The Best Gift of Christmas........

I know it sounds crazy but I recieved a Christmas present Wednesday night in the mail that tops anything I could or have ever gotten for Christmas.  Yes, I love getting gifts......call me shallow.  Whether it be a new pocketbook or an Amazon gift card.......I love them all.  BUT last week I got a gift to top all gifts.......

What is this special gift you may be asking........

it's a pillow.

Why on earth would a pillow be so special????

The material was found in my Mom's apartment when they were cleaning her things out after she passed away last New Year's Day.  My sister-in-law took the material and hoped to do something special with it.  I am not sure what Mom had planned to do with the material.  My sister is pretty sure she was going to make something for her three greatgrandaughters......what a wonderful thought!!!!

My sister-in-law, Terry, gave the material to her Mom.  Terry's Mom, Jeannie,  made 4 beautiful pillows (one for each of my Mom's four children).  She hand stitched and quilted the material into a beautiful pattern blending the 2 different materials.  The finished product is beautiful.

When I saw the pillow and read the note my brother wrote with it.......I was reduced to tears.....not just a few tears but a major cry fest......I couldn't stop.  I held the pillow, touched it like it was made of the finest hand spun silk and kept running my hand over it.  I wrapped my arms around it and put my head down on it.  I smelled it hoping for a hint of Mom's perfume but sadly there wasn't any. 

I see Mom as I watch Jenn in the kitchen making chocolate chips.  I see Mom in the ornament my sister gave me last year that was from Mom and Dad's tree.  I see Mom in the bow I tried to tie on the wreath on my front door.....trying to copy the way she did it for my front door wreath just 2 short years ago.  I see her all over the place and in my heart......just not here in my home like she was a short time ago.

But now I have a pillow........bits of material lovingly sewn together.

No doubt the best gift of Christmas........a part of Mom. 

The Way Things Are Supposed To Be

I have written quite a few entries about my Mom during the last year.  I have talked about what I had learned from her, the kind of person she was and how I feel about her no longer being here for me to talk to or hug or go to for advice.  But this is the way it should be.........children bury their parents. 

What happened at that elementary school yesterday.......so against the natural order of things.  Children should be safe at school, teachers should not have to hide their students from a shooter and most of all.......parents should not have to bury their children.  Cheryl and Mike lost Maria to a terrible disease.  They had no control over the ultimate outcome.  They did all they could for her.  They were with her when she passed.  The parents of those young children had no idea that when they said goodbye to their children yesterday morning it would be for the last time.  Like most of you the news devastated me.  So young with so much in their future.  You wonder how could this have happened........why would God allow it?? But strangely next you find yourself praying to God.....for the children, for the parents and for us.  If watching the news has brought me to tears and I do not know any of the victims personally there is no way I can even begin to fathom the pain those parents are experiencing. 

The pain I have felt these past 11 months since Mom left us is justifiable but is they way life is supposed to be.  Did I want more time with her? Yes.  Do I miss her everyday? Yes.  Do I wish for one more phone call or conversation with her? Yes.  Am I looking at a life of unfulfilled dreams? No.  Mom had a good life and lived 75 years.  But those children.......so much that was yet to come for them........

The Christmas lights I so enjoyed just a few days ago have gotten dimmer.  We have not turned on our outside Christmas lights the last few nights in silent tribute to those lost lives. 

I have friends who are teachers.  I have always known their jobs are more than the hours in the classroom.  Their jobs are not just the long summers off.  They have an impact in the life of each child that enters their classroom.  Yesterday, they showed us they were hero's who put their students lives ahead of theirs........

Missing Mom....yes but it is me being selfish that I wanted more time with her.  But I don't look at her life thinking I wish she had gotten to.......

Those parents.......they have so many never get to's.........

Those teachers.........unselfish and brave........

While the lights of Christmas may seem a little dimmer now........the stars in the sky are somehow much brighter............with 26 new stars.......

So Mom Was Right About Some Things......

More and more I am finding out some of the things my Mom told me were right....LOL....what a surprise.....

For years I have been the queen of ironing.  Mom would say just set the buzzer on the dryer and if you take out your clothes right away you won't have to iron them.  Did I listen....no.  Not until this year......now I do put the buzzer on and guess what???? I have so much less to iron on Sunday's.

Mom would tell me to shop at the Dollar stores for shampoo, cleaning supplies and other items.  I didn't listen and kept going to Walmart and Publix.  A few weeks ago I decided to go to Family Dollar store.  What an eye opening experience!!!! I can't believe the great prices, they took my coupons and I got $5 off a purchase of $25.  OK I am hooked......and Mom was right!!!! LOL !!!!

Mom said the happiest times of her life with Dad was when they didn't have a lot.  She said she loved when it was special to go out to dinner. Later in life they went out to dinner every Saturday night.  Mom said she loved the "hungry years".  I honestly feel I haven't lost the ability to be grateful for what I have and  I do appreciate the small things......like a working washing machine.

Pray....she didn't tell me how to pray......she knew I had moved away from the formal religion thing BUT I do pray each night to give thanks for the day I had.  I also pray in the morning to give thanks for waking up to another day.  I also pray on the way to work that the day will go well and I will handle things the best I can.

Try to help others when you can.  We adopted 2 families for Christmas this year.  I said a few weeks ago I have everything I need but like everyone else there are always other things that you wouldn't mind having.  Jenn and I shopped and shopped yesterday for the two families.  We had fun and loved the gifts we chose.  I can picture the children waking up Christmas morning to the items we selected.  Good advice from Mom.

Two years ago this week, Mom came here for her last visit to my house.  She cooked and sewed.  Went to a Christmas show and drove through a great light display.  She baked cookies.  And we talked and talked and talked.  She survived my house being flooded and a car jacking victim being dumped in my cul-de-sac.  And due to a winter storm up north we were lucky enough to have her some additional time.  In fact, on New Years Day my sisters family brought Mom from their house to mine for the day.  We had the traditional southern New Year's dishes,  pork, collards, black eyed peas and cornbread.  I guess it was a blessing that I didn't know our time together was running out.  If I had known by the next New Year's Day she would be gone I couldn't have let her go........

I will admit I have been really struggling these last few weeks without her.  I will text a  friend now and then and say how much I miss her.  All  of my friends have responded with kindness and compassion.  I fight the sadness each day but sometimes I wish I could just climb into bed and pull the covers over my head and not get out of bed until January 2nd.  I know that is not realistic but that's the way I feel.  When I was out shopping last weekend with Jenn I saw a daughter about my age pull up in a parking spot with her Mom (about Mom's age) I was green with envy.  I wanted to run over and say to the daughter appreciate every second you have together.  Then I saw another older lady walk by and I said to Jenn"Why didn't Nannie get to live to be that old?" and I burst into tears.  I know she would not want me to be so sad but there is a giant hole in my heart,  I know in time it will heal and the next few weeks will be the hardest part of the year to get through.....just three more weeks of holidays.  I can do it........and I will try to find some joy along the way......the joy may come partly from the memories of holidays past with Mom and Dad ........

I know how lucky I was to grow up in a house where Christmas was filled with a magic some people never get to experience.......and it is the memories of those times that will keep me warm and get me though the next few weeks........

