And the list continues to go.....

Things I want to get done.....here are more thoughts....

New faucets throughout the house
New black splash and matching counter tops
Would love to sod the whole friggin backyard
An awning over the patio
New cabinets under the bathroom sinks

Shall I go on......
I want to take some writing classes
I want to find a way to either get into writing articles for magazines or finding a way to be published
I want to take one "real" vacation a year....not just sitting around the house


I have lived for so long in fear of "what ifs" that I have been stuck in neutral. Well time to step on the clutch and shift gears. I am going to start doing instead of dreaming.

Manners and Such

Growing up we were taught to say Please, Thank You, You Are Welcome, God Bless You and May I Be Excused. Dad would say grace before dinner (I have to admit sometimes at great speed). There was no answering back to my parents. No getting on the phone with friends during dinner. Attendance at Sunday Dinner was not optional....it was a command performance. Even on a hot summer day the boys had to wear a shirt at the dinner table even if we ate outside. Lounging around all day in our PJ's unless we were sick was a no-no. Sleeping late.....nope. My dad would come in our bedroom and open the shade to let the sunlight in. There was no misbehaving at the dinner table. We didn't enter our parents bedroom without knocking on the door (I understood this rule more as I got older....LOL). We had to do our assigned chores. I never really gave this a second thought. This is just the way it was in our house.

Today while I was in the pool at the gym there were several kids in the pool. Most not being attended to by their parents. One little boy jumped in the pool right in front of me and water shot up all over the place including on me. I went to the other end of the pool to stay out of the fray. All of a sudden I see the little boy walking around the side of the pool. He had on goggles and a nose clip and was about 7 or 8 years old. He stopped when he got next to me and starred. I stopped jogging and looked up at him. He said something I couldn't understand. I said "I am sorry I didn't hear you." He said, "I am sorry I splashed you." I told him not to worry about it and thanked him for coming to say that to me. I turned around and saw his Mom watching the conversation. I gave her the thumbs up. She smiled back. The poor kid.....I am sure it was Mom's idea and he looked so nervous coming over to me. What I wanted to do was laugh but I kept a serious face on. But to see this little boy in goggles and a nose clip apologizing was just precious and extremely funny.

His Mom made him do the right thing. I appreciated it. I know my parents would have made me do the same thing. It is those small lessons that stay with us for life. And that little boy should be very proud of himself.....heck I didn't even know his name but I was proud of him!!

Things To Do

Donna's Up Coming To Do List-

I love lists!!! I have to start to plan and write down the things I need to take care of.....some are small and some are big. But if I don't start to think about them or check into them they won't ever get done.

The things for this week and this month will happen. The things for this year is part of the wish list I have decided to work on.....

This week-
Go to gym 5 times (ugh)
Finish Income Taxes (yuck)
Have central air maintenance done (a must after the mild winter we had.....Lord knows what the summer will be like)
Have my car serviced (tires, alignment and anything else it needs)
Replant herb garden
Put down new mulch around bushes in front of house
Continue the attack on the ant hills in the backyard and on the side of the patio


This month- (ok into April too)-
Finish writing what I want to say at Mom's Memorial service in April
Get estimates to have house power washed
Buy a weed eater before the grass grows up under the vinyl siding
Fix flag holder on porch
Rake and re-seed lawn in patchy spots
Buy new cover for gas grill

This year-
Get two door knobs replaced for two closets in house
Fix lock on the shed
Plan vacation
Start to get estimates for new flooring on the living room side of the house
Get estimates for painting the living room side of the house
Get Bob's trips to NY scheduled
Look for a new couch

Well that should keep me busy until 2013....don't you agree??

Mirror, Mirror...

99% of people do not look great naked. Everyone has their flaws or things they would like to change. I know how my butt, stomach and thighs look....not so good. I have accepted that fact. I am working on it.

I have a mirror on my desk. I have it because the way my desk is situated someone could walk up behind me and I wouldn't see them. I have been known to be so focused on work that when someone comes up behind me they startle me and I scream. Not very pretty.....LOL. I also have a cubicaller (it is a doorbell for my cube)...it does give me advanced warning when someone is coming into my workspace.

