My Dad dies when I was 29. Jenn was just 2 1/2 months old. I have already outlived him. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him. I still miss him.....a lot. I always thought of myself as my father's daughter.
And I was sure that I was not one of my Mom's favorites.
Why did I think that? I don't know.....the other's seemed to connect with her more than I did. I connected with my Dad.
So when Dad died I struggled.
As an adult I now had to build a relationship with my Mom. Not that we were enemies.....we were just different. As a wife.....my Mom knocked it out of the park. As a wife, I was no where near as good as my Mom. But we did find a way to connect.....through Jenn. I was able to learn a lot from my Mom about being a Mom. She rocks as a grandmother. With 11 grandchildren....she found a way to love them each for their special gifts. Jenn could always call her Nannie to celebrate anything....from a 100 on a math test to finding a dress for the prom. Mom was there for all her big events......christening.....kindergarten celebration....high school graduation...... graduation with her Master's Degree.
For all of those events.....there was Mom front and center. I didn't know how Mom would make it without Dad. He had been the center of her universe. She did make it......there may have been some bumps along the road but she did find a world without Dad and it was a world in which she traveled and worked and made her grandchildren her focus. Now she has been blessed with greatgrandchildren.
As the years passed, we started to talk every day or every other day. Sometime there wasn't much to say other times we would chat for an hour. Each night when I leave work I call her to catch up. I consider it our time. If my Dad had lived longer.....I may never have gotten to know my Mom.
She has been battling cancer for the last 2 years......she has gone through chemo, nausea, loss of appetite and all that goes with that dreaded disease. She has fought a battle that my Dad would have been proud of .....not one to complain......she did what she needed to do. Lately, she has been struggling with health issues......as I write this she is in the hospital.....the second round of chemo has taken it's toll on her.......I pray that she will recover enough to come home and regain some of her independence.
I am grateful that we did get to spend last Christmas and New Year's Day together. I am planning to visit her in February. It will be good to spend sometime with her.
Her illness has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Being so far away has made it difficult. Some days I can talk about Mom and I am fine......other days or moments I am reduced to tears.
I am grateful that as an adult I have gotten to know her. Yes, there are times we make each other crazy but she has also been there for me when I needed someone to talk to......I never have had any doubt that she has always had my back....just like a Mom should....
Saturday, December 31, 2011
How Have I Done? Can I Succeed?
As I look back on the last 2 years when this journey began I am no where near where I thought or hoped I would be. I guess I was expecting bigger things of myself then came to pass. My confidence has grown and so has my self-esteem....not as much as it needs to but that's OK. Yes, I am down a size or two and some serious pounds have come off but not what I had dreamed would at the start. I have learned to eat when I am hungry.....what a novel idea. I have experimented with different foods. I pack lunches that are somewhat diversified. Hummus and crackers or pretzels, flatbread and weight watchers cream cheese for breakfast. I am going to start making soups to bring in my thermos for lunch.
Does the fact that I am not at my dream size make me a failure......two years ago I would have said yes.....now I can say no.....
I have learned it not just about size........
It is about so many other things......learning to face my fears, celebrate my accomplishments, allow myself to fall and get back up, really getting to know me for the first time in my life.....
I may not get to that dream size or run in a marathon or play a piano or climb a mountain or bungee jump off a bridge......but the list of things I might do has grown tremendously in the last few years.....I have flown alone, I have walked on to the gym floor and worked out without being self conscious some of the time, I am starting to make decisions that are good for ME......ME ME ME......it is finally about me......
Am I a failure? NO........failure is not an option (I love that line from Apollo 13)....I am a work in progress.....hang in there with me.....walk along side of me.....help me to keep my focus......I am only just beginning to see what I can be......
Does the fact that I am not at my dream size make me a failure......two years ago I would have said yes.....now I can say no.....
I have learned it not just about size........
It is about so many other things......learning to face my fears, celebrate my accomplishments, allow myself to fall and get back up, really getting to know me for the first time in my life.....
I may not get to that dream size or run in a marathon or play a piano or climb a mountain or bungee jump off a bridge......but the list of things I might do has grown tremendously in the last few years.....I have flown alone, I have walked on to the gym floor and worked out without being self conscious some of the time, I am starting to make decisions that are good for ME......ME ME ME......it is finally about me......
Am I a failure? NO........failure is not an option (I love that line from Apollo 13)....I am a work in progress.....hang in there with me.....walk along side of me.....help me to keep my focus......I am only just beginning to see what I can be......
Cellphone Behavior
Someone needs to explain to me what kind of conversation is so important that it needs to take place while you are in a bathroom stall. I just don't get it!!!! I think it is rude, selfish, uncouth and just all around ridiculous. If you have an emergency call go in the hallway and talk but why in God's name would someone want to talk while .....you know.....using the facilities. Plus, it is so inconsiderate to others who are in there. Yesterday, I went to the ladies room and yes there was someone talking up a storm to I have no idea who. But you could tell from the part of the conversation I had no choice but to hear that this was not about brain surgery but was pure gossip. Obviously the person talking in the stall had no qualms about what "background noises" might be going on while she chatted but it did offend me. There was part of me that wanted to start making grotesque sounds or make sounds like I was going to barf to see if that would get the person off the phone. I also took a longer than usual time washing my hands hoping I could see who was on the phone but they never left the stall. Maybe that was better......I would probably have made some remake about their lack of manners or how rude they were.....
Someone please explain to me what would possess someone to think talking on the phone in the bathroom is OK......because I sure don't get it......
Someone please explain to me what would possess someone to think talking on the phone in the bathroom is OK......because I sure don't get it......
The 12 Hopes of 2012
Now that I have listed the best of 2011.....let's move on to 2012. Here are my hopes for the New Year....
1. Good health, happiness and prosperity to all my family and friends.
OK now the rest are about me:
2. Write more. I think I am good at it so I need to spend more time doing it.
3. Try to get published. Not sure exactly how to tackle this but will start to investigate how.
4. Take a real vacation. Barbados maybe??
5. Spend at least one hour a week reading. Just for enjoyment.....
6. Spend more time with family and friends.....laughter is a must!!!!
7. Continue to focus on me.....the gym, healthy eating and improved health.
8. Stop stressing over what I can't control......this is going to be a biggie for me the control freak......this will be a work in progress. I cannot guarantee overnight success or even a huge change but even a slight improvement would be good.
9. How about more me time......after all it is all about me!!!
10. I need to treat myself to things I want.....nothing too crazy but stop saying maybe next year and start doing it now.
11. I need to realize that the world will not stop if I take a day off to play or an afternoon off for some me time.
12. I hope that when the year ends I am a few pounds lighter (not going to pressure myself into a prediction of how much), a size or two smaller, found some healthy eating options, replaced some fat with muscle, burned some calories through laughter, hugged when I could, walked more, napped when I felt like it, and found the me that I want to be..... not the me that anyone else wants.....
WOW!!!! That is an impressive list of challenges......I think I am up to the task......stay tuned as I move through the year......I will keep you posted. Let's see when I sit down at the end of 2012 how well I did.....not that it will be a failure if I don't accomplish all I have listed......I will get an "A" for effort and that matters too.......
Goodbye 2011 and Hello 2012......Happy New Year!!!!!
1. Good health, happiness and prosperity to all my family and friends.
OK now the rest are about me:
2. Write more. I think I am good at it so I need to spend more time doing it.
3. Try to get published. Not sure exactly how to tackle this but will start to investigate how.
4. Take a real vacation. Barbados maybe??
5. Spend at least one hour a week reading. Just for enjoyment.....
6. Spend more time with family and friends.....laughter is a must!!!!
7. Continue to focus on me.....the gym, healthy eating and improved health.
8. Stop stressing over what I can't control......this is going to be a biggie for me the control freak......this will be a work in progress. I cannot guarantee overnight success or even a huge change but even a slight improvement would be good.
9. How about more me time......after all it is all about me!!!
10. I need to treat myself to things I want.....nothing too crazy but stop saying maybe next year and start doing it now.
11. I need to realize that the world will not stop if I take a day off to play or an afternoon off for some me time.
12. I hope that when the year ends I am a few pounds lighter (not going to pressure myself into a prediction of how much), a size or two smaller, found some healthy eating options, replaced some fat with muscle, burned some calories through laughter, hugged when I could, walked more, napped when I felt like it, and found the me that I want to be..... not the me that anyone else wants.....
