Oh Well There Will Be Another Christmas........

I have tried to be honest in this blog.......

I have shared the good.....and the bad.....without getting ugly (at least I have tried not to). This is another one of those......do I write it or not??? But if I am writing these entries about my life then I can't pretend there are only happy and perfect times.  No one lives in the world of Hallmark Movies (but oh to spend one Christmas in one of those little towns).  No family is a Norman Rockwell painting.

I tried hard to find Christmas spirit and I did find it in small doses but it didn't sustain me enough to get me through the 25th......

I have come to terms the fact that I have had more Christmas's than I will have.......let's be honest here.....I do not have another 60 Christmas Eve's ahead of me.......and the fact that they only happen once every 365 days (or 366 in the case of 2016)......is what makes them so important to me.

Unfortunately, this Christmas was not one I care to remember.  I will just let it go at that and those of you that know me well can read between the lines. Suffice it to say sitting in an empty parking lot trying to figure out what to do next and then taking a ride to nowhere with Jenn and the dog would not have been part of the wonderful Christmas's I have experienced in the past.

I consider myself fortunate to have known the most amazing Christmas Eve's and Christmas Day's growing up.  I felt all of the magic and joy associated with the holidays. So I really shouldn't complain.....too much.....or feel sorry for myself......too much......

I have decided that I will make different choices when it comes to the holidays and it will be determined by what I want to do not based on a guilt trip.  Knowing the fact that I only have a limited numbers of years and holidays left to go (I know I know there could be many more.....it's not like I think is am cashing in my chips next year) I will no longer make my decisions based on ........well you know.

As the end of the year approaches I do look back on the good things about 2015......

-going to NY and seeing family
-going to Missouri and seeing family
-spending time with friends
- having something I had written critiqued by a group of authors
- seeing Barry Manilow
- seeing Wicked....yes again
- having fun at a paint class
- earning my first medal
-spending some time on Thanksgiving with my sister
-and yes being successful at Weight Watchers

I am sure there is more I could list if I sat and gave it some serious thought.

I think that's a pretty awesome list .......don't you agree???

I am looking forward to the New Year....the challenges.....the adventures......the firsts.......the metamorphosis taking place both inside and outside of me.......I plan on spending more time writing and working my Italian (thank you Rosetta Stone) and more time laughing and enjoying life with my family and friends.

Chapter Three is beginning........and I can't wait.......who knows where I will be in a few years.......I am working hard to be ready for whatever the future holds.........

So goodbye to 2015.......

See you next week.......in 2016........

OK The 4 Week Wait Is Over.......Well Kind Of.....I Did Cheat And Peek.....

In theory, my 4 week waiting period to see how I was doing at the scale was over a week or two ago.  And as I admitted.....I cheated and peeked a few weeks back and it was not good......then last week I had to look at my weight in my WW book to figure out my new points.  The WW program went through some changes so I had to see what my daily points were.......once again I was not happy with the number.

But as I have said before I am not quitting!!!! So this week I tried to work the new program.  It was not easy for a number of reasons.......
-my mobile WW app where I track points was not working right
-food items that I knew the point values on like the back of my hand ....had changed......and many had gone up
-it was a stressful week at home
-and on and on

The changes made to the program are really good and make sense.  It used to be that the point values were based on fiber, carbs, protein and fat.  Now they have added saturated fat and sugar into the equation.  That makes sense to me since sugar and saturated fat are bad for you.

On the upside the point value for chicken has gone down......but if you feel like a Dunkin Donut.....you better think again....the value of a glazed donuts almost doubled....yikes!!!!! Even WW snacks have doubled in point value.

And it doesn't help that I am heading into the toughest time of the year.....the next two plus weeks are killers.   But I have been reminded Christmas is really only 2 days and the same with New Year's.  I don't have to be out of control every day.  This week is the office holiday breakfast.  Usually, it is catered by Cracker Barrel......OMG I love Cracker Barrel.  The thought of Hash Brown Casserole.......and Biscuits.....yum!! I am going to try and stick to eggs and a little bacon....or maybe eat before I get to the office. I will have to see and give it some good thought.

Well anyway, I really tried to work the program as best I could and when I got on the scale the loss was the biggest one I have ever had........I am not giving out the number.......I will when the time is right.....but I couldn't believe the number I saw.  I am now at my lowest in many, many years......like over 20 years!!!

The hard part is you get so busy around the holidays....I haven't been to the gym lately but I will be rectifying that the week after Christmas when all the rushing is over.  I am off all that week and am planning to go to the gym each and every day...........well I am at least thinking about it........that is a step in the right direction!!

I am also trying to enjoy the part of the season that doesn't involve food.  Last night, I went to see the lights at Saluda Shoals Park.  Today, I went and watched the Vet's Christmas Ride with it's thousands and thousands of motorcycles.  Next weekend, I am seeing "It's A Wonderful Life" on the big screen.  I sit and enjoy the lights on my tree and my radio is on the station with 24/7 Christmas music.  This week there is a lunchtime community sing at a local church......I may head over there for a 1/2 hour of singing Christmas Carols.....why not and it's free.

Ok here is something funny and shows you how old habits die hard.........this morning at our meeting my leader, Kay, asked if we wanted to have our regular meeting the Sunday after Christmas.......I did not raise my hand.......I know in my mind I thought well I can live it up some for those two days and then not worry about getting on the scale again until after the New Year but NNNNNNOOOOOO.......my WW pals voted to have a meeting that Sunday.  I admitted to the class I had not voted and was hoping there would be no meeting.......but you can guess where my ass (and the rest of me) will be on 12/27 at 9:00 AM)....yup.....I will be at my meeting.......well at least I was honest enough to admit what I was thinking.

Please send me postive vibes to get through to the beginning of 2016.....I am not really worried about New Years Eve Or New Years Day as I have never been big on that holiday But Christmas Eve and Christmas......those will be my challenges.  But I will take it one day at a time.......one hour at a time.......one minute at a time.....one bite at a time.......that is all I can do and it has worked so far........

See you next week.................

What a crazy 2 weeks......

It's hard to believe I haven't written an entry in 2 weeks.......the time has flown.

I spent one day in Crawfordville, GA traffic court.  Crawfordville, GA population 520.  I had to go to the Magistrate's Office for a hearing with the Magistrate, Court Clerk  and "the officer". I was charged with violating the "move over" law.  By the time we were done, the points were dropped and the ticket lowered from $300 to $200.  The "move over" law required that if you are driving in the right lane and there is a police officer on the right shoulder of the road with someone pulled over you "should" move into the left lane if it is safe.  I determined that it was not safe for me to make the move and for that reason I was given a ticket.  I made 2 trips to Crawfordville in order to plead "not guilty".  I was offered a trial with a jury of my peers but chose to meet with just the Magistrate.  The speed limit is 25 in the town itself.  The court room appears to be in a store front but once inside it looks like the Taj Mahal.  The Crawfordville PD was disbanded and taken over by the county but before that took place the town had collected $2,700,000 in traffic fines in just a few years.   So do you think I stood a chance.......not!! I was offered the opportunity to return a 3rd time and go to Superior Court.....really.....another day off from work and another 230 mile drive round trip?????I just wanted it over........

During the last 2 weeks, took the dog to the vet 4 times for a skin condition (this included two medicated baths at $30 each).  Jenn and I decorated the inside and the outside of the house.  I went for blood work and to the podiatrist.......all in all a very hectic couple of weeks.

Oh and I had a birthday.......it turned out very nice.  Lunch with a good friend, a pedicure and just the kind of day I wanted.

Thanksgiving had it's highs and it's lows.  My sister came to visit and that was great !! Jenn and I went Black Friday shopping Thursday night and Friday morning which is always an event and fun.  Other than that Thanksgiving was a minus 5 on a scale of 1-10. Read between the lines.......

I am trying to set time lines for the changes I need to make.  And I am definitely rethinking what I want to do for Christmas.........

I will figure it out......... 

My goal is to get through the holidays and maybe go down a little on the scale and worst case scenario remain the same.  Not overly ambitious goals but what I think are reasonable.....then like everyone else kick it back into high gear after the New Year.  I will make good choices this month but also don't want to feel deprived.......I have done this before and was successful so this year should not be any different.

I am feeling a bit down right now but focusing on the future and the opportunities I have ahead of me give me a reason to be hopeful.  I have made strides some areas this year and will continue to focus on those along with the news goals and changes.......I know that the down I am feeling will pass as it always does........looking at the lights on my beautiful Christmas tree makes my heart happy and gives my soul peace........

See you next week........

Ok So I Can't Be Trusted.......

