As a child I always wanted my parents approval and praise. Being one of four children doesn't allow for the attention that each of us would like. My parents referred to me as the dependable one. Have a crisis.....I'm your girl. Having a party....not so much. I still find I am seeking approval whether it be at work or in the decisions I make through out my life. I am not sure how much my weight issues and desire to get healthy have played into my psyche but I think they have probably played a lot into the person I am today.
I allow people to talk about themselves and praise themselves while I sit there and agree. Meanwhile inside I am saying "how about me?" and not let the pain I feel show.
I have friends who are great at encouraging me......I am so grateful for them.
I continue to allow myself to be a doormat.....not so smart.
Do I put up with people that hurt me because I seek approval?
I am hoping as I make this journey.....I start to feel better about myself. Most people would find it hard to believe how much I let my physical appearance affect me inside.
I hated being the dependable one.....but yet that is one of the qualities that has defined me throughout my life. Some things are so ingrained in us that they will never change.
Impulsive......wish I could be. Free spirit......no way.
Dependable.....reliable.....YES. BUT I need 24 hours to think through changes and more than that to decide anything more than what to make for dinner.
I envy people who don't worry about everything as much as I do. I envy people who can do things with a minutes notice. I envy people who roll with the punches.
My main goal now is to be comfortable with me.....warts and all.....
Sunday, May 29, 2011
To Bring The Bathing Suit Or Not......
Next Thursday, I am heading to Florida for my nephews wedding. Arriving on Thursday and going home Sunday. There will be some down time on Friday and Saturday. My sister-in-law reminded me to bring my bathing suit. I have no problem putting on my bathing suit for water aerobics but that's at the gym so I am comfortable.
But wearing it at a pool other than at the gym or my friends house puts me in a state of panic. I don't need any stares or laughs at my expense. I am already planning my strategy....first and most important....the bathing suit cover-up. I have one of those and can wear it around the pool. I can take it off at the last minute and get in the pool. I can also go to the pool early to workout.....that's a good idea. Not only will I be able to get in some exercise but I can also scope out the pool. The place to put my cover-up so I can grab it as soon as I get out of the pool. Not that a cover-up really covers up.....but at least I won't have to walk around in just my bathing suit.
Being overweight affects so much......and I am not one of those people who is so self-confident that I can have an I don't care attitude. That's part of the self-confidence I need to work on.
I will be going in the pool.....I think. I will laugh and not worry about what others think....I hope. I will get to a point where all of this will be a none issue......I pray......
But wearing it at a pool other than at the gym or my friends house puts me in a state of panic. I don't need any stares or laughs at my expense. I am already planning my strategy....first and most important....the bathing suit cover-up. I have one of those and can wear it around the pool. I can take it off at the last minute and get in the pool. I can also go to the pool early to workout.....that's a good idea. Not only will I be able to get in some exercise but I can also scope out the pool. The place to put my cover-up so I can grab it as soon as I get out of the pool. Not that a cover-up really covers up.....but at least I won't have to walk around in just my bathing suit.
Being overweight affects so much......and I am not one of those people who is so self-confident that I can have an I don't care attitude. That's part of the self-confidence I need to work on.
I will be going in the pool.....I think. I will laugh and not worry about what others think....I hope. I will get to a point where all of this will be a none issue......I pray......
How neurotic can I get???
I need to do more reading about Water Aerobics. I love the classes and it is so kind to my joints. Why do I not feel like it is as good a workout as doing the stepper and such? My brain has decided since I am not sweating....it is not a productive. I know that is crazy.....
I am in the pool for at least 1 hour, it is constant movement, I jump, jog, lunge, swim, and a slew of other exercises that might be challenging on dry land. I use weights in the water, too. My instructor says I can burn 300 or more calories during each class. Since I am in the pool at least 3 times a week that's not too bad!!! Then my time with my trainer burns more....
Let's see.....3 hours in the pool......300 calories each times....the water provides extra resistance which makes each exercise more efficient.......SO WHAT AM I WORRIED ABOUT????
I think because I enjoy it so much and it is not painful and I am not dripping in sweat.....I feel like it is not effective exercise......OK I need to get over it....
Until last year I didn't exercise much at all......now I do a minimum of 4 hours a week.....that is a huge improvement.......I need to celebrate that and just move on.....
I am in the pool for at least 1 hour, it is constant movement, I jump, jog, lunge, swim, and a slew of other exercises that might be challenging on dry land. I use weights in the water, too. My instructor says I can burn 300 or more calories during each class. Since I am in the pool at least 3 times a week that's not too bad!!! Then my time with my trainer burns more....
Let's see.....3 hours in the pool......300 calories each times....the water provides extra resistance which makes each exercise more efficient.......SO WHAT AM I WORRIED ABOUT????
I think because I enjoy it so much and it is not painful and I am not dripping in sweat.....I feel like it is not effective exercise......OK I need to get over it....
Until last year I didn't exercise much at all......now I do a minimum of 4 hours a week.....that is a huge improvement.......I need to celebrate that and just move on.....
Some recipes should not be toyed with....
We were having a Memorial Day snack day at the office. I brought a couple of finger foods. As I was tasting some of things I was bringing I realized some did not taste great since I used fat free this and fat free that....once I added some spices and did some tweaking ....they turned out OK. I have heard time and time again that you can't always totally rework recipes.....
I ended up pitching a few things just because they tasted too bland or just not appealing enough to share with my co-workers. I brought a tray of cucumber slices and grape tomato's and forgot the good tasting dip I had managed to pull together. I tried to have some of what everyone else brought and not cause too much damage.
I read this week.....healthy eating is not about deprivation. You can allow yourself to have some treats......you just have to watch how much you have and how often.
I wasn't hungry when I got home so guess what I did???? Skip dinner......what a novel idea. This is something I am trying hard to be aware of ......when I am hungry and when I am just eating for the sake of eating. I did the same thing on Saturday.....I had a light breakfast and lunch but wasn't really hungry for dinner.....so guess what I did again....I skipped dinner.
My fear is that my body will think I am trying to starve it so it will hold onto the fat......just great.....I am not eating because I am not hungry and my body thinks I am betraying it......
UUGGHH....I give up......if I eat...I gain......if I don't eat....I don't lose.....I really need to figure this out.....
I ended up pitching a few things just because they tasted too bland or just not appealing enough to share with my co-workers. I brought a tray of cucumber slices and grape tomato's and forgot the good tasting dip I had managed to pull together. I tried to have some of what everyone else brought and not cause too much damage.
I read this week.....healthy eating is not about deprivation. You can allow yourself to have some treats......you just have to watch how much you have and how often.
I wasn't hungry when I got home so guess what I did???? Skip dinner......what a novel idea. This is something I am trying hard to be aware of ......when I am hungry and when I am just eating for the sake of eating. I did the same thing on Saturday.....I had a light breakfast and lunch but wasn't really hungry for dinner.....so guess what I did again....I skipped dinner.
My fear is that my body will think I am trying to starve it so it will hold onto the fat......just great.....I am not eating because I am not hungry and my body thinks I am betraying it......
UUGGHH....I give up......if I eat...I gain......if I don't eat....I don't lose.....I really need to figure this out.....
How many pictures does it take?
Last week, I was given the "You Rock" award at work. I appreciated being nominated and getting the recognition. Of course, there is a price for fame.......
I had to have my picture taken for the rock wall. The wall is visible as soon as you get off the elevator. There are photo's of the 4 weekly winners for the last 4 weeks holding their rock.
I was supposed to decorate the rock.....I ran out of time!!!
Then I had to take a picture holding my decorated rock. OK so I grab the small Elmo I have in my office, plop the rock in his lap and voila....a decorated rock.
Next poor Mary had to take my picture. It didn't help that I was wearing what I refer to as one of my fat shirts (the kind that are not flattering). This meant Mary had to take several pictures (7 or 8) from various angles. She even climbed on a file cabinet to get a shot looking down at me.
More problems.....I have a terrible time forcing a smile....I tried again and again. Mary would make me laugh....the camera would go off.....and I had forgotten to hold me smile.
Well, my photo is on the wall......me, Elmo and the rock......
No more awards THANK YOU!!! I can't take the pressure.....
I had to have my picture taken for the rock wall. The wall is visible as soon as you get off the elevator. There are photo's of the 4 weekly winners for the last 4 weeks holding their rock.