From Sunday to Saturday ......a week full of ups and downs

Last week had it's ups and it's downs......downs that were not all bad. 

Sunday......
I had a chance to really look at all the birthday wishes and text's I received.  Facebook has connected me with so many people from relatives that live across the country to people who were in my class at P.S. 71 in the 60's.  And the Iphone I didn't think I would like.....I Love!!!  Getting text's from friends.....so much fun!!  We put up the tree and it looks great!!!  We watched the Giants win so it was a good football week-end for us!!

Monday......
Back to work after a long week-end....ugh!! Add month end to it.......double ugh!!! Long days....walking into the office at 8:30 and on a good day walking out less then 12 hours later.  It is the nature of the mortgage business.  Month end and Hurricane Sandy has made my world just that much more interesting.  My team covers New York and so many of my teams customers/loans were impacted by the Hurricane.  Thank goodness I love my job!!!

Wednesday.......
Each year we hang a small tote bag my friend made me in the kitchen.  We put the Christmas cards in it as the arrive.  When I picked up the bag there were some old cards in it.  I pulled them out of the bag and went through them.  You guessed it.......one was from Mom.  She wrote about the joy of the season and the wonderful memories of Christmas past including ones with my Dad (who I think was the King of Christmas).  The lump in my throat was the size of a grapefruit.  I tried not to cry as I touched the words she had written just 12 short months ago.   (Those are the hard times........the moments you don't prepare for and don't see coming).

Thursday..........
6 month Dr. visit to check my blood pressure.  I was actually going to avoid the visit because I was afraid of how high it might be.  OK a little more telling on myself.......something I haven't talked about before.......please do not think I am crazy........several years ago I wasn't feeling great.....headaches....run down.......but avoiding going to the doctor.....finally one night I woke up in the middle of the night and hear this booming voice in my room say"Go to the Dr. today!!".....so I went.......my blood pressure was 212/114......my Dr. told me I could have had a stroke on the spot......he put me on blood pressure med's immediately.  Since then I go every 6 months to have it checked.  Due to exercise, healthier lifestyle and taking better care of myself he is going to start taking me off some of my med's in May as long as my BP is as good as it was this week.......how good was it????? The first time they took it with an electric cuff it was 112/54......then they took it the old fashioned way at it was 122/64.  Either way it was great!!!!! I never told my Mom about my blood pressure years back or the voice I heard. She would have worried about my BP and  told me who the voice was.........well....... I think I already know who it was......122/64......I am loving it!!! Oh am my Dr. said I was a boring patient.....no complaints no issues.....

Friday.......
a killer day at work.......I didn't get home until 11:15 PM....yes PM......what ever happened to bankers hours?????

Saturday.......
Up early to take the dog for his weekly ear cleaning....$10 a week......I can't do it myself since my dog has been known to bite the hand that feeds him.....so now I spend more a month to have the damn dogs ears cleaned than go to the gym for a month....go figure.
I also bought a gas card at Publix....it cost $40 for a $50 gas card.  I am starting to buy them so our trip to Missouri won't kill us in the gas tank department.  I had already spent over $50 on groceries which was the requirement so why not start stocking the gas cards away.
Jenn and I also got our CWP's in the mail.  Nothing says Christmas in South Carolina like going gun shopping...LOL.

Saturday would also have been Mom's 76th birthday.  I thought about her a lot during the day.  But it's funny finding the Christmas card earlier in the week was in some ways harder than her birthday.  Like I said it's those unexpected moments that sneak up on you......

Well......that was the week.

This week I am looking forward to finally having my washing machine up and running!!! It has been 4 long weeks waiting for it to be repaired.

I am going to try and enjoy the fact that the house is decorated both inside and out.  In fact right now while I type this I am looking at our beautiful tree........I am going to try and find time to enjoy the season.........

See you next week.......

Thanksgiving, Black Friday and my Birthday

I only got out of my pj's on Thanksgiving long enough to take a shower and then back in the jammies until it was time to leave the house to shop at 10:30 at night.

It was a relaxing day.  Jenn and I had a nice dinner and I even made her real mashed potato's.  I always took the easy way out and made instant.  After dinner, I was just getting comfy when Jenn reminded me it was time to get ready to shop.  We have gone Black Friday shopping for years and this was not the time to break tradition. We left the house at 11:00 and headed to Target.  It wasn't too bad there since they had opened at 9.  Then we headed to Kohl's.  The line was in front of the store, down the block and around the store.  We waited for the store to open and went in after the line was gone.  It wasn't horrible inside but when it came time to go to the cash register we found out where all those people had gone.......it took over an hour to get to the register's. We got home at 2:30.  The alarm clock went off at 5:45 and we were back out shopping by 6:30.  By noon we were home.  Done until next year.....

We decorated the outside of the house and Jenn loved my "if the whole set of lights isn't working ....pitch it out" mood.  By the time we were done, the 5 bins of decorations was down to three.....not bad.

My birthday was fun.  Jenn has gotten very good at knowing what I like.  A few weeks ago she asked me about what gift did I want as a kid that I never got........the game Mystery Date.  And what my favorite toy was.......Coloforms Miss Cookie's Kitchen.  She got me the 1965 version of Mystery Date.  The only thing that might have changed is I told her getting the nerdy guy might not be too bad since it could be Bill Gates.  She found me Miss Cookie's Kitchen on e-bay but when the bidding got up to $40 she dropped out.......good thing she did or I would have had a fit.  She also got me a sign that said remember to dream.  I love that!!!! There were also some pineapple themed items which reminded me of Mom.  Mom's wind chime kept ringing all day and made me think of her.  We had sandwiches from Publix while we watched the Carolina/Clemson game and each had a cupcake for dessert.  All in all not a bad day.

Tomorrow or since it is now almost 2:00 AM....today, we will decorate the inside of the house and tree.  Hard to believe Christmas is just 4 weeks away.....

I thought a lot about Mom these last few days......on Thanksgiving and how the whole family used to gather and somehow she would get the turkey and every vegetable out to the table hot and ready to eat.  On my birthday......I thought of her as the almost 19 year old Mom, of the cards she sent each year, her birthday phone calls and how hard it was this year without her.  I am dreading her birthday next week, Christmas and the New Year when she will have been gone a full year.  The last few weeks have been so hard, I have broken out in tears at the drop of a hat thinking about her.  The sound of her wind chimes does remind me she is still here.  I am sure my neighbors would think I was crazy if they heard me saying "Hi Mom" some days when I either am leaving the house or returning home.   The chimes blowing in the gentle breeze reminds me she was here.........I just wish I could have one more conversation, one more hug, one more smile......but then again would that be enough.....probably not.......I would still want more......

And Now The Hot Water Heater?????

Two weeks ago, I mentioned a chain of repairs that kept having to be done and the bills that they have created.  I was hoping it would slow down.....no such luck.

