To me one of the best smells ever is the smell of garlic and onions with a little olive oil.....yum......Yankee Candle should make a candle with that scent!!!
There is something about the aroma that fills the house.....
I love the fall because of the soups and stews and other creations that I can make in the crock pot. I love walking in the door and it hits me. This fall although there will be some changes to the ingredients (yes.....healthier) the smell will still be inviting.
I remember the smell of the cookies my Mom would bake around the holidays. It meant Christmas was coming. It is funny how we tie the aroma of certain foods to seasons or occasions......hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill mean summer.......soups and stews mean fall and winter........cookies mean Christmas.....homemade sauce is Sunday......
It awakens my senses.....there is nothing wrong with that as long as I remember not to overdo it once I am ready to eat whatever it is that smells so good......now that may be a challenge.....
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Steve Jobs Quote....
The most important decisions you make are not the things you do, but the things you decide not to do. .....Steve Jobs
Isn't that a great quote??? The things I decide not to do......that can lead to a lifetime of regret. For years I decided not to focus on me......for years I decided not to exercise......for years I decided not to eat healthy......
Where did all those decisions not to get me???? I think we all know the answer to that.....
Now I have turned over a new leaf.....I am deciding to do things and that makes me feel GREAT!!!!! I do not walk around signing "Zippidee Do Dah" with a constant smile on my lips......but I really am trying to see the positive.....I really am.....really
Isn't that a great quote??? The things I decide not to do......that can lead to a lifetime of regret. For years I decided not to focus on me......for years I decided not to exercise......for years I decided not to eat healthy......
Where did all those decisions not to get me???? I think we all know the answer to that.....
Now I have turned over a new leaf.....I am deciding to do things and that makes me feel GREAT!!!!! I do not walk around signing "Zippidee Do Dah" with a constant smile on my lips......but I really am trying to see the positive.....I really am.....really
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Changing Direction
Like the storm that is heading up the East Coast......a small change in direction can affect millions of people. The small changes I am making in direction are affecting me in a million ways......
Today for example, I went for a pedicure. There is a small step up to the chair. I got up and down it with no problems. Also, getting up and down on the chair can be a little challenging. The chair is not connected to anything.....so sitting down and getting my legs in the tub takes a little maneuvering. Getting out of the chair is a little more challenging. You have to get up sideways and there are no arms to lean on.....guess what I got up all by myself. I know this sounds so trivial but to me it is not. I have struggled in the past to maneuver out of that seat and sometimes had to make more than one attempt. Today.....I got it right the first time both up and down the step and up and down into the chair.
Like a storm.....I am a force to be reckoned with.....put up the storm warnings......I am here for the long haul and I am not giving up.....
Today for example, I went for a pedicure. There is a small step up to the chair. I got up and down it with no problems. Also, getting up and down on the chair can be a little challenging. The chair is not connected to anything.....so sitting down and getting my legs in the tub takes a little maneuvering. Getting out of the chair is a little more challenging. You have to get up sideways and there are no arms to lean on.....guess what I got up all by myself. I know this sounds so trivial but to me it is not. I have struggled in the past to maneuver out of that seat and sometimes had to make more than one attempt. Today.....I got it right the first time both up and down the step and up and down into the chair.
Like a storm.....I am a force to be reckoned with.....put up the storm warnings......I am here for the long haul and I am not giving up.....
The New Kid On The Block
I am meeting more and more of my co-workers. They stop by my office to ask a question or just to introduce themselves. I am torn between keeping my distance and wanting to be friendly. Getting too close and familiar is not good for a manager. You have to maintain some distance to be effective. But you have to show you care and want to know the people you work with.....it is a tough walk and a fine line. It is also hard because I am coming from a job where I knew so many people for so many years.
I am lucky that some of the people from my new job are people I have worked with before at other places. And the others will get to know me....
There is something to be said for history.....there is something comforting about knowing people who understand that you cry for a variety of reason both happy and sad. It also helps to have people who can read you....and know when to talk to you and when to give you some space.....it is good to have people know you need time in the morning before they hit you with the first challenge of the day....they know you need to turn on your computer and put your pocketbook away or as one of my team members once said "I was told to leave you alone until 9:00" LOL....that is pretty close to the truth.....at my new job they haven't figured it out yet.....in time I am sure they will.....
I am lucky that some of the people from my new job are people I have worked with before at other places. And the others will get to know me....
There is something to be said for history.....there is something comforting about knowing people who understand that you cry for a variety of reason both happy and sad. It also helps to have people who can read you....and know when to talk to you and when to give you some space.....it is good to have people know you need time in the morning before they hit you with the first challenge of the day....they know you need to turn on your computer and put your pocketbook away or as one of my team members once said "I was told to leave you alone until 9:00" LOL....that is pretty close to the truth.....at my new job they haven't figured it out yet.....in time I am sure they will.....
Getting Back In The Swing
This week I started working with my own team. The hours and days flew. Each day I learned more and more. I am enjoying all of this so much. I am pleased that I am remembering more than I thought I would. But by Friday......I was pooped. My boss walked past my office at about 4:00 and asked me if I was OK. I said why "do I have a deer in the headlights look?" She said two words I hadn't heard in a while....she laughed and said "Month end." I had forgotten how crazy month end is.....if you have worked in retail mortgage you understand what those words mean. My boss said, "Don't worry, you will get back in the swing of it." She is right I will...it is funny how you forget some aspects of your job.....how the heck could I forget what month end is like??? When Jenn called to see if we were going grocery shopping I told it had been a crazy day and said "you know....month end".....even Jenn said "Oh Mom I haven't heard you say that in a long time." Month end gives you an adrenaline rush......and then on the 1st of the month you start to breath again!!!