I was supposed to decorate the rock.....I ran out of time!!!
Then I had to take a picture holding my decorated rock. OK so I grab the small Elmo I have in my office, plop the rock in his lap and voila....a decorated rock.
Next poor Mary had to take my picture. It didn't help that I was wearing what I refer to as one of my fat shirts (the kind that are not flattering). This meant Mary had to take several pictures (7 or 8) from various angles. She even climbed on a file cabinet to get a shot looking down at me.
More problems.....I have a terrible time forcing a smile....I tried again and again. Mary would make me laugh....the camera would go off.....and I had forgotten to hold me smile.
Well, my photo is on the wall......me, Elmo and the rock......
No more awards THANK YOU!!! I can't take the pressure.....
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Pre-Natal Vitamins at 55...uugghh!!
Things I can do to have thicker hair.....take the pre-natal vitamins, hang my head upside down for 5 minutes each day, massage my scalp, use conditioner, use Rogaine for women (I already get my face waxed Lord knows what this will do to me)...
OK guys this is where you might want to sign-off....
My gyno says it may be hormonal, thyroid issues, or due to the big M (menopause) I might have too much of something and not enough of something else.....who knows......she also said it could be stress related......me STRESSED???? Have any of you ever seen me stressed??? I just let things roll off my back.....right?? Easy going.....free as the wind (maybe that wind took my hair).....
I know you will all be hanging on the edge of your seats waiting to see how this turns out.....Lady Godiva watch out......the naked on the horse part......not a chance.....who would want to go there visually.....definitely not me!!!!
I want my hair to get thick and my body to get thin.....not the reverse!!!!
OK guys this is where you might want to sign-off....
My gyno says it may be hormonal, thyroid issues, or due to the big M (menopause) I might have too much of something and not enough of something else.....who knows......she also said it could be stress related......me STRESSED???? Have any of you ever seen me stressed??? I just let things roll off my back.....right?? Easy going.....free as the wind (maybe that wind took my hair).....
I know you will all be hanging on the edge of your seats waiting to see how this turns out.....Lady Godiva watch out......the naked on the horse part......not a chance.....who would want to go there visually.....definitely not me!!!!
I want my hair to get thick and my body to get thin.....not the reverse!!!!
Follow Your Heart It Will Never Let You Down
If I truly followed my heart where would I be today??
There are things I would change but only because of the wisdom I have gained through the years.
One thing I would NOT change.....being a Mom. At the end of my life I know that the best thing I ever did was have Jenn. I rock as a Mom!!!! WOW !!!! I said something positive about myself.
Writing.....I have always loved to write. From the poems in elementary school (Halloween is lots of fun when children laugh and play....they go to almost every house and trick or treat they say.....) to the poem I wrote that was painted on the windows of Preston High School
(this is when I show my age.....I wrote a poem relating the three wisemen following the star to the three astronauts traveling to the moon....ok it was 1969 and it was very timely) to this blog. Writing has been a thread that has run through my life but was put on the shelf during long periods of time. I started college as a journalism major......why I switched majors......funny.....I don't remember......such a big decision and I can't for the life of me remember why....I wonder how my life would have been different if I had followed that path???
When I moved to South Carolina, I didn't know that my heart would grow to love life here. I was scared to leave NY. I never thought I would leave there. I loved the true seasons (yes, there are places with real seasons)......the beautiful colors of the fall (but I hated raking the leaves).....the cold weather (I think my mind has forgotten how cold it was, the heating bills and driving in the snow).....the city ( need I say more).....time with my family (if they could only be a few hours away). In the south I learned to love college sports.....learned you are never to old to make friends......enjoy sitting on the front porch...and thank God for central air. I learned I could step out of my comfort zone and be OK.
So bottom line is my hearts desires are to do something with my writing.....never to late to do that....and to be loved for who and what I am....the way I am right now.....
There are other things I would like to do but they are not my passions but my wishes.....more time to spend with friends......more time to laugh.....more time to travel.....less worrying about bills.....less worrying about money.....
I have let my brain lead me through most of my life......now it is time to let my heart take the lead......OK heart where do we go?????
There are things I would change but only because of the wisdom I have gained through the years.
One thing I would NOT change.....being a Mom. At the end of my life I know that the best thing I ever did was have Jenn. I rock as a Mom!!!! WOW !!!! I said something positive about myself.
Writing.....I have always loved to write. From the poems in elementary school (Halloween is lots of fun when children laugh and play....they go to almost every house and trick or treat they say.....) to the poem I wrote that was painted on the windows of Preston High School
(this is when I show my age.....I wrote a poem relating the three wisemen following the star to the three astronauts traveling to the moon....ok it was 1969 and it was very timely) to this blog. Writing has been a thread that has run through my life but was put on the shelf during long periods of time. I started college as a journalism major......why I switched majors......funny.....I don't remember......such a big decision and I can't for the life of me remember why....I wonder how my life would have been different if I had followed that path???
When I moved to South Carolina, I didn't know that my heart would grow to love life here. I was scared to leave NY. I never thought I would leave there. I loved the true seasons (yes, there are places with real seasons)......the beautiful colors of the fall (but I hated raking the leaves).....the cold weather (I think my mind has forgotten how cold it was, the heating bills and driving in the snow).....the city ( need I say more).....time with my family (if they could only be a few hours away). In the south I learned to love college sports.....learned you are never to old to make friends......enjoy sitting on the front porch...and thank God for central air. I learned I could step out of my comfort zone and be OK.
So bottom line is my hearts desires are to do something with my writing.....never to late to do that....and to be loved for who and what I am....the way I am right now.....
There are other things I would like to do but they are not my passions but my wishes.....more time to spend with friends......more time to laugh.....more time to travel.....less worrying about bills.....less worrying about money.....
I have let my brain lead me through most of my life......now it is time to let my heart take the lead......OK heart where do we go?????
Saturday, May 21, 2011
The Oprah Top Is Complete!!!
Yes, the Oprah top is ready!!!! I went to "the House of Kathy" today. The designer likes to be known as just Kathy. Her ability to create haute couture out of a few yards of material is quite impressive!!
I showed up for my appointment at 2:00. Kathy had all of her tools of the trade ready.....scissors, pencil, pins and her sewing machine. As she cut and sewed and pinned the garment around me......it was fun to watch it take shape. The sleeves are wide, the bottom is cut at an angle (asymmetrical) and it is flowy just like I wanted it.
Within 90 minutes it was done!! I tried it on with the tank top I will wear underneath it. It looked great!!
Oprah's cost $500......mine $15. Her material is sheer and flowing......so is mine. Her material was colorful......so is mine. Kathy suggested I get a pair of Yellow Boxes sandals with some bling on them......Oprah had her bling around her neck....
The funny remark of the day came from Kathy's husband Dan.....when I showed him the material.....he smiled and said it was nice.....then he said "You will be wearing something else under that....right?"......very funny Dan.....I want people to think I look nice and maybe even elegant....not scare the hell out of them!!!!!
I showed up for my appointment at 2:00. Kathy had all of her tools of the trade ready.....scissors, pencil, pins and her sewing machine. As she cut and sewed and pinned the garment around me......it was fun to watch it take shape. The sleeves are wide, the bottom is cut at an angle (asymmetrical) and it is flowy just like I wanted it.
Within 90 minutes it was done!! I tried it on with the tank top I will wear underneath it. It looked great!!
Oprah's cost $500......mine $15. Her material is sheer and flowing......so is mine. Her material was colorful......so is mine. Kathy suggested I get a pair of Yellow Boxes sandals with some bling on them......Oprah had her bling around her neck....
The funny remark of the day came from Kathy's husband Dan.....when I showed him the material.....he smiled and said it was nice.....then he said "You will be wearing something else under that....right?"......very funny Dan.....I want people to think I look nice and maybe even elegant....not scare the hell out of them!!!!!
You Will Never Find Your Passion Unless You Follow Your Heart
Passion....
What am I passionate about???
Family and friends...writing.....cooking (I don't mean the weekly meals but the special ones) when I have the time to really plan....laughing until I cry....good books.....the gym (this only became a passion in the last year).....the beach.....the sound of the ocean.....one 6 inch snowfall......Christmas......my Kindle....the New York Times on Sunday......a large cup of coffee.....cheese (LOL.....yes I said cheese.....in almost any form)....learning to speak Italian....