My great plan to not know how I am doing on the scale each week........I will admit I peeked today......ugh not what I wanted to see......still down a lot but up a little while I wasn't looking.......so I should be due for a down week next week....hopefully.......but I won't peek......hopefully......

Last week was Jenn's birthday.  We did our traditional make-overs.  They were fun and we were both pleased with the results.This time I actually volunteered to take a picture......not something I normally do!!

We also went to see the movie "Home Alone"(one of Jenn's favorite when she was young) on the  big screen.  I love that some theatre's are bringing back some classic movies to movie theatres.  The original "Miracle on 34th Street" is coming to a theatre in December.  We already have our tickets to see "It's A Wonderful Life" a few days before Christmas.

The funny thing was while watching "Home Alone" there was  a scene when Kevin (the main character) is walking home from church......I started to cry.  You could see homes with families together celebrating the holiday.  I miss doing that with my family.  I guess we just take it for granted when we have those times and miss them when they are gone.

Anyway after the movie, we went to a local restaurant for dinner....Pasta Fresca.....that sounds like trouble doesn't it?? Well I was very pleased.......they had a veggie dish with artichokes, mushrooms, red peppers and tomatoes in a marinara sauce. But this is the great part......instead of being on a bed of cheese tortellini....... I had it on a bed of fresh spinach.  (OK it did cost more to opt for the spinach which always confuses the heck out of me that it costs more to eat healthy) but it was delish and I even brought home some leftovers.

This week's topic was at my WW meeting was  ......Thanksgiving.  We were given points values for what we might put on our dinner plate.  Yes, to white turkey meat (3 points for 3 ounces and I think I may have 2 servings) but no to the skin.......yes to mashed potatoes (3 points for 1/2 cup so I might go for a full cup) no to sweet potato soufflé......yes to canned gravy.....yes I said canned gravy.........yes to green beans (() points) no to green bean casserole.......yes to a tiny bit of stuffing......the total points value.......not too bad.  Now dessert......I love pumpkin pie.......one slice 8 points but skip the crust only 3 points......I will have to think about that but a big no to pecan pie at 14 points.

The hard part is it is my birthday the same week.  I already have plans for breakfast with one friend and lunch with another,  I will have to plan and make good choices.  Breakfast at Cracker Barrel .......fortunately, they have a healthy options menu now so I can get through that......lunch at DePrato's......I will have to really think about that.......I will just adjust my dinner menu so it shouldn't be too bad.........hopefully.......

Speaking of birthdays........I have been really struggling with this one.......yes the first number starts with a "6".....I don't know how it happened......how could all the years have passed so quickly.......I know.... I know....suck it up Donna......you are going to turn 60 on November 24th whether you like it or not........is 60 the new 40 or at least the new 50??????

On the upside, I am entering this decade weighing less than I did when I entered my 50's  or 40's.......and sometime next year (not saying when.......) I will weight less than I did when I turned 30.

Now that is something the CELEBRATE!!!!!!! I have extended my life by making the changes and choices since joining weight watchers. When I think about being 75 pounds less than my all time high....I should celebrate.....just not with food.......

I  think of some in my life who would have given anything to blow out 60 candles on their birthday cake........my Dad.....my niece Maria......and some other family members and  friends come to mind........a coworker reminded me a birthday is to be celebrated not dreaded.......

So for the next 9 ....count 'em.....9 days......I am still in my 50's but the better part is the 75 pounds gone and the hope that when I am blowing out my 61st candle I will weigh what I did in my late 20's.......it may take longer but I will get there.

You may get tired of seeing them but I need to remind myself of where I was just 2 years ago and where I am now.......so here are the pic's........

July 2013

Nov 2015

See you next week........

Ok So My Plan From Last Week Didn't Quite Work Out Like I Planned......

I wrote last week that I didn't want to know how much I gained or lost each week.  I wanted to work on a 4 week average.  It would make each week less stressful.  I went to my meeting this morning and told my leader and the lady that weighs me in my new plan.

Suzanne (the lady behind the scale) asked me if I wanted to know if I was down? I said no.  I gave her my WW card and the book I have with my record.  I got on the scale.  Then she said "I have to tell you".  I said "no".  She said again "I have to tell you!!!!"  I said "NO".  She said "you will really want to know this!!!!"  I started to laugh and said 'OK tell me".  Well, I was down a lot and am very close to 65 pounds.  I said to her while I was laughing "next week I do not want to know!!!"

OK so much for my plan.......what I think I will do is tell Suzanne that I do not want to know if I am up or down unless it is a big loss or I pass another 5 pound increment.......that should work.

I told the other members during our meeting about my plan to only know every 4 weeks where I am at. Most of them nodded their heads and understood my struggle. Then when I told them about how Suzanne and I went back and forth at the scale with Kay (my WW leader) in the middle of it......everyone was laughing.

So much for the best laid plans.......

I did try to switch things up again this week.  I tried a new recipe of chicken I had marinated in chicken broth, pineapple juice and lite soy sauce.   It was great!!

Fortunately, we had a lot of trick or treater's so there isn't a piece of candy to be found anywhere in the house.  I am thrilled that there isn't any calling my name from the pantry.  Plus, we didn't buy any of my favorite which is Almond Joy's.

Well, Halloween is over on to Thanksgiving.......the year has flown.  Hard to believe that in just a few short weeks the tree will go up. I already checked and a small local movie theatre (it only seats 100 people) will be showing  "It's A Wonderful Life" on the big screen less than a week before Christmas.  I will be purchasing tickets as soon as they are available.  I went last year and really enjoyed it.

I will be looking for small (and inexpensive) things to do from now until January 1st.  I will keep you posted as I find events and activities to attend.  While I focus on continuing to get healthy......

Oh one more thing......I told Jenn when my weight is where it should be......I want to go zip lining.....LOL.....yup....I said it........ zip lining.......for me that would be a real adventure.  No bungee jumping or parachute jumping  in my future but the thought of flying along a line high in the air is a challenge I think I can handle.......oh yes there will be pictures when that event happens and you will all know when it does.......I am also very brave saying this when I have a lot more weight to lose before I take on that challenge.......let's see what happens when the time gets closer....LOL.................

See you next week...........

The List and What I Am Changing Up.....this week.....

First, let's talk about "the list".

I am pleased that I have been continuing to try new things.  No, I do not have the tattoo yet...... but have gone from going to the movies alone to attempting to do a painting of the beach.

I am a writer.......I an NOT an artist.  This week, Jenn and I went to a Breast Cancer Fundraiser where we painted.  The choices were a pink frilly dress on a form or a beach scene.  Like I even had to think about it......

I found the whole process interesting and it was also very social. The instructor gave us the basics of what to do and then it was on us.  The canvas was blank except for a few marks for the land.  We painted the sky and water.  Then we had to use the back of one of our brushes to track an outline onto the canvas using carbon paper.  I didn't even know carbon paper still existed...LOL.

We then filled in the areas on the canvas with all the colors on our palate. The instructor would come around and make suggestions but really wanted it to be our own creation.  At one point, the instructor stood behind me and I think was trying to ask me tactfully what I was doing with the water?  She them pointed out I need to use certain colors to reflect the sun, boat and island on the water.  I looked somewhat perplexed and then she demonstrated what she meant. 

It was hard to believe almost 3 hours had passed.  I have to say I was quite pleased with the finished product.  Here is my work of art:

And  now for the changing up part of this entry......

I had promised not to make myself crazy at the scale each week with the ups, downs, plateaus and the sometimes slowness at which I am losing.......

First, I have to remind myself I am 70 pounds lighter than my all time high.

Second, I am in much better shape health wise than I was just a year ago.

Third, the number on the scale does not measure who I am and only represents my gravitational pull on the earth......well you know what I mean....LOL

Fourth and this may be the most important........I am NOT quitting Weight  Watchers because it does work  and I will continue to go to my meetings each week BUT what I am changing is........I do not want to be told each week how I am doing on the scale.  I want to know every 4 weeks.  So, when I get weighed they will write it on their records and in my booklet.  I WILL NOT peek at my book and I don't want the person who weighs me to say "oh you had a good week" or "oh you are up a little"  I think going with a 4 week average will help me not make myself crazy  and the scale will not dictate my mood for the day or the week. Make sense???? It does to me. 

If I lose 2 pounds a month....that is fine with me!!! It means I will still be down another 24 pounds by this time next year.  I cannot let the pressure of getting to my goal take me over.......

I was lucky and the 1st 50 pounds came off relatively quickly.  I couldn't expect to continue at that pace but the numbers will continue to go down.......

I think this will help me keep a positive attitude and not so stressed on Sunday mornings.  We will see how it goes.........

See you next week........