WOW!!!! That is an impressive list of challenges......I think I am up to the task......stay tuned as I move through the year......I will keep you posted. Let's see when I sit down at the end of 2012 how well I did.....not that it will be a failure if I don't accomplish all I have listed......I will get an "A" for effort and that matters too.......
Goodbye 2011 and Hello 2012......Happy New Year!!!!!
The Best 11 of 2011
With only a few hours left to 2011 this seems like a good time to do a year in review. Most magazines, television stations, etc do a best of the year so why shouldn't I.....
1. I started the New Year with my family. My Mom, sister, brother-in-law and various nephews and niece. We had the traditional southern meal of collards, pork, black eyed peas (hoppin johns) and corn bread. It was a nice treat for my family to get to share some time together.
2. At my sister's advise I taped a quarter over the front door for good luck and it sure has worked. Jenn got a great job at USC and in the fall she will be teaching a Freshman 101 course too. I also took on a new job which has been a blessing putting me back in the part of the mortgage industry I love.
3. I made it to the gym most of the time......not perfect but I hung in there. I even learned I could get up off the floor if I had to.
4. I was able to spend some time with most of my family in June at my nephews wedding in Florida. We have some great family photo's from the occasion. In fact I liked one so much that I now use it on my facebook page.
5. I still get on the scale but decided at the advice of my trainer to not put myself through the weekly weigh-in which seemed to determine my mood for the week.
6. I used up every bit of vacation time (except the 5 days I was allowed to carry-over) and realized the company will not shut down if I am not there everyday.
7. After much encouragement by Jenn, I bought an IPhone. OK how did I ever survive without it. I love my IPhone!!!!!
8. I went on 2 count 'em 2 business trips. I actually flew alone to Maine and back. I learned I do not want to want to switch planes in Philly if I can avoid it. I also learned that pilots hate to land at Reagan in D.C. be cause if the short runway (glad I didn't know that in advance). My second trip was with a bunch of managers and that was fun to travel as a group.
9. I have started to treat myself to things that I wouldn't have before.....a new recliner for the living room, a Keurig coffee maker, the IPhone.....I have not gone crazy but it is nice to not stress about every penny I spend. I am still cautious but every once in a while I say "oh go for it"...
10. I love reading the Sunday New York Times on my kindle......I also love that it only costs me 99 cents to get it downloaded.
11. I love that I have been blessed with another year surrounded by family and friends that I love and that for some crazy reason love me in return. You can't ask for more than that......all in all it has been a good year.
1. I started the New Year with my family. My Mom, sister, brother-in-law and various nephews and niece. We had the traditional southern meal of collards, pork, black eyed peas (hoppin johns) and corn bread. It was a nice treat for my family to get to share some time together.
2. At my sister's advise I taped a quarter over the front door for good luck and it sure has worked. Jenn got a great job at USC and in the fall she will be teaching a Freshman 101 course too. I also took on a new job which has been a blessing putting me back in the part of the mortgage industry I love.
3. I made it to the gym most of the time......not perfect but I hung in there. I even learned I could get up off the floor if I had to.
4. I was able to spend some time with most of my family in June at my nephews wedding in Florida. We have some great family photo's from the occasion. In fact I liked one so much that I now use it on my facebook page.
5. I still get on the scale but decided at the advice of my trainer to not put myself through the weekly weigh-in which seemed to determine my mood for the week.
6. I used up every bit of vacation time (except the 5 days I was allowed to carry-over) and realized the company will not shut down if I am not there everyday.
7. After much encouragement by Jenn, I bought an IPhone. OK how did I ever survive without it. I love my IPhone!!!!!
8. I went on 2 count 'em 2 business trips. I actually flew alone to Maine and back. I learned I do not want to want to switch planes in Philly if I can avoid it. I also learned that pilots hate to land at Reagan in D.C. be cause if the short runway (glad I didn't know that in advance). My second trip was with a bunch of managers and that was fun to travel as a group.
9. I have started to treat myself to things that I wouldn't have before.....a new recliner for the living room, a Keurig coffee maker, the IPhone.....I have not gone crazy but it is nice to not stress about every penny I spend. I am still cautious but every once in a while I say "oh go for it"...
10. I love reading the Sunday New York Times on my kindle......I also love that it only costs me 99 cents to get it downloaded.
11. I love that I have been blessed with another year surrounded by family and friends that I love and that for some crazy reason love me in return. You can't ask for more than that......all in all it has been a good year.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Another Christmas Come and Goes......
It is hard to believe I am writing this the morning after Christmas. Where did the last 48 hours go????
We had a nice quiet Christmas Eve. And Christmas Day was lovely. OK I went way overboard on the books that I asked for......I have enough reading material until July 4th..... if I keep to another one of my resolutions to spend at least 1 to 2 hours a week reading. I love to read but just never seem to find the time so I am adding it to my resolution list.
We spent a few hours with friends and were back home and in our pj's by 6:30. We opened the last 3 gifts of the day.....one of mine was a scrabble game....great choice....since I have been playing Word Feud and Words with Friends on my IPhone I am suddenly in love with scrabble.
Just once or twice I looked at my friends with envy....spouses nearby, discussing the gifts they had received from each other.....some of those gifts were very beautiful.....I had to push those feelings of envy and sadness away....I worked my way through it and moved on.
All in all it was just about the day I had wished for.....I know my holidays with just Jenn are dwindling down and at some point Mr. Right will arrive.....I did tell her when she is married she will have to let her husband know I need her the week before Christmas or I will never get it all done...LOL. There may be Christmas's in the future where I will be spending time alone......that will be OK or I am sure I can find a friend or family member to visit. I will be OK and who knows maybe a day will come when I will not be alone.....you just can't predict the future.
Well on to the New Year.....one more week of holidays and then back to reality and routine......I really don't mind that too much.....but for today it is after Christmas sales......I know I know.....what a way to spend the day.....
The day after Christmas is always a bit of a letdown for me......I need to keep busy and keep those post Christmas blues away.....or I can spend my time figuring out my new coffee maker......or I can read one of the over 100 happy thoughts or things that make me laugh that Jenn put in a jar for me......that gift cost very little to put together but took a lot of time and thought.....tomorrow it will be on my desk so when days get a little rough I will have something to make me smile......Jenn said she will add to the jar as things she think of come up......that little glass jar is priceless......I cheated just now and took out two strips.....one said a happy thought....saving 3 gifts for Christmas night.....the other said I am proud of all you have accomplished.....like I said priceless.....
We had a nice quiet Christmas Eve. And Christmas Day was lovely. OK I went way overboard on the books that I asked for......I have enough reading material until July 4th..... if I keep to another one of my resolutions to spend at least 1 to 2 hours a week reading. I love to read but just never seem to find the time so I am adding it to my resolution list.
We spent a few hours with friends and were back home and in our pj's by 6:30. We opened the last 3 gifts of the day.....one of mine was a scrabble game....great choice....since I have been playing Word Feud and Words with Friends on my IPhone I am suddenly in love with scrabble.
Just once or twice I looked at my friends with envy....spouses nearby, discussing the gifts they had received from each other.....some of those gifts were very beautiful.....I had to push those feelings of envy and sadness away....I worked my way through it and moved on.
All in all it was just about the day I had wished for.....I know my holidays with just Jenn are dwindling down and at some point Mr. Right will arrive.....I did tell her when she is married she will have to let her husband know I need her the week before Christmas or I will never get it all done...LOL. There may be Christmas's in the future where I will be spending time alone......that will be OK or I am sure I can find a friend or family member to visit. I will be OK and who knows maybe a day will come when I will not be alone.....you just can't predict the future.
Well on to the New Year.....one more week of holidays and then back to reality and routine......I really don't mind that too much.....but for today it is after Christmas sales......I know I know.....what a way to spend the day.....
The day after Christmas is always a bit of a letdown for me......I need to keep busy and keep those post Christmas blues away.....or I can spend my time figuring out my new coffee maker......or I can read one of the over 100 happy thoughts or things that make me laugh that Jenn put in a jar for me......that gift cost very little to put together but took a lot of time and thought.....tomorrow it will be on my desk so when days get a little rough I will have something to make me smile......Jenn said she will add to the jar as things she think of come up......that little glass jar is priceless......I cheated just now and took out two strips.....one said a happy thought....saving 3 gifts for Christmas night.....the other said I am proud of all you have accomplished.....like I said priceless.....