I have started to follow my heart.....some of the steps I am taking are small baby steps......some major steps take thought and planning......
My passions are what helps me get through each day.....my dreams make me look forward to the future......my heart takes the lead as the rest of me gladly follows along.......
What am I passionate about???
Family and friends...writing.....cooking (I don't mean the weekly meals but the special ones) when I have the time to really plan....laughing until I cry....good books.....the gym (this only became a passion in the last year).....the beach.....the sound of the ocean.....one 6 inch snowfall......Christmas......my Kindle....the New York Times on Sunday......a large cup of coffee.....cheese (LOL.....yes I said cheese.....in almost any form)....learning to speak Italian....
I have started to follow my heart.....some of the steps I am taking are small baby steps......some major steps take thought and planning......
My passions are what helps me get through each day.....my dreams make me look forward to the future......my heart takes the lead as the rest of me gladly follows along.......
Good Advice from Glenda- the Good Witch
You've always had the power. You've always had it my dear. We all do. - Glenda the good witch
I know I have the power.....it is the ability to persevere which is hard.
My work outs at the gym are very good. I went to the Dr. and my BP was 121/63....not too shabby!!! I pass up far more goodies than seem fair. I hate the days when a box of doughnuts appears in the office or someone orders lunch out and I can smell it while I am eating my salad or flat bread with chicken. I hate the days when I have to fight off a craving for chocolate or something equally as bad. How long can you pretend that 32 oz of water you are drinking is really a chocolate shake?
I believe I have the power to change.....I think I have demonstrated that during the last year or so. There has been no magic transformation. I still believe it will come just not as quickly as I would like. I occasionally revisit the surgical option in my head. I still feel strongly that is not an option for me. My Dr. agrees.....in fact he has said "No, No, and No!!" I need to continue to re-learn what I have done wrong for most of my life. Each person's body and metabolism is different. I of course chose the time in my life when my metabolism had decided to slow down (not that it was ever very fast) to really work at a healthier lifestyle. I have done more exercising in the last year as I have done during my whole life......no kidding!!!!
OK Glenda......I am going to take you at your word......could you maybe just point your magic wand in my direction and let me make one wish??
I know I have the power.....it is the ability to persevere which is hard.
My work outs at the gym are very good. I went to the Dr. and my BP was 121/63....not too shabby!!! I pass up far more goodies than seem fair. I hate the days when a box of doughnuts appears in the office or someone orders lunch out and I can smell it while I am eating my salad or flat bread with chicken. I hate the days when I have to fight off a craving for chocolate or something equally as bad. How long can you pretend that 32 oz of water you are drinking is really a chocolate shake?
I believe I have the power to change.....I think I have demonstrated that during the last year or so. There has been no magic transformation. I still believe it will come just not as quickly as I would like. I occasionally revisit the surgical option in my head. I still feel strongly that is not an option for me. My Dr. agrees.....in fact he has said "No, No, and No!!" I need to continue to re-learn what I have done wrong for most of my life. Each person's body and metabolism is different. I of course chose the time in my life when my metabolism had decided to slow down (not that it was ever very fast) to really work at a healthier lifestyle. I have done more exercising in the last year as I have done during my whole life......no kidding!!!!
OK Glenda......I am going to take you at your word......could you maybe just point your magic wand in my direction and let me make one wish??
A Rough Week
I didn't write any posts to this blog last week. That was the first time since I started this blog over a year ago that I had missed a week except for when I was in NY last year. I was in a funk and didn't really want to write how I was feeling. I struggled in a way that I hadn't in ages. The week-end was mentally exhausting. When people know your Achilles heel......they go for it......
I had a Pampered Chef Party at my house Saturday morning. If I could have I would have cancelled it!! The morning had been horrible.....then I had to smile while entertaining my guests. I had hoped that Sunday would be better but to no avail. I hate that I wasted 48 hours putting up with the frustration of others.
Hey guess what.....I know what I look like......I know my hair is thin......I know I am not perfect......but who the hell put the bulls eye on the middle of my back or hung the kick me sign on me.....
To have someone reminds you of your flaws not only magnifies them but also can kill any confidence I may have.....
I cannot fix those around me who are suffering but that doesn't mean I should have to be the target of their frustrations.
What's the solution???? I am not sure ......Right now I am trying to enjoy the good times.....the cup of coffee that a friend brings me at work.......the total nonsensical conversation with a good friend.......coming home to find a pot of Gerber Daisies in the planter in front of the house......small things.....but no less wonderful.....
Because of these small things......there a good days and those small gestures make the bad days endurable......
I had a Pampered Chef Party at my house Saturday morning. If I could have I would have cancelled it!! The morning had been horrible.....then I had to smile while entertaining my guests. I had hoped that Sunday would be better but to no avail. I hate that I wasted 48 hours putting up with the frustration of others.
Hey guess what.....I know what I look like......I know my hair is thin......I know I am not perfect......but who the hell put the bulls eye on the middle of my back or hung the kick me sign on me.....
To have someone reminds you of your flaws not only magnifies them but also can kill any confidence I may have.....
I cannot fix those around me who are suffering but that doesn't mean I should have to be the target of their frustrations.
What's the solution???? I am not sure ......Right now I am trying to enjoy the good times.....the cup of coffee that a friend brings me at work.......the total nonsensical conversation with a good friend.......coming home to find a pot of Gerber Daisies in the planter in front of the house......small things.....but no less wonderful.....
Because of these small things......there a good days and those small gestures make the bad days endurable......
Changing It Up
I am going to try and change things up a little.....
Partly due to cash flow issues and partly due to needing a break......I am going to try my trainers suggestion......take a break from Weight Watchers.....now relax.....I didn't say giving up watching what I am eating and my pursuit of a healthier lifestyle.....
I am taking a break from the weekly weigh-ins and only getting on the scale once a month. Carol feels I am weighing myself too much and am letting the slowness and plateau's effect me too much.
I am trying to focus on the sugar in food, the carb's, the fat's and working on healthy eating.
This week I brought salad for lunch three times. I changed from bagels to wheat flat bread for breakfast on the days I didn't have oatmeal. If I didn't feel like much for dinner .....guess what.....I didn't eat much. I snacked on low fat microwave popcorn. I drank more water. This was all good. If I could just give up my afternoon pretzels (all 20 of them). I know 20 isn't a lot and I do count them out to put in a snack bag but as Carol said.....they are made of nothing but flour and water.....not a good option.
The numbers need to start moving again....there are enough people who know what I am trying to do that falling off the wagon isn't an option so don't worry that I will stop my journey. I promise I will not!!!!
As far as the gym......my goal is 4 times a week but I am now going to try and get there a 5th time each week. I AM NOT GIVING UP THE GYM !!!!!!!
Sometimes when you do things for a long period of time a break is a good idea.....don't worry I promise I will not let the numbers go up!!! By the end of the summer.....I may be ready to return to the weekly meetings at WW.....but for now I prefer to get just a little extra sleep and workout at the gym before it becomes the family swim club later in the day on Saturday afternoons.....
I am hoping this temporary change will be the shot in the arm I need to see some number movement......I know I know....I keep on saying it is not just about the numbers.....and it's not.......I am giving it the summer to see if I need to make further adjustments.....I will let you all know how it goes.....
Partly due to cash flow issues and partly due to needing a break......I am going to try my trainers suggestion......take a break from Weight Watchers.....now relax.....I didn't say giving up watching what I am eating and my pursuit of a healthier lifestyle.....
I am taking a break from the weekly weigh-ins and only getting on the scale once a month. Carol feels I am weighing myself too much and am letting the slowness and plateau's effect me too much.
I am trying to focus on the sugar in food, the carb's, the fat's and working on healthy eating.
This week I brought salad for lunch three times. I changed from bagels to wheat flat bread for breakfast on the days I didn't have oatmeal. If I didn't feel like much for dinner .....guess what.....I didn't eat much. I snacked on low fat microwave popcorn. I drank more water. This was all good. If I could just give up my afternoon pretzels (all 20 of them). I know 20 isn't a lot and I do count them out to put in a snack bag but as Carol said.....they are made of nothing but flour and water.....not a good option.
The numbers need to start moving again....there are enough people who know what I am trying to do that falling off the wagon isn't an option so don't worry that I will stop my journey. I promise I will not!!!!
As far as the gym......my goal is 4 times a week but I am now going to try and get there a 5th time each week. I AM NOT GIVING UP THE GYM !!!!!!!