Welcome back to retail mortgage Donna......welcome back......
Welcome back to retail mortgage Donna......welcome back......
I Hate Being So Far Away
I love living in South Carolina. Still my biggest regret is that so much of my family lives 700 miles away. If they were just a few hours away.....I wouldn't have to miss holidays together....I wouldn't have to miss birthday celebrations.....I wouldn't have to worry about family members who have had health issues and I wasn't there to help. This week I hate not being there because I am worried about them with Hurricane Irene heading their way. Here I sit at my computer complaining about the heat while my family is facing 80 mile an hour winds and lots and lots of rain....throw in the possibility of tornado warnings.....I feel helpless. I have been on the phone several times today. It is times like this when those 700 miles feel like a million miles!!!! There is not a thing I can do to prevent the impending storm but at least to sit with them through the night......would give me peace and save me from worrying about them.
I have to do a better job about going to visit them more often.....why does it have to be an occasion to go visit......me coming to visit could be the event. It is hard for me to believe that it has been 13 years since I have sat down to a Thanksgiving Dinner or spent a Christmas Eve with my family.....
If it took a hurricane to get me thinking about this......maybe some good did come out of the storm.....but until the storm passes I will be texting and calling....it will give me some piece of mind and make all those miles that separate us seem less distant....at least for tonight....
I have to do a better job about going to visit them more often.....why does it have to be an occasion to go visit......me coming to visit could be the event. It is hard for me to believe that it has been 13 years since I have sat down to a Thanksgiving Dinner or spent a Christmas Eve with my family.....
If it took a hurricane to get me thinking about this......maybe some good did come out of the storm.....but until the storm passes I will be texting and calling....it will give me some piece of mind and make all those miles that separate us seem less distant....at least for tonight....
3 things....I don't want said about me when I die
The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have. .....Louis E. Boone
When I go to meet my maker, I do not want these 3 things said about me so I better get with it quickly.
I could have been a writer, I could have worried less, I could have been more impulsive, I could have found.....not ready to complete this yet.
I might have been less afraid, I might have been smarter about how I handled my finances, I might have been a better student.....
I should have put myself first a long time ago, I should have been working out all these years, I should have paid attention to what I was doing to myself....
Here is where I can make some changes.....this is my chance for a re-do....
Instead of she could have....people will say.....she was a great writer, she knew how to laugh, she really got it together and took good care of herself...
Instead of she might have......people will say.....she enjoyed traveling, she really got herself in shape (whatever that may be) and she enjoyed her retirement...
Instead of she should have.....people will say.....she made the second half of her life what she really wanted it to be full of family, friends, laughter, adventure, and most important of all love....
It's not too late.....I have been making some changes......there are more to come just be patient with me.....it is going to be fabulous......
When I go to meet my maker, I do not want these 3 things said about me so I better get with it quickly.
I could have been a writer, I could have worried less, I could have been more impulsive, I could have found.....not ready to complete this yet.
I might have been less afraid, I might have been smarter about how I handled my finances, I might have been a better student.....
I should have put myself first a long time ago, I should have been working out all these years, I should have paid attention to what I was doing to myself....
Here is where I can make some changes.....this is my chance for a re-do....
Instead of she could have....people will say.....she was a great writer, she knew how to laugh, she really got it together and took good care of herself...
Instead of she might have......people will say.....she enjoyed traveling, she really got herself in shape (whatever that may be) and she enjoyed her retirement...
Instead of she should have.....people will say.....she made the second half of her life what she really wanted it to be full of family, friends, laughter, adventure, and most important of all love....
It's not too late.....I have been making some changes......there are more to come just be patient with me.....it is going to be fabulous......
Sunday, August 21, 2011
I Miss Banana's
I am trying hard to work at the no white stuff.....flour and sugar.....
I haven't had fruit in a while. Which might explain why I drool looking at banana's, peaches, pineapple and on and on....
When I was at my friend's house Friday night.....I ate some of the fruit salad I brought. OMG.....when you haven't had fresh fruit in ages it is like a slice of heaven. I controlled myself and had just one bowl. I ate it a piece at a time. It was pure heaven!!!!
It is funny, I have never thought of fresh fruit as a treat but is it now!!!! Each fruit had such a distinct flavor.....the sweetness was amazing.....has my life changed or what???? In the old days, it would have been a brownie or a piece of cheesecake that would give me a sugar rush.....now it is banana's and peaches......well, that is a good thing.
No, I will not be going back to eating fruit everyday.......I know I need to steer clear of as much sugar as possible but from time to time I may treat myself to some......better that than some of the other choices I would have made in the past......well what do you know maybe I am learning how to do this food thing after all.......
I haven't had fruit in a while. Which might explain why I drool looking at banana's, peaches, pineapple and on and on....
When I was at my friend's house Friday night.....I ate some of the fruit salad I brought. OMG.....when you haven't had fresh fruit in ages it is like a slice of heaven. I controlled myself and had just one bowl. I ate it a piece at a time. It was pure heaven!!!!