Last Sunday morning,  Jenn took the newspapers to the recycle bin.  She came in and said "Mom I hate to tell you this but there is a large puddle of water under the hot water heater".  OK I e-mail the home owners warranty company again.  By Tuesday, I still hadn't heard from them so I called them.  They said they hadn't gotten my order so they took it over the phone.  Now,  I already have a washing machine that doesn't work .....I sure don't need the hot water heater to go too.  The repairman called Tuesday night and said he could come by the house Wednesday between 3-5. I couldn't be home at that time and the hot water heater is in the outside storage room, he said to just tape a check to the hot water heater.  So that's what I did......

The repairman was running late, Jenn was here when he showed up.  Fortunately, it was not the hot water heater, it was one of the pipes over the hot water heater and it had a crack in it.  He fixed the pipe and we were good to go. 

When I got home.....there was a letter from my homeowners association telling me we had a violation.  Our shed needed to be power washed.   Well, I took a good look at it and yes, it does look like it is in need some TLC.....but right now?? I mean I am juggling the bills with Bob out of work and so far am making it work but these extra darn bills keep popping up.  I called the HOA and told them I would do something about it in the spring but I would not be taking care of it now.  I wasn't quite that nice and the words I used were far more colorful.  I can't wait for the management company to hear my message on Monday.  I did tell them if they felt strongly enough about it they could come and power wash the shed and pay for it themselves.  I can't wait to see what happens when they call me back.

Oh and remember that I have to take the dog to the vet once a week FOR LIFE to have his ears cleaned?  Well, Jenn noticed a rash on his stomach.....so now he is back on med's and the $5 I had budgeted for the weekly ear cleaning turned into $60 of course with a return exam in two weeks......well at least I can combine that visit with the weekly ear cleaning......

Maybe I shouldn't ask that the bills stop.......I am going to try reverse psychology and maybe my luck will change.........I am not going to say it can't get worse because as we all know........it always can.......

Protien Shakes, 14 Step Make-Up Application and the Scale

In my quest to change things up a little, I now drink a protein shake on the way to work in the morning.  I bought the powder for the drink at GNC.  One serving has 25 grams of protein.  The first morning I tried to make it without my glasses.  I could barely make out the milk line on the shaker container.  Then I wasn't sure if one scoop was one serving or not.  I didn't see a  line on the scoop provided so I just used one scoop.  It was a chocolate flavor drink.  Once I had the two ingredients in the shaker bottle, I added the small ball that serves like a wisk to mix the two ingredients.  I wasn't thrilled about the 8 ounces of skim milk and then adding the powder..... I wasn't sure how it would taste but as I drove to work, I kept taking slugs and it really was not bad at all.  I don't know if it was psychological or not but I wasn't hungry all morning at work.  I am trying to work up to 100 grams of protein a day.....ugh......

I also once again tried yogurt.  I know it is good for me but for some reason I just haven't acquired a taste for it.  I need suggestions on which brand people like and how to get used to eating it.  I bought a plain or vanilla flavor and it had pomegranate flavor to mix with it but once I saw the expiration date was only a week from now I decided the taste was tainted.  I am sure it wasn't but that is the way my brain works.

I got one the scale after a week and I was down a few pounds on the scale......I may have been down anyway since I hadn't been on the scale in a few weeks.  Either way.....it was good news!!

Now the make-up thing.......a while back I went to a Mary Kay party.  I bought all kinds of make-up.  I had finally finished most of my old make-up so I was read to start using the new stuff........the problem was it involved using 14 different things.  Here was the order.......moisturizer for my face, hands, arms and legs.  Then primer on my face followed by under eye consealer, base coat and blush.  Next primer on my eyes, eyeliner, 3 shades of eye shadow, eye lash primer and mascara.  Lastly, lip primer and lipstick. 

I was given some free samples of hair gel and hair spray that will help volumize my hair, so that was another step added to the beautification process.  I really liked the gel and spray but it is more time I need in the morning......

I normally don't have an extra 20-30 minutes for hair and make-up application so now it means I have to get up earlier.  But I have also read  I need to get more sleep and that not getting enough sleep can also slow down weight loss..  So I need to go to bed by oh maybe 8:00.......the problem is most nights I am not home from work until then.....it is a vicious cycle.  But at least now I have my weight struggle figured out......it is because of the make-up.....

Another busy week....from elections to birthdays...

Last week, I started to wonder what is going on in my life......

Sunday, I was in my PJ's at 4:00 in the afternoon.  OK since when do I put on my pj's in the middle of the afternoon.  I guess I justified it by saying if it wasn't for the time change it would have been 5:00.  We watched the Giant game....which they lost. The funniest part was watching Jenn watch the game.She screams at the TV.  Yelling "fundamentals guys, come on fundamentals!!!!"   Yes, she comes from a family of football fans.  By the time she was two she knew the signals for clipping, offsides, time out and touchdown.  Jenn would be watching a game with us and someone would yell "that was a clip" and Jenn would give the appropriate signal.  Her cousin Jill is just as passionate about football.  Get those girls together in a room and watch out!!

Tuesday, Election Day......people were coming into work telling horror stories about the polls and how long they were taking to vote.  Things were a mess in Richland County where the polls closed at 7:00 and the last vote was cast after midnight.  I gave those people a lot of credit for standing in line all those hours to exercise their right as a citizen.  I arrived at my local polling place at 6:59:59 PM.  I was the last person on a very long line but I was home by 8:30.  As I entered the gym to cast my vote a news clip came across my IPhone that Romney had carried SC. It is hard to believe there were still people on line in Richland County SC when President Obama was declared the winner. 

A four day weekend!!!! I have vacation time I need to use before the end of the year so using time for a long week-end worked for me.

Thursday was Jenn's birthday.  We started it by dropping her car off to be repaired (a master cylinder needed to be replaced), next  a pedicure, the cupcake store, lunch, the supermarket to get steaks for dinner and then a break while Jenn taught her University 101 class.  After class it was off to Victoria Secret, American Eagle and Belk.  The stop at Belk was for her Frye boots.  Actually, it took 2 stops about 30 miles apart since the first Belk didn't have any Frye boots and the one 30 miles away did.  We left the house at 8:00 AM and didn't get home until almost 11 hours later......what a day.

Friday was a little more relaxed but did involve errands and the gym.

Saturday was the gym and college football. 

Today more errands and football. 

I was very good and didn't look at my blackberry once.  I only turned on my work laptop once and that was to delete e-mails so I would have hundreds of them when I go back to work tomorrow.  But the days flew.  The good thing is I only work 3 full weeks between now and the week of January 7th.  I can handle that!!!!

OK just one more note:  last week I wrote about needs vs. wants.  Under the wants I wrote I would like to have enough money for the next big repair bill that comes along.  This morning the washing machine stopped mid-cycle....ugh.  I do have a homeowners warranty so I left a message to schedule an appointment.  Hopefully, it will be fixed soon and for not much more than the service call.

In the last few months we have had to replace a water pump in the car,  the lawn mower overhauled, a sewer line replaced, pest control in for a treatment on the house, the outside of the house treated for termites and now the washing machine.  I also spent time on the phone with my insurance agent trying to find out why my homeowners insurnace premium is now more than my property taxes.....the answer was....... a claim I filed almost two years ago when I had a flood in my house.  Cha Ching Cha Ching ........  I know I promised not to complain last week and I am not complaining.....really I am not......but can someone just cut me a little slack in the repair and bills department.....just a little......please......