Sometimes when you do things for a long period of time a break is a good idea.....don't worry I promise I will not let the numbers go up!!! By the end of the summer.....I may be ready to return to the weekly meetings at WW.....but for now I prefer to get just a little extra sleep and workout at the gym before it becomes the family swim club later in the day on Saturday afternoons.....
I am hoping this temporary change will be the shot in the arm I need to see some number movement......I know I know....I keep on saying it is not just about the numbers.....and it's not.......I am giving it the summer to see if I need to make further adjustments.....I will let you all know how it goes.....
Some new ideas....
I read an article that really got me thinking this week....most of it simple advice that I already knew but just needed to be reminded of.....
Here are some of the points that jumped out at me:
Think the number-one roadblock to being fit is the number of calories you take in? Think again. The key to healthy, successful weight loss isn’t just about getting the right information—it's about knowing how to use that information. It’s why those extra pounds won’t budge, despite your understanding the importance of calories in versus calories out, knowing the difference between good and bad carbs, and being diligent about mixing cardio with strength training. If you’ve been feeling discouraged, rest assured that you’re not alone. We spoke with medical, nutrition and fitness experts and asked them one simple question: "What are we missing?" Read on to discover the six most important ways to use the mind-body connection to help your weight-loss efforts rather than hinder them.
Accept that diets don’t help you in the long run.
Every year you try to eat less and less, but gain more and more. Sure, some of this has to do with the biology of aging....... "It's really important to know why women eat like birds and look like elephants as they get older," says Eric Braverman, MD, author of Younger (Thinner) You Diet. "They develop this horrific situation in which they eat 1,000 calories and gain weight." Instead of approaching food with a deprivation mindset, consider feasible, small changes that you can make over the long term. Braverman recommends increasing exercise and increasing "chew food"—highly nutritious and fibrous but low-calorie foods, such as an apple instead of apple juice.
Focus on fitness, not thinness--
Our body-obsessed culture with ultra-thin celebrities setting the trend, it’s hard to remember that your health and well-being are about more than being a particular pants size. “Do it for your health, do it to stimulate your mind and find passion,” says Ramona Braganza, celebrity trainer and fitness expert at Gold Gym. Try focusing more on how you feel rather than what the scale says..... By focusing on being fit and feeling healthy—keeping your age in mind—you’ll be better equipped to hit your ideal weight. "There are happy people in all different shapes and sizes, so if you’re picking your model person, it has to be somebody realistic," says Braganza. "Your body changes, and I think it’s hard for women to accept that they won’t always have their 25-year-old body. So you have to look for a new role model. My role model is my 75-year-old mom, who teaches Zumba classes. You want to look ahead of you, not behind you."
Make friends with food.
Losing weight should not mean eating bland, flavorless food. And it definitely should not entail being hungry all the time. Think about food as nourishment, and make it as delicious as possible. In fact, if you do it right, you can eat just as much, if not more than before. "I'm a big believer in eating great food, but it's about caloric density. If you're going to take in fewer calories, those calories should be much larger portions," Dr. Harlan says. His example: beef stroganoff. Make it with the same ingredients, but use more mushrooms and less beef (the leaner the better). You’ll consume fewer overall calories, but more food, and still feel satisfied. "We respond to volume of food, and when the volume is high and we feel filled up, we'll stop eating," Dr. Harlan adds. "That's how I craft a recipe. I ask myself, 'How can I make this portion larger, preserve the flavor—or make it more even delicious—and keep it at the same number of calories?’"
Start small and build slowly.
One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to lose weight is going to extremes. Be mindful of where you are, and respect your limits. With this in mind, start small and build slowly. "People don't know how to get started. But I'd be happy if you just went out and walked three days a week," Dr. Harlan says. "But instead, people will go out and injure themselves and they'll get put off. So starting very low-impact, going slowly and building up very carefully is the number-one key with exercise." Braganza agrees: "When you’re starting, anything is better than nothing. Go for a regular walk and then include a hill. Then go at a faster pace, and then step into the gym," she says. "Lower impact to start with, and then go on to the higher-impact exercises once you’ve built up your strength."
Concentrate on commitment more than intensity.
You don’t have to log endless hours at the gym to become healthier, but a commitment to an exercise regimen is essential. "When I'm talking to patients, the first thing I do is work on time. We schedule everything in our lives, but we don't book exercise," Dr. Harlan says. "If I can just get them to start by penciling in that 30 minutes three times a week, that's enough to get them started." In fact, despite what we may think, celebrities aren't spending every waking second in the gym to get those beautiful bodies. What they are doing, however, is committing to a weekly routine, and giving it their all when they're there. "My people work out pretty conservatively about four days a week for an hour," says Braganza, who has trained such stars as Jessica Alba and Halle Berry.
Stop obsessing about your weight.
The fastest way to misery is to obsess over dieting and weight loss. It’s not only bad for your self-esteem, but it will sabotage your weight-loss efforts, too. "I was a cheerleader for the Oakland Raiders, and we had regular weigh-ins. The girls gained during the season because they were so concerned about it. Then during off-season, the weight just fell off. You store fat when you’re stressed. There is a huge correlation between [stress] and the body," says wellness coach Cassandra Corum. (Not to mention the natural fluctuations caused by hormones and age.) With this in mind, focus on long-term goals rather than micro-managing your life. "Health is not a 30-day thing, a 60- or a 90-day thing. Take the advice, use what you already know and do it every day,” Corum says.
I can only tackle these suggestions one at a time......I am going to start with the last one....because it is my biggest struggle. I so focus on the numbers that when I plateau.....I feel like a failure.......
I am not sure how I will get that step in control.....the first step may to be to put my bathroom scale away......in the last 2 days I have weighed myself 14 times.....that is not good and borderlines on.......oh be honest....it is just plain crazy......that number that I am looking to lower is not all I am about......right??
Here are some of the points that jumped out at me:
Think the number-one roadblock to being fit is the number of calories you take in? Think again. The key to healthy, successful weight loss isn’t just about getting the right information—it's about knowing how to use that information. It’s why those extra pounds won’t budge, despite your understanding the importance of calories in versus calories out, knowing the difference between good and bad carbs, and being diligent about mixing cardio with strength training. If you’ve been feeling discouraged, rest assured that you’re not alone. We spoke with medical, nutrition and fitness experts and asked them one simple question: "What are we missing?" Read on to discover the six most important ways to use the mind-body connection to help your weight-loss efforts rather than hinder them.
Accept that diets don’t help you in the long run.
Every year you try to eat less and less, but gain more and more. Sure, some of this has to do with the biology of aging....... "It's really important to know why women eat like birds and look like elephants as they get older," says Eric Braverman, MD, author of Younger (Thinner) You Diet. "They develop this horrific situation in which they eat 1,000 calories and gain weight." Instead of approaching food with a deprivation mindset, consider feasible, small changes that you can make over the long term. Braverman recommends increasing exercise and increasing "chew food"—highly nutritious and fibrous but low-calorie foods, such as an apple instead of apple juice.
Focus on fitness, not thinness--
Our body-obsessed culture with ultra-thin celebrities setting the trend, it’s hard to remember that your health and well-being are about more than being a particular pants size. “Do it for your health, do it to stimulate your mind and find passion,” says Ramona Braganza, celebrity trainer and fitness expert at Gold Gym. Try focusing more on how you feel rather than what the scale says..... By focusing on being fit and feeling healthy—keeping your age in mind—you’ll be better equipped to hit your ideal weight. "There are happy people in all different shapes and sizes, so if you’re picking your model person, it has to be somebody realistic," says Braganza. "Your body changes, and I think it’s hard for women to accept that they won’t always have their 25-year-old body. So you have to look for a new role model. My role model is my 75-year-old mom, who teaches Zumba classes. You want to look ahead of you, not behind you."
Make friends with food.
Losing weight should not mean eating bland, flavorless food. And it definitely should not entail being hungry all the time. Think about food as nourishment, and make it as delicious as possible. In fact, if you do it right, you can eat just as much, if not more than before. "I'm a big believer in eating great food, but it's about caloric density. If you're going to take in fewer calories, those calories should be much larger portions," Dr. Harlan says. His example: beef stroganoff. Make it with the same ingredients, but use more mushrooms and less beef (the leaner the better). You’ll consume fewer overall calories, but more food, and still feel satisfied. "We respond to volume of food, and when the volume is high and we feel filled up, we'll stop eating," Dr. Harlan adds. "That's how I craft a recipe. I ask myself, 'How can I make this portion larger, preserve the flavor—or make it more even delicious—and keep it at the same number of calories?’"
