Family and Friends

My sister and I talk several times a week, my younger brother and I were on the phone for an hour and 20 minutes last night, my older brother and I always talked every few weeks and that hasn't changed. My need to talk to them is very strong even thought there may be nothing new to say. I ask my sister about her granddaughter and love the excitement and joy in her voice when she talks about her. My older brother is falling in love with his granddaughter and is looking forward to the arrival of his second granddaughter in a few months. My younger brother and I talk about the house he and his wife are buying. They are so excited about it. Life goes on......

But in each conversation Mom does come up. She would have been pleased that Greg and Terry are buying a home. I could picture her walking around it and loving it. I know she would have enjoyed getting to know the greatgrandaughter she never got to meet in person and the one arriving in May. She did know that the new baby was going to be a girl. My sister and I spend a great deal of time talking about Mom.....so far we have been lucky and when I am having a down day she is OK and visa versa. I think we have both only had a bad moment at the same time twice since January.

I don't think my friends know how important they are to me.....especially right now.....I am going through one of the most difficult experiences of my life and without them I don't know where I would be. I would like to thank them for taking my calls and texts. For checking in on me and when I say I am not having a good day they understand.

I am trying to move ahead and think most days I am doing OK. Thank goodness for my family and my friends. Is it crazy to want to talk about her all the time? Is it crazy to not want to erase the last 2 voice messages I have on my cell phone from her? Is it crazy to still think she is still somewhere on vacation? Is it silly to write about her?

I have learned how to keep breathing. I have learned how to keep moving. I try to keep my tears in check as much as I can when I am with others. And while my heart will never totally mend......eventually I will get to a point where the ache won't be so bad all the time. But even I have to give myself some time......and I hope you are all patient while I work through this process. I am grateful to each and every one of you for being there for me......