Anyway, about the mirror. It does come in handy but also I catch glances of myself all day. I fix my hair each time I look in it (we all know how I am about my hair). Yesterday was different. I was wearing a top I hadn't worn in ages. A striped top in Easter colors of pink, purple and white. I caught a glance of the top in the mirror and then I saw something else.....I wasn't sure what it was. I looked again in the mirror and had to look hard. It was my arm. What had caught my eye was the skin on my arm. It was hanging and was something I had never really noticed before. I tried to pull my short sleeves down to my elbows so I didn't have to look at it. The skin looked like friggin wings hanging there. I have been so busy focusing on the lower half of my body it never dawned on me that my arms were kind of ugly too.

OK so now I know why I have been doing arm work too. I am going to double my efforts on my arms so that when I put my arms out to my side I don't look like I am going to take flight any minute.

My next worry......what other parts of my body have I missed focusing on.....my ears???? my nose???? Did I mention that the birthmark I have had since birth but had faded between my eyes has decided to surface again recently? Each day when I put on my make-up there it is....red like a sunburn between my eyes.

I don't know what else there is to focus on......maybe I should just take down the mirror.....but if I did then I might miss seeing the improvements taking place.....and if it broke....well I sure don't need 7 years bad luck.....so the mirror stays and in it I will hopefully see parts of me that are starting to disappear....

Time To Stop Letting People Hurt Me....

In order to get to the happy place I referenced in my last post I need to really focus on the topic of this entry. I am way too sensitive. I get hurt way too easily. I do not let people know when they hurt me for fear of hurting them (OK how silly is that). I know many times people do not mean to hurt me or even give what they do that hurts me a second thought. I don't know why I still feel the need to be accepted, included and part of the crowd.

This week I attended a lunch and learn meeting. The first thing we had to do was look at a picture and give our thoughts on what it meant to us. It was a group of people with eggheads sitting at a table in a meeting. When it was my turn I said it reminded me of when I was in elementary school and junior high. I was in the IGC class (intellectually gifted children) and the SPE (special progress class). LOL....I know the fact that I even made the cut into these classes may surprise many of you!!! I never felt I belonged and was only there because there was an extra desk. My biggest fear each year was being dropped from the class. It never happened. I told the group I was not at the table with the eggheads. I said I would probably have drawn myself in the room but at a table by myself.

So here is my struggle.....do I speak up and let people know they hurt me? Do I just try to push the hurt aside? What do I do? Let's face it at my age my sensitivity is probably not going to change......so what to do?

OK to all of you armchair therapists......why am I still seeking acceptance and love?? Is it something we all desire throughout our lives and we just do not speak of it or am I just a mess......

I am going to try and suck it up a little more and not let things hurt me so easily........we will see how it goes......

Dress It Up

I am trying to change from the girl in the solid shirt and the solid slacks. I have been in a rut as far as clothes go. I have moments like the wedding last year when I break out into a top that has bold colors and prints. So now that it is spring time to try and pick out some tops that not solid black, blue, green and red. Boring....

I always wear solid slacks so the print tops will go with almost anything. I have been searching for tops that are not so loose....more form fitting. I have solid color tank tops so getting something to go over them should be easy. I am going to try to find some sheer tops like the now famous "Oprah" top and enough other tops to not get bored.

I am going to order another bathing suit....OK these I do in solids....royal blue, black and eggplant but I am going to try and get a multi-color cover-up. Did you know bras come in colors other than white, beige and black??? I now have a rose color one and a am going to order one in a navy and maybe pink. Am I walking on the wild side or not????

I am going to get some new night shirts.....I tend to wear them until they have holes in them and are threadbare.....I think at this point in my life I can treat myself to something more than the bare basics.

Shoes......I guess there is something more than crocs and flip flops.....right? It is very difficult for me to find a comfortable shoe. I will keep searching but for now it will be yellow boxes and crocs.....

Any I going crazy......no.....I just feel I am allowed to have a decent wardrobe and not feel guilty about it.....right?? OK then why am I feeling guilty.......time for more therapy......

Being Happy With Who I Am Now....