Start small and build slowly.
One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to lose weight is going to extremes. Be mindful of where you are, and respect your limits. With this in mind, start small and build slowly. "People don't know how to get started. But I'd be happy if you just went out and walked three days a week," Dr. Harlan says. "But instead, people will go out and injure themselves and they'll get put off. So starting very low-impact, going slowly and building up very carefully is the number-one key with exercise." Braganza agrees: "When you’re starting, anything is better than nothing. Go for a regular walk and then include a hill. Then go at a faster pace, and then step into the gym," she says. "Lower impact to start with, and then go on to the higher-impact exercises once you’ve built up your strength."
Concentrate on commitment more than intensity.
You don’t have to log endless hours at the gym to become healthier, but a commitment to an exercise regimen is essential. "When I'm talking to patients, the first thing I do is work on time. We schedule everything in our lives, but we don't book exercise," Dr. Harlan says. "If I can just get them to start by penciling in that 30 minutes three times a week, that's enough to get them started." In fact, despite what we may think, celebrities aren't spending every waking second in the gym to get those beautiful bodies. What they are doing, however, is committing to a weekly routine, and giving it their all when they're there. "My people work out pretty conservatively about four days a week for an hour," says Braganza, who has trained such stars as Jessica Alba and Halle Berry.
Stop obsessing about your weight.
The fastest way to misery is to obsess over dieting and weight loss. It’s not only bad for your self-esteem, but it will sabotage your weight-loss efforts, too. "I was a cheerleader for the Oakland Raiders, and we had regular weigh-ins. The girls gained during the season because they were so concerned about it. Then during off-season, the weight just fell off. You store fat when you’re stressed. There is a huge correlation between [stress] and the body," says wellness coach Cassandra Corum. (Not to mention the natural fluctuations caused by hormones and age.) With this in mind, focus on long-term goals rather than micro-managing your life. "Health is not a 30-day thing, a 60- or a 90-day thing. Take the advice, use what you already know and do it every day,” Corum says.
I can only tackle these suggestions one at a time......I am going to start with the last one....because it is my biggest struggle. I so focus on the numbers that when I plateau.....I feel like a failure.......
I am not sure how I will get that step in control.....the first step may to be to put my bathroom scale away......in the last 2 days I have weighed myself 14 times.....that is not good and borderlines on.......oh be honest....it is just plain crazy......that number that I am looking to lower is not all I am about......right??
Stress Relief 102
Life is a journey not a destination, but it does not mean the road is not bumpy along the way....
Wish I could remember when I saw this quote.....maybe Mary will remind me.
I am trying to figure out how to deal with the stress in my life. I read this week that stress can slow weight loss, cause your hair to fall out and have a negative impact on your overall health.
The problem is that work can be stressful, home can be stressful.....oh hell....life in general can be stressful!!!!
This is something I am really trying to focus on. I cannot remove all of the stress from my life but I can sure try and minimize it and it's effect on me.
I do not have all of the answers.....but I do have some strategies that I am going to try.
I am not going to work this hard to get healthy to end up having stress kill me. It will involve me changing they way I handle issues or people......some may not like it too much.....but at this point in my life where I am focusing on me I really have no other option than to make some changes.....yes, I am being selfish focusing on me.....I am only sorry I didn't do it 20-30 years ago. I better not think about that.....it might stress me out......
Wish I could remember when I saw this quote.....maybe Mary will remind me.
I am trying to figure out how to deal with the stress in my life. I read this week that stress can slow weight loss, cause your hair to fall out and have a negative impact on your overall health.
The problem is that work can be stressful, home can be stressful.....oh hell....life in general can be stressful!!!!
This is something I am really trying to focus on. I cannot remove all of the stress from my life but I can sure try and minimize it and it's effect on me.
I do not have all of the answers.....but I do have some strategies that I am going to try.
I am not going to work this hard to get healthy to end up having stress kill me. It will involve me changing they way I handle issues or people......some may not like it too much.....but at this point in my life where I am focusing on me I really have no other option than to make some changes.....yes, I am being selfish focusing on me.....I am only sorry I didn't do it 20-30 years ago. I better not think about that.....it might stress me out......
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Moral Obligations vs. Happiness
Here is another tough entry.....
I have made some decisions in my life based on moral obligations and given up some of my personal happiness in the process. I have no one to blame but myself. I am not being a martyr. I still believe in the long run I will find the happiness I may lack while making what I think are right choices.
Haven't we all thought.....if I knew then what I do now I would have made different choices?? Think about it.....if we are honest we would all admit we have said it at one time or another....
I know that although the choices I made have not been the best for me in retrospect, I can't fix that now. As I examine options to improve my happiness, I ask you to be patient as I try to figure it all out. One day I may feel this is the right decision the next I may have a different solution. All of this flip flopping can be exhausting......eventually I will figure it all out.....just hang in there with me while I sort it all out....
I have made some decisions in my life based on moral obligations and given up some of my personal happiness in the process. I have no one to blame but myself. I am not being a martyr. I still believe in the long run I will find the happiness I may lack while making what I think are right choices.
Haven't we all thought.....if I knew then what I do now I would have made different choices?? Think about it.....if we are honest we would all admit we have said it at one time or another....
I know that although the choices I made have not been the best for me in retrospect, I can't fix that now. As I examine options to improve my happiness, I ask you to be patient as I try to figure it all out. One day I may feel this is the right decision the next I may have a different solution. All of this flip flopping can be exhausting......eventually I will figure it all out.....just hang in there with me while I sort it all out....
She's Back.....Carol The Trainer Returns!!!!
Carol was back at the gym last week. I forgot how "special" our time together can be.....
We started out with 5 kilo weights in each hand and I climbed the stepper. Over and over again.... Then I had to put one of the weights on the floor, squat down, pick up the weight with both hands and lift it over my head.....over and over again.... Next was a sideways form of jumping jacks......over and over again..... We then lifted weights from my side over my head, then one arm over my head then the other followed by front weight lifts.....over and over again.... Then just me climbing the stepper......over and over again.....
Then we started the process all over again and again......
I had been working out in the pool while Carol was away.....now here I was sweating from body parts I didn't know I had......
Welcome back Carol!!!!
We started out with 5 kilo weights in each hand and I climbed the stepper. Over and over again.... Then I had to put one of the weights on the floor, squat down, pick up the weight with both hands and lift it over my head.....over and over again.... Next was a sideways form of jumping jacks......over and over again..... We then lifted weights from my side over my head, then one arm over my head then the other followed by front weight lifts.....over and over again.... Then just me climbing the stepper......over and over again.....
Then we started the process all over again and again......
I had been working out in the pool while Carol was away.....now here I was sweating from body parts I didn't know I had......
Welcome back Carol!!!!
The Big Fat Bald Blob
This is a tough entry to write. The title let's you know how I felt last Friday. I know I shouldn't complain about my hair knowing that there have been people in my life who have lost their hair due to chemo......please do not think I am being insensitive......I am not.
I went to get my hair cut. As you know from previous entries, my hair is thin and baby fine. Wayne put highlights in it to help make it not look so thin. Then he washed my hair. I sat in the chair so he could cut it. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and hated how my hair looked soaking wet. Wayne then made the innocent comment...."Your hair has gotten thin"......I started to cry and could not stop......Now instead of seeing myself I saw this big blob of fat with just a few strands of hair. The fact that I couldn't top crying made it uncomfortable for all of us. I wanted to just run out to my car and drive away......that wasn't a good option since then everyone would see me with wet hair and looking like a fool....
By the time Wayne was done, my hair looked good. I felt better. Wayne even suggested I take pre-natal vitamins to help with hair growth. He said there are a lot of different options...Rogaine??....I don't want to look like one of the Smith Brothers....and with my luck the hair on my head wouldn't change but I would have a great beard!!!!
It is obvious my self-image has a long way to go......maybe that big fat bald blob will never escape from within me......so what can I do....maybe I need to work on the self-esteem and the rest will follow.....
While I work on the inside of me......I also try to work on the outside of me....the curling iron and I are becoming good friends.....don't worry I do not set it too hot......that would be pretty sad.....burning off the rest of my hair......