More To Figure Out

Last week, I was frustrated at my WW meeting.  The ups and downs I have spoken about before had returned. I talked to my meeting leader for suggestions.  Kay asked me if I like citrus fruits.  Grapefruit.....nope.  Oranges are OK but in all honesty......I am lazy.....I hate peeling them.  I told her I would give it a shot.  Kay also said more protein and lay off the celery.

I asked Jenn to pick me up brussels sprouts and cabbage.  She came home with a cabbage the size of a bowling ball. I am not kidding and it was heavy like bowling ball.   I cooked them both and ended up eating them during the week with my new love.....balsamic vinegar....yum.  Because of my laziness....I peeled the oranges all at once  and put each in it's own zip lock sandwich bag.  I found I really like them cold...right from the fridge. I made shrimp, chicken and turkey.  I also stocked up on raw almonds.

Well, my efforts paid off and I was a great loss at the scales today!!!!

But the hard part is I have new added things to my steer clear list......banana's, grapes, celery (really????) along with  cheese and so many other goodies.  Not that I can't eat any of them......I can have them all.......but just not as a staple every day.

And it's funny when you can't have water and ice....you crave them..I missed my hydraflask with ice and cold, cold water.  After two weeks, we no longer have to boil our water. After running the water for a while and throwing our alot of our recently made ice cubes we are back in business.

I know I was eating too much cheese before WW....but too much celery???? Well as I have said before it is all a learning process.

The other thing that happened this week were all little things in the scheme of things but should I have really had to replace the 4th window motor in my car?? I won't even say how much money I have put into this car to avoid a car payment, the mini blinds in my dining room decided it was time to stop working and break, at first the ice cube maker decided not to work but we got that up and running......none of these are major issues but just enough to have me thinking.......really?????

And also, why is it one second it is Friday night and then next thing I know it is Sunday night. All I did was run, run and run all weekend.  I had gotten tickets to go to the Statesville, NC Hot Air Balloon Festival but Jenn wasn't feeling great.  I woke up at 4:30 to go by myself but then I thought .....this is something I would want to share with someone.  And it is not like you can call someone at 4:30 in the morning and say can you be ready in 45 minutes to drive 100 miles to watch some hot air balloons take off.......so maybe next year......$20 up in smoke......but maybe that happened so I wouldn't miss my WW meeting this morning.

But there were some good things too.....no more boiling water......got my flu shot.......USC won......it was heavenly to wake up yesterday morning and it was bright out.......we are finally feeling a chill in the air.....my sister and brother-in-law came to spend time with us last Sunday afternoon.....I was able to see another NY Giants game on TV.......and life is slowly returning to the new normal in SC.....although for some people I know and were not as lucky as me......the effects of the floods will be part of their lives for months.......maybe years.....maybe forever.......so who am I to not feel blessed.......

I am trying to build up the list of positives to offset the negatives and I think I am doing a pretty good job......the glass is half full theory........

Well that is it for the week.....as the timer goes off and my roasted cabbage is ready to come out of the oven.....

See you next week.........

The 1,000 Year Flood......

Life throws you curve balls......so does mother nature.......

Last week, Columbia SC had over 18 inches of rain.  I have never seen that much rain before.  It went on and on.  We checked around our house hourly.  We woke up to rain, we went to sleep to rain and woke to rain again.  We never lost power.  We did lose water.

You get creative with what you eat since you can't wash the dishes or pots and pans. PB and J becomes a staple......and anything else you can eat without real cooking.  It is funny how creative you can get....LOL.....but probably not the most easy options for my diet.......but that is small potato's (no pun intended)compared to what others have gone through.

My Mom always used to say pray specific.  I prayed for no water in the house and that's what I got......I should have said please don't let any of the flooding waters enter my house.  Oh well....lesson learned.

We were without water for a few days.  We are still on a boil water advisory.  You just don't realize how often you use water.......we have bottled water and we are getting by without much issue.  And we are very lucky and very, very blessed.

Just a few miles from my home is a neighborhood in total devastation.  I was trying to take a short cut and ended up in what I would call a true disaster area.  Home after home there were piles of wood, dry wall, furniture, windows, appliances and just about anything else.  After seeing the carnage.......I felt stupid and shallow.....I was bothered by having no water.......how about no house????

But in all the darkness I have once again seen the good in the state of South Carolina.  The people are amazing.....helping, donating, looking out for each other, first responders at the top of their game and on and on........there are so many things in which South Carolina is last.......but in it's citizens compassion......they are tops!!! Whether it be needing water or a tetanus shot or shelter......people are coming out of the woodwork to help.

The things I have noticed most......the constant sounds of sirens for several days......Chinook helicopters dropping bags of sand into the canals.......port-o-potties all over the place..........the phone waking me up to flash flood warnings......family members checking in on us......and the request for donations being answered in droves.

It has been a hard week to live in Columbia, SC but also a proud one.....once again SC has earned the praise it doesn't often get and it is well earned.

The rain has stopped and the water has started to recede so for many of us the event is over except for the minor inconvenience of boiling water........for some it will be weeks and months before their new normal life will take shape.......until that time they will have their family, friends, neighbors and fellow South Carolinian's to help them along the way........and for that I am extremely proud......

Brief glimpses of memories.....

Have you ever had a flash of a memory even if just for a split second??

Right now we are in the middle of a major water event in Columbia.  I had flashbacks to my house flooding a few years ago due to an inside plumbing issue.  It was a royal pain in the ass......huge fans blowing throughout the house to dry it out, carpet being ripped up, furniture piled all over the place .....it was also two weeks before Christmas but we got through it and the house was put back in order.  But as I lay in bed last night, I could heard the rain pounding on the roof.  I prayed.....a lot .....and several times....... that we wouldn't get water in our house......(OK and a prayed a little not to lose power). So far .....no water in the house and the power has stayed on.

That got me thinking about other times when memories of the past have come back to me.......

Recently, I pulled a spoon out of my silverware drawer.  When I looked at it closely, I realized it was the last spoon from a set of flatware my brother and I bought my Mom one year for Christmas.  We were probably 10 and 12 years old.  We went to Alexander's Dept Store and if I remember correctly spent $12 for the whole set.  And that was close to 50 years ago.

My sister and I were shopping together one day, I told her to stop and close her eyes.  I saw a bottle of the cologne my Dad used to wear.  I opened it and put it under her nose.  She started to cry and said "Dad".

I can never bake a chocolate chip without going back in time.  I am about 5 years old sitting on the kitchen table "helping" my Mom bake Christmas cookies in our 5th floor walk up in the Bronx.  Then my Dad and brother come in the apartment carrying our Christmas tree.  The memory is only a second or two but very clear and vivid.

When Jenn calls and tell me about her new job......... my mind flashes back to the little girl wearing the apple print dress to her first day of kindergarten,

I can't wait until the way I didn't take care of myself for years becomes a glimpse of a memory......I am sure that will take a while......but it will happen.

Just slivers of memories.......for a split second you are taken back in time

So whether it be pouring rains, a spoon, the smell of cologne, making cookies or a little girl in an apple print dress...we can be transported in time......that for the most part brings us back to a place of warmth, happiness and love......not a bad place to go back to......

See you next week......

PS one more question...why is it bad weather whether it be snow or rain makes me want to cook.....is it the smells of the food that are comforting??? Just wondering.......

Learning to throw things out......

In some ways, I am a pack rat.  Not like the hoarders show on TV......I just tend to keep things.

Yesterday, Jenn and I went to the office.  I am going to switch offices soon so it was time to purge and move.  We emptied the overheads and desk drawers.  Then I got overwhelmed.......there was stuff everywhere.  Jenn rolled over the shred bin and I started to go through papers....lots and lots of papers.  Most of them were training materials......all of which have either been updated or are available online. Some of the documents were 4 years old.  Well that shred bin was much heavier by the time I was done.  Then there was a box for things to bring home.  I know I had gotten carried away with things on my desk.....little things here and there....way too much "stuff".  Into the "take it home box" it went. Then we moved the things I don't need right now to my new office.  There was a lot of junk in my new desk drawers so I used hand sanitizer and cleaned them out.  Before I knew it, we were done. I am now partially in 2 offices but the things I have left to move when the official move takes place will be easy to relocate.

Then when we got home I looked at my pile of magazines.......Family Circle, Good Housekeeping, Coastal Living, Weight Watchers and the Food Network......I kept saving them saying on maybe I will want to try this recipe or that decorating idea.....enough was enough.  The recycle bin nows weighs about 50 pounds....OK maybe that is a slight exaggeration......but all the magazines are gone.....well except for a few food network issues which had either holiday suggestions or food I love on the cover.