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Christmas Eve
Well we finally made it to Christmas Eve....the shopping is done, the wrapping is finished and we are at my favorite point of the holiday.....there is nothing left to do but enjoy......
We watched the Giants win....I took a nap......I woke up from my nap and Jenn was asleep (we are just a partying bunch here) and now we are watching It's A Wonderful Life. Jenn is now awake and preparing snacks for us to eat. This might sound boring to some but it is exactly what I wanted. Most of my family is not having grand parties or huge get togethers.....if there was a large gathering of the family I would want to be there but as it is....it is OK for Jenn and I to have this quiet evening. In years past, Christmas Eve was a busy night and the family would gather. Now due to distance and not always having the time needed to travel or the funds to travel we just have to make due. Bob is in NY with his family and it sounds like they are making the rounds to see all the relatives they can.....that works for them. I am not saying given the opportunity to spend a Christmas Eve with my family all together that I would pass it up......I would love it but there is no one place where everyone is gathering so instead I will call them tomorrow or maybe skype them. We will get to visit via the internet.
But for this evening......it's about Christmas movies, snacks and and the anticipation of what Jenn could have possibly bought me for $5, $10 and $15 in Walmart.......
I will let you know tomorrow the answer to that question.....until then....Merry Christmas Eve.....
We watched the Giants win....I took a nap......I woke up from my nap and Jenn was asleep (we are just a partying bunch here) and now we are watching It's A Wonderful Life. Jenn is now awake and preparing snacks for us to eat. This might sound boring to some but it is exactly what I wanted. Most of my family is not having grand parties or huge get togethers.....if there was a large gathering of the family I would want to be there but as it is....it is OK for Jenn and I to have this quiet evening. In years past, Christmas Eve was a busy night and the family would gather. Now due to distance and not always having the time needed to travel or the funds to travel we just have to make due. Bob is in NY with his family and it sounds like they are making the rounds to see all the relatives they can.....that works for them. I am not saying given the opportunity to spend a Christmas Eve with my family all together that I would pass it up......I would love it but there is no one place where everyone is gathering so instead I will call them tomorrow or maybe skype them. We will get to visit via the internet.
But for this evening......it's about Christmas movies, snacks and and the anticipation of what Jenn could have possibly bought me for $5, $10 and $15 in Walmart.......
I will let you know tomorrow the answer to that question.....until then....Merry Christmas Eve.....
No Man Is A Failure Who Has Friends
My Dad would have agreed with Clarence the Angel from "It's A Wonderful Life". My Dad used to say if when you died you could hold up your hand and say you have 5 friends that you has done well in life.
We all have acquaintances.....a lot of them. They are fun to hang with and share the good times. But there is something about friends....real true friends. They share the good times, they walk with us through the struggles and may even help carry us in our dark hours. There is something about having a history with another person. They have known both the best and worst of you and still for some crazy reason want to be around you. They can complete your sentences, with one look they know what you are thinking and you can go long periods of time without speaking and still get on the phone and catch up in just a few minutes and it is as if it were yesterday that you had just spoken. Yes, acquaintances can become friends but it is not something that happens over night.
The great part about having friends is they choose you too.....not like family where they have to put up with you. Yes, family is family and we all have had some that we would have chosen as friends even if there wasn't a connection by blood but we ALL also have family that we couldn't care if we ever saw them again.
But a good friend is like a pair of old slippers.....comfortable, familiar and although they might show some wear you won't replace them.
I have friends from various stages in my life....they came into my life from different directions. They may not have always agreed with me or thought my choices were right but they have refrained from using those dreaded words "I told you so". I don't know what I would have done without them.....they have shared my joys and successes......they have listened to me when I was trying to figure out life......and when I needed a sounding board they were there.
No man or woman is a failure who has friends......I guess that makes me a success!! But those poor people that have become my friends......sorry guys you are stuck with me and I with you.....I feel very blessed.
We all have acquaintances.....a lot of them. They are fun to hang with and share the good times. But there is something about friends....real true friends. They share the good times, they walk with us through the struggles and may even help carry us in our dark hours. There is something about having a history with another person. They have known both the best and worst of you and still for some crazy reason want to be around you. They can complete your sentences, with one look they know what you are thinking and you can go long periods of time without speaking and still get on the phone and catch up in just a few minutes and it is as if it were yesterday that you had just spoken. Yes, acquaintances can become friends but it is not something that happens over night.
The great part about having friends is they choose you too.....not like family where they have to put up with you. Yes, family is family and we all have had some that we would have chosen as friends even if there wasn't a connection by blood but we ALL also have family that we couldn't care if we ever saw them again.
But a good friend is like a pair of old slippers.....comfortable, familiar and although they might show some wear you won't replace them.
I have friends from various stages in my life....they came into my life from different directions. They may not have always agreed with me or thought my choices were right but they have refrained from using those dreaded words "I told you so". I don't know what I would have done without them.....they have shared my joys and successes......they have listened to me when I was trying to figure out life......and when I needed a sounding board they were there.
No man or woman is a failure who has friends......I guess that makes me a success!! But those poor people that have become my friends......sorry guys you are stuck with me and I with you.....I feel very blessed.
The Polar Express- Quote 2
The thing about trains... it doesn't matter where they're going. What matters is deciding to get on.
I am been standing at the train station for so long that my feet are stuck on the floor of the platform. Those of you who know me well know my indecision when it comes to certain things can be a real struggle. I plan and I dream but I never get myself to get on the train. Well, that is one of my New Years resolutions......it is time to stop standing at the platform and waiving goodbye as others hop on the train. This year is my time to get my ticket punched and hop on. I am not sure what train it will be and in which direction it will head but I have promised myself that the time has come for some new adventures. For me just making a commitment to this is a major move. It could be working more on my writing, it could be trying to be more spontaneous, it could be going on a trip or any other number of things.
The bottom line is I am on the platform and waiting for the train to pull in......I can hear the whistle in the distance, my ticket is punched and now it is time to climb on......destination unknown.
By the end of 2012, I hope I have done entries about where I have gone and what new adventures I have had........I think I am finally ready.
ALL ABOARD......
I am been standing at the train station for so long that my feet are stuck on the floor of the platform. Those of you who know me well know my indecision when it comes to certain things can be a real struggle. I plan and I dream but I never get myself to get on the train. Well, that is one of my New Years resolutions......it is time to stop standing at the platform and waiving goodbye as others hop on the train. This year is my time to get my ticket punched and hop on. I am not sure what train it will be and in which direction it will head but I have promised myself that the time has come for some new adventures. For me just making a commitment to this is a major move. It could be working more on my writing, it could be trying to be more spontaneous, it could be going on a trip or any other number of things.
The bottom line is I am on the platform and waiting for the train to pull in......I can hear the whistle in the distance, my ticket is punched and now it is time to climb on......destination unknown.
By the end of 2012, I hope I have done entries about where I have gone and what new adventures I have had........I think I am finally ready.
ALL ABOARD......
Thursday, December 22, 2011
The Polar Express- Quote 1
Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see.
Who would think a children's story would have such a profound statement? I have never stopped believing in Santa and the magic. I do understand what it means to believe in things you can't see......I believe in the me yet to be. In my head, I do have a vision of what I may look like when I have gotten to a certain point in my journey. You will note I said "gotten to a certain point" not the end of my journey. This journey has no end......it has twists and turns even I had never anticipated. The thing that keeps me going is the belief in something even I can't see......this journey is not only about the physical but about the inside of me too. There is such an emotional piece that I struggle with as hard as the fight that forces me to continue to go to the gym on a regular basis.
But as with my belief in Santa......I believe in me......I have a pin on my desk that I have been wearing the last few weeks.....it simply says Believe......normally I would put it away once Christmas is over but this year I think I will keep it on my desk.....it is a sign I need to see as I travel on my journey.......a reminder that I may not see the physical changes I seek immediately but there are other changes taking place inside of me.....and in that I do believe......
Who would think a children's story would have such a profound statement? I have never stopped believing in Santa and the magic. I do understand what it means to believe in things you can't see......I believe in the me yet to be. In my head, I do have a vision of what I may look like when I have gotten to a certain point in my journey. You will note I said "gotten to a certain point" not the end of my journey. This journey has no end......it has twists and turns even I had never anticipated. The thing that keeps me going is the belief in something even I can't see......this journey is not only about the physical but about the inside of me too. There is such an emotional piece that I struggle with as hard as the fight that forces me to continue to go to the gym on a regular basis.