It is funny, I have never thought of fresh fruit as a treat but is it now!!!! Each fruit had such a distinct flavor.....the sweetness was amazing.....has my life changed or what???? In the old days, it would have been a brownie or a piece of cheesecake that would give me a sugar rush.....now it is banana's and peaches......well, that is a good thing.
No, I will not be going back to eating fruit everyday.......I know I need to steer clear of as much sugar as possible but from time to time I may treat myself to some......better that than some of the other choices I would have made in the past......well what do you know maybe I am learning how to do this food thing after all.......
Something Other Than Flats.....
Friday, I decided to wear my new crocs to work. They were sandals with a wedge heel. I put them on and realized how long it had been since I wore anything but flats. I lasted about an hour in them. My knees were aching a little. Fortunately, I brought another pair of shoes with me.
I am hoping as I lose weight my knees won't hurt as much from just a little heel. I would like to wear something other than flats. No, I am not looking to wear stiletto's but something with a little more style.
Most of you know my favorite shoes are flip flops. I started wearing them when I was a teenager and they have been a part of my wardrobe ever since and long before they were an acceptable form of footwear, Hey, I was a trend setter.......If I could wear them 24/7 I would be a happy camper.
I have already told Jenn when I head off to my final resting place......make sure I am wearing flip flops.....
I am hoping as I lose weight my knees won't hurt as much from just a little heel. I would like to wear something other than flats. No, I am not looking to wear stiletto's but something with a little more style.
Most of you know my favorite shoes are flip flops. I started wearing them when I was a teenager and they have been a part of my wardrobe ever since and long before they were an acceptable form of footwear, Hey, I was a trend setter.......If I could wear them 24/7 I would be a happy camper.
I have already told Jenn when I head off to my final resting place......make sure I am wearing flip flops.....
Will I Ever Be Happy With My Reflection In The Mirror
I think I could be a size 2 and still not be happy with my reflection. I will always be critical of my appearance. The person who looks back at me may have made some improvements but in my head I will always see the fat me. I could spend years on an analyst couch and never figure this out. I have to learn to love myself and that is very hard to do. I am trying........if I didn't care at all about myself I would have continued on the self-destructive path I was on.......but I finally got it.......it was like a light bulb going on over my head.......I needed to take care of me!!!!!
I am trying hard to like myself by doing the exercise, watching what I eat and making some other lifestyle changes that I think are to my benefit.
I may never be totally happy with the reflection in the mirror but if I can at least get comfortable with what I see......that would be a huge accomplishment.......
I am trying hard to like myself by doing the exercise, watching what I eat and making some other lifestyle changes that I think are to my benefit.
I may never be totally happy with the reflection in the mirror but if I can at least get comfortable with what I see......that would be a huge accomplishment.......
A great way to end a crazy busy week......
I said last week was going to be crazy and it was. The payoff was Friday night. Jenn and I headed to a friend's house from our Italian class. He lives on Lake Murray. The view was wonderful. He had a kitchen that I would dream of having. Everyone from our class was there. We gathering the kitchen, rolled out the homemade dough, put a variety of topping on the pizza's and let his convection oven work it's magic. The result was fabulous!!!!
I brought a fresh fruit salad, we have wonderful bruschetta and dessert was amazing. Sitting out on the porch and listening to the water and seeing some lightening was beautiful. Hearing the laughter of friends was enough to make you smile.
I hated to leave. Driving home I reflected on the week and all I had been through. I would go through it all again if I was guaranteed to end it sitting near the lake with these friends.
Sometimes life presents you with wonderful moments......Friday night was one of them.....
I brought a fresh fruit salad, we have wonderful bruschetta and dessert was amazing. Sitting out on the porch and listening to the water and seeing some lightening was beautiful. Hearing the laughter of friends was enough to make you smile.
I hated to leave. Driving home I reflected on the week and all I had been through. I would go through it all again if I was guaranteed to end it sitting near the lake with these friends.
Sometimes life presents you with wonderful moments......Friday night was one of them.....
Up off the floor....
Thursday at the gym was ....oh what would I call it......difficult......challenging.....scary......
Carol started our work out with the usual dead lifts, weights and stretches. Then she says " Don't think I am crazy but I want you to do this" next thing I know she is sitting on the floor and lifting herself up. I look at her and start to cry. In my head I am thinking " I can't do this!!!!" I don't say the words out loud but Carol can tell by the look on my face what I am thinking. She says, "I have never asked you to do something you couldn't do" which is true. First, she wants me on the Pilate's ball and to get up and down. I like to sit on a firm surface instead. So I go from the weight bench to the floor. Now the struggle begins.....due a previous injury I can barely lean on my right knee. I really need a pillow or something to lean it on. So instead I don't bend the right knee at all or almost at all and struggle to get off the floor pushing my arms against the bench and pushing on my leg.......finally I am standing up.....I am sweating and crying......crying from embarrassment that it took some much effort for me to do something so basic and simple......also concerned at how I looked to the others in the ladies gym with me....Carol says we will be doing this again and again in the next few weeks until I can do it with more ease.....