And I thought I knew what the week was going to be like...

When I wrote my blog last week month end at work and Halloween were all I really thought about for the week.

Over last week-end I had heard about "Sandy" but hadn't given it too much thought.  I mean how often does a hurricane hit NY?  They had already had Hurricane Irene last year.  I had Monday off and got a lot of things done that I had planned.  Around 3:00, I decided to look on the news and see how things were going.  I ended up sitting there for a long time watching what was going on......

I kept in touch with my family to see how they were making out.  Fortunately, no one was hurt.  Trees down on houses, broken windshields, noise sounding like jets were flying past their houses and no electricity.  Schools closed, businesses closed, no gas........

I remember getting cranky when I lived in NY and we didn't have power for 2 days.......talk about a wimp.....

Is there something wrong with me that I keep having to be reminded how lucky I am????

I have a roof over my head, I have a job I really like, no serious health issues, enough money to meet the monthly bills even with Bob out of work ( I have become very creative in the meal department) and a daughter who can make me laugh even when I don't want to (now that can make me crazy!!!).

I really have everything I need......maybe not everything I want.....

Needs and wants.......very very different.....

Needs:
roof over my head
enough $ to pay the bills
good health coverage
good health
a loving family
good friends
a good job

Wants:
extra $ in the bank
not to have to worry about the next big unexpected bill that rolls in (and you know they always do)
more time with my family

Dreams:
If I start on this list it would go on forever and you might think of me as shallow (hey I dream big!!!)

But once again after a week like this past one.....I come back to reality and thank God for what I do have and at least for this moment I am satisfied.   It has been a  humbling experience for me this week.......I am sure any of those people I watching this week after that devastating storm would give there eye teeth to have my life right now. 

And maybe I need to think about that more often........

Laughter is the Best Medecine....

OK this is one of those entries that Jenn would say "Oversharing Mom....Oversharing Mom!!"

Last night, I joined three friends for an evening at the theatre.  We went to see "Menopause The Musical".  Any of you ladies who have the chance.....go see it!!!! I haven't laugh so long, outloud and so much in ages.  It was 1 hour and 40 minutes of some of the funniest material I have ever heard. 

You know when you reach a certain age Mom has "the talk" with you.  Yes, I remember having "the talk" with my Mom.  I guess I was a little confused because when she asked me if I had any questions I asked "Do men know about this?"  OK Mom had to do some more explaining.  Ugh....

Well, why doesn't anyone tell me about the BIG M?  Huh?  Why not?

Yes, you notice the obvious changes but it's the ones no one tells you about that make you feel like you are losing your mind.  Then when you mention something to one of your friends they laugh and says it's menopause.  Your cranky it's menopause......trouble losing weight it's menopause......trouble sleeping......memory issues.....hot flashes.....night sweats.....you got it.....MENOPAUSE!!!!!

One day my boss and friend, Lisa, came up behind me at work while I was looking up the early stages of Alzheimer's Disease.  She asked why I was looking at that.....I told her I was worried about my memory.....she laughed and said........."It's Menopause."

On another occasion, I was having a hot flash in Walmart of all places......I did what every other sane (or insane) woman would do......I headed to the frozen food section and fanned myself with the freezer door.  Just as luck would have it a male friend I have known since high school was there shopping with his wife (OK so it was Dan and Kathy).  Poor Dan just happened to came down the aisle while I was fanning myself with the freezer door.  He made a big mistake and asked what I was doing?  After my head spun around three times in my best exorcist voice I said...."I AM HAVING A HOT FLASH!!!!!"  Let's just say he left the aisle very quickly.  Kathy, Dan and I have laughed about it since but that day I am sure he thought I was losing my mind.....and he may have been right!!!!

Now, I feel free to blame everything on the BIG M......the heat, the snow, the dog getting sick, the grass growing to fast......you name it and I know what to blame.

The musical last night put everything into perspective.  I am NOT losing my mind!!! I am normal!!!!The battles I am fighting are all part of the life of a mature woman!!!  Sharing the evening with several hundred women and a few brave men was so much fun.  My friends went on stage to joining the Menopause kick line at the end of the play......but you know me.....I didn't go onstage....I watched them and laughed and wished I had been allowed to take pictures.

OK Mom, I am mad at you......you never told me about this part of life......or maybe you tried to and I wouldn't listen because that only happens when you are old......LOL

Two more things.....when Jenn dropped me off at the play did she have to comment "there are a lot of younger people going to see the play".....she said it with such surprise like the only people who would go to see it would be ancient.  Well, in fact it was definitely funnier for people who have been through it.  The other thing was I stopped at the souvenir stand on the way out.  I almost bought myself a T-Shirt because it just screamed to me.......it only had 4 words one it.......IT"S ALL ABOUT ME!!!!  I may have to shop for it online.......

Those words have been my mantra these last few years.....why shouldn't I have a shirt that says it too!!!!!

The Small Things That Can Change Your Life....

I went to the gym early today.  I had a good workout in the pool.  I jogged and then took part in a water aerobics class with a really good instructor.  I stopped at Publix on the way home and found they had bags of veggies on sale for $1 each.  I bought 5 bags.....guess who will be steaming veggies and chicken tomorrow to eat this week.  Me!!!!

Trying to get my focus back......sometimes others can help you find it.  I called a friend the other night to tell her I had seen her son's Senior Speech on FB and I thought it was wonderful.  As we moved from one  subject to the next we finally hit something we have in common.......wanting to lose weight and get healthier.  Debra told me about her success since August with changes to her way of eating.  She shared some of the changes she has made.  I am going to try some of them out and I will report as I see some success.  Let's just say for now it involves a lot of protein, some yogurt (yuk), using Weight Watchers online faithfully and the pool at the gym.  I am OK with the protein and the pool.  I have to be better about using my WW online.  I love the app on my phone but I just have to plan.  I am going to try very hard to plan each night for the next day.  I have found the "I don't have to eat dinner every night" is also working well for me.  I like being able to come home from work and knowing I don't have to eat dinner. I think this may have been the shot in the arm or the kick in the ass I needed......we even texted each other today as part of a mutual support system.  So off I go again.....hey it has to work at some point doesn't it.

After all my running around this morning it was time to get home for football.  A 12:00 game is not my favorite but it is what it is.  We needed to win this game.  It was a decent game until one of the best players on the team had a devastating injury.  It is definitely the end of his season, I hope it is not the end of his career.  Last year, he was hurt and worked hard to recover and was ready to play again this year.  The NFL was definitely in his future.  One ugly play and it all changed.  If he can comeback next year he will.  While I was watching I saw something happen I had never seen before.......his team came out on the field to stand around him, patting him on the shoulder, hugging him.....then came the surprising part.......members of the opposing team came and joined in the group around the player.  As he was taken off the field on the cart there was a standing ovation for the player who had his face covered by a towel.....it was obvious he was in pain, devastated and crying.  In one second he went from an outstanding player to someone who may never take the field again.  The best part of this is hearing all the sportscasters and players say what a great guy he is....not what a great athlete that is a given........but in the world of sports here is a young man who keeps himself grounded and never made a fool of himself or did anything to embarrass the team.  Kind of like Derek Jeter in baseball. 