But as with my belief in Santa......I believe in me......I have a pin on my desk that I have been wearing the last few weeks.....it simply says Believe......normally I would put it away once Christmas is over but this year I think I will keep it on my desk.....it is a sign I need to see as I travel on my journey.......a reminder that I may not see the physical changes I seek immediately but there are other changes taking place inside of me.....and in that I do believe......
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Secret Doozins (duesines) and Other Family Terms
Family language.....is there anything like it?? I am sure my family is not unique in the use of terms or phrases that only a family member would know. But in case you run into my family here is a brief list of terms they will understand:
1. Secret Doozins (pronounced dues ins)- this means "secret doings"- around the holidays we would be all doing our secret shopping etc.....if someone asked what you were doing you would say secret doings which my dad turned into secret doozins- it meant don't ask and you will find out soon .....like on Christmas
2. Datsita (pronounced dat sit ah)this means coffee....not sure where the one came from but when we lived at home Dad would ask for more datsita we knew it meant coffee
3. Royroys (pronounced roy roys)- this is pasta cooked in olive oil and garlic- I believe it is correctly called aglio e olio
4. Gadabouch (pronounced God a boo ch)- the meant the trash- you would hear someone say put this in the gadabouch and know what it meant
5. Scargots (pronounced scar gots)- this means escargot- we just got lazy and it was never escargot again in my house- one time my grandmother was out to dinner and said she had to stop and think how to pronounce it correctly because she was so used to saying it the way we did at home.
6. a pheasant motel- (pronounced just the way it is)- if someone in the family says they stayed at a pheasant or it wasn't a pheasant we know just what they mean-- a pheasant motel is basically a run down motel or a dive with drawers that do not match, a door that does not lock and paper cups wrapped in plastic in the bathroom- the term was derived by my family on our cross country camping trip back in the 1971......we very seldom stayed in motels.....most nights we were in our tent.....one night dad splurged for a motel.....I don't remember if we couldn't find a campground or if we had driven too late to start setting up camp......anyway this place had nothing on the Bates Motel.....it has all the things I mentioned above no locks, plastic cups, etc.....we even put things in front of the door so it could not be opened from the outside......when we were packing the car to leave the "motel" the next morning we noticed the front door to the room next door was open....next thing we saw a pheasant came walking out of the room....hence the term pheasant hotel
7. Some mule- (pronounced just the way it is)- My Uncle Johnny always brought the most outrageous desserts to a family gatherings- around Christmas he would bring a cake shaped like the yule log- when someone was asked what they wanted for dessert they replied some yule- meaning the yule cake....my younger brother thought they said some mule....and so another phrase in the family dictionary was born.
8. Godmother's prerogative- this means if Mom say no you can go to your Godmother who can overrule Mom. It started with something as simple as being allowed to eat a piece of candy before dinner or not having to eat broccoli. It did eventually grow into other things a Godmother was allowed to do (kind of) without Mom's permission. I think I might have crossed the line when I took my niece to get her ears pierced when she was 2 or 3 without checking with my sister about it first. My sister was initially shocked by then said it was OK. I should have known that she would one up me when my daughter came home from an afternoon out with my sister and now had 2 ear piercings in each ear. We sisters agreed after that to take it down a notch before we had kids with tattoos before the age of 10.
9.Jennifer Eve- I decided not only should a birthday be celebrated but also the Eve of the birthday hence Jennifer Eve. On Jennifer Eve......she could have whatever she wanted for dinner and we had to go along with it. One year it was French Toast and French Fries....another year Hamburger Helper.....another time we had a backwards dinner (cake first and then the real meal). I have shared the idea of Jennifer Eve with some friends and they now do this with their children.
OK this next one is not for those who can be offended easily.....you might want to skip it......
10. AMF- the kids thought it meant adios my friend....not even close.....one derivative of it is Happy Birthday My Friend....trust me there are many more but I am trying to keep this to where I am not offending any one too much...
I love family language.....it is one of the things that bonds us and can make us laugh hard when someone says I just stayed at a real pheasant......we all know what they mean and the laughter that follows is not mean spirited.....it is just an understanding that only a family can share.
1. Secret Doozins (pronounced dues ins)- this means "secret doings"- around the holidays we would be all doing our secret shopping etc.....if someone asked what you were doing you would say secret doings which my dad turned into secret doozins- it meant don't ask and you will find out soon .....like on Christmas
2. Datsita (pronounced dat sit ah)this means coffee....not sure where the one came from but when we lived at home Dad would ask for more datsita we knew it meant coffee
3. Royroys (pronounced roy roys)- this is pasta cooked in olive oil and garlic- I believe it is correctly called aglio e olio
4. Gadabouch (pronounced God a boo ch)- the meant the trash- you would hear someone say put this in the gadabouch and know what it meant
5. Scargots (pronounced scar gots)- this means escargot- we just got lazy and it was never escargot again in my house- one time my grandmother was out to dinner and said she had to stop and think how to pronounce it correctly because she was so used to saying it the way we did at home.
6. a pheasant motel- (pronounced just the way it is)- if someone in the family says they stayed at a pheasant or it wasn't a pheasant we know just what they mean-- a pheasant motel is basically a run down motel or a dive with drawers that do not match, a door that does not lock and paper cups wrapped in plastic in the bathroom- the term was derived by my family on our cross country camping trip back in the 1971......we very seldom stayed in motels.....most nights we were in our tent.....one night dad splurged for a motel.....I don't remember if we couldn't find a campground or if we had driven too late to start setting up camp......anyway this place had nothing on the Bates Motel.....it has all the things I mentioned above no locks, plastic cups, etc.....we even put things in front of the door so it could not be opened from the outside......when we were packing the car to leave the "motel" the next morning we noticed the front door to the room next door was open....next thing we saw a pheasant came walking out of the room....hence the term pheasant hotel
7. Some mule- (pronounced just the way it is)- My Uncle Johnny always brought the most outrageous desserts to a family gatherings- around Christmas he would bring a cake shaped like the yule log- when someone was asked what they wanted for dessert they replied some yule- meaning the yule cake....my younger brother thought they said some mule....and so another phrase in the family dictionary was born.
8. Godmother's prerogative- this means if Mom say no you can go to your Godmother who can overrule Mom. It started with something as simple as being allowed to eat a piece of candy before dinner or not having to eat broccoli. It did eventually grow into other things a Godmother was allowed to do (kind of) without Mom's permission. I think I might have crossed the line when I took my niece to get her ears pierced when she was 2 or 3 without checking with my sister about it first. My sister was initially shocked by then said it was OK. I should have known that she would one up me when my daughter came home from an afternoon out with my sister and now had 2 ear piercings in each ear. We sisters agreed after that to take it down a notch before we had kids with tattoos before the age of 10.
9.Jennifer Eve- I decided not only should a birthday be celebrated but also the Eve of the birthday hence Jennifer Eve. On Jennifer Eve......she could have whatever she wanted for dinner and we had to go along with it. One year it was French Toast and French Fries....another year Hamburger Helper.....another time we had a backwards dinner (cake first and then the real meal). I have shared the idea of Jennifer Eve with some friends and they now do this with their children.
OK this next one is not for those who can be offended easily.....you might want to skip it......
10. AMF- the kids thought it meant adios my friend....not even close.....one derivative of it is Happy Birthday My Friend....trust me there are many more but I am trying to keep this to where I am not offending any one too much...
I love family language.....it is one of the things that bonds us and can make us laugh hard when someone says I just stayed at a real pheasant......we all know what they mean and the laughter that follows is not mean spirited.....it is just an understanding that only a family can share.
The Scale Before and After ......
I think I will weigh myself this week before the big day. I weighed myself around Thanksgiving and was pleased that things seemed to be heading in the right direction even if it is very slowly. I will then weigh myself New year's Day so I know where I am at as I head into 2012.