Last night, I took another trip through my clothes.........once again I decided to get rid of some.  Too big or am I ever really going to wear this again was part of my thought process.

I am ready to pitch my herb garden and trade it in for pumpkins and mums.  No, my spider plants are not getting pitched.....yet.....they tend to last into November.  I usually trade them out for the Christmas lights so they can hang around a bit longer.

During this process of getting rid of things I found some pens I really like, nice new t shirts and there is actually a top on the small chest I have in my bedroom (all the magazines had been piled up there).

Things look fresh and declutered......I still have a lot of "stuff" that at some point I will throw away or pack up but I am not quite ready to do that yet.  I figure it will have to be done before I head to my next location but since I have time before that happens I don't have to do it right now.

The great part was I had the energy to do all these things!!!! Part of the getting healthier and more mobile process.  I keep thinking to myself....just a year ago I couldn't have done this or that.......and that makes me happy.......just part of the long and winding road on my journey.......but at least now the steps are a little easier and lighter.......and on I go.......

See you next week......

Football, Baseball and The Fall.....

I love autumn.......there is hope of 90-100 degree days are finally fading away.  The leaves start changing.....somewhere.  Sweater weather.......not really in SC until December but oh well. And of course there is football......and the winding down of baseball.

Last year, the fall was my turning point. It was then I decided I needed to make some changes to improve my health, mobility and life expectancy.  It is hard to believe it has been about a year since I went back to WW for the zillionth time.  But here I am a year later......more mobile......more confident........and definitely healthier.

I still struggle with compliments.......and want to keep adding "it is a work in progress"......like you wouldn't already know looking at me.

In the last few months, I have added color to my wardrobe, just the way the leaves of green turn to red, orange and gold. We took a ride on the Blue Ridge Highway last October to enjoy the foliage.  I never thought of how the leaves and I have traveled the same path in the last year.

Then there is football and baseball.....

 Baseball is a long season which sometimes makes me crazy because of its length.  In the same way, my WW journey is a long one. The Yankees have been on a journey like me.....in first place, close to first place, falling a few games out of first place but holding on to their wild card hopes.  I am not where I had hoped to be after a year but was reminded today at my meeting ...... where would I be today if I had never started.  You sometimes have to reset goals and be realistic.  The NSV's matter a lot too (non-scale victories).  For example, Friday night I met my friend, Mary for dinner at Cracker Barrel.  I checked ahead of time about which foods would be my best choice.  I wanted a biscuit so bad but passed it up. I could have had it but was it worth 5 points and then the points for the butter on it......not this time.  I had bought some new capris and hadn't worn them yet.  I decided to wear them Friday night.  because they fit better than what I had been wearing.... right away I thought they were too tight.  Jenn told me they were supposed to look like that.......just not used to it.  Mary greeted me with a big smile and said "your pictures do not do you justice"......I still find it hard to wrap my head around those kinds of comments/compliments.  I don't think the fat girl will ever let me go......the lifelong hold she has had on my head and heart will not be easily removed if ever......but she is getting smaller and no longer front and center.

Football as it was explained to me once by Lou Holtz at a Ladies Football Clinic is all about 10 yards.  Get 10 yards then go for another 10 yards and then another until you score.  With WW, it is about 5 pounds at a time.  As I have said before, I cannot think about my final WW goal but I can handle 5 pounds.  Sometimes you get knocked back in yardage in a football game and sometimes at WW the scale is up a little.....then other times there is a long pass or run and you move more than the 10 yards........that is like the weeks when the scale moves down more than I anticipated.

I was raised loving the fall......leaves, pumpkins, apply picking, cool weather.....the changes of  the seasons.  While I start to enjoy the changes that make up life.

I was raised loving football and baseball......
New York Yankees.... from Mantle, Marris and  Yogi to Jeter, Rivera and Petit
New York Giants......from Y A Tittle, Sam Huff and Frank Gifford to Eli, Beckham and Cruz

And now while I am in the autumn of my years.....I am loving life..... with more confidence, much improved  health and increased mobility.......one pound at a time.

See you  next week......

Saying Yes More Than No

Part of the metamorphosis I am going through involves saying "yes" to more things.  The "no's" are becoming less.

And you never know where your inspiration might come from.......

Is it my WW pals?? They make Sunday mornings special and are a constant source of support.  They share the successes and help me through the plateau's and down times.  They understand what I  am going through.  I have bared my soul to them and feel such a sense of not being alone when I am with them.

Is it my old dear friends?? They have been encouraging and positive.  They know this battle is not easy for me.  They also try to make it easier by adjusting menu's when I am with them.  They also comment on the things I can now do with greater ease.  They write notes after I post my blog that make me feel like I can go another week, another day or another hour and not give up my focus.

Is it my family who have been with me all all along?? They in some cases have been the reflection in the mirror I did not want to see.  They have had the tough talks with me.  They have felt my pain. I think at times they had given up on me not because they wanted to but I don't think they knew how to help without causing me additional hurt. They have known most intimately....... the fat Donna, the Donna suffering with her weight and  the Donna who had given up on herself.  They still loved me but had no idea what to do or how to help.  They suggested diets and surgery and exercise and healthy eating options.  They even asked my friends to talk to me about my weight.

Pain, pain and more pain........it is a real physical pain......not just the hips and knees but the heart and soul.  You do begin to question your worth to yourself or anyone........

Someone once said, "you cannot move a grain of sand without changing the world." (I looked it up and for the life of me could not find who to credit it to.)

For me the grain of sand that moved was something that happened a little more than a year ago.......I read a post on FB from someone I knew in high school.  No, we were not best friends but more acquaintances in passing.  The post was about wanting to do new things at least once a month.

That brief post really got me thinking......I wanted to live my life not merely exist.  I didn't want to continue to say no to things.  I wanted to stop worrying about anything and everything.  No longer was I going to be a victim of my own doing........I wanted to be the hero of my story.

This week,  I passed the 60 pound mark.  It seemed like I hit the 50 pound loss ages ago but now I realize it doesn't matter how long it takes.  Like they say in our meeting "it is not a race......it is a journey". I know I have to focus on the 5 pounds at a time.  And even with those ugly plateau's  and the roller coaster ride this journey takes......I know I am in it this time until I get to my goal.......not WW goal (since I haven't weighed that much since high school...LOL) but my goal.

When I look back at this year so far I see so many more "yes's" in my life.  And while there are still changes coming and some of them are big changes, I see such a different person both inside and out now......

So while I have to thank my family, my friends, my WW buddies..............you all really have no choice.....you are stuck with me......

I really have to thank Deborah Ennis Duitch whose  FB post changed my life. That short post was a turning point for me in the right direction........and for that I will be eternally grateful to Deborah........

None of us ever know how our actions or words can change someones path .......it can get someone through a tough day.......or on a new road........simple words that can change lives......

Now my word is Yes.......and that is far better than all those No's I have said along the way.........

Oh and for your entertainment.....I had Jenn take 2 pictures of me....just the face....LOL.....one from the front and the other profile......I think you will see the differences between that and a photo from 2 years ago.......

two years ago.......

and today.......

........and for laughs here is a profile shot (please ignore the long scar from the side of my eye.......the Dr. at the hospital insisted it would be come part of my laugh lines or crows feet.......whatever).....I just wanted you all to see my more defined neck....LOL

See you next week.................

What the hell can I eat that is not processed????

I talked to my WW leader today and she gave me some suggestions....watch the sodium and try to avoid processed foods and not too many banana's and try sticking to berries or citrus fruit.

I eat tons of veggies and fruits.......

OK the sodium part I get........

I am not a big fan of citrus fruits.  I can eat them but just not in love with them.  Berries??? Except strawberries not a big fan of those either.

The processed food part I don't get......I mean I understand that I should avoid them but other than fruits and veggies.....what the hell can I eat?????

So anything on a label that sounds like a chemical is out........anything that didn't come from the ground is out.....anything with too much sodium is out.......

See my dilemma??????

So what can I eat when I crave something salty?

What can I eat when I crave something sweet?  Are grapes bad too???

I would love to know what it is like to not have to think about every damn thing I put in my mouth.  I would love to know what it is like to not have to think about food and choices constantly.  I would love to lose weight just because of what I am passing up......OK that is a dream I know it!!!

Yes, the rational side of me knows I have done a good job since starting this war on fat.  I know it by the clothes I can now wear.  I no longer sweat out being given a booth to sit at instead of a table (OK I might still worry about this a little). I no longer worry about dying every hour on the hour (now watch I will kick off before I finish this entry).

But here I sit several months into this battle for health and I still have questions........

So I am asking any of you that have suggestions on things to eat that are not processed....suggest away.....I am open to any ideas.....