Two very different things but changes made in seconds......a phone call with a friend has given me ideas on things I can change.......and in a second a person's life possibly change forever.  I hope I can be like Marcus Lattimore and work hard to get to my goals the way he did in the last year to come back and play again. 

Two people inspired me this week....a dear friend and a young athlete......in two very different moments......I am ready.....as the Giants said last season as they went through the playoffs to the Super Bowl...."all in baby....all in!!!".....

This is What I Think....

I am starting to like the one entry a week as long as you don't mind me wandering from subject to subject.....if I feel there is something worthy of an entry all by itself I will do one.

The dog:
We had a wonderful dog named Salt.  We had him for 15 years.  When we had to put him to sleep it broke my heart.  We had gotten him for Jenn's 7th birthday.  He slept with us at night.  When Jenn was sick for weeks with mono in the 2nd grade she slept alot on the couch.  Salt slept on the floor next to her never leaving her side.  He didn't have a mean bone is him body.  He was a big mush!!!! It seemed logical to me that after having such a great experience with Salt we would get another Westie (White West Highland Terrier).  Well, as we have learned Salt was a unique Westie.  Our newer dog (he is 6 yrs. old), Jeter, is as our vet says a true Westie.  Stubborn, not always nice and basically gives us the finger on a regular basis.  He had a ear infection 2 weeks ago.  Because he is not always nice, we have to take him to the vet to let them give him his medication.  So the initial visit was $145 then $44 for the time he stayed at the vet's office each day, the $70 for the next week, $20 yesterday for an ear culture only to find out we have to bring him in each day this week so that is another $70 and then once this week is over we will have to bring him to the vet once a week to have his ears cleaned.  We tried to give him the ear drops oursleves but when the dog uses his paws and rips off the muzzle we put on him we have no option but to take him to the vet......or let him go deaf......


The Election:
OK my liberal relatives may hate me for saying this but this country has not had a great President since Reagan.  I loved him!!! He was an amazing leader.  I do respect the office of the President,  If  President Obama or former President Bush showed up at my house I would invite them in.  I hate the negativity of the campaigns....and no one is without fault!!! Watching the debate this week aggravated me.....I hate the smirks and snide remarks.  I can't wait for Election Day for all the nonsense to be over.  And I hope my guy wins!!!!! But I am grateful to live in a country where the transition of power is done peacefully.......that is what I love about the USA.

Changing Up Dinner:
I used to feel obligated to have a regular dinner each night.  Not anymore.  I eat what I feel like having,,,,a can of soup....a salad.....a peanut butter and jelly sandwich......a handful of pretzels.  I am sure I am eating less calories this way too!!!!  With the long days and late nights sometimes I would rather have a bowl of oatmeal than a steak....it is just easier and satisfies my hunger.  Why hadn't I thought of that before?  It makes so much sense and I love eating less calories

Being Homesick:
There are times I miss my family so much.  My brother was in a play the last few weeks,  I wish I could have been there to see him.  Other members of my family told me what a wonderful job he did.  Sunday's used to be the day the family got together to watch football....I miss that......I guess I shouldn't complain though with facebook and skype and facetime you can still catch up with everyone.  But I sure would like an afternoon with all of us in the same room cheering for the Giants.

Job applications: 
OK it not bad enough that most job applications are online so if you are not computer savvy that is a problem.  Then many do not even let you know that they have gotten your application.  And since when does every application not only ask employment history but they also have a questionnaire that can be up to 80 questions long with a variety of scenario's.  You have to give the best answer, the worst answer, you have to strongly agree or strongly disagree and on and on......hey folks this is not to be president of Apple or IBM this is to be a damn cashier at McDonald's or Lowes!!!!! Give me a break!!!!

Well, how is that for a variety of topics....dogs, politics, dinner and unemployment.......well I left out religion and sex otherwise I think I covered a lot.......I guess I will save those topics for another day. 

See you next week.....

Random Stuff.......

The last few weeks have provided a lot of material for this blog but to make every one's life easier it will just be this one entry.....so if I sounds like I am rambling.....I am.

Sports:
I love football.  I love Baseball.  I love the Gamecocks!! I love the NY Giants!! I love the Yankees!!  So this time of year is nirvana for me.  Except when.......we have a day like yesterday....ugh.... USC lost......Yankees lost and Jeter broke his ankle.  The Giants are on TV here this afternoon and the Yankees are on too at the same time......double ugh.......well at least with picture in picture I can keep up on both games.  Would someone in the TV scheduling department take my viewing needs into consideration???

The Fall;
I love autumn.  Pumpkins, Halloween, the sound of leaves crunching as you walk (OK that is not happening in South Carolina......we don't get that sound until if we are lucky Thanksgiving....maybe Christmas).  I love sweater weather.....where I live it is more like sweat weather for months on end.  This week it is supposed to be in the 70's.....that is fall for us!!! I drove by Lowe's last weekend and they had their Christmas trees and decorations out on display.  I love Christmas as much as the next person but can we at least get past Halloween before we trim the tree?

Work:
I love my job.  No, I do not sit at my desk playing on my computer all day as has been alluded to by some.  Unless you work in a mortgage operations job you have no idea of the stress, deadlines and pressure that makes up the job.  Friday was a humdinger of a day......problems, issues, rushes, goals and anything else that can make a day fly and your blood pressure go up.  I know everyone has parts of their job that is stressful and mine is no different.  By the time I left the office Friday, my brain was fried......I couldn't make one more decision. Tomorrow morning it is back up and at it again..........I can't imagine how it would feel if I hated my job.

Friends:
I am blessed with some wonderful friends.  They have helped me through what has been a difficult year.  I really make a conscious effort to not be negative about things in my life when I talk to them but sometimes I can't help it.  So, I apologize if I have been a downer to talk to.....I promise to try and do a better job!!!  Last week, my sister had something going on in her life that was pretty serious.  I was so happy when she told me a good friend (shout out to Sheila Miller) showed up to sit with my sister while Cheryl waited for am important decision. 

The Gym:
I have been letting my job come between me and the gym.....not good.  I have been getting there on the weekend but not the twice a week I had normally done.  Well this week....it is back on track.  I have to force myself to leave work and do what is good for me.  I am going to try and be flexible as far as what days of the week I get there and that may help.  Where is it written that I must go on Tuesday and Thursday.....why not Monday......why not Friday???? Back to a minimum of 4 times a week....no ifs ands or buts......promise!!!

The Weight:
I am in such a quandary about this......you would think after 3 years I would have this figured out.....but I am as confused about it all as I was almost three years ago when I started this journey.  I have tried resetting, refocusing, refiguring.......but I am still no where near where I should be......I still hate the way I look......I hate that others look at me as the fat lady......so maybe I still hate me.  But somewhere inside I still haven't given up......I can't give up......I need to believe.  I know people love me for who I am.  I know I have a lot to offer.  Part of what I have to do is love me......I am working on it!!   I heard a story that once someone asked Michelangelo about a sculpting he had done out of marble.  They said to him you created something beautiful.  He said it was inside all the time all I did was remove the excess pieces on the outside.  Maybe that's me.......I need to break away the outside so people can see what's inside of me.


