As I look back on the last 2 years when this journey began I am no where near where I thought or hoped I would be. I guess I was expecting bigger things of myself then came to pass. My confidence has grown and so has my self-esteem....not as much as it needs to but that's OK. Yes, I am down a size or two and some serious pounds have come off but not what I had dreamed would at the start. I have learned to eat when I am hungry.....what a novel idea. I have experimented with different foods. I pack lunches that are somewhat diversified. Hummus and crackers or pretzels, flatbread and weight watchers cream cheese for breakfast. I am going to start making soups to bring in my thermos for lunch.
Does the fact that I am not at my dream size make me a failure......two years ago I would have said yes.....now I can say no.....
I have learned it not just about size........
It is about so many other things......learning to face my fears, celebrate my accomplishments, allow myself to fall and get back up, really getting to know me for the first time in my life.....
I may not get to that dream size or run in a marathon or play a piano or climb a mountain or bungee jump off a bridge......but the list of things I might do has grown tremendously in the last few years.....I have flown alone, I have walked on to the gym floor and worked out without being self conscious some of the time, I am starting to make decisions that are good for ME......ME ME ME......it is finally about me......
Am I a failure? NO........failure is not an option (I love that line from Apollo 13)....I am a work in progress.....hang in there with me.....walk along side of me.....help me to keep my focus......I am only just beginning to see what I can be......
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