After many hours on the therapist couch.....LOL....not really....but I think we could all use some therapy. I tend to get mine through my friends and by talking to myself (in my head that is not out loud....LOL).

I have to accept and love myself as I am now.....warts and all. If I cannot get to that place then I will never be happy no matter how much I change. I have moments of confidence and happiness and dare I say it delight. Even an occasional bit of joy thrown in. But sometimes I have to fight the dark cloud that seems to follow me. My lot in life is not perfect but if I can ignore the things that drag me down I think I can be on a more positive track. This may take some work but I am going to really make a concerted effort to stay on the glass is half full side of the street. No, I am not going to change into Mary Poppins but I can do a better job at focusing on the positive.

Donna's things to be happy about:

95% of the time I love my job.
I am now planning to do some things around the house to improve it.
Doing some shopping for me.
Saying yes more and no less.
More time with family and friends.
Going to the gym.
Continuing to finds healthy options with regard to food.
Stop looking at what others have and be happy with what I have or what I will have.

Making changes in attitude will be as hard if not harder than the work to get healthy and eat healthy. But I can do it.....I know I can.

The Gym and The Scale

We are very much back into our 4 times a week at the gym. It feels good to be back in a routine. I have done some more reading about Water Jogging and really have found my passion in exercise. I am thinking about maybe doing 15 minutes or a mile on the elliptical and then heading to the pool to jog for a while. I will let you know how that goes. I would have to wear my bathing suit under my shorts and t-shirt then get all sweaty and take it off to go in the pool and then put it back on when I get out of the pool??? Hhhhmmm.....I may have to think on that one. I hate carrying a bunch of stuff into the gym but if I don't want to put sweaty clothes back on I would have to bring another outfit to wear home. While the hell don't I just bring a rolling suitcase in with me???? OK this is way to much to think about.....I will have to see how it goes....oh and I forgot I would have to bring my sneakers and another pair of shoes.....who wants to put sweaty socks and sneakers back on after the pool. And I will be carrying out sweaty clothes mixed with the salt water smelling bathing suit and towel.....OK I am getting way ahead of myself. I do think I have to find some thing to use to play music while I am in the pool. The time does go fast but having music would make it even better.

I also got back on the scale after a several week absence. I was going to weigh myself on Tuesday morning but decided I has eaten pasta the night before and that might make me too heavy.....so I weighed myself on Thursday after a light dinner Wednesday night......do you see how obsessive I am about this. I only weighed myself 4 times which is good for me and the scale numbers were all favorable. But not what I was hoping for.... I have to continue to tweak things so I can continue to move in the right direction. I guess I was a little disappointed because this week I actually thought once or twice that my clothes felt looser......maybe the only thing looser is the brains in my head.....

I have to continue to remind myself that I am much healthier than I was 2 years ago, that I am eating much healthier than I did 2 years ago and I am in better shape than I was 2 years ago.....no matter what anyone else says or thinks.

Where would I be now if I had not started to exercise, eat healthier and lose weight?? I know I would have been heavier and less mobile. I have to remind myself of that and give myself an occasionally pat on the back along with the occasional kick in the butt to keep going. Yes, there are times when I feel sorry for myself when I see the speed at which others are moving toward success but I need to remember each in their own time......and my time is now.

Family and Friends

My sister and I talk several times a week, my younger brother and I were on the phone for an hour and 20 minutes last night, my older brother and I always talked every few weeks and that hasn't changed. My need to talk to them is very strong even thought there may be nothing new to say. I ask my sister about her granddaughter and love the excitement and joy in her voice when she talks about her. My older brother is falling in love with his granddaughter and is looking forward to the arrival of his second granddaughter in a few months. My younger brother and I talk about the house he and his wife are buying. They are so excited about it. Life goes on......

But in each conversation Mom does come up. She would have been pleased that Greg and Terry are buying a home. I could picture her walking around it and loving it. I know she would have enjoyed getting to know the greatgrandaughter she never got to meet in person and the one arriving in May. She did know that the new baby was going to be a girl. My sister and I spend a great deal of time talking about Mom.....so far we have been lucky and when I am having a down day she is OK and visa versa. I think we have both only had a bad moment at the same time twice since January.