As you can tell I am kind of in a funk......after my WW meeting I was feeling OK......I went to the gym and jogged in the pool for 75 minutes (and I did it yesterday too). Then I did something stupid and childish.....I started feeling sorry for myself......I started to think will all the things I talk about doing really ever happen?? I started comparing my life to others (which is really stupid to do since everyone has crap going on in their lives they just choose not to share it with the world). Sometimes I can feel so focused and positive and then sometimes I let that little cloud of doubt follow me around.

I want to be the fun person to be around.....today I was  not.  The one smart thing I did was grab my lunch and a bottle of water and eat lunch on my front porch while sitting in the rocking chair.  I played some games on my IPAD and just reflected on my life and tried to look for the good.  (It also saved me from being a witch, screaming loon or yelling at the dog).

Then surprise surprise.....it started to rain.......LOL.....doesn't it figure???? I stayed out there for a while even after the rain had started and was enjoying the view. But then had to give in and go inside when the rain started to soak the porch.  Mother Nature won that battle......

So here I sit now inside the house.......listening to the rain....sorting through my thoughts and questions.......trying to figure out where I want to go and how to get there.......

Well, maybe I will have some revelations this week.......you never know.......

Each night before I go to sleep I write in a journal 5 good things about the day.....sometimes it's easy and some days I have to struggle ......so let me end this entry with 5 good things about the coming week.....

1.  Tuesday starts of the "ber" months. Hopefully, no more days in the 90's and 100's!!!!
2.  I have a long weekend coming up. Thank goodness for Labor Day but wasn't it just Memorial Day?
3.  Payday. This makes SCEG, Time Warner Cable and my mortgage company happy!!
4.  Fall decoration are up (tablecloth and napkins, plates in the plate rack, small tree in the front window decorated and the wreath on the door).
5. And if nothing else brightens my week........college football starts this week..........USC plays Thursday night......and I can't wait.....GO COCKS!!!!!

See you next week......I promise to be more cheerful as the baseball season winds down (dear God please let the Yankees make it to the post season) and the football season starts (come on Gamecocks and NY Giants)........

It Is Not About The Numbers Is It??????

My leader at WW stresses that it is not all about the numbers.

It is about improving our lives overall.

It is being able to walk longer.   It is moving around so much more than before that someone complains that you are in their way.  It is someone looking for you in your office and you aren't there because you have actually left your desk to go see someone.  You don't realize how sedentary you can get and it becomes your lifestyle. I was in a team meeting the other day and realized I didn't sit  for the meeting like I normally do.  I was leaning against a desk the whole time (probably 25 minutes or so).  I can't remember the last time I did that......I know leaning is not standing but it sure isn't sitting either.

No, I am not out jogging or doing long walks but I am moving.  It is rare now that I ask someone to get something for me......not when I can get it myself......

Tonight, I spent the evening getting all my veggies cooked.  That meant shopping and walking.  Back in forth in the kitchen.  My fridge is loaded with fruits and veggies to get me through the week.

I have decided for now not to talk about the numbers each week.  I have made them too much of my focus.

I can tell I am down by the way my clothes fit or when they are getting lose.  I can tell by the way my watch slides down on my hand instead of staying on my wrist.  I can tell  by the way I had to move the straps on my sandals over a notch........do you really lose weight in your feet??? LOL....I guess you do since mine were getting loose.

I will share numbers when I think they should be shared.  I found that the up and down has been affecting my moods and I don't want that to be the case.  If  I am up at the scale that shouldn't ruin my week until the next weigh-in.  I shouldn't dread going to my meeting for fear of not having had "a good week".  Every week is a good week....every day is a good day.  As I said in last week's post....there are worse things than being fat.  And I am working on it and that's all that matters.  As long as I don't give up the numbers will happen.....I am sure of that.......so I have to stop beating myself up that right now the scale is moving down at a snails pace.  As I switch things up, I am sure there will be fluctuations in what happens each week.

I can look at my reflection in the mirror and see that changes.  I can look at my closet and see the changes.  I can look at the distance between the steering wheel and my stomach and see the changes.

Changes, changes, changes........ all to the good.......yes......the numbers matter........but that is not the be all and end all.....a healthier life.......a more active life......a life with more yes's than no's......

I have to stop worrying about Sunday mornings.......I have to stop not eating on Saturday's or worrying about what I might eat on Saturday.......I have to stop worrying that I am drinking too much water the day before weigh-in.......and now I find my self starting to worry about eating too much on Friday......

I work hard all week to eat the right things and get some activity in......but I can't control what my body decides to do even if I do everything right......

Today, I weighed myself 8 times.......naked......and the scale kept on coming up with different numbers.....I moved the scale and then pointed it in different directions.......now that is crazy........

I stressed about the numbers all day and now I know THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!!! No, I am not stopping Weight Watchers or exercise or my work to get healthy but I have to stop obsessing about the numbers each week.......

So it's really about life and not just the damn numbers on the scale..........

See you next week.......

There are things worse than being fat......

I have been pretty self-absorbed lately.  And I felt I was entitled to focus on me since I had spent so much of my life focusing on others.  I am still working on me and will continue to.......

Yes, obesity can lead to all kinds of health issues.  I am trying to avoid those now and hope I haven't waited too long to get it right.

This week I am thinking about others battles.....ones for which they did not volunteer, had no choice in taking on.....call it fate, call it lousy luck, call it sad, unfortunate and the cards they were dealt.

Almost all of these people faced or are facing their enemy head on.........

Cancer- is there an uglier word in the world???? It took my Dad way too young, my Mom when she still had so much more to give ( not to do), a cousin and couple of dear friends who fought until they could fight no more. Gone too young. I have two sister-in-laws and a dear friend who stared cancer down and won their battles.  They are survivors and warriors.  They took all that cancer could throw at them and fought back through chemo, sickness, hair loss and all the aches and pains that were part of the war.  I watched a dear friend lose her son to that horrible, dreadful and relentless disease. I live with someone who medically has had a positive outcome from two bouts of cancer but is a victim none the less.  The anger and fear mixed together have changed him into a person I hardly know anymore.

Cystic Fibrosis- another disease I hate.  It took my niece from us at a time when she should have been spreading her wings in flight.  Maria battled until she could fight no more. I never look at Cheese Fries in a package near to pretzels in a super market or a kids lemonade stand without thinking of Maria.


Now add MG to the list- Myasthenia Gravis- a disease that is so hard to diagnose.....just ask my niece, Jill, who went though a few years of going from doctor to doctor trying to find an answer. It is a disease that can go into remission but is never cured.  Muscle weakness, difficulty swallowing and at times issues with speech.  Jill is one tough cookie.  She works in a demanding job and is on the move constantly when I am sure she would just like to stay in bed some days.   She has had to endure weeks in the hospital getting infusions but with Tim by her side......they make it an adventure instead of looking at it as unfair and wrong.  I see much of my Dad in Jill.......not one to complain, not one to give up and most definitely gives MG a run for it's money every single day.

And finally for my list of hates today, Alzheimer's Disease........my sister-in-law has been diagnosed with this horrible, unforgiving disease.  I can't imagine a point in my life when I will no longer feel emotions or recognize my family and friends.  It is a slow progression that is as difficult for the person with the disease as it is for those around them.  There are no cures right now but there are clinical trials going on and we can all hope and pray that one of these trials will lead to a cure. Family and friends of my sister-in-law are raising money to be used toward research not just for Marge but for all the Marge's we know.

Part of me feels guilty for thinking so much about myself and not thinking about what others face every day.  I guess that is normal in life.....if we carried all these burdens everyday who would want to face each day???

One thing I am sure of is that each person I referenced above got out of bed and appreciated each day......and those still with us continue to be grateful for sunrises and sunsets.  They are our teachers, the people we should look up to, the people who know how to fight and know how to live. They are our hero's......

So while I fight my own battle to get healthy, I absolutely recognize that their road is much harder than mine.  So what if I am up a little at the scale......is the world going to stop spinning???

I will say I was down at the scale this morning and  I went to the movie's alone for the first time in my life yesterday. Big steps for me but compared to footprints left by Dad, Mom, Eric, Evie, Maureen, Gina, Lauren and Maria or the paths walked  Kathy, Patty, Terry, Jill and Marge..... my progress is not really important in the scheme of things....is it??

I may think I was brave walking into a movie theatre alone for the first time........my accomplishment is small in comparison to what they all did or continue to do......but maybe it is their example that helps me each day, each hour, each minute to make right choices and to not give up and for that I will be eternally grateful.......

See you next week......

Stress and the Roller Coaster

We all have stress in our lives......some more than others......some create it and for some it just happens.  There is stress at work and stress at home.  Experts will tell you stress and lack of sleep can have an impact on weight loss.

