with cancer.  After hearing that news I felt so many emotions......anger, sadness and a hatred for friggin cancer. I felt embarrassed in the fact that I am so self-absorbed when I think of Mary and the way she battled. I am going to name my little angel Mary after one of my hero's.

I think Mary would understand my frustration and selfishness and my battle although it is so different from the walk she walked these last few years.  We all have our own demons.  Mine biggest demon is about the battle for health and weight and life.

I am choosing life.......

See you next week......

Today I Can.......and Facing Fear....

Once again one of my WW pals (YAY...Stefanie) bought a bracelet with the words..."Today I Can"..... I just ordered one.....I need the visual reminder that I can do this....what ever "this" is.....

You all realize part of writing this blog serves as therapy for me.....I get my thoughts and feelings on paper.  In all honesty, I do hold back some.  I do not want you to see too much of the dark side.  This is not supposed to a depressing blog.....it is supposed to be hopeful and for the most part it is......

A friend did point out to me that fear is something that has an impact on my life.

Fear of falling.....fear of failure.....fear of of being alone......fear of my future.....

See a common thread here????

We can eliminate the easy one first....fear of falling.  Two bad falls one leading to a broken arm and another where my face connected with cement .......it is easy to see why I am afraid of falling.  An embarrassing fall in front of a friend and the struggle to get up is what lead me to WW.  I guess things do happen for a reason......right?  The struggle to get up after falling while  wading in the ocean was another memorable moment including the long struggle to get back to the stairs leading away from the beach to be able to stand up.....how do you spell humiliation???? Again another reason to head to WW. I recently fell in my home.  I tripped over the front door sill....really??? I sat on the floor and thought now what?  I can kneel but the pain due to arthritis in my knees is pretty bad and I had nothing to cushion my knees within my reach.  I maneuvered my way around looking for an option on how to get up. I thought to myself at some point in the near future I will be living alone (and it's not like someone could help me anyway).  I realized if I couldn't get off the floor while I was alone......I couldn't live alone.  That thought was all I needed to get my ass in gear.  I slid over to the love-seat, pulled the cushions off and after a few tries I hoisted myself onto the love-seat sans the cushions. From there it was easy to get up.  I am very careful now about watching my step......I am clumsy for sure.

Fear of failure.....
I have worked so hard but some days don't know if I will ever hit my goal. I am hoping some stress relief heading my way soon will give my body the extra push to stop this game it is playing with me. My frustrations are a struggle.  I am trying hard to work through it.  My determination shows when I stay at a Sunday meeting even though I am not seeing the results I desire. My determination shows when I come home and try a new dish in order to jazz things up.  My desire to not to fail is evident in the fact I haven't quit WW, my meetings or watching what I eat.  I have already planned another day at the gym this week and I was there Friday night too(which also could lead to comments that I really don't have much of a life since I had nothing to do but go to the gym on a Friday night...LOL). I CANNOT FAIL......I pray about it every night......I think about it every day.

Fear of being alone and fear of the future walk hand in hand......
I have never lived alone.  I also hate the unknown.  I am picturing waking up in the morning alone, in the middle of the night alone, in a thunderstorm alone and in a power failure alone. There is something in knowing someone is nearby that makes a difference. BUT if I don't face my fears and as I was told recently "I let fear run my life"........ my life will be at a standstill.  If I really want to live out my dreams I must face my fears.  At times I feel like I am the only one who feels this way.  And I also feel very alone. I think I talk a good game but now I have to walk the walk and that can be tough (especially with my falling history......but then again I have been getting up instead of staying down.....right??).

Worry and fear are linked in my mind and heart......I have to believe I have the strength, will and desire to face them all and move ahead to fulfill my hopes and plans for the future.

If I let the fears and worries stop me.....I only have myself to blame.  Plus, I don't mind occasionally proving the doubters out there wrong.......

One more thing......Jenn went to the Fresh Market this week and brought me a surprise.  It was a salad made up of cucumbers, tomatoes, kalamata (sp) olives, peppers, red onion, chic peas and edamame with some light Italian salad dressing.  It was amazing....but not cheap.  Last night, I recreated it on my own....how is this for yummy.......

On to next week....facing fears and worries but in my head and heart also thinking "TODAY I CAN"....

See you next week......

Working from the extremities in......

First, I need to share a quote that one of my WW buddies (thank you Stephanie) sent to me to keep me going this week.....

"If I quit now I will soon be back to where I started and when I started I was desperate to get to where I am now."