My new job keeps me so busy I no where eat what I used to. I bring in food for breakfast, lunch and snack but many times just end up bringing them back home. I say that is a good thing. When I get home I am too tired to make any major effort to cook any thing but something as basic as soup. I feel that I will start to see the benefits of these eating changes once my body realizes I am not trying to starve it and am just adjusting to the new way I am eating. Also, once I am back in the gym in January I know that will kick everything into gear. I miss the gym this month but it was just adding additional stress to my life worrying about not getting there or saying I was going to go and not making it there......this time of year I am trying to reduce stress not create more. I already have my first date with my trainer scheduled for the first week of January so I am good to go.
New eating routines and back to working out......I am so ready to begin.
Like the last few years......once again the focus will be on me and I feel comfortable that I will have continued success in my goals to get healthy, eat healthy, lose weight and be a better me.
2 weeks and counting......
My new job keeps me so busy I no where eat what I used to. I bring in food for breakfast, lunch and snack but many times just end up bringing them back home. I say that is a good thing. When I get home I am too tired to make any major effort to cook any thing but something as basic as soup. I feel that I will start to see the benefits of these eating changes once my body realizes I am not trying to starve it and am just adjusting to the new way I am eating. Also, once I am back in the gym in January I know that will kick everything into gear. I miss the gym this month but it was just adding additional stress to my life worrying about not getting there or saying I was going to go and not making it there......this time of year I am trying to reduce stress not create more. I already have my first date with my trainer scheduled for the first week of January so I am good to go.
New eating routines and back to working out......I am so ready to begin.
Like the last few years......once again the focus will be on me and I feel comfortable that I will have continued success in my goals to get healthy, eat healthy, lose weight and be a better me.
2 weeks and counting......
Why Am I Suddenly Homesick....
Last night as Jenn and I were running an errand, she mentioned going to Shoprite (our local supermarket in NY). It made me think of going food shopping and 9 times out of 10 running into someone I knew. It made me a little sad. I very seldom run into anyone I know at the supermarket. I know part of this has to do with the fact that Shoprite was the only supermarket in my hometown (Pearl River NY) so of course the odds of running into someone you knew were pretty good. I also like running into my brother Greg who worked the night shift there. I would be in shopping early on Sunday morning and he would just be finishing up. Now I haven't seen him in a few years. We talk on the phone but it is not the same as seeing him.
Last year, my Mom was here the week before Christmas. She helped bake, made us beautiful angels that now grace our living room and helped add to the holidays. This year she will be in NY for the holidays.
I talk to my brother George every few weeks and my sister Cheryl once a week or every other week. What I would give for one more Christmas with all of us together. Each year some challenge comes up that makes all of us being in the same place at the same time difficult. I will be heading to NY pretty soon to visit Mom and hopefully will be able to see everyone in the family while I am there......but it is not the same as spending Christmas Eve under one roof.....the laughter, the familiarity of the family stories shared and of course the foods. A sharing of traditions and history.
I love the song have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas but it also makes me a little sad......I think about the family I am not seeing......makes me wonder if ever again we will all be able to share a holiday together in NY.
The holidays are filled with wonder, excitement and anticipation.....but my mind keeps going back to those Christmas's past where we all came together at 33 Haven Terrace and for a few hours and shared the magic of Christmas. I wish I could go back for just one of those Christmas's again.....with my Dad......I would love to have Jenn share that experience with me.....
Look how far I have gotten off track from my original entry......I started at Shoprite and ended up with Christmas with my Dad.
I am not homesick often but this time of year......I do get the yearning to be in NY......of course, I know that Christmas up there is different now too.....in my mind everyone has a Norman Rockwell picture Christmas but me....LOL....I know the reality is it has changed for all of us......I will shake off the homesickness and enjoy the holidays with the new friends I have made since I moved here 13 years ago but I have to say honestly there will be some part of me hanging around in the kitchen watching my dad cook the traditional Italian 7 kinds of fish dinner....if only in my dreams.....
Last year, my Mom was here the week before Christmas. She helped bake, made us beautiful angels that now grace our living room and helped add to the holidays. This year she will be in NY for the holidays.
I talk to my brother George every few weeks and my sister Cheryl once a week or every other week. What I would give for one more Christmas with all of us together. Each year some challenge comes up that makes all of us being in the same place at the same time difficult. I will be heading to NY pretty soon to visit Mom and hopefully will be able to see everyone in the family while I am there......but it is not the same as spending Christmas Eve under one roof.....the laughter, the familiarity of the family stories shared and of course the foods. A sharing of traditions and history.
I love the song have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas but it also makes me a little sad......I think about the family I am not seeing......makes me wonder if ever again we will all be able to share a holiday together in NY.
The holidays are filled with wonder, excitement and anticipation.....but my mind keeps going back to those Christmas's past where we all came together at 33 Haven Terrace and for a few hours and shared the magic of Christmas. I wish I could go back for just one of those Christmas's again.....with my Dad......I would love to have Jenn share that experience with me.....
Look how far I have gotten off track from my original entry......I started at Shoprite and ended up with Christmas with my Dad.
I am not homesick often but this time of year......I do get the yearning to be in NY......of course, I know that Christmas up there is different now too.....in my mind everyone has a Norman Rockwell picture Christmas but me....LOL....I know the reality is it has changed for all of us......I will shake off the homesickness and enjoy the holidays with the new friends I have made since I moved here 13 years ago but I have to say honestly there will be some part of me hanging around in the kitchen watching my dad cook the traditional Italian 7 kinds of fish dinner....if only in my dreams.....
Love The Holidays but Miss the Daily Routine
I love the holidays. I love looking at the tree at night with it's lights and garland. I love the smell of special foods baking in the kitchen. I love saying Merry Christmas....sorry not Happy Holidays.....but Merry Christmas.
The downside is your daily routine is totally thrown out of whack. You come home from work....late and tired and have to bake pinwheels. You pencil in time to get the cards written. You know that each night you will have some task to get done. It only once a year and that is part of what makes the holidays so special.
But like most people.....I do miss my daily routines. Going to the gym 4 times a week, not having to say no to the special treats we eat this time of year, being able to come home from work and relax, loving the decorations but dreading taking them down. How bare and dull everything looks when it is all gone.
I am a person who likes control and routine ....are you surprised? Being that way makes this time a year a real struggle but I get through it and enjoy it and am grateful when it is over.....no I am not a Scrooge.....it just is the part of me that likes to know Tuesday and Thursday is gym night.....Saturday and Sunday early morning workouts at the gym.....
I will miss the holidays when they are over and am really trying to enjoy the week ahead but there is something to be said for the routine of life......
The downside is your daily routine is totally thrown out of whack. You come home from work....late and tired and have to bake pinwheels. You pencil in time to get the cards written. You know that each night you will have some task to get done. It only once a year and that is part of what makes the holidays so special.
But like most people.....I do miss my daily routines. Going to the gym 4 times a week, not having to say no to the special treats we eat this time of year, being able to come home from work and relax, loving the decorations but dreading taking them down. How bare and dull everything looks when it is all gone.
I am a person who likes control and routine ....are you surprised? Being that way makes this time a year a real struggle but I get through it and enjoy it and am grateful when it is over.....no I am not a Scrooge.....it just is the part of me that likes to know Tuesday and Thursday is gym night.....Saturday and Sunday early morning workouts at the gym.....
I will miss the holidays when they are over and am really trying to enjoy the week ahead but there is something to be said for the routine of life......
On Track For Christmas
I am proud to say the tree is up ,the outside is decorated, the packages that need to be mailed have been, the cards are written and will be mailed today, cookies for the office are done, any present that has come into the house has been wrapped. So heading into the last week toward Christmas.......I am in pretty good shape. There are still some gifts left to buy but nothing that I won't be able to find. My Christmas assistant Jenn has kept me on track. This afternoon we will bake some additional chocolate chips, try out some sugar cookies and thumbprints. We will make normal quantities......not like years past where there were cookies everywhere and many times I ended up doing the annual New Year's Day pitching of the cookies into the trash.
The ingredients are not cheap, I don't need the added temptations and it is a lot of work. Jenn has been a huge help with the baking. I do love watching her mix cookie batter knowing her Great Grandmother Raboni used the same recipes 70 plus years ago. We have recipes on paper, on the computer saved in various folders and on index cards. One of the official signs the holidays are approaching is the first phone call to ask for a recipe from a family member. There are strict family rules about cookie baking....only chocolate chips may be made any time of the year. All of the other recipes can only be made between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The rules have been explained at length to new family members and everyone abides by the rules.....as far as I know. Lord help the person who makes a pinwheel or thumbprint in July......I am sure something terrible will happen to them.....LOL. Jenn laughs as she pulls out either the index cards or paper recipes.....they are stained from the various ingredients used to make them.....the corners are dog eared and you can tell they have been handled so many times.