I don't think my friends know how important they are to me.....especially right now.....I am going through one of the most difficult experiences of my life and without them I don't know where I would be. I would like to thank them for taking my calls and texts. For checking in on me and when I say I am not having a good day they understand.

I am trying to move ahead and think most days I am doing OK. Thank goodness for my family and my friends. Is it crazy to want to talk about her all the time? Is it crazy to not want to erase the last 2 voice messages I have on my cell phone from her? Is it crazy to still think she is still somewhere on vacation? Is it silly to write about her?

I have learned how to keep breathing. I have learned how to keep moving. I try to keep my tears in check as much as I can when I am with others. And while my heart will never totally mend......eventually I will get to a point where the ache won't be so bad all the time. But even I have to give myself some time......and I hope you are all patient while I work through this process. I am grateful to each and every one of you for being there for me......

The Portion Thing...

We are several weeks into the eating the right portion sizes for Lent. I think we will continue doing this even after the Easter Bunny has come and gone. Jenn and I have never overindulged in our eating (but we have never really measured or counted out what we eat....we just kind of eyeball it). We now use the weight watcher food scale that was collecting dust on the counter. It is amazing how accurate it is. We use smaller plates. And we count......I count the number of pretzels in a portion, we count the number of M&M's in a portion (anywhere from 25-29), we know how much linguine is a serving. We also now check out how much protein, fat, carbs and sugar are in something.....not just the calories. We are trying to experiment with different combinations of foods. Yes, a hamburger can be eaten without a bun. Yes, egg whites can make a good omelet. Yes, it is OK to have a treat now and then just keep track of it.

When my brother came to visit I asked him to bring 2 boxes of Devil Dogs and 2 boxes of Funny Bones for Jenn and me. Bob asked for 2 boxes of Coffee Cakes and 2 boxes of Yankee Doodles. Guess whose is gone already....not mine and Jenn's. In fact, Bob asked how many of the Devil Dogs and Funny Bones had I eaten......I told him Jenn and I had shared one Devil Dog. He looked at me like I was crazy. He said "why are you hoarding them?". I didn't think I was.....I was just being sensible.Thank goodness for the freezer....LOL. As I said before a little treat every now and then doesn't hurt.

I never was one to eat a sleeve of cookies but also never stopped to think 3 oreo's is a portion. Making a circle between your pointer finger and the middle of your thumb....the size of that circle is how much uncooked linguine is a serving. We had soup for dinner the other night and Jenn used smaller bowls than usual.....guess what.....it was the right amount. When we were done I wasn't busting at the seams full but I was satisfied. I really am trying to switch around what I eat. I found something called the "alternative bagel" at Publix. It is high in protein and fiber and low in sugar....only 110 calories. OK it is NOT as good as Panera's Cinnamon Crunch Bagel or the Asiago Cheese bagel but it serves it purpose for breakfast.

And we are all allowed to splurge every now and then but the portion thing is really a new twist for me. I grew up in the age of the clean plate club. Our meals while very tasty were laden with sauces and butter and carbs and fat. Crumb buns were eaten with butter, french toast had butter and sugar poured over it, veggies had sauces, we ate gravy on heaping piles of mashed potato's and never gave any of it a thought. Sugary buns from the bakery on Sunday mornings. Whole milk, butter, eggs, salt on everything.....nothing low fat or heaven forbid fat free. Now to me whole milk tastes so thick.....I never thought I would get used to skim milk but now that is all I drink. Would I love 2 eggs over easy, some home fries, a serving of corn beef hash and a few slices of rye toast with butter.....hell yes.....but each time I think of it my arteries start to clog. Now I am not saying we have the healthiest eating house around....I know others who really earn that award but at least Jenn and I think before we eat. We plan more.....we are a work in progress.....but we are eating a hell of a lot healthier than we used to.....and the portion thing....it is now part of us too.

Time to Start Using Some PTO

PTO.....I love those letters.....Paid Time Off!!!! I have only used 3 days of PTO so far this year. With the time I carried over from last year I really have to get going with using my time. This coming week I am taking off Friday and the following Monday. I am planning on doing some spring cleaning and getting my herb garden going. I may hit the gym and have some me time.