Hair......body......self-esteem......I have my work cut out for me.....please put up with me while I try to get myself together......this has become more challenging than I thought....
I went to get my hair cut. As you know from previous entries, my hair is thin and baby fine. Wayne put highlights in it to help make it not look so thin. Then he washed my hair. I sat in the chair so he could cut it. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and hated how my hair looked soaking wet. Wayne then made the innocent comment...."Your hair has gotten thin"......I started to cry and could not stop......Now instead of seeing myself I saw this big blob of fat with just a few strands of hair. The fact that I couldn't top crying made it uncomfortable for all of us. I wanted to just run out to my car and drive away......that wasn't a good option since then everyone would see me with wet hair and looking like a fool....
By the time Wayne was done, my hair looked good. I felt better. Wayne even suggested I take pre-natal vitamins to help with hair growth. He said there are a lot of different options...Rogaine??....I don't want to look like one of the Smith Brothers....and with my luck the hair on my head wouldn't change but I would have a great beard!!!!
It is obvious my self-image has a long way to go......maybe that big fat bald blob will never escape from within me......so what can I do....maybe I need to work on the self-esteem and the rest will follow.....
While I work on the inside of me......I also try to work on the outside of me....the curling iron and I are becoming good friends.....don't worry I do not set it too hot......that would be pretty sad.....burning off the rest of my hair......
Hair......body......self-esteem......I have my work cut out for me.....please put up with me while I try to get myself together......this has become more challenging than I thought....
You Never Know What Might Be Right Around The Corner
A guest on Oprah had a daughter who was died at an early age. The woman said her original plan was to commit suicide after her appearance. Fortunately she didn't. Several years later.....she was back on Oprah this week and she said she was grateful she changed her mind......her exact words were "You never know what might be right around the corner".
WOW.....
I think that is part of what has kept me going the last 18 months. I never know what might be next. None of us do.....
I guess it depends on how you look at the future or the unknown. I try to focus on the positive. I think around each bend is something good or even wonderful. My expectations are not huge I guess that might help.
Maybe I am afraid to expect the big things.....that might lead to disappointment.
Hhhhhmmmm......what would I like to see around the corner......I can't tell you....that my secret......trust me it is pretty exciting......I can't wait to get there!!!
WOW.....
I think that is part of what has kept me going the last 18 months. I never know what might be next. None of us do.....
I guess it depends on how you look at the future or the unknown. I try to focus on the positive. I think around each bend is something good or even wonderful. My expectations are not huge I guess that might help.
Maybe I am afraid to expect the big things.....that might lead to disappointment.
Hhhhhmmmm......what would I like to see around the corner......I can't tell you....that my secret......trust me it is pretty exciting......I can't wait to get there!!!
Embrace Failure
This was a piece of advice that was given by a speaker at my nieces graduation. I could write a book on failure. Embracing failure is difficult. Failure itself is difficult. But if you can learn from failure ultimately you win.....
I know there are times I failed people I care about. Times I should have shown up to let them know I cared and didn't. I failed to focus on me when I should have. I failed to put myself first. I failed to let God handle things. I tried so hard to not hurt peoples feelings that in the end the only one I hurt was myself.
I now spend a lot of time reflecting on the things I didn't get right. I have learned for my failures. Fortunately.....once I make a mistake especially if it is a doozie.....I learn from it and try not to repeat it.
The great part about life is it is loaded with do-overs......not every wrong can be righted.....not every failure can turn into an success but every now and then I get it right the second time around. At least I hope I do....
I know there are times I failed people I care about. Times I should have shown up to let them know I cared and didn't. I failed to focus on me when I should have. I failed to put myself first. I failed to let God handle things. I tried so hard to not hurt peoples feelings that in the end the only one I hurt was myself.
I now spend a lot of time reflecting on the things I didn't get right. I have learned for my failures. Fortunately.....once I make a mistake especially if it is a doozie.....I learn from it and try not to repeat it.
The great part about life is it is loaded with do-overs......not every wrong can be righted.....not every failure can turn into an success but every now and then I get it right the second time around. At least I hope I do....
It Is Never To Late To Be What You Might Have Been
I can only agree with this statement to a certain degree......there are some things as you get older that are part of the past and you just have to accept that fact.
But there are some things that it may not be too late to accomplish.....
I still have time to get published.
I still have time to improve my health.
I still have time to know what it is to be truly loved and appreciated.
I still have time to create new memories with family and friends.
I still have time to learn to speak Italian (working on this one already).
I still have time to travel to the places I have dreamed of....just have to make the money...still have to figure the $$ part out.
It's too late to be prom queen.
It's too late to become a speech writer.
It's too late to get better grades in school.
It's too late to go away to college.
It's OK though.....the things I still have time for are exciting and challenging. I am going by the rocking chair theory.....what will be important when I am old sitting in my rocking chair. Will it be that I was not valedictorian or will it be that I had fun with my friends and knew how to love and laugh......I am thinking it's the latter.....
But there are some things that it may not be too late to accomplish.....
I still have time to get published.
I still have time to improve my health.
I still have time to know what it is to be truly loved and appreciated.
I still have time to create new memories with family and friends.
I still have time to learn to speak Italian (working on this one already).
I still have time to travel to the places I have dreamed of....just have to make the money...still have to figure the $$ part out.
It's too late to be prom queen.
It's too late to become a speech writer.
It's too late to get better grades in school.
It's too late to go away to college.
It's OK though.....the things I still have time for are exciting and challenging. I am going by the rocking chair theory.....what will be important when I am old sitting in my rocking chair. Will it be that I was not valedictorian or will it be that I had fun with my friends and knew how to love and laugh......I am thinking it's the latter.....
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Stress Relief 101
Some times the stress just builds up and up and I hit a breaking point. At that point I feel like I am going to cry. I hate crying when it is because of stress and frustration.
I don't mind crying at a sad movie or from happiness......but I hate that I cry when I am angry....I feel like the world says "Oh look at her she can't control her emotions."
Well guess what......I am a crier......I can't change it so I might as well accept it. Anyway, what is so wrong about letting loose with a few tears....is it so bad to show your true emotions?
I also cry when I laugh.....real tears.....running down my face.....mascara running....the more I laugh the more I cry......what a mess!!!
Here is an example case and point.....I just got off the phone with my brother......we had a conversation that was so funny I ended up in tears......I couldn't stop laughing....
And why does the world think this is wrong??? I am a crier.....not a damn thing I can do about it.....some things we cannot change and that is one of mine......
Make me mad....I cry.....I get stressed.....I cry.....make me laugh.....I cry....
Oh get over it.....pass me some tissues and buy some stock in Kleenex.....as long as I can laugh more over the happy events then the sad ones I am good.....
I don't mind crying at a sad movie or from happiness......but I hate that I cry when I am angry....I feel like the world says "Oh look at her she can't control her emotions."
Well guess what......I am a crier......I can't change it so I might as well accept it. Anyway, what is so wrong about letting loose with a few tears....is it so bad to show your true emotions?
I also cry when I laugh.....real tears.....running down my face.....mascara running....the more I laugh the more I cry......what a mess!!!
Here is an example case and point.....I just got off the phone with my brother......we had a conversation that was so funny I ended up in tears......I couldn't stop laughing....
And why does the world think this is wrong??? I am a crier.....not a damn thing I can do about it.....some things we cannot change and that is one of mine......
Make me mad....I cry.....I get stressed.....I cry.....make me laugh.....I cry....
Oh get over it.....pass me some tissues and buy some stock in Kleenex.....as long as I can laugh more over the happy events then the sad ones I am good.....
Counting By Ones
When I work out in the pool I do everything by 100's. If I do jumping jacks, I do 100. If I hang on the side of the pool and kick, I do it by 100. If I do karate kicks, you guessed it .....I do 100. My time in the pool passes quickly because of the constant counting in my head. I sometimes counts out loud......
The good things is by counting out loud, I don't appear rude when I don't talk to anyone. I do not yell the numbers but you can see my mouth is moving. If the lip readers from William and Kate's wedding saw me they would be saying "Donna is now counting to 100". The counting is good because I keep focused and make sure I do each exercise the same amount of time. For good measure I throw in some jogging and have gotten up to a pretty good pace in the pool.
Then I climb out of the pool and the weightlessness I felt in the pool is gone. Back to reality.....
