Life continues to throw me curves......
As I have said several times before, I have an extreme fear of falling. This fear is about physically falling. I guess we can all fall mentally and psychologically too.....
I am working on the physical fear of falling by the things I am doing at the gym. I am working on my core through balance and other exercises.
Now about the psychological fears.....
I am damaged goods. Years of beating myself up and allowing others to beat me up has taken a toll on me. I don't know if I will ever totally heal but I can feel better. I fight this battle daily. The scars are very deep and some are not visible to those who know me. Only in those rare dark moments do I sometimes reach out to others or open up so they can see my pain. It is embarrassing and painful to expose myself so others can see what I deal with.....
But I do believe I am getting stronger both physically and mentally. The physical part I owe to my daughter , my trainer and the friends that support my efforts and continue to encourage me. The mental part is different......I have let very few see my true pain.....it makes me feel like a failure and I am really the only one who can fix that part. The people I have chosen to let inside are great at listening, do not criticize and offer support without being critical.
The important part is I continue to stand up. The easier route would be to just stay down and not struggle to stand but that is not who I am. So I don't care how many more times I get knocked down......I will still get back up physically and mentally......cause that I who I am.....
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