The list above ......they are all things that are important to me (in no particular order). I didn't mention my family because they are stuck with me (sorry guys but dropping me in not optional...LOL).


So there you have it.....my random thoughts on this Sunday afternoon in October........

What A Difference A Week Makes

As I headed to work Monday morning, I knew it was going to be a week filled with stress.......

The last week of the month in retail mortgage is usually very busy.  My team was far from goal.  I had been out of the office the last two days of the previous week.  I had to take a test on a new management process that we had been taking classes, tests and practicing on since July.  If we didn't pass we would have to take the test again in 4 to 6 weeks. 

The week went pretty much as I expected.....crazy, busy, constant, stressful and exhausting.  Working late each night trying to get as many loans cleared to close as possible.  Coming home and studying for my test.  Oh and I had worked the past two Saturday's. 

By Wednesday, I felt like I was running on empty..........

Wednesday morning 9:00 AM.....time for the test.  One hour and 58 questions.  Each question was a few sentences long.  The multiple choice answers were each a sentence or two long.  It was just about all theory and situational questions.  You had to apply the theories learned in class to different scenario's.  The problem was .......so many answers were similar.  30 minutes.....15 minutes.....10 minutes....5 minutes....times up.  I looked at the other managers and they all had the same "what the hell was that?" look on their face!!!! We were expecting short multiple choice questions.....nothing at all like the test we just took. 

It is what it is ......back to work........back to trying to find loans to clear to close.

That night it was nice to go home and not have to study. 

Then the phone rang......it was 9:15.

Let me back up a little by saying the Chick-Fil-A that Bob works at was taken over by corporate a few months ago.  A new owner had just been brought in.  During the week, he has a person come in and interview the current staff. 

Well, the 9:15 at night phone call was to tell Bob he wouldn't have a job as of 10/1.  She said "they were going in a new direction".  This Chick-Fil-A....not Apple or IBM.......

Bob went to work the next morning at his scheduled time.  Some people never showed up. Some people came in and left.  Final count 17 out of 35 people lost their jobs.  Most of the long time and higher hourly rate people were gone.  Bob did work all his assigned hours and his job ended Saturday at 2:00. 

He was home about an hour when there was a knock at the door.  It  was one of the managers from his store who had also lost his job.  He and Bob had never been best buddies so his visit was a surprise.  He wanted to thank Bob for staying and working his hours.  He said Bob was the only one of the 17 to do that.

Back to Wednesday.....I stayed awake most of the night trying to figure out the household budget without the other income. We have been hit with some extra expenses lately so I am always trying to balance the budget...LOL....maybe I should work in Washington DC.

As I drifted off the sleep I thought "How much worse can it get?"

Thursday, my brother, George, called me at work.  I had just spoken with him on Wednesday so seeing his phone number pop up on my screen was a surprise.  He was calling to tell me my cousin, Gina, who I had just had a reunion with last month was sick.  She was diagnosed with cancer. I HATE CANCER!!!!!

I have been praying for her, her immediate family, her parents and siblings.  Gina has a fighting spirit and is going to give cancer one hell of a fight.  As her brother said ......"She is going to kick cancer's ass!!"

Suddenly all of my issues seemed so trivial.....not hitting goal for month end.....having to take a test.......even Bob losing his job.....in one short phone call all that took a back seat to what is most important.

I would appreciate it if you would stop for a minute and say a prayer for Gina and her family.



 

So How Was The Contest???

I feel like I just came back from a 40 hour marathon!!!

I arrived at the airport at 6:00AM and we took off right on time at 7:10.  I arrived in Philadelphia at 8:30 and the TD WOW van picked me up at 8:45.  There was never a doubt who I worked for as I saw the van pull up to the curb.  We went from the airport to downtown Philly to meet one of the other finalists, Scott.  The third finalist, Jayme was already in the van when I was picked up.  We were each given a goody bag and a gift bag.  The goodie bag had some snacks to bring along for the day.  The gift bag had one of those rubber cooking mitts, an apron, a camera and batteries.

We went to the Railway Market Station for a snack.  there were so many places to choose from.....fish stations, bakeries, cheese stops......you name it they had it.   

Next it was the Hop On Hop Off bus tour.  We stopped at several locations including Love park.....there is a statue of the word love......I was the only one mature enough (I hate to say old enough) to know the statue was the word love from Love Story.......we saw Betsy Ross's house......museums.....statue's....the Rocky steps and statue of Rocky.  I didn't climb the 70 plus steps since there was no railing and though going up might not have been a problem going down would have been scary.  We took a group photo by the Rocky statue (which is hollow and not really a statue but a movie prop).

Then it was a long lunch at Max Brenner's which is all about chocolate. Even the french fries have a dusting of chocolate powder on them.  OK I will admit I was very bad!!! I skipped lunch and went right for a Chocolate Malted......all I can say is YUM!!!!!

Next we were off to the catering hall.  We met the owners and the managers as well as the chef who assisted me.  For the life of me I can't remember his name so I just called him Chef.  The staff had already made their version of my cookies.  I made my batch.......I am not used to making a single batch so it didn't look like a lot to me but it ended up being enough.  When Chef asked me about using the mixer I told him I mixed by hand. He did say the idea of orange and chocolate was great.  He tatsted my cookies and said they were great....not too much orange. A few hours later we were done baking and it was on to dinner at a New Jersey diner.

By the time we got back to our hotel......I was exhausted.

On Friday, we started our day at 9:00.  We got to participate in a WOW visit with hats, boa's and confetti.  Next it was a meeting with the WOW team about ideas for how to handle WOW events. 

Finally, it was time for the competition.  There was a table in front of each of use with the dessert baked by the caterer and the one we made with a sign in front of ours that said for display only.  There was also a framed version of our story including the photo's we had sent in.  We were introduced one by one and had to get up and tell our story and answer some questions posed to us by the emcee.  My biggest concern besides shaking as I held a microphone and trying not to sound like I was terrified was carrying a tray with the cookies for the judge from my table to the judges table.  I kept thinking "don't trip, don't trip". I told my story and tried not to sound too nervous..  When the emcee asking why I had entered the competition I told him about stepping out of my comfort zone.  Then after a few minutes the winner was announced.  I came in third.  The person who won ............his cupcakes were amazing!!!!  We were interviewed for an article on the company website and also did a video interview for the company TV.  The biggest surprise for me was the President of TD Bank was at TD University for a meeting and he came to meet the contestants and try our desserts.  He took pictures with us and was very personable. 

We went out to dinner and then back to the airport.  Whew!!!! I was exhausted.  The flight home was smooth. Usually when I am on a plane I do not speak to anyone but the gentleman next to me struck up a conversation and before I knew it the wheels were down and we were back in Columbia.

The staff from the WOW Dept. said it was their goal to make us feel like VIP's for 2 days and that is actually how it  felt.

Well, the party is over and tomorrow it is back to reality.  Will I enter another TD contest?  Probably yes.....what are the chances that lightening will strike twice???

Way out of my comfort zone.....absolutely.........but I survived it and yes there were moments when I actually forgot to be scared and enjoyed myself.