Friday.....my knee and hip are a little sore.....my shoulders ache from trying to lift myself off the floor.....but I did feel good mentally that I had accomplished what is a huge feat for me.....hope fully it will get better with time....just another hill to climb......lead on Carol....I am right behind you.....
Carol started our work out with the usual dead lifts, weights and stretches. Then she says " Don't think I am crazy but I want you to do this" next thing I know she is sitting on the floor and lifting herself up. I look at her and start to cry. In my head I am thinking " I can't do this!!!!" I don't say the words out loud but Carol can tell by the look on my face what I am thinking. She says, "I have never asked you to do something you couldn't do" which is true. First, she wants me on the Pilate's ball and to get up and down. I like to sit on a firm surface instead. So I go from the weight bench to the floor. Now the struggle begins.....due a previous injury I can barely lean on my right knee. I really need a pillow or something to lean it on. So instead I don't bend the right knee at all or almost at all and struggle to get off the floor pushing my arms against the bench and pushing on my leg.......finally I am standing up.....I am sweating and crying......crying from embarrassment that it took some much effort for me to do something so basic and simple......also concerned at how I looked to the others in the ladies gym with me....Carol says we will be doing this again and again in the next few weeks until I can do it with more ease.....
Friday.....my knee and hip are a little sore.....my shoulders ache from trying to lift myself off the floor.....but I did feel good mentally that I had accomplished what is a huge feat for me.....hope fully it will get better with time....just another hill to climb......lead on Carol....I am right behind you.....
Another great quote.....
“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.”
Oh this is so me....
I am the first to put myself down. I bare the bruises to prove this......the bruises are from Jenn pinching me when I say something negative about myself. I have gotten so used to knocking myself so much that I don't even hear it when I say the negative things. Well, like Pavlov's dog......I think it is starting to work......starting.......when you have spent so much time criticising yourself it is a hard habit to break.
I am not comfortable saying good things about myself. But I am trying hard to accept compliments. Kathy complimented me a couple of times Saturday......she would say "Your pants have gotten loose" to which I would say "the pants are old and baggy"...she said "I can tell you have lost around your stomach" to which I responded "it has moved to my ass".......finally she said "I can see a difference" and I said, "thank you".......Kathy said " thank you for accepting a compliment and just saying thank you!!"
I need to start to overvalue the positive and start to undervalue the negative....it is another change I need to make in my journey.....this is psychological......and that will be a challenge........paging Dr. Pavlov.......paging Dr. Pavlov......
Oh this is so me....
I am the first to put myself down. I bare the bruises to prove this......the bruises are from Jenn pinching me when I say something negative about myself. I have gotten so used to knocking myself so much that I don't even hear it when I say the negative things. Well, like Pavlov's dog......I think it is starting to work......starting.......when you have spent so much time criticising yourself it is a hard habit to break.
I am not comfortable saying good things about myself. But I am trying hard to accept compliments. Kathy complimented me a couple of times Saturday......she would say "Your pants have gotten loose" to which I would say "the pants are old and baggy"...she said "I can tell you have lost around your stomach" to which I responded "it has moved to my ass".......finally she said "I can see a difference" and I said, "thank you".......Kathy said " thank you for accepting a compliment and just saying thank you!!"
I need to start to overvalue the positive and start to undervalue the negative....it is another change I need to make in my journey.....this is psychological......and that will be a challenge........paging Dr. Pavlov.......paging Dr. Pavlov......
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Planning, planning and more planning
As I mentioned in my previous post, I have a crazy week ahead....
One of the keys to success is planning. I have planned time to work out. I have also planned my meals for the week. I already made enough salad for a few lunches. I have figured out what to have for breakfast and in between meal snacks (if I want them). I am also trying to keep the points and calorie counts low so when I am out to dinner on Wednesday, I will have a little more flexibility. I need to plan, I can't do this cold. If I don't plan, chances are I will make some mistakes. I am trying to minimize my options in order to be successful.
Lately, I have been thinking about doughnuts......why doughnuts.....I am not sure......could it have something to do with the New Krispy Kreme that opened 5 minutes from my house. I drive by it all the time. I am not saying I will never have one of those doughnuts (although I would probably have a Dunkin Donut instead) but right now I am choosing to not stop and buy one. When I know one doughnut is 6 points in the Weight Watchers world, I have to think is it worth it??? NO, especially since one would not fill me up.....more like 2 or 3.....I am not willing to waste empty calories on them.
Filling foods is what I need.....that is why I love oatmeal. I also love salad......it can be an adventure....tomato's, cukes, chic peas, mushrooms.....yum.
At least for this week.....I have a plan of action. This is something I didn't do in the past. Hopefully, my planning will pay off........now can someone change the direction of the wind and stop the smell of doughnuts from passing my house. Also, please pull the plug on the "Hot Doughnut's Ready Now" sign......please.......
One of the keys to success is planning. I have planned time to work out. I have also planned my meals for the week. I already made enough salad for a few lunches. I have figured out what to have for breakfast and in between meal snacks (if I want them). I am also trying to keep the points and calorie counts low so when I am out to dinner on Wednesday, I will have a little more flexibility. I need to plan, I can't do this cold. If I don't plan, chances are I will make some mistakes. I am trying to minimize my options in order to be successful.