How true are those words......when I started I would have given my eye teeth to have lost as much as I have so far.  The kind of support I get at my weekly meetings is priceless. The support from family and friends is invaluable. Getting texts and messages during the week keep me motivated.

OK back to the title of this entry.......

I now have what I think are normal looking hands and fingers (yes, they are worn and have wrinkles but they look like those of anyone my age.....actually they look a lot like my Mom's).  My hands don't look fat or puffy or swollen.

My ankles and feet look normal. I have had to move the buckle on my sandals in a notch or two smaller.  My ankles look like ankles should (which means smaller than my calves).  My feet don't look puffy either.  On a rare occasion they swell due to the heat or sitting too long. But other than that they look normal 95% of the time.  This did not used to be the case.....it used to be hard to tell if they were swollen or fat.

I have collar bones....real honest to goodness collar bones.....like everyone else.  They are defined and no longer hidden.  I have a neck too....not just something on which my head sits.  When I wear a necklace it actually hangs like it should and doesn't fit or look like a choker.  My face is not as round as it was....there is more definition to it now.

My biggest problem areas......thighs, butt, stomach (basically my whole torso) have had some changes but not as much as the others I have mentioned.  Eventually, they will change too but may always be somewhat out of proportion.

The physical changes are not the most important changes though......it is the changes that are taking place inside. My healthier lifestyle is front and center.  Adding years to my life is what I have done for me. Overall improved health and feeling better on a daily basis is what matters most........

Who doesn't want to look good or buy off the rack in a "normal" store .......but now what really matters is time and the ability to enjoy that time doing things I want to do.....(I can't wait to zip line...LOL)

How much better a gift can a person give themselves than life........ a good life.......a chance to create memories....an opportunity for new adventures.......as one of the characters in one of my favorite movies "City Slickers" said.....you can have a do-over in life......I can't go back and fix the lost or wasted years but..........

Chapter Three.....is my do-over and it is going to be one hell of a journey.......

See you next week.........

The Battle of the Bulge Continues......

I am about to lose my mind.......I feel overwhelmed.....frustrated......fed up.......disgusted.........like a failure.........bewildered.........confused.......depressed..........

But like a candle in the darkness.........way inside my brain.......and heart is a little tiny glimpse of hope that refuses to give in.......

I guess you can tell how my weigh in went today.

I got off the scale and said out loud....."I am done!!" Some of my WW buddies standing there said "No, you are not!" I texted Jenn and said "I give up!!" Her response was basically "get your ass into the seat at that meeting." I stayed and listened and thought and finally I spoke.  Another member was talking about her frustrations with gaining instead of losing.  I told her I could understand since I have had a few rough weeks myself.  Stress at work, upcoming changes in my life and not exercising enough (partly due to my work schedule) has put me in this ugly dark place.

I start to doubt if I can really do this and be successful (whatever that means to me and no one else).  My WW buddies encouraged me to hang in there and they hugged me.  I told the class about what is coming up for me and how it is weighing on me both emotionally and physically.

Sometimes things happen at the right time......on my FB memories page a picture of me from 3 years ago popped up today.  OK there was the visual reminder of how I have changed physically.  Mentally and in my heart the battle continues.  I knew looking at that picture I don't want to go back there.  But I am also afraid.......I have seen how easily just a few pounds can sneak back on you.  I am just talking about a few pounds but it just pushes my further away from my goal (not WW's goal but mine).

I knew after I had time to think about it I can't quit but how do you move forward when your feet are stuck in quicksand????

I have to figure it out.......the changes will come and go......the weather will cool off.......I will get back to the gym.......and the scale WILL start to move in the right direction again......I have to believe it or I couldn't face tomorrow.  The mental and physical pain are very real and I am so tired of hurting.  I have to believe I am struggling for a reason.  We do have to crawl before we walk......we can't enjoy a mountain top unless we have been in a valley (oh how I love that phrase!!!).

Today, I recommit to my effort for a healthier lifestyle again for the zillionth time......I am not going to post how much I am up or down....unless I hit some noteworthy number because in all honesty who besides me really cares about the number that is my gravitational pull on the earth.  My family and friends want me to succeed but they really don't need to know the numbers......they will be there as they have been all along pushing me, dragging me, walking with me, cheering me and sometimes holding me up when I don't think I can take another step.......and for that I am eternally grateful!!!

In order for this entry to not be totally depressing (LOL)....let me tell you about some of the roses I have stopped to smell recently......