I have picked a lot of my time and still have about 5 days that I can use here and there. The funny part is when your children are young your time off from work is based around their school schedule. Then all of a sudden you can take time off just to take time off. It is strange and actually a little hard to get used to......just another turn in the road of making it all about me. Jenn and I will have some days off together and that is always fun and very busy!!!

But to sit at my table in the morning, have a cup of coffee from my Keurig and plan my day......just sounds lovely. Time to read or write......time to dream or plan......time to create or change.......there are a million options for what I can do on my PTO days.......one thing I am sure of is they will all be about me......

The Produce Stand

Although I hate the fact that it is warm so early......there are some up sides. No jackets have to be worn. Never had to give up the flip flops. I actually had to turn on the central air for a little while today. I am worried the summer will be ungodly hot since we never really had much of a winter. I am going to make an appointment to have our central air serviced this week (better now than in August). I drove by Lowes today and the herbs are in the racks so I may go back tomorrow and get some for planting. Also might get some hanging baskets along with the red ant killer and the weed spray for the cracks in the driveway.

But the nice part about the weather is the local produce stand has set up shop and is up and running. I stopped there last night and picked up a head of lettuce, 5 tomato's, 3 cukes, 6 ears of corn, 3 potato's, 3 green peppers, 3 lb bag of onions.....grand total $12. Just the cukes alone were selling in Walmart for 72 cents each and the peppers the same. In fact, I stopped at the produce stand today and got more onions, peppers and corn....another whopping $5.60. How can you beat 3 lbs of onions for $1.50 or 3 cukes for a dollar or 3 peppers for a dollar. And they are all fresh......so when I make sausage, peppers and onions this week....yum.....and with turkey sausage too!!!

I love buying fresh produce.....there is something about walking around in the open air and seeing all the veggies there are to pick from. The gentleman who waited on us last night was the same person to wait on us today.....when Jenn left he said "see you tomorrow" with a laugh. You never know.....we might be there again tomorrow.....nothing like it.

And This Is A Relaxing Saturday??

We leave the house at 9:40 for our pedicures. We are both finished by 12:00. While I was getting my pedicure, Jenn went to the Post Office and then to Publix to get us a sandwich to share for lunch ( I was starving since we hadn't had breakfast before we left the house). We eat on the road while we drive to the Village of Sandhills. Jenn goes to NY and Company for some clothes.....I sit in the car and listen to Pandora radio and play with my Iphone. She is in the store about an hour. Then it's off to Victoria's Secrets for more shopping. From there we head to Lowe's but have hard time getting across Two Notch to get in the parking lot. Instead we continue on to Sears so I can get Bob a leaf and grass blower. Once that purchase is made we head to Sams. My gas light goes on so we get gas at Sams first then Jenn goes in for the few items we need. From there we head to Lowe's for a few things we need for the house and a gift card for a friend. Final, stop is Aldi's for some flavored water. We pull back in the driveway at 4:45. We unload our purchases. I pull out the bills and weekly paperwork that needs to be done. Now, it is almost 7:00 and I am finally done with the paperwork. We call and order a pizza and I start working on my blog entries. It is now almost 9:00 and I am back to my blog.I still want to get the ironing done tonight.

Tomorrow, we are going to the gym early, making a quick stop at Publix and then a run through Bed, Bath and Beyond. I have to drop Bob off at 12:30 to meet his friend to go to the USC baseball game. I will then come home and make Weight Watcher Pumpkin Muffins and Taco Soup.

Week-end over......whew......

Free E-Books....right up my alley.....

I have been a fan of the site The Frugal Girls on FB for a while. I hadn't really paid attention to the free book offers they advertise on a regular basis. This week I started checking them out. I purchased free books on NY, Muffins, Vegetarian Recipes, Weight Watchers Salads and Grandma's Cookie Recipes to name just a few. Of course, it was so easy to do the purchase.....turn on the Kindle, hit the amazon button on the Frugal Girls website and hit the purchase button on amazon and ta da the books show up on my Kindle.