And all due to a simple chocolate chip recipe........thanks Nana and thanks Mom!!!!!

500 Hundred Posts and 11,000 views

It is hard to believe I have passed those 2 milestones in the title of this entry.!! I started writing this blog in March 2010.  Knowing that I have come up with 500 topics in that time surprises even me.  What is even more wonderful is knowing that the entries all together have been viewed over 11,000 times (I even have my views removed from the count so as to not throw off the statistics). 

So much has changed since my first entry and so much has not changed too.......

The changes......

I lost my Mom just 9 short months ago.....sometimes it feels like a million years ago and sometimes it feels like yesterday.  Mom loved autumn.  It was her favorite season of the year.  She used to say she loved the fall because it made her think of my Dad who also loved the fall.  It is hard heading into her favorite season knowing she will not be here to share it with........I can't even begin to imagine getting through the rest of the year without her.  I have such wonderful memories of how special she made Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  She loved football season.  She loved baking.  She loved.......

I changed jobs 13 months ago.  Absolutely the right thing for me.  Although I had to leave some very good friends at my old job, my new job fits me much better.  I am back doing the thing I love most.......sounds weird to hear someone say that about retail mortgage huh??  TD has a small company feeling and I believe really cares about their employees.  I have yet to get up in the morning and say "I don't want to go there!!"

I went on my first real vacation in almost 30 years.  The problem with doing that is now I want to do it again.  Hhhhhhmmmmm.....where to next??

I can  now jog several miles in the pool and now know how to use an elliptical.  I kept up my gym membership and still go on a regular basis.  I am still shooting for a 1/2 marathon in the pool before the end of the year.

I have been fortunate enough to see all of my immediate family and some of my extended family during the last year. 

My overall health has improved.  I feel better physically and mentally.  I have learned that are a lot more things I can do than I can't do. 

The not changes........

I am not any where near as far along in my weight loss journey as I had hoped or dreamed. 

My self confidence is not where it should be.

I still have to think about sometimes a zillion times before I make a decision

The want to changes:

Weight, weight and weight.....

Confidence, confidence, confidence......

More trips out of the comfort zone....

Here's to the next 500 entries and 11,000 views......

Thank you for joining me on this ride.......I love having the company!!! 

I Won What and Am Going Where??

My Mom always said to pray specific or you never know what you may end up with.....as you all know I have been trying to get out of my comfort zone.  Well let's just say my prayers are being answered in ways I didn't expect.  Stepping out of my comfort zone?  This entry will show you how far I am going whether I like it or not!!!!

Let me start by saying if there was a raffle and only one ticket was purchased and it was purchased by me.....I wouldn't win the raffle.  I could buy a million lottery tickets and never win a single dollar. I am just not lucky.........

My company occasionally runs contests for employees.  Last year, it was the best barbecue sauce,  This year, favorite dessert contest.  You had to send in your recipe and the story behind it.  On a whim, I sent in the family chocolate chip recipe. 

Here is what I said:

During World War II there were times when black outs would take effect. When one of the black outs was going to take place in New York, my grandmother read an newspaper article that said to try and make it a fun event for your children in order for them to not be scared. Grandma Raboni decided to make some cookies and make it a party atmosphere for her three children. And that is when the family favorite Chocolate Chip cookies were born (also know as Black Out Cookies due to the event for which they were created).

You need to know my Grandmother was an outstanding baker. Just give her some flour, sugar, butter and eggs and there was a million possibilities as far as what would come out of her kitchen. When my Mom and Dad were married in 1953, my Mom learned to bake from my Grandmother (her mother-in-law). Yes, the cookies were part of the lessons. One of my earliest memories of my Mom was sitting with her in the kitchen of our 5th floor Bronx walk-up apartment making those cookies. I in turn taught my daughter how to make the Chocolate Chips. Now whenever there is a family gathering, my daughter, Jenn, is expected to bring the cookies.

It has been 70 years since the first batch came our of Nana's oven. They are a family tradition and no get together or holiday would be complete without them. Although my Grandmother and my Mom are gone, when my daughter and I are in the kitchen baking these cookies, I am sure there are two other people present in the room watching us measure and mix the batter. The smell of them baking alone can transport me back in time to that small kitchen in the Bronx.

I then gave them the recipe.

Guess who is one of the finalists??? Here I am with some coworkers WOWing me.....TD does this when they have an employee that has done something special.  Can you tell the company colors are green and purple??

I received a call I am one of three finalists from the whole company.  GREAT you might say.....read on....

This Thursday I will be on the 7:00 AM flight to Philadelphia.  When I land at 8:30AM, a TD representative will be there to greet me.  From there we hook up with the other finalists and spend a fun day touring, meeting other TD rep's, lunch and dinner out.  Then we go to a catering hall where each of the three finalists will be paired with a chef.  I will have to make one batch of the cookies while the chef watches.  Then the chef will  make more to serve at the competition on Friday. 

Friday will be more running around and events.  At 12:30, each of the finalists will have 10 minutes to present their desserts to the judges.  There will also be a lot of other TD employees at the event.  By 1:00PM we will know who takes first, second and third place.  There are prizes for each finalist.  Then it is out to dinner and by 8:30 PM I am on a plane back to Columbia.

I hate to fly........I don't like not knowing what I am doing next.......I never feel confident enough that I can win anything......and although I love the family chocolate chips I can tell you the competitions desserts sound wonderful.  I thought several times today about how I could bow out gracefully.....there is now way.....trust me if there were I would have found it!!!

So off I go to Philly......somewhere my Mom is laughing at me...... I am also sure she will be with me this week as I take on a new challenge.  I will let you know how it goes when I write my entries next week.

Wish me luck......I am so scared........

Annie Oakley Returns....

Once again if you hate guns, or people owning them or don't agree with the 2nd amendment skip this entry......I promise there won't be another gun entry for a while after this one.

Last Sunday, Jenn and I were up bright and early.  We headed to Lexington Gun and Shooting Range with our friend Debbie for our Consealed Weapons Class. It was 8 hours long.

We spent the first part of the day learning about guns, ammo, the parts of guns and how to handle guns safely.  Then we went to the range. Out of the 14 ladies in our class there were only 4 (including Jenn and me) who hadn't brought their own gun. Jenn shot in the first group and scored 47/50.  I was in the second group and scored 42/50.  You shoot at a variety of distances 3 ft, 5ft, 7 ft, 10 ft, 12 ft and 15 ft.  When we were first told the distances, I thought that doesn't sound too bad but 15 ft is further away that I thought.  At the 15 ft distance I couldn't tell if I had hit the target or not.....

After our lunch break, it was all about South Carolina laws.  Where you can carry and where you can't.  I was amazed at the very strong feelings people have about the 2nd amendment.  Several times I waited for an American flag to drop from the ceiling while a resounding rendition of "God Bless America" was sung by Kate Smith (OK I know that comment really shows my age). 

By the end of the day.......I had been fingerprinted, passed my shooting test, passed the written test and had handed in all my paperwork for processing with sled for my CWP.

Definitely not the way I would have ever thought about spending a Sunday years ago...but another item gets crossed off my bucket list.