Lately, I have been thinking about doughnuts......why doughnuts.....I am not sure......could it have something to do with the New Krispy Kreme that opened 5 minutes from my house. I drive by it all the time. I am not saying I will never have one of those doughnuts (although I would probably have a Dunkin Donut instead) but right now I am choosing to not stop and buy one. When I know one doughnut is 6 points in the Weight Watchers world, I have to think is it worth it??? NO, especially since one would not fill me up.....more like 2 or 3.....I am not willing to waste empty calories on them.
Filling foods is what I need.....that is why I love oatmeal. I also love salad......it can be an adventure....tomato's, cukes, chic peas, mushrooms.....yum.
At least for this week.....I have a plan of action. This is something I didn't do in the past. Hopefully, my planning will pay off........now can someone change the direction of the wind and stop the smell of doughnuts from passing my house. Also, please pull the plug on the "Hot Doughnut's Ready Now" sign......please.......
A Hectic Week Ahead
I have a busy week coming up. I have a late meeting at the office on Monday, Tuesday is the gym after work, Wednesday I have a Manager's dinner after work, Thursday is my date with my trainer, my Italian class is meeting on Friday this week and of course back to the gym Saturday and Sunday. There goes the week....
Instead of looking at this with dread, I am trying to put a positive twist on all of this.....
Monday - late meeting - a chance to meet with Sr. Management- getting a feel for what is expected of me.
Tuesday - water aerobics - although it means I get home after 7 it is ME time.
Wednesday- Manager's dinner - this will be a good opportunity to get to know the other Manager's and Sr. Management outside the office. They will also get to know me.....what a treat for them....LOL
Thursday - my date with Carol, my trainer - time for me to see how I have improved physically and what I can do
Friday - Italian Class- this has been such a win-win.....making new friends and trying to learn a new language
Saturday and Sunday - back to the gym - more me time and a chance to sweat
So it's is not really so bad.....I will not jump out of bed on Saturday and Sunday at the break of dawn and will most likely squeeze in a nap but if I look at this week as an adventure and not with dread it will be fine.
I just have to go in with the right attitude and recognize this is just going to be a crazy week......I am sure it will fly......
Instead of looking at this with dread, I am trying to put a positive twist on all of this.....
Monday - late meeting - a chance to meet with Sr. Management- getting a feel for what is expected of me.
Tuesday - water aerobics - although it means I get home after 7 it is ME time.
Wednesday- Manager's dinner - this will be a good opportunity to get to know the other Manager's and Sr. Management outside the office. They will also get to know me.....what a treat for them....LOL
Thursday - my date with Carol, my trainer - time for me to see how I have improved physically and what I can do
Friday - Italian Class- this has been such a win-win.....making new friends and trying to learn a new language
Saturday and Sunday - back to the gym - more me time and a chance to sweat
So it's is not really so bad.....I will not jump out of bed on Saturday and Sunday at the break of dawn and will most likely squeeze in a nap but if I look at this week as an adventure and not with dread it will be fine.
I just have to go in with the right attitude and recognize this is just going to be a crazy week......I am sure it will fly......
Signs Of Change
Sometimes it is the minor changes I recognize that I need to celebrate....
Getting the seat belt across me in the car instead of looking like I am having a personal tug of war between the seat belt buckle and the catch it goes into. The increased distance between my stomach and the steering wheel. My rings swing around my finger compared with when they were snug and didn't move. Choosing yes I said choosing to not eat something. I am drinking so much more water each day. That equals more walking to the ladies room (another plus).
Each night I write in a journal. I list 5 good things about the day. I have less days when I struggle with items for the list. I pray each night to wake in the morning. Each morning I say a prayer of thanks for another day.
I realize I have so much further to go but I am trying to leave the past to the past. I am learning to forgive myself for the neglect that put me in this position. I try to look at each day with gratitude and know the changes I have made since January 2010 are the foundation on which I am building my future. My Dad used to say "You have to build a firm foundation." That is what I am doing now.....one building block at a time.....
Getting the seat belt across me in the car instead of looking like I am having a personal tug of war between the seat belt buckle and the catch it goes into. The increased distance between my stomach and the steering wheel. My rings swing around my finger compared with when they were snug and didn't move. Choosing yes I said choosing to not eat something. I am drinking so much more water each day. That equals more walking to the ladies room (another plus).
Each night I write in a journal. I list 5 good things about the day. I have less days when I struggle with items for the list. I pray each night to wake in the morning. Each morning I say a prayer of thanks for another day.
I realize I have so much further to go but I am trying to leave the past to the past. I am learning to forgive myself for the neglect that put me in this position. I try to look at each day with gratitude and know the changes I have made since January 2010 are the foundation on which I am building my future. My Dad used to say "You have to build a firm foundation." That is what I am doing now.....one building block at a time.....
The New Job
Being the new person in the office can be hard. You are trying to absorb as much as possible. I have almost finished a whole pad of paper on notes. Notes that I probably won't need in a few weeks. At the Site Meeting, you have to go up front when you are introduced. I think you all know about how I feel about standing out in public. I have a Blackberry that I am trying to figure out. I am having problems getting access to some systems. The IT people speak a different language than me. I want to be up and running, I want to come into work and.....work. I know I am only a week or so away from that but I can't wait. I have had some really good help from some of the other managers and that is a plus. This week I will be pulling reports and Lisa is going to let me do things and she will watch vs. last week where I watched her. I am a hands on learner so this will be good for me. I am excited that I am remembering things I haven't had to think about for a long while. I am remembering to logoff vs signoff my laptop or is it signoff vs. logoff....either way I am doing it right....LOL. I am going on a trip to Maine in October for a Manager's Meeting. I know, I know....flying is not my favorite form of travel (unless the pilot will let me handle then plane) but it will be good I am sure. Just the idea of being in the Northeast in the fall.....oh yeah!!!