As I said earlier, this week will be pretty easy.......Jenn and I have to get those last cookies baked. We have to plan our holiday meals. We have decided to buy each other surprise gifts and here are the rules ....we can spend $5 each on a gift or gifts at Family Dollar, $10 on a gift at Big Lots and $15 on a gift at Target or KMart. There gifts will be opened at the end of the day on Christmas. For years we have always saved 3 gifts to open at the end of the day......it is fun to have something to end the day with......and since we are limiting the amount of money we can spend .....you have to be creative. My main goal is to have everything done by the time my head hits the pillow Friday night. I want Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to be just about doing whatever I want.
I am sure with Jenn's assistance that is exactly what will happen....
The ingredients are not cheap, I don't need the added temptations and it is a lot of work. Jenn has been a huge help with the baking. I do love watching her mix cookie batter knowing her Great Grandmother Raboni used the same recipes 70 plus years ago. We have recipes on paper, on the computer saved in various folders and on index cards. One of the official signs the holidays are approaching is the first phone call to ask for a recipe from a family member. There are strict family rules about cookie baking....only chocolate chips may be made any time of the year. All of the other recipes can only be made between Thanksgiving and Christmas. The rules have been explained at length to new family members and everyone abides by the rules.....as far as I know. Lord help the person who makes a pinwheel or thumbprint in July......I am sure something terrible will happen to them.....LOL. Jenn laughs as she pulls out either the index cards or paper recipes.....they are stained from the various ingredients used to make them.....the corners are dog eared and you can tell they have been handled so many times.
As I said earlier, this week will be pretty easy.......Jenn and I have to get those last cookies baked. We have to plan our holiday meals. We have decided to buy each other surprise gifts and here are the rules ....we can spend $5 each on a gift or gifts at Family Dollar, $10 on a gift at Big Lots and $15 on a gift at Target or KMart. There gifts will be opened at the end of the day on Christmas. For years we have always saved 3 gifts to open at the end of the day......it is fun to have something to end the day with......and since we are limiting the amount of money we can spend .....you have to be creative. My main goal is to have everything done by the time my head hits the pillow Friday night. I want Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to be just about doing whatever I want.
I am sure with Jenn's assistance that is exactly what will happen....
The Godiva and Me
Trying to get through the holidays without completely blowing it......what a challenge.......
But I am trying hard. Case an point.......remember the pumpkin pie that I treated myself to at Thanksgiving for a big $2.99......it got pitched without even taking a slice.
Candy and cookies given to us by neighbors........not one spec has passed my lips.
This week there was a big challenge......someone had sent to the office a huge box of Godiva Chocolates. YUM!! I walked by the table it was on without stopping....well at first I did.....then I went back and look at the box.....then I looked at the paper that tells you which kind of chocolate is which. I read it carefully.......the I opened the box and announced to anyone in listening range that I was going to have one. Well the box had been pretty well picked over but there were still enough left for me to make some selection with the guidance of the paper telling me what was what. I even went as far as to pull off the top level to see what was left on the bottom level. I had zeroed in on my choice....a nice juicy caramel. And then I put everything back in the box and walked away without taking one.
Score on for me!!!! I guess one of the things I have learned is to think before I eat and to realize that that piece of chocolate might taste good for a minute that would be it and it would be gone.
I am not saying I will not get through the next 2 weeks without any treats but for a change I will pick and choose them carefully. Like the pumpkin pie and the Godiva chocolates.....I will think is it really worth it????
But I am trying hard. Case an point.......remember the pumpkin pie that I treated myself to at Thanksgiving for a big $2.99......it got pitched without even taking a slice.
Candy and cookies given to us by neighbors........not one spec has passed my lips.
This week there was a big challenge......someone had sent to the office a huge box of Godiva Chocolates. YUM!! I walked by the table it was on without stopping....well at first I did.....then I went back and look at the box.....then I looked at the paper that tells you which kind of chocolate is which. I read it carefully.......the I opened the box and announced to anyone in listening range that I was going to have one. Well the box had been pretty well picked over but there were still enough left for me to make some selection with the guidance of the paper telling me what was what. I even went as far as to pull off the top level to see what was left on the bottom level. I had zeroed in on my choice....a nice juicy caramel. And then I put everything back in the box and walked away without taking one.
Score on for me!!!! I guess one of the things I have learned is to think before I eat and to realize that that piece of chocolate might taste good for a minute that would be it and it would be gone.
I am not saying I will not get through the next 2 weeks without any treats but for a change I will pick and choose them carefully. Like the pumpkin pie and the Godiva chocolates.....I will think is it really worth it????
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Guess What I Found Today..........Christmas
As you all know I have been searching for Christmas.....well many times you find things where you least expect to.....where did I find it????.....the last place I would have thought to look....across the street from the Rite Aid parking lot on Garners Ferry Road....
Jenn and I were heading to Walgreens to buy my lovely head attire for the Christmas Breakfast at the office (I stated in an earlier post that I would not be donning the Santa Hat the other manager's would be wearing......I instead will be wearing a headband with antlers, mistletoe and bells....less chance of hat hair)......
Anyway, all of a sudden Jenn says "Mom look at that!!!!" I tuned my head and saw motorcycles......hundreds of them.....I would even venture to say thousands of them....they were in the VA parking lot and coming down Garners Ferry Road......we pulled into the Rite Aid parking lot and watched......the motorcycles continue to come for another 15 minutes......I have never seen so many motorcycles in my whole life.....I told Jenn it was the Veteran's Christmas Charity Ride....
We were not the only people who stopped to watch....the Rite Aid and adjoining parking lot had a lot of cars parked with people watching......Jenn got out of the car and took pictures and a video with her cell phone.....
Being such a sap.....I did have to wipe away a few tears.....but it was an amazing feeling to watch all those vet's riding by.....a few were even dressed as Santa....
When Jenn got back in the car she asked me if I now felt Christmas ..... I have to say I did .....it is not about the presents or food or the can you top this attitude that goes with the holiday......I was reminded it is about small acts of kindness.....I could feel the magic as I watched the parade of motorcycles go by.......now I just have to figure out how to keep that feeling.....not just for the next two weeks but also for the 52 that follow........
Jenn and I were heading to Walgreens to buy my lovely head attire for the Christmas Breakfast at the office (I stated in an earlier post that I would not be donning the Santa Hat the other manager's would be wearing......I instead will be wearing a headband with antlers, mistletoe and bells....less chance of hat hair)......
Anyway, all of a sudden Jenn says "Mom look at that!!!!" I tuned my head and saw motorcycles......hundreds of them.....I would even venture to say thousands of them....they were in the VA parking lot and coming down Garners Ferry Road......we pulled into the Rite Aid parking lot and watched......the motorcycles continue to come for another 15 minutes......I have never seen so many motorcycles in my whole life.....I told Jenn it was the Veteran's Christmas Charity Ride....
We were not the only people who stopped to watch....the Rite Aid and adjoining parking lot had a lot of cars parked with people watching......Jenn got out of the car and took pictures and a video with her cell phone.....
Being such a sap.....I did have to wipe away a few tears.....but it was an amazing feeling to watch all those vet's riding by.....a few were even dressed as Santa....
When Jenn got back in the car she asked me if I now felt Christmas ..... I have to say I did .....it is not about the presents or food or the can you top this attitude that goes with the holiday......I was reminded it is about small acts of kindness.....I could feel the magic as I watched the parade of motorcycles go by.......now I just have to figure out how to keep that feeling.....not just for the next two weeks but also for the 52 that follow........
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Was That Part of a Pretzel???
When I was young I found the sleeves on a nun's habit fascinating.They would pull things out of those sleeves like a magician does out of his hat. Suddenly a handkerchief would appear, a piece of chalk, a rosary and the dreaded clicker.....what is the clicker you ask.....it was a little something that make a clicking sounds to let us know when to stand, sit and kneel (that is definitely material for another entry) .....anyway you never quite knew what might appear from up those sleeves......I wouldn't have been surprised if the Sunday New York Times or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich appeared from those sleeves....