I would love to get to a point where my work outs on dry land and as easy as the ones in the pool.....but is that possible?? I know people who are in great shape but never say their workouts are easy....but I guess that is the point of all this.....it is supposed to be a challenge so you can feel accomplished.
Counting today, I will be at the gym 4 times this week.....and I am looking forward to it......OK me looking forward to the gym......hhhmmmm.....that is a surprising statement coming from me.....
Taking it one day at a time......counting by ones.....
The good things is by counting out loud, I don't appear rude when I don't talk to anyone. I do not yell the numbers but you can see my mouth is moving. If the lip readers from William and Kate's wedding saw me they would be saying "Donna is now counting to 100". The counting is good because I keep focused and make sure I do each exercise the same amount of time. For good measure I throw in some jogging and have gotten up to a pretty good pace in the pool.
Then I climb out of the pool and the weightlessness I felt in the pool is gone. Back to reality.....
I would love to get to a point where my work outs on dry land and as easy as the ones in the pool.....but is that possible?? I know people who are in great shape but never say their workouts are easy....but I guess that is the point of all this.....it is supposed to be a challenge so you can feel accomplished.
Counting today, I will be at the gym 4 times this week.....and I am looking forward to it......OK me looking forward to the gym......hhhmmmm.....that is a surprising statement coming from me.....
Taking it one day at a time......counting by ones.....
What A Week-End
So I started the week-end getting my face waxed (uugghh each time I say that I cringe).....I need to take a photo so everyone can see how much thinner my face looks after the waxing.....is it the skin removal that makes it look that way???
Next I went to the gym.....WOW......Friday nights at the gym are awesome.....it is not crowded and the pool only had a few people in it!!!!
Saturday morning up early and off to Jill's graduation.....we were there at 8:15, graduation was over by 11:15 , we went to lunch and were home by 3:00. Oh and by the way.....I did have to hike a bit to get from where we parked the car to the Colonial Center.....my knees didn't hurt.....the hard part was I haven't mastered breathing through my nose so I always give my lungs a big workout.....plus I do not do well in crowds anymore.....but I persevered!!!
Next was a 2 hour nap....I usually wake up groggy but this time it woke up refreshed...it was 6:30....what a fast day!!!
Sometimes the week-ends are packed with activity....like this one was but it was all good.
On to Mother's Day....started the day at the gym and once again no one in the pool the whole hour I was there.
Then the fun started....went to Goodyear for 2 tires, came home and ironed and paid bills......how much fun can one person have.
Cool gifts from Jenn....she really knows me very well. Jenn went off to meet a friend and that is when things were getting a little....uuhhmm.....never mind.....I decided to leave the house. Went to my friends house and sat with my feet in their pool for 3 glorious hours while Dan made sure our refreshments kept coming. The weather was perfect!!!
Now I am home....a pot of sauce is cooking on the stove.....Jenn is making dinner and the week-end is over......
That went way too fast.....kind of scary....time seems to be moving at warp speed.... unfortunately....the week days do not move as quickly as the time from 5:00Friday til 8:00 Monday.....
Hey, is it almost Friday yet????
Next I went to the gym.....WOW......Friday nights at the gym are awesome.....it is not crowded and the pool only had a few people in it!!!!
Saturday morning up early and off to Jill's graduation.....we were there at 8:15, graduation was over by 11:15 , we went to lunch and were home by 3:00. Oh and by the way.....I did have to hike a bit to get from where we parked the car to the Colonial Center.....my knees didn't hurt.....the hard part was I haven't mastered breathing through my nose so I always give my lungs a big workout.....plus I do not do well in crowds anymore.....but I persevered!!!
Next was a 2 hour nap....I usually wake up groggy but this time it woke up refreshed...it was 6:30....what a fast day!!!
Sometimes the week-ends are packed with activity....like this one was but it was all good.
On to Mother's Day....started the day at the gym and once again no one in the pool the whole hour I was there.
Then the fun started....went to Goodyear for 2 tires, came home and ironed and paid bills......how much fun can one person have.
Cool gifts from Jenn....she really knows me very well. Jenn went off to meet a friend and that is when things were getting a little....uuhhmm.....never mind.....I decided to leave the house. Went to my friends house and sat with my feet in their pool for 3 glorious hours while Dan made sure our refreshments kept coming. The weather was perfect!!!
Now I am home....a pot of sauce is cooking on the stove.....Jenn is making dinner and the week-end is over......
That went way too fast.....kind of scary....time seems to be moving at warp speed.... unfortunately....the week days do not move as quickly as the time from 5:00Friday til 8:00 Monday.....
Hey, is it almost Friday yet????
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Do What Your Heart Wants
" If you do not do what your heart wants you to do......it can destroy you."
I don't think it will destroy you if you don't do what your heart wants but it sure does make you happier to do what your heart wants.
My heart wants several things:
1. To continue to write....whether it be this blog and maybe from this blog comes a book....who knows.
2. Laugh more......do you know what I did Friday at work? At around 3:30 I felt a need to break out.....so I cranked up my IPOD and encouraged people to dance. I know it sounds silly and was against the rules but it felt....freeing!!!
3. Celebrate the small victories.
Writing melts my heart. My daughter melts my heart. Good friends melt my heart. Laughter melts my heart. Vodka....never mind....that just melts my brain.....LOL.
My quest to get healthy is strengthening my heart.......that means more time to do the things that will make it melt......I may have to make a list so I don't miss doing anything that really matters.......to me.....
I don't think it will destroy you if you don't do what your heart wants but it sure does make you happier to do what your heart wants.
My heart wants several things:
1. To continue to write....whether it be this blog and maybe from this blog comes a book....who knows.
2. Laugh more......do you know what I did Friday at work? At around 3:30 I felt a need to break out.....so I cranked up my IPOD and encouraged people to dance. I know it sounds silly and was against the rules but it felt....freeing!!!
3. Celebrate the small victories.
Writing melts my heart. My daughter melts my heart. Good friends melt my heart. Laughter melts my heart. Vodka....never mind....that just melts my brain.....LOL.
My quest to get healthy is strengthening my heart.......that means more time to do the things that will make it melt......I may have to make a list so I don't miss doing anything that really matters.......to me.....
Oprah quote.....
"Challenges are gifts that force us to search for a new center of gravity. Don't fight them. Just find a new way to stand."
— Oprah Winfrey
I feel that I face challenges every day. Challenges in food choices......challenges in the way the world perceives me.......challenges in staying focused.....challenges in not letting others hurt me.
It can be like walking in a field of landmines.
Searching for a new center of gravity.....reminds me of the gym. Carol has me work on my core muscles. I work on balance and strengthening my core. My flexibility is good but now I also have built up MY center of gravity.
Finding a new way to stand.....Carol works with me on standing on my heels instead of the front of my feet. She has me stand on one leg and stay as straight as possible.....then I do it on the other leg.........then no legs ( LOL....only kidding....wanted to see if you were still paying attention....LOL). The balance thing.......it is so hard. I am not sure if it is because of my weight or the fact that I have never been very stable standing on one leg. Thank goodness I have never had to pass a sobriety test doing that......
Each day I try to find a new way to stand and from that I learn a new way to walk.....I try to walk with more confidence.....I try not to keep my eyes down.....I try to look straight ahead but my fear of falling is still in the back of my head.....will that fear ever fade?
I hope it does.....with each step I move further and further away from the past leaving the challenges behind....
— Oprah Winfrey
I feel that I face challenges every day. Challenges in food choices......challenges in the way the world perceives me.......challenges in staying focused.....challenges in not letting others hurt me.
It can be like walking in a field of landmines.
Searching for a new center of gravity.....reminds me of the gym. Carol has me work on my core muscles. I work on balance and strengthening my core. My flexibility is good but now I also have built up MY center of gravity.
Finding a new way to stand.....Carol works with me on standing on my heels instead of the front of my feet. She has me stand on one leg and stay as straight as possible.....then I do it on the other leg.........then no legs ( LOL....only kidding....wanted to see if you were still paying attention....LOL). The balance thing.......it is so hard. I am not sure if it is because of my weight or the fact that I have never been very stable standing on one leg. Thank goodness I have never had to pass a sobriety test doing that......
Each day I try to find a new way to stand and from that I learn a new way to walk.....I try to walk with more confidence.....I try not to keep my eyes down.....I try to look straight ahead but my fear of falling is still in the back of my head.....will that fear ever fade?