There are still test cases to be completed. As many of you know, I have "test anxiety". I was even worried I wouldn't pass the "P" test before I started my job.....not because of what was in my system but worrying about failure to perform......if you get my drift.
I prayed for some answers and they came in the form of this opportunity. I feel I did the right thing at the right time for the right reasons for me......and that is all that matters.
There are still test cases to be completed. As many of you know, I have "test anxiety". I was even worried I wouldn't pass the "P" test before I started my job.....not because of what was in my system but worrying about failure to perform......if you get my drift.
I prayed for some answers and they came in the form of this opportunity. I feel I did the right thing at the right time for the right reasons for me......and that is all that matters.
A New Way To Handle Disappointment
I have not been known as an emotional eater. I don't have a food fest when I am extremely happy or sad. What I do when I am sad, hurt or disappointed is want to throw in the towel.
Friday was one of those days. In a previous entry, I mentioned I was going to enter a contest to blog for a local Medical Center. In my heart of hearts, I really thought I would be one of the winning entries. I knew the competition would be tough but really thought my writing would be good enough to make the cut. Well, I found out Friday afternoon that I wasn't selected. In a split second, I was the last kid chosen for the baseball team, the girl who looked foolish at the cheerleading tryouts and the fat friend who gets ignored by the guys when out with her girlfriends at a bar.......all rolled into one. Once I read online that I wasn't one of the winners, I had to take a second and get myself together and try not to cry. I still had a few more hours of work left to do and being the new kid on the block......tears would not have been a good thing. I promised myself that I would allow myself to cry about my loss once I got in the car to go home. It took a lot to get through the rest of the day. Once in the car, I did cry a little. Then I continued my pity party by deciding to give up on it all......this blog, healthy eating, exercise and attempted weight loss.
Yes, I was done. The weight loss has been so slow!! The healthier food cost more!!! Why am I beating myself up at the gym??? If my blog wasn't good enough for the contest maybe no one would care if I stopped it all together. That's it I 'll fix them all......I am quitting it ALL !!!!
Then I got home and .....like Scrooge said to Bob Cratchit " I haven't taken leave of my senses....I have come to them."
No, I will not stop this blog, my exercising, the attempts to eat healthy and my efforts to lose weight. I just needed time to regroup.
I have decided to increase my efforts at all of these once Labor Day is over. Why Labor Day you might ask? I will be in my job 4 weeks and in more of a routine. That will help a lot.
As far as this blog, I hope you readers are getting as much out of it as I am.....
I might be the last person picked for the team but that's OK. I am picking me first....and that is all that matters.
P.S.- On the Medical Center website, I posted a note congratulating the winners. It was the right thing to do. I took the high road even though at times the high road sucks. Who ever invented the high road was a jerk......
Friday was one of those days. In a previous entry, I mentioned I was going to enter a contest to blog for a local Medical Center. In my heart of hearts, I really thought I would be one of the winning entries. I knew the competition would be tough but really thought my writing would be good enough to make the cut. Well, I found out Friday afternoon that I wasn't selected. In a split second, I was the last kid chosen for the baseball team, the girl who looked foolish at the cheerleading tryouts and the fat friend who gets ignored by the guys when out with her girlfriends at a bar.......all rolled into one. Once I read online that I wasn't one of the winners, I had to take a second and get myself together and try not to cry. I still had a few more hours of work left to do and being the new kid on the block......tears would not have been a good thing. I promised myself that I would allow myself to cry about my loss once I got in the car to go home. It took a lot to get through the rest of the day. Once in the car, I did cry a little. Then I continued my pity party by deciding to give up on it all......this blog, healthy eating, exercise and attempted weight loss.
Yes, I was done. The weight loss has been so slow!! The healthier food cost more!!! Why am I beating myself up at the gym??? If my blog wasn't good enough for the contest maybe no one would care if I stopped it all together. That's it I 'll fix them all......I am quitting it ALL !!!!
Then I got home and .....like Scrooge said to Bob Cratchit " I haven't taken leave of my senses....I have come to them."
No, I will not stop this blog, my exercising, the attempts to eat healthy and my efforts to lose weight. I just needed time to regroup.
I have decided to increase my efforts at all of these once Labor Day is over. Why Labor Day you might ask? I will be in my job 4 weeks and in more of a routine. That will help a lot.
As far as this blog, I hope you readers are getting as much out of it as I am.....
I might be the last person picked for the team but that's OK. I am picking me first....and that is all that matters.
P.S.- On the Medical Center website, I posted a note congratulating the winners. It was the right thing to do. I took the high road even though at times the high road sucks. Who ever invented the high road was a jerk......
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Back on the scale....
It has been about 6 weeks since I had gotten on the scale. I decided that I would do it this morning. Once again I was nervous. I weighed myself 4 times, facing north, south, east and west. I know, I know......this is.....not normal. Anyway, I was down some. I have to lose another 5 pounds to get to my next goal. I have decided that after Labor Day, I will have 4 weeks in the new job, the weather will get cooler (hopefully) and I will really kick it into gear.