Where an I going with this you might ask.....well there are times when I have used my bra the same way.....I put money, my inhaler, car keys and my ATM card down in there....sometimes by them selves and sometimes as a group.....LOL....I treat it like a mini pocketbook.....LOL
But I digress....one morning this week I was taking a shower and I saw something fall on the floor of the tub.....I thought for a second "what was that?" I picked up the fallen item and examined it....without my glasses which is a challenge....what was it I was looking at?? It was part of a pretzel......yes part of a pretzel. So now I am standing in the shower wondering where the hell a part of a pretzel came from???? Then it hit me......I had eaten some pretzels at work the day before.....I guess a piece of one had fallen into my blouse, working its way into my bra and under my left boob.....apparently even when I came home, changed and took off my bra that little piece of pretzel has found a place to stay the night.....how scary is that......is the space under the girls a new food bank??? Like the nuns sleeves??? Do I now have to check each night to make sure nothing has decided to take residence there? Imagine if I had an accident and end up in the hospital......they would have thought I was some kind of a nut with a piece of pretzel tucked under a body part....well now I have something to add to my nightly routine.....check for stray food parts....LOL.....like I don't have enough to do......
Where an I going with this you might ask.....well there are times when I have used my bra the same way.....I put money, my inhaler, car keys and my ATM card down in there....sometimes by them selves and sometimes as a group.....LOL....I treat it like a mini pocketbook.....LOL
But I digress....one morning this week I was taking a shower and I saw something fall on the floor of the tub.....I thought for a second "what was that?" I picked up the fallen item and examined it....without my glasses which is a challenge....what was it I was looking at?? It was part of a pretzel......yes part of a pretzel. So now I am standing in the shower wondering where the hell a part of a pretzel came from???? Then it hit me......I had eaten some pretzels at work the day before.....I guess a piece of one had fallen into my blouse, working its way into my bra and under my left boob.....apparently even when I came home, changed and took off my bra that little piece of pretzel has found a place to stay the night.....how scary is that......is the space under the girls a new food bank??? Like the nuns sleeves??? Do I now have to check each night to make sure nothing has decided to take residence there? Imagine if I had an accident and end up in the hospital......they would have thought I was some kind of a nut with a piece of pretzel tucked under a body part....well now I have something to add to my nightly routine.....check for stray food parts....LOL.....like I don't have enough to do......
Where Are You Christmas - Part 3
I am still in search of Christmas. I thought I felt it for a few seconds here and there. Not with the overwhelming excitement I felt as a child but there have been a few moments of the Christmas feeling.
Each day at 5:00, I turn my Iphone to the Pandora application. I have Christmas music as one of my stations. OK.....let's talk for a second about Pandora.....this is amazing.....I started using it by accident.....I was at work after 5:00 and I pulled out my IPOD to plug into my little portable speaker but the battery was dead, I was telling Jenn about that on the phone and wanted her to remind me to charge up the battery so I could use it after hours. Jenn said I should use Pandora in the meantime. WOW....that app is great.....I use it each day after 5:00 while I work.....the sound is great and I don't use a lot of the phone battery.....
Anyway......I just want you to know I did feel Christmas even if it was only for a few fleeting seconds......hopefully this week I will feel it a little more......I am running out of time.....Christmas is only 2 weeks away.......so I better find Christmas fast.....other wise I have to wait another 52 weeks to feel it again.....
Each day at 5:00, I turn my Iphone to the Pandora application. I have Christmas music as one of my stations. OK.....let's talk for a second about Pandora.....this is amazing.....I started using it by accident.....I was at work after 5:00 and I pulled out my IPOD to plug into my little portable speaker but the battery was dead, I was telling Jenn about that on the phone and wanted her to remind me to charge up the battery so I could use it after hours. Jenn said I should use Pandora in the meantime. WOW....that app is great.....I use it each day after 5:00 while I work.....the sound is great and I don't use a lot of the phone battery.....
Anyway......I just want you to know I did feel Christmas even if it was only for a few fleeting seconds......hopefully this week I will feel it a little more......I am running out of time.....Christmas is only 2 weeks away.......so I better find Christmas fast.....other wise I have to wait another 52 weeks to feel it again.....
Benefits of Working Late
Working late.....I have been doing it a lot lately......not that I mind. I use the time after 5:00 to get caught up on what I don't get to during the work day. I could bring my laptop home and work from there. I may start doing that.....I am thinking about getting an flat screen monitor to hook-up to my laptop so I will have 2 screens like I do at work. That will make it much easier to work at home. In the New Year, Tuesday and Thursday will not be late nights because I will be getting back to the gym on a regular schedule and that is a good thing.
Anyway, there is a benefit to working late......each night when I leave the office.....I call my Mom. The conversation usually starts like this "Hi Mom" that's me...."Donna, are you on your way home?" that's Mom....."Yes, I am on my way home" that's me....."Oh Donna you are working late and long days" that's Mom.....but the nice part is I get to set aside the time during the ride home to catch up with Mom. We cover the same topics each day.....how is her day, how is she feeling, has she talked to anyone, what has she had to eat and on and on. She asks the same questions.....how was my day, anything new with Jenn and have I talked to any family members.....
This might sound boring and routine but it means a lot to me. It means each day I have a 20 minute or so conversation with Mom. Usually we do not solve the worlds problems, we do talk about sports and TV. But I treat it as a daily visit with Mom. As I move along the highway headed home it gives me something else to think about other than how tired I might be.
Mom will say after about 25 minutes, "Are you home yet?".....my usual response is either "I am just driving into my sub-division or I have already been in the driveway a few minutes." We end the conversation by saying "I love you and I will talk to you tomorrow." Those conversations give me chance to unwind and talk to Mom as if we were sitting across the table from each other having a cup of coffee.
If I was coming home at rush hour I might not be able to afford myself that luxury. If I start bringing home my laptop....I will still carve out time each day for our conversations. And I know is some states talking on my cell phone would be grounds for a ticket but for now it makes the commute home after a long day a good way to pass the time......and a chance to visit with Mom.
Anyway, there is a benefit to working late......each night when I leave the office.....I call my Mom. The conversation usually starts like this "Hi Mom" that's me...."Donna, are you on your way home?" that's Mom....."Yes, I am on my way home" that's me....."Oh Donna you are working late and long days" that's Mom.....but the nice part is I get to set aside the time during the ride home to catch up with Mom. We cover the same topics each day.....how is her day, how is she feeling, has she talked to anyone, what has she had to eat and on and on. She asks the same questions.....how was my day, anything new with Jenn and have I talked to any family members.....
This might sound boring and routine but it means a lot to me. It means each day I have a 20 minute or so conversation with Mom. Usually we do not solve the worlds problems, we do talk about sports and TV. But I treat it as a daily visit with Mom. As I move along the highway headed home it gives me something else to think about other than how tired I might be.
Mom will say after about 25 minutes, "Are you home yet?".....my usual response is either "I am just driving into my sub-division or I have already been in the driveway a few minutes." We end the conversation by saying "I love you and I will talk to you tomorrow." Those conversations give me chance to unwind and talk to Mom as if we were sitting across the table from each other having a cup of coffee.
If I was coming home at rush hour I might not be able to afford myself that luxury. If I start bringing home my laptop....I will still carve out time each day for our conversations. And I know is some states talking on my cell phone would be grounds for a ticket but for now it makes the commute home after a long day a good way to pass the time......and a chance to visit with Mom.
The Ring Fits
As I have said before I need to look for the little changes that show I am heading in the right direction. This week I decided to step out of my comfort zone. I decided to wear a Christmas bracelet and a Christmas pin the says Believe. Now you may not think of this as a major event but it is for me. I am such a creature of habit. Each day I put on the same wrist watch, same ring, same 2 pairs of earrings and the same necklace. I have some very pretty necklaces but at a time when I needed a reminder of faith I started wearing a little cross each day. I have not worn another necklace since......now I am superstitious that if I don't wear the cross something bad will happen. How foolish is that......as if the necklace had the power to keep everything in check and all I care about safe. I know logically that the little cross is not changing anything but the subconscious side of me has a hard time making the change
Another New Year resolution......wear some different necklaces.