I hope it does.....with each step I move further and further away from the past leaving the challenges behind....
A New Beginning
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning but anyone can start today and make a new ending"......I love this quote!!!!
I tend to view each day as a new beginning......maybe because I make so many mistakes...in my head I sound like I did when I was 8 and my favorite phrase was "Do Over....Do Over"
My new life is a do-over. I no longer feel that a misstep means my journey is over. In the past I would throw in the towels at any turn. Now I just try to do it better or righter (I know, I know.....there is no such word as righter). Each day I plan and analyze......I chose and I reject......I embrace and I ignore.
But most of all......I dream!!!!
My story like everyone else's starts with "Once Upon A Time"......I hope the ending says "And she lived happily ever after." With the changes and choices I make each day, I think I am on the right path.....yes there are twists, turns, bumps and hidden obstacles.....but each time I hit one of those I just have to make a decision....if it's right....great!!! If it's wrong....well then that's the time to begin again and head toward a happy ending!!!!
I tend to view each day as a new beginning......maybe because I make so many mistakes...in my head I sound like I did when I was 8 and my favorite phrase was "Do Over....Do Over"
My new life is a do-over. I no longer feel that a misstep means my journey is over. In the past I would throw in the towels at any turn. Now I just try to do it better or righter (I know, I know.....there is no such word as righter). Each day I plan and analyze......I chose and I reject......I embrace and I ignore.
But most of all......I dream!!!!
My story like everyone else's starts with "Once Upon A Time"......I hope the ending says "And she lived happily ever after." With the changes and choices I make each day, I think I am on the right path.....yes there are twists, turns, bumps and hidden obstacles.....but each time I hit one of those I just have to make a decision....if it's right....great!!! If it's wrong....well then that's the time to begin again and head toward a happy ending!!!!
Tomato's, Mozzarella & Basil
On Monday night we had a treat before dinner....Jenn and I bought some fresh mozzarella, tomato's and we picked some of our fresh basil to mix with those other ingredients. A little virgin olive oil and presto......we had a really good treat.
Jenn and I planted an small herb garden. We have basil, oregano and parsley from plants we purchased. We also bought seeds for dill and chives.....so far we have not seen any growth from those two herbs. I may have to go in search of plants that have already started or I may not have any fresh dill or chives.
Maybe I can call the Dept. of Agriculture and tell them to pay me not to grow those herbs......don't they sometimes pay farmers not to grown crops??
Back to the basil.....the smell of it was heavenly. I might even try making some pesto. Yankee candle should come out with candles that smell like Basil or Garlic and Onions cooking with some virgin olive oil......how do you know which olives are virgins for the olive oil?????
Anyway, as I go to work each morning and when I come home at night......I check on my little herb garden.....I feel accomplished. Now if only those little chive and dill seeds would do their thing and start to grow......
Can I get a tax write off by calling myself a farmer???? Probably not.....
Jenn and I planted an small herb garden. We have basil, oregano and parsley from plants we purchased. We also bought seeds for dill and chives.....so far we have not seen any growth from those two herbs. I may have to go in search of plants that have already started or I may not have any fresh dill or chives.
Maybe I can call the Dept. of Agriculture and tell them to pay me not to grow those herbs......don't they sometimes pay farmers not to grown crops??
Back to the basil.....the smell of it was heavenly. I might even try making some pesto. Yankee candle should come out with candles that smell like Basil or Garlic and Onions cooking with some virgin olive oil......how do you know which olives are virgins for the olive oil?????
Anyway, as I go to work each morning and when I come home at night......I check on my little herb garden.....I feel accomplished. Now if only those little chive and dill seeds would do their thing and start to grow......
Can I get a tax write off by calling myself a farmer???? Probably not.....
Squeezing Into Small Spots
I had just finished my water aerobics class.....60 minutes of constant motion and a lot of cardio. Move, move, move, kick, kick, kick, swim, swim, swim and on and on....
I feel like a worn out dish rag as I exit the pool. I got changed and was happy to be heading home....
Then I get to my car.....
Some jackass has decided the white line between our cars is where his tires should be!!!!
I can barely open the door to the second seat to put my wet towel and bathing suit in the car.
Now I have to get myself in the car. There is no way my door is going to fully open.....damn!! I look at the other side of the car......I could get in on that side and climb over into my seat but then I have to climb across the center console and the shift.....won't that make a pretty sight.
Jenn has already left the parking lot.......I think about calling her to come back and give me a hand.
Then the most amazing thought came into my head..........maybe I could actually fit through that small area and get in the car!!!! WOW.....that hadn't even entered my mind. I am so conditioned to saying I can't do this or I can't do that.......that it never occurred to me I could do this......
Now I am not going to say it was easy or looked very pretty but guess what.....I got in the car!!!! I won't go into details about how I squeezed myself through that small spot but the bottom line is......I did it!!!!
Not that I want to do that again soon but at least for that second......I knew I had done something I wouldn't have been able to do a year ago......and that makes me happy!!!!
I feel like a worn out dish rag as I exit the pool. I got changed and was happy to be heading home....
Then I get to my car.....
Some jackass has decided the white line between our cars is where his tires should be!!!!
I can barely open the door to the second seat to put my wet towel and bathing suit in the car.
Now I have to get myself in the car. There is no way my door is going to fully open.....damn!! I look at the other side of the car......I could get in on that side and climb over into my seat but then I have to climb across the center console and the shift.....won't that make a pretty sight.
Jenn has already left the parking lot.......I think about calling her to come back and give me a hand.
Then the most amazing thought came into my head..........maybe I could actually fit through that small area and get in the car!!!! WOW.....that hadn't even entered my mind. I am so conditioned to saying I can't do this or I can't do that.......that it never occurred to me I could do this......
Now I am not going to say it was easy or looked very pretty but guess what.....I got in the car!!!! I won't go into details about how I squeezed myself through that small spot but the bottom line is......I did it!!!!
Not that I want to do that again soon but at least for that second......I knew I had done something I wouldn't have been able to do a year ago......and that makes me happy!!!!
Diminishing Our Accomplishments
You put on a new top that looks good......you put on an old top that looks better than the last time you wore it......you get a compliment.......what is your response.....I always say something like "Oh, this is 9 years old and I just found it in the back of the closet".
Why can't I accept a compliment?
Why when I have done something worthy of note, do I feel a need to make it not sound like a big achievement?
Why is it I won't give myself credit for the good things I am doing?
When will I feel it is OK to accept the praise or compliment and just say thank you without attaching an excuse or playing it down?
I am doing some pretty special things these days.....my workouts at the gym.....just keeping up my visits to the gym several times a week.......getting up early on Sunday to go to the gym (part of that is to avoid the families with young children).....eating veggies til they are coming out my ears......working it so I can have lunch with a friend and not ruin the rest of the day.....in fact working the rest of the day so I can enjoy lunch with my friend.......volunteering to do the weeding in front of the house and spread out the ant killer instead of asking someone else to do it.......
Any of these activities might not seem worthy of note by anyone else (see here I go again with the minimizing thing....uuuggghhh).....but to me it is more activity than I used to do before....
I do feel good about it......so why do I not feel comfortable when others point it out to me....well just another thing to work on.....
Say something nice to me and I will try to say a simple "thank you" without any additional commentary....well at least I will try.....
Why can't I accept a compliment?
Why when I have done something worthy of note, do I feel a need to make it not sound like a big achievement?
Why is it I won't give myself credit for the good things I am doing?
When will I feel it is OK to accept the praise or compliment and just say thank you without attaching an excuse or playing it down?
I am doing some pretty special things these days.....my workouts at the gym.....just keeping up my visits to the gym several times a week.......getting up early on Sunday to go to the gym (part of that is to avoid the families with young children).....eating veggies til they are coming out my ears......working it so I can have lunch with a friend and not ruin the rest of the day.....in fact working the rest of the day so I can enjoy lunch with my friend.......volunteering to do the weeding in front of the house and spread out the ant killer instead of asking someone else to do it.......
Any of these activities might not seem worthy of note by anyone else (see here I go again with the minimizing thing....uuuggghhh).....but to me it is more activity than I used to do before....
I do feel good about it......so why do I not feel comfortable when others point it out to me....well just another thing to work on.....
Say something nice to me and I will try to say a simple "thank you" without any additional commentary....well at least I will try.....
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