Today I held a baby.....it made me laugh as she smiled at me and held my finger.....so peaceful as she fell asleep on my shoulder.

Jenn bought me a notebook the cover is gold glitter and it cost $1.49 and some Bic pens in a variety of colors for 97 cents.......she said they are to write about my future......my plans and hopes and dreams and hopefully things that will turn into realities......

I have gifts from friends that I look at and smile......a flip flop wreath, a mouse pad with flip flops (see a recurring theme here...LOL), a tiara, some chop sticks and a $3 light house sitting on my counter.....

I have gone back to cooking a variety of veggies for the week so my fridge is full of good options right at my finger tips.

I have promised myself that I will continue to stop and notice the small things in life that matter.  The numbers on the scale will go down but I need to be part of the parade of life instead of just an observer or critic.  There are people far worse off than me and I need to remember that......

Here are some of the simple pleasures that I appreciate......

A gold glitter notebook....

Some Bic pens in a variety of colors.....

A pair of chopsticks (one of my goals is learning to use them....LOL)

A flip flop wreath.......

The girl I used to be and the one I am now.....

 See you next week.......

What Can I Say About An Orange and Other Stuff.....

I hate oranges.  Wait correct that statement.......I used to hate oranges.  Actually it wasn't so much oranges......it was peeling oranges.  How lazy can a person be???? I also do not like oranges with seeds.  Guess what......there is such a things as seedless oranges!! I knew I needed to kick it up a notch with fruits.  I am great with veggies in fact there are very few I do not like.

I have been buying seedless oranges and peeling them as soon as I bring them home.  I put each one in a zip lock sandwich bag in the fridge.  When I am ready to eat an orange I can just grab one and am good to go.

Why can't my desire for a healthy happier life be as simple??

Each Sunday, I stress out on my way to my weigh in.  I review my week and the choices I have made.  Most times I walk in feeling like I had a good week.  Today, I was sure I would be down......and I was.....just not as much as I thought I would be.  I have given up trying to figure out how much the scale will move.  Today at my meeting we discussed this very issue.  First, it is not a race.  Any movement of the scale downward is good.  Yes, they say you can lose "an average of 1-2 pounds a week".  Who do you know has consistently lost 1-2 pounds a week......very, very few. Sticking with the plan is not always easy and takes thought and preserverance.  You have to be willing to fight through the plateau's and even worse the up weeks. We discussed portion control which is key to success.  Portion control means it is not a free-for-all regarding foods that are zero points. Yes, that means just because grapes are zero points you cannot eat a pound of them in one sitting......same with veggies.

We were asked what food had it been the hardest for us to control or try to minimize or not eat on a daily basis?  For me the answer was so easy........CHEESE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE cheese.......I adore cheese.......I am a cheeseaholic.  I miss cheese.  If there was only one food I could eat for the rest of my life.....you got it.....cheese!!! I miss it and think of it as an old friend who might not have helped me make the right choices.  Was it cheese alone that got me to my heaviest weight....NO!! But did cheese play a part.....YES.  I was in denial about the amount of cheese I ate......huge denial.

Now my life is about oranges and grapes and brussels sprouts and I love them all.......but no where near as much as my beloved cheese.

In order to become the best I can be cheese had to be removed or limited greatly in my life.  While oranges have taken it's place I would still kill to have a pound of American Cheese.  Well at least they are both the same color.....

Each day I set out to fulfill my dreams of a healthier Donna. And as Chapter 3 of my life moves closer and closer I know some of the sacrifices I have had to make will lead me to reap the benefits in added years.

One more thing, I pulled a pair of shorts out of the closet today.  I bought them last summer.  They were very loose....almost too loose......and that's what I need once in a while....a visual reminder of where I have been and where I am going.

Here's to the next 7 days......which I take one day at a time......here's to zucchini and grapes and brussels sprouts......here's to portion control.......here's to loose shorts and nightshirts that now are falling off of me.

Here is to life .......and each minute I am adding to my life with any tiny movement of the scale downward......so I guess that also means......here's to the oranges too.......

See you next week........

Switching Things Up.......

Sometimes you need to shake things up a little. It can help break through the plateau's.

I will admit I have been lazy lately about cooking.  I have been taking the easy way out.  All I have been eating as far as veggies is tomato's and cukes.  Easy prep and easy to grab on the run.

