Where Is My Safe Haven???

When I was a teenager, we had a dog named Ruby. She was a good dog and didn't cause too much trouble except her occasional escape from the house which led to trips around the neighborhood to get her back to the house. Ruby had a spot in our dining room that was behind one of the extra dining room chairs. There was some extra carpeting there and it was near a heating vent. This was her safe harbor. Even if she had done something bad, once she was back in that corner....she was safe. No punishment or stern scolding was allowed when Ruby was in her corner.

My Dad felt everyone especially kids needed a safe haven. He didn't believe in trapping someone. If one of his kids screwed up, he always gave them an out......an opportunity to get out of a difficult situation and save face. He was the one who created Ruby's safe spot in the house.

As an adult I am finding it hard to find my safe haven. After a hard day, most people look forward to going home. Home is their safe haven. This is not always the case for me. At times, other peoples issues have made it so going home is not the solution to a difficult day. But where do you go if home is not the solution? You cannot continually go to a friends house and hang out. You can only spend so many hours at the bookstores. Staying at the office is not the solution. So what to do?

Sometimes, I will go in my 3rd bedroom referred to as Donna's Place and close the door enjoying the solitude........and that can work for a while. Maybe I am dreaming or trying to live in a Norman Rockwell world but I want a time when I can come home and not be greeted by additional stress.

Stress does not help my journey and can result in slow weight loss and my hair falling out (OK maybe I am being a little extreme.......can you tell I am a little self-conscious about my hair??) .....alright it is not falling out but it sure is thinner than it used to be......go figure the one thing I don't want to be thinner..... is.......

OK.....this entry was huge for me.....I revealed a lot more than I planned to......

There are some very valid reasons why I can't or won't make any changes to provide me with additional peace.....I have a conscience and that makes some options not possible......

It helps just having put this down in words......it might help some of you understand why I may not always be whistling "Zipidee Do Dah" ( not sure if that is the correct spelling but you get the jist of it)......

No one has a perfect life.......but by focusing on me I am improving my life......my search for a safe haven may continue for a long time......maybe forever......

Sometimes I wish I was Ruby.....laying in her corner knowing no one could hurt her while she was there......