Anyway back to the little changes I seek. While I was walking on the wild side with a the Christmas bracelet and pin.....I came across a ring I used to wear. It is a simple white gold ring with 2 rows of tiny diamonds. I loved the ring when I got it almost 20 years ago. I stopped wearing it years ago because it had gotten too tight and it was a struggle to get it on and off my hand each day. You would have thought I would have taken it as a sign that I needed to focus on my weight. But at that point in my life it was easier to just to remove the offending item and ignore what was going on.
On an impulse, I tried the ring on.....and it fit. No struggle to get it past my knuckle...no pushing it to get it down my finger. It slid on with ease. I stared at my hand in shock. The ring was back on my hand and it moved freely on my ring finger. In fact it slid around my finger. I was amazed. I didn't think I would ever wear it again. I have worn it everyday this week....like a medal. I know it is not huge to anyone else but it is so significant to me.
What a week......wearing a Christmas bracelet and pin......and sporting a forgotten ring that has given me the push I needed to continue. Next .....it is time change the necklace......in 3 weeks I will make that step and I bet the world will not stop because of that change........
Another New Year resolution......wear some different necklaces.
Anyway back to the little changes I seek. While I was walking on the wild side with a the Christmas bracelet and pin.....I came across a ring I used to wear. It is a simple white gold ring with 2 rows of tiny diamonds. I loved the ring when I got it almost 20 years ago. I stopped wearing it years ago because it had gotten too tight and it was a struggle to get it on and off my hand each day. You would have thought I would have taken it as a sign that I needed to focus on my weight. But at that point in my life it was easier to just to remove the offending item and ignore what was going on.
On an impulse, I tried the ring on.....and it fit. No struggle to get it past my knuckle...no pushing it to get it down my finger. It slid on with ease. I stared at my hand in shock. The ring was back on my hand and it moved freely on my ring finger. In fact it slid around my finger. I was amazed. I didn't think I would ever wear it again. I have worn it everyday this week....like a medal. I know it is not huge to anyone else but it is so significant to me.
What a week......wearing a Christmas bracelet and pin......and sporting a forgotten ring that has given me the push I needed to continue. Next .....it is time change the necklace......in 3 weeks I will make that step and I bet the world will not stop because of that change........
Sunday, December 4, 2011
New Year's Resolutions
It is only a week after Thanksgiving and I am already thinking about New Year's resolutions..... maybe it is the guilt......I have been so busy at work and getting ready for the holiday's that I haven't been to the gym as much as I normally do. I am getting there are often as I can but not my usual 4-5 times a week. Once we get to January......it is back in the routine.
Resolution #1: nothing should get in my way of the gym at least 4 times a week
Resolution #2: Work more on my Italian lessons. I have the books .....I need to use them.
Resolution #3: Keep up the healthy eating and only eating when I am hungry. (I have been good about this one even now).
Resolution #4: Spend more time with friends and family laughing.....the laughter is the important part.
Not an overly ambitious list so far. I will be adding to the list as I get closer to January 1st.
So far the overlying theme has been.....health, happiness, laughter and love.....not so bad......if that is all I accomplish next year......well then 2012 will be a banner year!!!
Resolution #1: nothing should get in my way of the gym at least 4 times a week
Resolution #2: Work more on my Italian lessons. I have the books .....I need to use them.
Resolution #3: Keep up the healthy eating and only eating when I am hungry. (I have been good about this one even now).
Resolution #4: Spend more time with friends and family laughing.....the laughter is the important part.
Not an overly ambitious list so far. I will be adding to the list as I get closer to January 1st.
So far the overlying theme has been.....health, happiness, laughter and love.....not so bad......if that is all I accomplish next year......well then 2012 will be a banner year!!!
The First Gift Returns of the Season
This might be a record......I have already returned gifts I bought. Having a large team at work had me thinking......I needed to plan early to I could get each person a nice gift without going broke. On Black Friday, I took care of it.....or so I thought. Last Friday, I found out that we aren't allowed to give out gifts to the team. Management feels it isn't fair because what if some manager's don't give their teams gifts....
I am not going to say what the gift was because I might be able to use it on another occasion. Meanwhile, I did find out there is a Christmas breakfast at the office on December 20th. The manager's make and serve breakfast to the employees. I am good with that but I also need to wear a Santa hat.......I think I have made it pretty clear I have an issue with my hair. Do you have any idea what my hair will look like after being under a Santa hat for a few hours??? So in order to avoid a hair problem I will need to go hunting for one of those headbands with reindeer antlers or something equally foolish so I can preserve the beauty of my hair.....at least this way I won't have to have hat head for the whole day.......
Did I mention I will need to be at the office at 5:00 AM....yes I said 5:00 AM......that means I will have to get up at 3:30AM!!!!
I will let you know what headgear I decide to sport that day.......I am sure it will be just stunning........and unfortunately.....I am sure this will be photo op for the company newsletter.......fa la la la la la la la la
I am not going to say what the gift was because I might be able to use it on another occasion. Meanwhile, I did find out there is a Christmas breakfast at the office on December 20th. The manager's make and serve breakfast to the employees. I am good with that but I also need to wear a Santa hat.......I think I have made it pretty clear I have an issue with my hair. Do you have any idea what my hair will look like after being under a Santa hat for a few hours??? So in order to avoid a hair problem I will need to go hunting for one of those headbands with reindeer antlers or something equally foolish so I can preserve the beauty of my hair.....at least this way I won't have to have hat head for the whole day.......
Did I mention I will need to be at the office at 5:00 AM....yes I said 5:00 AM......that means I will have to get up at 3:30AM!!!!
I will let you know what headgear I decide to sport that day.......I am sure it will be just stunning........and unfortunately.....I am sure this will be photo op for the company newsletter.......fa la la la la la la la la
Still Looking For Christmas
OK I am on week 3 of looking for Christmas......I love looking at the tree. I like seeing the house lit up. I listen to the Christmas music on the radio. But I am still searching for the feeling.......
I hope that I will find it somewhere......maybe it will hit when I least expect it. Maybe Santa will leave me some little surpise.....I hope he does. Last year was special because my Mom was here. We were lucky to have her with us. Jenn took out the angels Mom made us last year. They are beautiful. It is so special to have them sitting on the front table watching over us.
Jenn says I am making her crazy because I am not making gift suggestions.......there is not a lot I want that can be put in a box under the tree. The things I want are not material......they are more emotional or spiritual. The feelings of Christmas....the magic.....the belief that anything is possible....am I expecting too much?? Believe......believe in what??? I believe there are still things that happen at Christmas that are unexplainable......
I will keep searching......I know the magic is out there somewhere.....
I hope that I will find it somewhere......maybe it will hit when I least expect it. Maybe Santa will leave me some little surpise.....I hope he does. Last year was special because my Mom was here. We were lucky to have her with us. Jenn took out the angels Mom made us last year. They are beautiful. It is so special to have them sitting on the front table watching over us.
Jenn says I am making her crazy because I am not making gift suggestions.......there is not a lot I want that can be put in a box under the tree. The things I want are not material......they are more emotional or spiritual. The feelings of Christmas....the magic.....the belief that anything is possible....am I expecting too much?? Believe......believe in what??? I believe there are still things that happen at Christmas that are unexplainable......
I will keep searching......I know the magic is out there somewhere.....
How Can It Be Sunday Night Again???
It seems like every time I turn around the week-end is over. How can those 2 days go so fast? Well this week-end I did work Saturday so that might explain why Sunday got here so fast. When I work Saturday then Sunday is like one big blur add to it the holidays and well you get the picture......
I have to say this year we are more on track than other years. The tree is up and decorated. The outside of the house is decorated too. Any gift we have bought has been wrapped (thank you Jenn). Next weekend is baking. We have to figure out quantities and which cookies to make. We will be making some of the old reliables and trying some new ones too.
I might even be able writing a Christmas card or two this week.......maybe......last year I never sent a card.
Well here I am ready to face a new week.....clothes ready check......lunch made check.....gas in the car check......well rested and ready to go.......not so much....
I have to say this year we are more on track than other years. The tree is up and decorated. The outside of the house is decorated too. Any gift we have bought has been wrapped (thank you Jenn). Next weekend is baking. We have to figure out quantities and which cookies to make. We will be making some of the old reliables and trying some new ones too.
I might even be able writing a Christmas card or two this week.......maybe......last year I never sent a card.
Well here I am ready to face a new week.....clothes ready check......lunch made check.....gas in the car check......well rested and ready to go.......not so much....
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