After today's meeting (actually during today's meeting) I decided  it was time to get back to more variety.....and a little more effort.  I texted my daughter who was doing the grocery shopping with some additional items for the shopping list: snow peas, edamame, cauliflower, broccoli and zucchini.  I also asked her to get a can of crushed pineapple and some greek yogurt.  One of my WW buddies told me she uses the WW shake with milk, yogurt and pineapple and it tastes like a pina colada......that's worth a try!!!!

I have spent the afternoon prepping the veggies.  I took out  my steamer and have been running the assorted veggies through it.  I took all of the edamame out of its pods so I can eat it as a snack. I made some turkey meatloaves in a brownie pan so they are all the same size. I get 12 mini meatloaves per tray. I feel like I am ready for the week.  I hope this will be the jumpstart to help that damn number move down on the scale.

I had a good week at the scale but as I have said  in previous posts the slowness is KILLING ME !!!!! I need to try to get to the gym more I am sure that will help.  I have to be more dedicated to the excercises I can do sitting in my chair while I work.  Living in SC in July does not bode well for outside excercise (even any kind of walking).  I went to a meeting this weekend and walking was involved. I broke it up into shorter portions but it is NOT something I enjoy.  I had to do the walking to get from meeting to meeting.  My fear of falling is also front and center.  My arthritis filled knees want to strangle me.  The humidity plays with my asthma.  But I didn't give up......I am just the turtle in the race.

I know July  4th is barely in our rear view mirror but I look forward to the fall and the cooler weather.  In SC, that means Thanksgiving......

There are some changes not too far down the road for me.  I am hoping those changes will take some of the stress out of my life.  I have heard that stress can have an impact on weight loss. Going through those changes will be emotional and stressful. I will have to have a pep talk with my fat and sing a few verses of "Let It Go".

As my life's journey continues with all of it's twists and turns, the time coming up shortly will be the most challenging I have experienced so far for a number of reasons.  I may go off the meter emotionally some days and be in total control others.  I know I will come out on the other side a happier person.......I just have to get through it and no one can do it for me.  I will lean on my friends and family as I need to.  There may be anger and fear and frustration and resentment.......don't I sound like someone you will want to be around????

As one of my family members you have no options but to put up with me through this process.  And  if you signed on to be my friend you have to take the good with the bad......sorry!!!!

Thanks for traveling with me......as I walk along this road called life....it is great to have company by my side.....and I wouldn't have it any other way......

See you next week.....

Finding " The Zone"......Again

When I am in "the zone" I am unstoppable !! The hard part is staying there.....

Like a baseball player on a hitting streak, "the zone" is where I can fight off temptations, make the right choices with ease and feel confident.

When a baseball player is in a slump it can be ugly and feel like it is lasting forever. Fighting to stay in the zone is a tough battle.  It is a battle I fight every single day!!

The beginning of the journey is easy. At least it was for me.  The pounds seemed to fly off.  I would read about people taking years to hit goal even when they had smaller amounts to lose than me. I wondered what was their problem? Why was it that the weight wasn't just falling off them?  I thought I would/could hit goal in no time.  NOT !!

After a while, your body starts to fight back and holds on to the fat for dear life.  You get bored.  You get fed up. You get tired of thinking about food and not thinking about food.  You get tired of 1 pound down and 1 pound up.  You start to think am I ever going to lose my next 5 pounds????

When you have lost a lot of weight you hit what I think of as the danger zone......you get cocky......you think I've got this........you lose your focus.......you fall out of "the zone".

Getting back into "the zone" takes work and desire and the willingness to admit you CANNOT do this alone. It would help to see a week with a good loss.....but as much as you can control what you take into your body.....you cannot always control how your body reacts to what you take in. Your body has a mind of it's own.  You just have to keep trying. It means reminding yourself that eventually there will be breakthrough weeks to offset the ups, plateaus and the weeks of neither losing or gaining.

While working to get back into "the zone" you must find the positives!! Look at how far you have come, look at the great feedback from your doctor, look at the mobility you now have, look at how you don't have to ask for a table vs. a booth, look at the clothes getting too big  and think about where you would be if you hadn't started to focus on yourself, your weight and your health........

My desires are small.....I just want to lose another 5 pounds.......nothing more......I cannot focus on anything more than that.....just 5 lousy pounds......and then the next 5 and the next 5.......

I look back at old pictures and that does give me the extra push I need to continue on......taking it one day, one hour and even one minute at a a time.......

Have a Happy 4th of July !!!

See you next week.........