I can only focus on the 5 pounds.......I cannot look any further than that and that is OK.....for me.
I don't think I will get on the scale again for 4-6 weeks. It really is reducing the stress I was facing each Saturday. I would love to be down the 5 pounds by my next self-imposed weigh-in. If I am great.....if not then I will be by the next time or the next.....I am sure it will happen .....it is just a matter of when....
I can only focus on the 5 pounds.......I cannot look any further than that and that is OK.....for me.
I don't think I will get on the scale again for 4-6 weeks. It really is reducing the stress I was facing each Saturday. I would love to be down the 5 pounds by my next self-imposed weigh-in. If I am great.....if not then I will be by the next time or the next.....I am sure it will happen .....it is just a matter of when....
Trying to wear some new things.....
You all know I did some shopping recently. I still have to get some slacks in navy, brown and grey. On Friday, I work black slacks, a floral print button down shirt with a green tank top underneath. The tank was a camisole style with lace edging. The floral print shirt had the colors blue, black and green. The tank had the matching green. When I put it on, I loved the way it looked.
When I got to work, my boss said "You heard about wearing green on Friday." I said I hadn't. It turns out that one of the company colors is green (the other is purple). A lot of employees wear green on Friday's. So, I was already fitting in.....
What they didn't know is I was enjoying wearing a new top and breaking out of the usual solid tops that I wear. Next week, I may breakout and wear one of the other print tops I purchased recently. We will just have to wait and see....
I will have to keep you all in suspense.....will she or won't she......you will just have to wait until next week to find out.....
When I got to work, my boss said "You heard about wearing green on Friday." I said I hadn't. It turns out that one of the company colors is green (the other is purple). A lot of employees wear green on Friday's. So, I was already fitting in.....
What they didn't know is I was enjoying wearing a new top and breaking out of the usual solid tops that I wear. Next week, I may breakout and wear one of the other print tops I purchased recently. We will just have to wait and see....
I will have to keep you all in suspense.....will she or won't she......you will just have to wait until next week to find out.....
At the new job.....the fat girl returns
I hate walking into a room of people I do not know. Going into an office where I do not know most of the people is a test of my self-confidence. This is hard for me. Until people know me on the inside all they get is the visual.....the fat girl. Once you get to know me, you know I am more than what you see. I hadn't felt like the fat girl for a while......not that I felt like Twiggy either but I was starting to feel comfortable in my own skin.
Well, I am back to square one when it comes to my office persona. Hopefully, it will not take too long for my new co-workers to get to know "Donna".....the person with a great sense of humor and a wicked laugh, the person who can cry when she is happy, sad, mad or laughing really hard.
Until that time, the fat girl will just have to work it out.....she has been there before and like in the past......will eventually fade so only I can see her. With each step, each choice of a right food and each step at the gym.......I am erasing her......maybe.....eventually she will disappear from my vision too.....
Well, I am back to square one when it comes to my office persona. Hopefully, it will not take too long for my new co-workers to get to know "Donna".....the person with a great sense of humor and a wicked laugh, the person who can cry when she is happy, sad, mad or laughing really hard.
Until that time, the fat girl will just have to work it out.....she has been there before and like in the past......will eventually fade so only I can see her. With each step, each choice of a right food and each step at the gym.......I am erasing her......maybe.....eventually she will disappear from my vision too.....
When you change your mind, you change the world.
How is that for a great title......no I didn't make it up......I read it somewhere. I can't remember who the author was but it did get me thinking. By changing my mind about the things I eat, the choice to exercise and the working at a healthier lifestyle......am I changing the world???
My world.....YES!!! And changing my world affects others like a ripple in the water when you throw a rock in the water. It affects my family, friends and maybe even those I do not know......my trainer said I could help to inspire others. I have never thought of myself as inspirational.
But the idea that what I am doing might impact someone else.....WOW.....that is pretty cool.....I really like that.....it makes me want to keep going.....even if it is just for one more day........
My world.....YES!!! And changing my world affects others like a ripple in the water when you throw a rock in the water. It affects my family, friends and maybe even those I do not know......my trainer said I could help to inspire others. I have never thought of myself as inspirational.
But the idea that what I am doing might impact someone else.....WOW.....that is pretty cool.....I really like that.....it makes me want to keep going.....even if it is just for one more day........
Still working out in the heat
OK.....I don't know how much more of this heat I can take. It has been 1000 degrees since the 2nd week of May. I have yet to miss time at the gym. I have to tell you getting out of the car to a wall of heat to go somewhere that is meant for me to sweat.....ok is not normal. I sweat while working out in the ladies gym, I sweat while working out on the floor.....I even sweat in the pool. This shows my commitment to a healthier lifestyle but I also think it shows I should be committed. While I am sweating..... I try to think about last winter when I was so cold in the pool.
In a few months (hopefully), I will once again be complaining about how cold it is when I leave the gym. Until then......I just have to think of each droplet of sweat as a small step toward my ultimate goal.....I know it will be worth it....right???
In a few months (hopefully), I will once again be complaining about how cold it is when I leave the gym. Until then......I just have to think of each droplet of sweat as a small step toward my ultimate goal.....I know it will be worth it....right???