I love getting things free!!!! I will have to keep an eye out for more Frugal Girls offers. There are always updates about coupons and freebies.......I am not sure why I didn't pay more attention before but I can assure you I will be reading their offers much more carefully now.

I love saving money!!!!!!

What A Way To Shop.....

Remember those dreaded shopping trips with your Mom. You would like something and she wouldn't. She would pick out something and you would hate it. In all honesty, most times my Mom had great taste. Every once in a while we would not agree in an outfit but when it came to prom dresses or my wedding gown.....we were so on the same page.

Shopping with your daughter now is very different. You pull up to the store and she gets out. You find a parking spot. You do not leave the car. You can listen to your IPOD and play games on your Iphone. When she finds something she wants you to see......she sends a picture of herself in the potential outfit in the dressing room as a text message to your Iphone. You send back your critique in a text message back to her. While she is still shopping, you check your e-mail. Well what do you know.....you find an e-mail with coupons for the store she is shopping in......you forward the e-mail to her. When she gets to the register she shows the cashier the e-mail and the cashier scans the bar code on her phone. How much easier can it get?

Just one problem.....it was so nice today I think my left arm got sunburn while I was waiting in the car.....oh well.....it is a small price to pay for going shopping with your daughter....

Calling people in my own house....LOL

We have reached a new height of laziness in my house. Instead of yelling to Bob 9 times that dinner is ready(he is definitely hard of hearing.....although he does hear what he wants to hear)......I now pick up the phone and call him. He can see my name and cell phone number come up on the TV screen and he knows dinner is ready. You do need to know that when I call him I am in the kitchen or living room and he is in our bedroom watching some sporting event. Thank goodness I haven't caught him yet watching "Hillbilly Hand Fishing" and calling it a sport!!!! OK our house is not huge......it doesn't have two levels.....it doesn't have a basement. It is just that Bob has the TV so darn loud he can't hear the shrill of my voice yelling"BOB BOB BOB". I will call Jenn in the morning if I don't hear her moving after her alarm clock has gone off. Jenn has called me at night to tell me to turn on a channel with a show I will like. When I was very young, my parents didn't have a phone. I can't imagine not having my phone within arms reach to either contact someone or play a game or look something up. I am more addicted to my Iphone than I thought I would be. I love it!!!

But somewhere I am sure my Dad is disgusted at the laziness of making phone calls to each other in the same house....LOL. When something really annoyed him or he thought something was stupid he would say "ugh".....well I am sure he is saying "UGH Irene look at how lazy they are"......sorry Dad but it works for me....

The pants hem.....

I was ironing Jenn's work pants last week. It is a trade off.....she irons all of Bob's clothes and mine too as long as I iron her work pants. She hates ironing creases and I love creases. So I really make out on the deal ....I iron 4 pairs of pants (she wears jeans on Friday) and she irons all of my clothes that need to be ironed and Bob's uniforms.

Anyway, while I was ironing her pants something caught my eye......it was a stitch in the hem of her pants. I turned the hem inside out and started to cry. MOM. These pants and all of Jenn's and Bob's pants had been hemmed by Mom on her last visit here. It had become a standing joke with us that once she got here there would be sewing for her to do. I can see her having Jenn stand on a chair in the shoes she would wear with the pants. Mom would hold the straight pins in her mouth and carefully measure the hem. Sometimes there would be so much extra material she would have to cut some of it off. At least once while she was sewing them hems she would say "Donna, I can't believe you don't hem pants." I would say "Why should I learn to when I know you will be coming to visit'" Then we would both laugh and she would say something to Jenn like, "Thank goodness Nannie came to visit or who knows what your mother would do about these hems." I would mumble something about scotch tape and glue....Mom would laugh. As I write this I can see the chair she sat in just 15 months ago needle in hand lovingly sewing Jenn's hems. It is like the ghost of her is sitting there sewing, chatting and laughing. I am having a hard time writing this because I can't see the keyboard because I am crying.....

I tried something else this week Mom has suggested.....I put the alarm on so when the dryer stops if I run to the dryer and get the clothes out right away I don't have to iron so many things......she always used to say "Donna, I don't know anyone else who irons like you do'" I would respond, "Kathy does." She would then say we were probably the only two people who still iron and we would laugh. I have to say she was right about the dryer. I have been able to save at least 2 pair of my work pants from the ironing board by getting them out of the dryer right away. Score one for you Mom!