Or it's another plateau.....ugh!!! Down a pound .....up a pound......down .2....up .2......

Since my trip to NY, I have gone up and down the same few pounds......it is so frustrating.  I was a smidgen a way from 60 pounds gone and now I am a smidgen and a half away from 60 pounds.

I do try to figure out what the problem is.....I try to rationalize......plateau's do happen and they can last for months  (this has been confirmed by many of my WW buddies and leader).

I know I don't get enough sleep and I am a very restless sleeper too which means it is not a restful sleep.  I feel like I barely close my eyes and it's time to get up.  Oh you lucky retired people.......I envy you all so much......

Now let's talk stress.......my job is stressful......but then again whose isn't.......especially at month end.  95% of the time I love my job even with the stress. Several times a week I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about something I need to get done or something I forgot to do or planning out my next days work.....you all know the drill. Then there is stress at home......not going into detail there.

So what can I do????

I have committed to TRY yes TRY to go to sleep earlier at night.  I have committed to try and take one issue at a time at work and not let not let it overwhelm me.  I have committed to try and avoid stress at home as much as absolutely possible.

So my plan for this week is to plan......

I have a plan for my days at work as far as what I MUST get accomplished.......I know that plans get monkey wrenches thrown into them but at least I have a starting point.

I have planned my meals for the week.  I have cooked or prepared most of my veggies and proteins.  I am going to try and not eat the same things over and over....maybe give my body a little shake-up.

I am going to try to unwind when I am done with work for the day.  Who is it that said when you are at the end of your life you will not regret spending more time at the office but you will regret not doing more things that made you happy.  Even if it means watching TV shows where I do not have to think or read a book that burns no brain cells or play silly games on my IPAD, do some writing for the 2 books I am working on or spend some time practicing my Italian with Rosetta Stone......that is what I need to do.

Bed time.....get a MINIMUM of 6-7 hours of sleep.....but shoot for 8 hours.I used to fall asleep with the TV on......no more......I have started to go to sleep in a totally dark room and that seems to help.  I do wake usually to hit the bathroom at least once a night a few nights a week. I know some of it has to do with how much water I drink each day (but I have to tell you I did crave a diet Pepsi this week and fought off the urge) and some of it is due to.......yes getting older.

Maybe this will help the roller coaster ride to end or break the plateau........I know it will happen!!! I have to remind myself to be patient.  I look at where I am now as compared to just 10 months ago and I can see the progress.........I just have to get my body to adjust so more of this fat can fade away.

I hope next week to have a loss but you know what.....if I don't that's OK I know it will happen......I may be behind on where I was hoping to be as far as my weight loss goals but I will get there and I sure as hell am not going back the other way!!!!

You have just read a passage that shows you how my brain works......pretty scary huh......LOL.

OK let's see how the week goes with my "shake it up Donna plan".

See you next week........

What I Want When It's My Time To Go......

A friend of mine asked me how I came up with the topics for my blog entries.  I said sometimes I know all week what I am going to write about and sometimes I sit down at the computer and think what now? Or sometimes I get into a conversation and that leads to that weeks entry.

A conversation is what lead to this entry.....about my final wishes.......

No, I am not planning on going anywhere anytime soon. I am hoping that my healthier lifestyle will add many, many more years to my life.  But let's all face the fact that at some point it is going to happen......

I was visiting with friends last weekend and somehow we got on the discussion of funerals and what we would like and not like.  You can tell this was not a young swinging crowd by the topic of conversation.

When I said what I wanted it was pointed out to me that what I wanted to take place might be too vague....

so let me be more specific so there are no misunderstandings......

1.  Take me to Leevy's.  This is a black funeral home and I found out that cremations are less expensive there than at your standard funeral home.  I am not sure why they cost less but I don't really care. Why should Jenn have to lay out extra money to turn me into dust??

2.  Make sure I am dressed comfortably including flip flops.  I want to arrive comfy where ever I am going next.

3,  Yes, Cheryl you can throw cheese in with me the last time you see me so I can go out as a grilled cheese.

4.  I do not want a formal funeral service.  I would prefer a gathering with an open mike.  I expect laughter and lots of Donna stories.  I expect tears......of laughter.  Someone will have to be the timer to make sure some people don't go on too long.  Maybe it can be like America's Got Talent and there can be X's and then the person speaking would get the boot.

5.  NO WEARING BLACK!!!! I want people comfy and not somber.....bright colors preferred.

6.  If Fr.Tim Liejewski is able to make it, I wouldn't mind him saying a few words and I would like the 23 Psalm read but that is where the seriousness ends.

7.  I want the cheese poem read......in case you need to know it is in a book in the basket by the fire place.  When I move I will make sure to reveal its new location.

8.  Short of tiki torches this had better be a fun event.  I am not sure where the gathering should be held but I will think about it and let the appropriate people know.

9.  Of course there will be food.......and lots of CHEESE.  Hey, we all know I am a cheese-a-holic!!! And since I can't devour it like I used to at least at my last party there should be lots of it.

10.  Music- OK I call the shots here- the music will be from my IPOD.  Then you can all see how confused I really am.....from disco to the 60's to the rat pack to folk to Broadway Show tunes. My brother can do karaoke to some of our favorite songs.

11.  Photo's of me.....OK if they are not photo shopped then they must be of me looking good.  I do not want it to look like a before and after picture for a weight loss plan.

12..  If there is a funeral procession from the funeral home to the party/gathering.......Jenn Boswell and Mark Sgromolo must at some point pull into the funeral procession and throw on their lights and then take a turn onto another street.  (They can then rejoin the party).  The reason for this......OK I will admit I horrified Mark when I told him if there is a funeral procession and I am stuck in traffic I just throw in my headlights, look sad and get in line.  Then I leave the procession when I get to my destination.....LOL.  I am not being disrespectful......I make the sign of the cross and say a prayer.

13.  OK my ashes.....what should be done with them?? I have my Mom's ashes in a wind chime outside my house.  I love having them there although some days she makes quite a lot of noise.  But should Jenn have to worry about my ashes and Nannie's ashes too?  She doesn't need a deck of dead people ashes ringing in the wind does she??  I have always wanted to go to Italy, Alaska and back to Hawaii.  Hopefully, I will get there in my lifetime but if I don't......Jenn is to use some of the insurance money and take the trip I have always dreamed of with a friend or family member (it is up to her who goes with her so suck up to make the possible travel list) .  They will go to each of those places all expenses paid and leave some of my ashes there.  I would also like some ashes left at the beach.  I originally thought of asking each of my siblings and friends to take some of my ashes to a place they thought I might like but it was brought to my attention that not everyone might think of this as a special event or honor and may view it as a chore or forget to take me somewhere and I would get put in a closet on a shelf.  So I will have to come up with a list of specific people and locations.

Well those are some of the high points of my fond farewell.  As I think of things I will add them to this list but at least I have provided you all with the bullet points to go by.

I think it sound like a great send off......too bad I won't be there.....but the first person who lets out a sob of sadness.....I will come back and haunt you ass through all eternity!!!

See you next week.....

PS I was down at the scale this week.

 

 

What Heaven would look like to me.......

I Am Back........

No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth.........no, I didn't give up writing my blog........no, I haven't forgotten about all of you......

In the last 4 weeks, I have been in 15 or 16 states and traveled 4,000 miles.......yes 4,000 miles ....hours in the car.....about 70 ........tolls......LOL only on my New York trip.......pretty expensive.......we stayed in one pretty ugly motel out of sheer desperation and exhaustion. It was the only place I even stayed where I had to sleep with a shirt over my head for fear of bugs in the room.  Oh and have you ever gone into a hotel bathroom and found toilet paper in the toilet and the floor was wet (God knows what from)......so as you can see this was a luxury accommodation.

Anyway, we had a great time in NY.We were able to spend time with my brother, Greg and his family.  His son, Anthony, graduated from high school.

Two weeks later, we were off to Missouri for a family gathering.  950 miles and 18-19 hours in the car each way.

Between both trips and some other side trips, I tried to stay on plan but did indulge in some treats,  There is no way I could leave NY without breakfast at The Ridge Diner, eating pizza, a bagel, stop at Rockland Bakery for Linzer Tarts and black and white cookies, some Drakes Coffee Cakes and Devil Dogs.  I made some ham rolls, hot dogs in sauce and chocolate chip cookies for the visit to my brother.  In Missouri, I did indulge in real, wonderful and delectable treats from a bakery in Wisconsin (thank you Aaron and Bre), there were more ham rolls, tortellini salad, hot tortellini and on and on......