I am amazed at Facebook connections
There are things about Facebook that amaze me. The connection to old friends, the memories brought back and the chance to check in with family. This week I really saw FB in action. I asked my FB family and friends to go to the Lexington Medical Center page and "like" it. They could comment on why they liked my blog so I might have a shot at being one of the 8 bloggers selected to be part of EveryWomansBlog every month. At first, my directions were not that clear. My cousin, Teri, asked for further instructions. Then a friend from the 7th grade, Elaine, also asked for more info. Next thing I knew, Teri was talking to Elaine......LOL......so here is a cousin I have seen in hhhhmmmm 20 years helping a friend I haven't seen in almost 40 years. Come on.....you have to admit that is pretty wild......modern technology.......amazing!!!!
Who says Water Aerobics is not a good workout
I went to water aerobic on Thursday. OMG!!!!!!!!!! The class was intense!!! It was non-stop running, jumping, kicking and on and on. The instructor was great. She kept us moving the whole time. By the time we were done, my arms ached and my legs were numb. At 6:30 she had us stretching and I thought.....so that is why she made it so intense.....the class is only a half hour tonight......but I was wrong!!!! That was just the break she was giving us before we started with the weights. I was so tired I just put on my cover-up and walked out of the gym. My bathing suit was dripping wet and my cover-up was soaked but I didn't care.....I just wanted to get in the car and breath.
Anyone, who turns their nose up at water aerobics and thinks it is a class for weenies should have been at that class. I am sure I was quite a sight when I had to put my hands on the side of the pool and jump up as if I was trying to get out of the pool.......thank goodness there wasn't a camera for that lovely sight!!!
No one ever said this was going to be easy...did they?????
Anyone, who turns their nose up at water aerobics and thinks it is a class for weenies should have been at that class. I am sure I was quite a sight when I had to put my hands on the side of the pool and jump up as if I was trying to get out of the pool.......thank goodness there wasn't a camera for that lovely sight!!!
No one ever said this was going to be easy...did they?????
How to eat less.....get a new job
I started my new job this week. I was nervous driving there the first day so I skipped breakfast. By lunchtime, I was famished. My new boss invited me out to lunch with the other managers. We went to Chili's. I ordered a salad, did not eat the chips and salsa and drank diet coke. I was proud of myself for the choices I made. In the afternoon, I had a vitatop and some pretzels.....I know I know I need to stop with the pretzels....
The rest of the week I was out of my routine. I got to work and had meetings to go to so I didn't get to eat breakfast. I am in an office right now and feel funny closing the door to eat lunch. I don't want to be antisocial but also don't want people who do not know me seeing me eat. So I would hurry up and eat a piece of string cheese and some turkey pepperoni. For lunch, I would eat flat bread with low sodium ham and cheese or a PB&J sandwich. I might have a vitatop or some pretzels for a snack. I was good about drinking a lot of water. I also found out there is an ice machine so now I will bring my water mug with me.
Maybe by next week, I will feel more comfortable......I doubt it.....it will take a while.....once the people at my new job get to know me.......the last thing I want is them to think of me as the fat lady that eats in her office.....uugghh....maybe I should stop thinking I am that important.....I am probably thinking of it more than anyone else is......
The rest of the week I was out of my routine. I got to work and had meetings to go to so I didn't get to eat breakfast. I am in an office right now and feel funny closing the door to eat lunch. I don't want to be antisocial but also don't want people who do not know me seeing me eat. So I would hurry up and eat a piece of string cheese and some turkey pepperoni. For lunch, I would eat flat bread with low sodium ham and cheese or a PB&J sandwich. I might have a vitatop or some pretzels for a snack. I was good about drinking a lot of water. I also found out there is an ice machine so now I will bring my water mug with me.
Maybe by next week, I will feel more comfortable......I doubt it.....it will take a while.....once the people at my new job get to know me.......the last thing I want is them to think of me as the fat lady that eats in her office.....uugghh....maybe I should stop thinking I am that important.....I am probably thinking of it more than anyone else is......
Squeezing into small spaces....
When you are not petite you tend to analyze situations.....am I too big for this.....will I fit in that........and on and on.
When I left the gym the other night the quickest way to my car was walking between two cars. For most people.....no big deal. But as a person of size (OK who made up that term....LOL), I tend to look and say "Oh that looks tight" and then walk around the cars to a bigger opening. Once I checked to see no one was watching me.....I decided to walk between the two closely parked cars. Guess what???? I made it through with space to spare. These are the changes that I do not see.....but now at least I have the courage to try.
I am sure there are those of you that think....she is crazy but for me it was another reason to celebrate and I did celebrate......in my mind. At this point I will celebrate every small victory I can.....
When I left the gym the other night the quickest way to my car was walking between two cars. For most people.....no big deal. But as a person of size (OK who made up that term....LOL), I tend to look and say "Oh that looks tight" and then walk around the cars to a bigger opening. Once I checked to see no one was watching me.....I decided to walk between the two closely parked cars. Guess what???? I made it through with space to spare. These are the changes that I do not see.....but now at least I have the courage to try.
I am sure there are those of you that think....she is crazy but for me it was another reason to celebrate and I did celebrate......in my mind. At this point I will celebrate every small victory I can.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