Tonight it is ironing time again and when I iron Jenn's pants my fingers will touch the stitches put there so lovingly by Mom. I touch them like they are diamonds on a beautiful necklace.....they are like diamonds.....each stitch done with love....by hands that held mine as a child, that baked cookies, that were used to tell stories during a Hula.....that waved good by the last time I saw her.....to hold those hands one more time.....priceless

Entry # 400 !!!!!

I can't believe this is my 400th entry!!!!! How did that happen?? I remember when I hit #100 and thought that was a lot......WOW!!

I started this blog 2 years ago this month. I am always talking about passion in life and this is one of my true passions. I think my feelings come through in my entries. You have shared this walk with me....through my ups and downs. I have gone from being afraid to share to baring my soul (well almost all of it....there are still something I just elude to but don't come right out and say).

The original premise of this blog was to write about my weight loss and getting healthier journey. This is still true but as you know if you have followed this blog from it's inception I have gotten into other topics that are part of my life. I have written about my dreams, changes I have experienced, frustration with others, my search for peace, love and happiness. I have come to understand that although I know I still need to shed pounds and continue to work out and eat healthier that is not the answer to all I need.

I try not to say "it's too late", I do say "What if" more often. Do I still want to be published? YES. Do I still feel I have a chance to see my dreams become reality? YES. Do I believe in me? YES. Would I have said all of that a few years ago? NO.

I still do give some people too much power over me and let their words hurt me. Hey, I didn't say I was 100% perfect. Like I have said many times before I am a work in progress.

BUT I have learned how lucky I am to have wonderful friends who are supportive and cheer me on. I am grateful to have a daughter who I can laugh with and who pushes me when I struggle. I know how to love others......I am learning how to love and like me....warts and all......

So I hope you will hang in there while I move along this long and winding road.......it has no end.....and that is not a bad thing......it just means I continue to evolve into the Donna I want to be......so here is to number 401 and 402 and 403 and on and on.....

There is a book in all of this or at least a monthly article in a magazine or a weekly column in a newspaper.........I am sure.....I just have to find the right person to believe in me and my story......am I shooting too high......I don't think so.....do I sound cocky? I don't mean too......you know what that statement about a book is? That is me finally feeling confident about something I do......well it only took 400 entries.....and if that is what it took.....it was worth every word.....

A Good Day

I fell asleep in the living room recliner last night.....I woke up at 5:30 A.M. to a tornado warning not far from where we are......OK not a tornado watch but a tornado warning. I didn't feel I could go to sleep in my room until the "warning" period was over.

I woke up at 9:00 to Jeter barking. It turns out he had been barking much earlier and Jenn was letting him play on the bedroom side of the house. I didn't know my bedroom door was closed so I was a little confused at first as to why his barking sounded so far away. I relaxed in my bedroom recliner while I flipped channels. Then Jenn came in and said the dreaded words...."What time do you want to go to the gym?" I was not thrilled. I had a headache and was moving slowly. In a very biting response I said, "I will be ready in 15 minutes!!" I was ready pretty close to that time and off we went to the gym in the rain. When we got there the pool was full of activity.....there were people sharing the lap lanes and there were even people doing laps on the open side of the pool. I grabbed my little corner of the pool and began to jog. I have had a hard time judging how long to jog fast and how long to jog slow. I decided to pray while I jogged. The short prayer I would jog slowly, the long prayer I would jog fast. Before I knew it my time in the pool was over and I hadn't looked at the clock on the wall once. And yes I had to admit I was glad we had gone......once it was over. We are definitely back into our regular work out schedule.

After the gym it was home to have something quick to eat (flat bread with turkey pepperoni and cheese(just one slice)). Remember it was now 12:45 and I had not had anything to eat yet today. Next off to a Pampered Chef party. I am so glad I went. I saw some friend from my old job. I thought we would stay maybe two hours instead we ended up being the last guests to leave. We laughed a lot and that felt wonderful.