After the NY trip, I was up a few pounds.  A week after my return from Missouri, I was down at the scales. I found I can have the treats......occasionally......but now know I can get back on plan and not linger in the world of goodies.  Weight Watchers wants you to live your life and learn that you can have a treat or treats.  I was very aware of what I ate and I tracked it all even when I exceeded my daily points.

Now that I am back at home, the fridge is filled with veggies and fruits again.  Back to my focus of losing!!

A cousin shared a group picture of those of us who gathered from my Ohana.  I saw in the picture what others have told me.......time to go shopping Donna.

Saturday, Jenn and I went shopping and shop we did!! Everything was on sale.  And as I said on FB, I cried at the register.  I was overwhelmed at what I could wear that was sizes smaller than what I used to wear.  I remember walking into stores and not being able to find anything that fit.  Now it was a matter of what size I was going to fit in.

I also cried because of the final total of what I had spent.....Jenn knowing this added up what it would have cost me if I had paid full price for everything to make me feel better.

Then when I got home, I ordered a bathing suit that was on sale.  I also ordered 3 pairs of pants for work and with the Retail Me Not app.....I saved about 50% and half the shipping fee.

I am set with clothes until I lose another 60 pounds.

Sunday was clean out the closet day.  By the time I was done,  I had 5 bags of old big clothes that I took to Goodwill and those were to good clothes.....some I just pitched. My closet look organized and I can actually find things easily....thank you Jenn for organizing it for me!!

So new clothes, down at the scale, pitched old clothes....not so bad!!

Here is the pile of clothes that went to Goodwill:

And here is what my closet looks like now:

Notice the variety of colors........it was suggested I give up some of the black I wore on a regular basis.....

Well it is good to be home......not sure for how long or where I might be off to next.......I will just have to wait and see......

See you next week !!

You can go home again.......

Sorry Thomas Wolfe.....you were wrong......you said 'You Can't Go Home Again"....you can go home as long as you understand that everything changes.....and you can go home and visit but you need to be prepared for the changes.

OK first let me back up a little....sorry I missed last week.....I was away visiting friends for a few days. Then it was a few days of working and off to NY.

Jenn and I headed for NY on Wednesday.  It is always a long drive but the anticipation on seeing family and friends makes the trip worth it. We arrived in my hometown, Pearl River, NY around midnight (OK yes The Bronx is where I spend the first 14 years of my life but Pearl River is where I grew up).

Anyway, we stopped by Shoprite and were able to see my brother, Greg.  I hadn't seen him in over 3 years.  I have called him Bud since he was young,  He was my little Buddy I took with me or dragged with me a lot.  We are still in discussion as to whether or not I wanted to see Willy Wonka 6 times or he did.....I think it might have been a compromise......

We checked in at the PR Hilton (thank you Tim!!!!) and crashed.

In the movie, "City Slickers", they talk about their best and worst day. They were not allowed to include the things like the day their kids were born.

Well, Thursday was one of my best days.....

Jenn told me the Hilton had an indoor pool so we made time for a workout every day.  Then an old friend stopped by to see us and from there it was crazy.  We had breakfast at a real honest to goodness diner!! Shopping in town for local t shirts, purchasing enough Reinzi clam sauce to keep us well stocked for the next 2 years, a visit with one of Jenn's elementary school teachers, we went to visit Mom and Dad at Rockland cemetery and went by the family home to see what the story was for the graduation ceremony.  Before we knew it, we were at PRHS watching the last of the Raboni's walk at graduation.  I was the first in the 1970's and now my nephew, Anthony was the last......5 decades of Raboni's had walked that walk. Then back to the Hilton, to meet my friend, Jayne for a drink.  It took 5 minutes to catch up and then an hour of just pure chatting. Next stop,dinner with the family at the Nanuet Restaurant where they have some of the best pizza in the world!!!! Whew......what a day!!!!!

Friday was not quite as crazy.....workout, a bagel for breakfast and off to my brother's house.  The weather was to die for.......70's ....after the heat in SC it was great.  Just spending a day catching up with him and his family and the extended family was such a treat.

Saturday was the party and it was a lot of fun.  Friends and family gathering to celebrate.

Then before it knew it it was midnight and I was setting the alarm to get up at 4:30 for the journey home.  We pulled out of my brother's driveway at 5:01AM. Except a a long wait for coffee at a rest stop and some heavy traffic below Richmond VA the trip was not too bad and we were home by 6:15 and that included time to pick up the dog from the vet/kennel.

To get back to my original statement, it was great to go someplace that you know like the back of your hand.  It was also hard to be there and not have Mom along for the ride.  It was difficult to see the "For Sale" sign in front of my parents house.  I couldn't get myself to go inside to say good by.  But I believe that a home (which is different from a house) has a soul.  The spirits of my Mom and Dad are still there.  I can still feel the memories of weddings, graduations, birthdays and of course holidays at 33 Haven Terrace.  It was the place my older brother left to join the Marine's, it was the home my youngest brother would eventually own and his own sons would call their home, my sister and I left there as brides, my daughter was christened in the living room right next to my Dad's hospital bed during his final days.  And yes, my Dad died in that home.  Life had come full circle in that special place.  We all grew up and moved away......one by one.  And some day soon there will be another family building memories in that home.

Some notes to the new owners......I hope you have the joy and happiness we all had living there for the past 45 years.  I hope you do not have the sorrows we shared there too.  Oh and one more thing.....if you ever remove the shed and dig underneath it......no were no some crazy sick family.....what you will find in plastic bags of various sizes (up to big trash bags) are the toys and remains of some beloved family pets......

See you next week......

OH PS....I was down a lot at the scale last week and went to get weighed in this morning and was up.  Well, I am blaming it on sodium.  In the fried rice I ate, in the bacon pizza I ate, in the salt bagel I ate......see the recurring theme here....I ate and sodium.  I have to say I didn't eat as much as I would have in the past but I also did not focus on fruits and veggies like I have been..... but I am back on track....I had brussels sprouts for dinner last  night and already downed some grapes.....here's hoping the gain should dissappear next week...... I did work out everyday and that is not something I would NOT have done before.  Also, my sister-in-law commented like one of my friends last week that I need to go t shirt shopping.  She said she saw me keep pulling the v-neck of my shirt together since it has gotten too big.....not a bad thing!!!!

I Am Not A Quitter......

OK so the scale did not say what I wanted it to today. I hate the scale!!!!! I looked back over my week and tried to figure out what I might have done wrong.......

I ate the way I was supposed to......I went to the gym......I pooped regularly (oh get over it....yes pooping is important and you don't want to go into a weigh in with any excess baggage so to speak).......

Was it the bamboo shoots, snow peas and water chestnuts with soy sauce on Friday??
Was it the fact I didn't drink all of my water?
Can you really eat too many brussels sprouts?
Can you eat too many veggies?
Is it the carrots that I have added to my veggie list?
Did I not move enough this week?
Did I not give myself enough variety?
Did I give myself too much variety?

Do you see how confusing and mind boggling this process can be??????

I stayed for my meeting.......I didn't cry.......I just gave it a lot of thought.  I have reset my goals some.......now I hope to hit 75 pounds gone by my birthday.  If I hit it before that great but I am trying not to put too much pressure on myself.  Pressure and stress can be my enemies.  What a great birthday gift to myself  to be 75 pounds down (and I always remind myself to add on a extra 10 pounds to whatever I lose since my all time high -at least recorded from one of my previous WW memberships was 10 pounds more then when I started this time).

I came home and cooked all my veggies.  I cut up my all my salad ingredients so they can be ready at a a moments notice.  I made some WW muffins.  I am in good shape for the week.

I don't think moving the bar further out is a bad thing.  I am trying to be realistic.  The one thing I am sure of is this time I am not giving up!!!!!! My health has improved and I am way more mobile than I have been in years  Yes, I still have achy knees and hips......I am still not ready for long walks or 5K's but I am up and down and all around in stores, my kitchen and the gym. Silly as it sounds I don't dread walking to the ladies room 4-5 times a day.....that's what happens when you drink that much water!!

So what am I worried about......I am going to NY for my nephews graduation soon.....yes, I am going to the land of real pizza, fabulous bagels and the amazing Rockland Bakery where the fresh rolls and Lintzer Tarts are to die for.......the WW philosophy is that you can eat these things.....in moderation......a few ladies at my meeting had some good suggestions such as have one treat a day, use my extra weekly points and be prepared with foods I can eat that will keep my points in control and me on track.  This will take more planning than I have done since I started WW last fall but I am sure I can do it.  If I could get through the holidays and continue to lose surely I can get through a few days in NY..........I hope.......OK hell yes I can!!!!