Then back home to read, watch some DVR'd shows and blogging. Jenn just finished some of the ironing and I will finish up the rest.

It doesn't sound like a day that would be great but it was. I am glad I went to the gym.......I am glad I saw some friends.......and I know what they mean about laughter being good for the soul. I haven't laughed that much in ages and just thinking about it makes me smile.

Tomorrow it is back to the gym, bake a crumb cake for the office and maybe make Weight Watchers Pumpkin Muffins for the week. I am going to try and get my WW points set for the week.

Back to today.....nothing spectacular happened but it was just the right mix of fun and work. It was a good day.....

Writing Myself Notes.....

Sometimes when I am at home I think of something I have to do the next day at work. I will either send myself an e-mail or leave myself a message at work. I will also do the reverse if I am at the office and need to remember to do something at home. There used to be times when I would pick up groceries at lunch. If I had to put some of them in the refrig in the office, I would put my car keys in the bag with them. This way I couldn't leave the office without them. I will admit there were times when I got out to my car and ripped my pocketbook apart before I would realize my keys were in the office refrig with those damn groceries.

Oh and I am a list maker....I have a list for everything....from the ingredients for a recipe or the date bills have to be paid or appointments I have to make or a list of appointments coming up.....chances are in my pocketbook there will be several lists going at the same time.....sometimes I will combine the lists on to one piece of paper. I also have a small notebook in my pocketbook. It has lists of things I want to do around my house......major things. It lists classes I would like to take and songs I want to buy for my IPOD. It has ideas for Christmas gifts.

Well now for the 2nd time in recent months I have forgotten to bring underwear to the gym.....how many times am I going to have to leave the gym pantiless???? I don't really want to start leaving notes around that say bring underwear to gym......

I don't believe my memory is going.....I just think I have too many things going on at the same time.....right.....of course right......so what is the big deal about making lists.....or e-mailing myself.......or leaving myself a voice mail.....when I start to wonder who sent the e-mails or left the voice mail messages then I will worry until then.....I should just buy stock in post-it notes.....

$29 was all I needed.....

Was life really easier or do I just remember it that way???? I was given a stereo for Christmas when I was in high school. It was very cool. It had two speakers, a turntable and all the AM and FM radio stations. Oh and it had a 8 track player. You could stack up albums so they would play one after the other. And when the stereo needle started to wear out you could either go buy some more needles to pop in or if you had to wait to make that purchase ....you could tape a quarter to the arm and that would weigh it down enough that you could still listen to the music. When I tell Jenn I grew up in a time where we had only 6 TV stations, the stations went off the air and the test pattern appeared for hours and the viewing day ended and started with patriotic music.....even I think I sound old...LOL. Now I have a zillion channels and I have a hard time finding something to watch. My brother and I used to be so desperate to watch TV when we were small we would watch anything.....when the stations came on at 5:00 A.M. we would watch Sunrise Semester and Modern Farmer......I knew more about Trig and agriculture (including rotating crops) at the age of 4 than most adults. I remember my dad taking small TV tubes down the street to the candy store to the machine to test if the tubes were good. The worst thing was if the tv repairman had to make a visit. And no one wanted to hear the dreaded words "the picture tube was shot". A few months ago one of our tv's died. We took it to the recycling center (can't just leave them out by the curb anymore). From there we went to Target and bought another one......all in a matter of a few hours. This was the first time I had a flat screen tv. When my friend asked how I like the quality of the HD I told him I didn't see a big difference. Turns out I didn't have the HD cord so I wouldn't have seen a difference.....LOL.....

When I had my first job at Bambergers ( a Macy's affiliate) I made $29 after taxes for 15 hours work a week. I was just about to start my senior year in High School. I worked Tuesday and Thursday nights and all day Saturday. I drove a 1969 green pinto, bought my jeans at a place call OHM (they also sold pipes and rolling papers....LOL), and the $29 I earned paid for my gas, jeans, cigarettes (I know I know it was bad for me) and car insurance. Oh it also paid for my social activities.....which basically meant it paid the cover charge at the bars and for drinks. Was it really as easy as I remember.......probably not. Am I showing my age......probably.