That elusive 60 pounds is still out there but close enough to touch.  I am seeing the progress and making strides.  I cannot be defeated.....not this time......but can it be just a tiny bit easier.......please.......

It has been a life long battle but one I will win.......I am sure of that.....no matter how long it takes......I am not a quitter............

See you next week........

Barry & Me.......and some other stuff.......

OK the event was 40 years in the making.........

I will start by admitting yes it's true but I am a FANILOW!!! LOL

A few months ago a friend asked me, "if you could see anyone in concert who would it be?" I asked, "dead or alive?"  My girlfriend started to laugh and said "alive you ass!!" And I said Barry Manilow.  Well lo and behold after checking the concert schedule Barry was going to be in Charlotte on June 6th.

Last night, I went to see Barry with Jenn  and my sister, Cheryl.  Jenn was a good sport and went with us although she was probably among the youngest people at the show.  It seemed funny to be sitting in an audience of so many people around my age.

The show was great!! With the exception of two songs, I knew every one he sang.  I had been playing
 his songs on my IPOD on the way to Charlotte and there is one song I told Jenn I liked but he probably wouldn't sing. It is called "All The Time".  It is a song about wanting to fit in but not fitting in ......kind of the way I have felt and then realizing that there are others that feel that way too. Well, he sang it and it was great.

All I kept thinking as I danced in the aisle was "I feel alive!!!"

A year ago, yes there were some good moments but I felt like just a shell of myself.  Last night, was just another time since I started this journey where I couldn't stop smiling and laughing and clapping and dancing.

When I went to my WW meeting today, I was down again at the scale.  But the fun part was my WW friends asking about the show and during our meeting I told the group the "I feel alive" story and I waved my glow stick from the concert which made everyone laugh.

While we were walking into the concert, I had to stop.  Jenn and Cheryl asked if I was OK.  I told the yes but I had to stop to pull my jeans up (notice a recurring them here about pants falling down , see one of my previous entries).  I was able to sit in my seat at the concert very nicely (something most of you never think about right?). And for a few hours I listened to songs I love and some brought back some great memories.

Well enough about Barry and me.....

The other good things about the week were......

My two counterparts from work and I got into one of the most hysterical text conversations I have ever been in.........last night my sister, Jenn and an old friend (boy) got into a facebook conversation that had Cheryl and I in tears laughing.  After a few minutes of craziness.....my sister said "OMG will anyone from you job see this??"  LOL I told her not to worry it was fine.  ( I can see you all now going to my FB page to try and  find the conversation....LOL).  Don't worry my two work com padres.....our text conversation will not be shared.......no,  it was not work related it was just total insanity!!!

Someone in the office stopped by to tell me she had noticed I was losing weight but the funny part was what she said.  "I notice you are wearing sandals not Crocs."  Funny the little things people notice......

While I am still healing physically from the years of wear and tear I have allowed my body to go through and still healing emotionally from they way I have thought of myself or allowed other the verbally abuse me........I know I have said it before......the old Donna is so coming back so watch out world and as my confidence returns, my sense of humor takes on new heights and the my dreams become realities......

I do love the beginning of Chapter 3 of my life.......who knew?? I didn't really think it would ever get better and now barely 8 1/2 months into the transformation and I feel surprised.........amazed........blessed.........happy...,,..grateful..............ALIVE..........but I haven't gotten this far without my support group........family and friends........my Sunday morning WW buddies who have so enriched and added to my life.......and of course there is always Jenn......encouraging me........monitoring me......and reminding me of how far I have come.........and I always need to remember she is the person who will be picking out my nursing home.

So here's to another new event for my books of lists........finally seeing Barry.

Here are two short clips from last night.....one is a corny song but says how I feel about all of you and the other is from the end of the show and  is how I am feeling on the inside (hint ...wait for the streamers.....)

See you next week......

It All Comes Down To Numbers.........

The number 60 is front and center for me.  I am very close to passing the 60 pounds lost mark.  I think I should hit it within the next few weeks.  I have lost more than 15% of my body weight.  I have taken 230 plus pounds of pressure off my poor knees.  And per my Dr it is more like 8 pounds of pressure per pound off my knees when walking down hill or down stairs.

Speaking of my Dr......my visit this week was all good news.  Blood work numbers rock!! He is thrilled with my weight loss and TOOK ME OFF ONE OF MY BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS!!!! He has me coming back in 3 months to see how that goes and may take me off something else. I went home with all the numbers and then did the tedious task of looking up each one and finding the normal range.  I was in the normal range for every one of them!!!!

I was going to hold out until I hit 75 pounds gone before I bought new slacks but I am giving in and buying a few pairs now. I found out this week I really can't wait.  I was walking out of the office and put my car keys in pants pocket.  All of a sudden my pants started to fall down.  Way down.....like sliding down past my butt.  Not that I don't still have a big butt but there is less and enough difference that I can't keep my pants up....LOL.  I am also going to look for just a few t shirts since the ones I am wearing now are swimming on me.  I am NOT buying much but enough to get me though the next 60 and then I will have to shop again.  And I am going to become a regular at the Good Will donation line when clothes start to get too big.

Please don't take this as bragging......that is absolutely not what I am doing.......I just am sharing my progress.

Basically, all the numbers that should go down are going down and the numbers that should go up are going up.......including my age......LOL......I am hanging on to the 50's for dear life....LOL....but in November I will have to face that new decade....ugh.......but I never thought I would head into that new number weighing less than I have in 20-25 years.......I never dreamt this could happen to me.........Chapter 3 is looking brighter........and healthier.......

See you next week..........

A Sneak Peak and Some Other Things.......

Last week, I wrote about the "Slush Fest" and how well the first page of my book was received.......well I have decided this week to share the first page with you too.....

OK here goes......minus the type "O's".....

Chapter One- How This Started

I guess you can blame it on the fact that my mother had died. When she was gone I felt lost. There were so many things going on in my life and I needed to make some new decisions. Writing a blog was one, putting myself first was another and  trying to look ahead toward Chapter 3.

Chapter 3 is all about me and my new adventures. And then I started to come up with the list. A list of things I have never done before but I decided it is time to do. Some of the items are simple like making a cheesecake, so more permanent such as a tattoo and some are just for pure fun such as renting the car of my dreams for a weekend.

When mom died she left each of her children a small amount of money. I could’ve used it to pay bills or for some other practical purpose but I didn’t. I decided I would not spend the money until I found a special reason or purpose of which I thought my mother would approve. I think she would approve of the list…….

At first I thought I would start with 12 new experiences but then I thought why limited it to 12. I am not looking at it as a bucket list but rather as a Donna wants to do list. A bucket list is tasks you want to do before you die. The Donna list is things I want to do to feel alive.

So there you have it....your little peak into one of the books I am writing........

The "some other things" part of my entry has to do with a few things that happened this week......

I went to have blood work done.  The chair you sit in has an arm that is "supposed" to go down in front of you.  In the past that would never work with me.  But this time the arm went down in front of me with room to spare!!!

I spent over 2 hours working with Jenn out in the yard today.  I hate yard work but for a change I was able to do it (with a few breaks due to my asthma and the fumes from the lawn mower).  The yard looked great when we were done!!

Friday night I didn't know what I wanted for dinner.  I ended up eating pineapple, grapes, some turkey pepperoni and 2 pieces of Weight Watcher string cheese.  Not the kind of choices I would have made before......

Once again it is Sunday night and I am cooking veggies.  It has become such a part of my routine and thank goodness I love them!!! I am going to try making a new kind of Weight Watcher cookies with oatmeal, peanut butter and banana's.  I will let you know if it is a success or not.

The scale did not move for me this week but that's OK.  It will move next week (come hell or high water)!!!!  My confidence continues to soar in a way that even surprises me.  And when you feel good you want to share your happiness.....for example today when we were leaving Aldi's there was an older lady (yes even older for me) walking across the parking lot wearing the most beautiful blue hat (robin's egg blue).  I stopped the car and Jenn put down the window and we told her how beautiful her hat was.  She smiled from ear to ear. It was a very brief encounter but it made her happy and us too....

I have a doctor appointment on Tuesday and instead of dreading it I am looking forward to it.  I am going in about 32 pounds lighter than I was when I went to see him in November and at that time I was down 24 pounds. I am hoping my blood work numbers rock and maybe he will take me off some med's.  And that is the point of all this......to get healthier.  I do like being able to wear clothes in smaller sizes but knowing I will be around longer to enjoy them and Chapter 3 is what I am really focused on......

I hope you all have a great Memorial Day and we should all remember what the day is really about.......so THANK YOU to all those who served and are now gone.....the gift of freedom they gave us is priceless......GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!

See you next week........