This Is A Break From Work???

I took a few days off from work.  I had all kinds of ambitious plans.  Cleaning out closets, scrubbing down some of the house and maybe just maybe sitting on the front porch and reading.   The best laid plans......LOL.

Some of you might remember a time when I took some time off from work and ended up with a flooded house, a mouse issue and a car jacking victim on my front porch.  Nothing quite that extreme took place on my recent days off but lets just say no closets got cleaned out and the bathroom did get scrubbed before the plumber showed up.

Yes, I said plumber....

Here is part of my problem......I don't think things can be fixed and I ignore things until I have to deal with them.

I have heard this noise like water running in the bathroom when there was no water on, I hear a noise like air in the lines when someone flushed the toilet and sometimes when someone flushes the toilet I hear a gurgling sound in the kitchen sink.  Not good signs.......

I continued to ignore them.......until when you flushed the toilet the gurgling was happening in the bottom of the toilet.....clean water was there but there was that gurgling sound. 

I  broke down and called the plumber.  He said he would be at our house on Thursday.  So of course I felt like all the water sounds were magnified and I kept on expecting a rush of water flowing throughout the rooms in my house.

Next there was the smell.........not from the bathrooms........from our coat closet. Jenn noticed it and then asked me to check the closet.  Yes.....there was a weird smell.  We ended up on Wednesday taking everything out of the closet and smelling and opening boxes......cautiously.  The coats, shawls and sweaters in the closet had picked up "the smell".  We took all the clothes and put them on the front porch.  Over railing and rocking chairs.......it looked like a yard sale was going on.

Next call was to the pest control company that had handled our mouse issue.  They also came on Thursday.

The pest control report.....something died in the wall and the smell should go away in a few weeks.  No point in cutting our walls open.  They put more bait in the attic and storage rooms "just in case". 

The clothes stopped smelling and we moved them into the living room right before a big rainstorm. 

They are still sitting in the living room along with all the boxes from the closet......as the smell continues to fade.  There also has been a bowl of distilled white vinegar in there to absorb the smell.

As far as the plumbing issues......

the running water was fixed in 10 minutes by the plumber with some new parts in the toilet tank.


The other noises.........ugh.......all it took was replacing part of the sewer line outside our house but unfortunately on our property. 

Well, it is all fixed now.......cha ching cha ching........

I no longer have visions of water flooding my house........

I am better off staying at the office......what scares me is I still have a lot of time to take off before the end of the year.......I hope my wallet can handle my Paid Time Off !!!!!

More Trips Out of the Comfort Zone

In the ever expanding quest out of my comfort zone I have two more things to add to the list........

Last night Jenn and I went to a going away dinner for the Mom of our friend who taught our Italian class last year.  Maria is heading back to Italy.  A wonderful person who loved trying to help us with our Italian.  She and Jenn always managed to figure out what each other was saying...LOL.  A former pastry chef....she would make wonderful treat for our classes and spent one evening teaching how to make lasagna from scratch (including the pasta itself and the sauce) and then we made tiramsu too....yum!!!!

Anyway, last night was her farewell dinner.  Jenn and I drove to a place we hadn't been to before.  We sat with people we didn't know and even had a language barrier in some cases.  We ate in a large screened patio with live music.  Jenn and I shared our meal.....which was quite good. 

For me to go someplace I have not been to before, with people I did not know was a big thing for me!! The old Donna would have begged off or made an excuse not to attend. But I felt it was right to go and say goodbye.  Another big step for me......

Here is another example of Donna changing......

This week I was in a training class and at the end they asked if one team would hold a short team meeting with a Senior Manager in attendance.  No one volunteered.  No one made eye contact with the person making the request.  The silence was deafening and awkward.  So you guessed it......I raised my hand and said I would do it.  Meanwhile in my head I was screaming " Have you lost your mind???? Don't volunteer!!! Pull your hand back down.....maybe no one saw you raise your hand".  But she did she see me wave my hand in the back of the room and Tuesday I will be hosting this Senior Manager.  Me..... the person who hates to stand out in a crowd and hates to talk in public.......

I am not sure what is happening to me........who is this person.......I am not really sure but I kind of like her......I am not sure what opportunities will be coming my way but I am going to do my best to make sure a grab each one of them as I can.......out of my comfort zone......it is nice to see I can still grow (inside that is).....I have been so focused on the physical and visual side of me (even though it is moving at a snails pace)......it is nice to focus on the mental side......be willing to try......not limiting myself......I have to tell you these last few weeks have been fun and yes freeing..........

Sundays and those Government Holidays

I am working on Monday.  Not all day.  From 8 -1.  No, it's not horrible that I am working...... a lot of people work the weekends and holidays.  And it is only for a few hours.

Thinking about working on Labor Day brought me back to a time when holidays were holidays and Sunday's were Sunday's.  Except for police, fire and hospital staff most of us had those days off.  There was no such thing as running to the mall (OK I have to admit there weren't malls when I was young......in fact I wasn't in my first mall until I was 14).  Supermarkets open on Sunday....no way.  You could go to a bakery on Sunday morning but by early afternoon they were closed.  You might find an ice cream parlor open but the world pretty much stopped.  Families spent the day together.....there were no other options.  We would do things as a family.....big Sunday dinners, take a ride in the car, go to the Beach or a park. 

I have become so conditioned to running errands any day I want that I actually get annoyed when I can't do something because they are closed on Sunday....like going to the post office to mail a package or going to some of the smaller stores that opt to close Sunday.

When I drive to work Monday I will be thinking about the holidays the way they used to be......a trip to Ferry Point Park or Orchard Beach or Lake Nanuet or having a barbecue.......I think we may have lost something as we have made things so convenient.........do kids still catch fireflies.........do they lay in the grass and look at clouds and figure out what their shapes look like......do they look at the starts at night........do they know what it is to go out and play all day long and get mad when their Mom tells them it is time to come in for dinner........

We may have gained something in the changes that has caused some of our holidays to fade into the background.........but I think we may have lost more......

Happy Labor Day Weekend!!!!



 

Curlers, A Blow, Dryer, A Curling Iron....and a Partridge In A Pear Tree...

As I continue on my attempts to make it appear that I have a lot of hair I am trying to shake up the preparation process.  Here is what I do:

1.  Shampoo hair
2.  Towel dry hair
3.  Put hair in curlers
4.  Wait about 20 minutes
5.  Use blow dryer on hair while still in curlers
6.  Spray some volumizer on at the base of my hair (sometimes)
7.  Take out the curlers
8.  Brush hair lightly with round brush
9.  Use curling iron
10. Use dry shampoo for more volume (I know I just washed my hair.....it is all about the volume!!!)
11.  Tease hair
12.  Use hair spray lightly
13.  Wait for hair spray to dry
14. Tease hair a little more
15.  More hair spray

I am lucky I make it to work by noon with what I do to my hair.  The sad part is most days I love the finished product but either it falls flat in about 10 minutes or I look like the late Phyllis Diller........I guess I should just accept my hair as it is .....thin and lifeless......but I can't help it.......I  want beautiful full tresses not beautiful full dresses......

Annie Oakley....I Am Not.....

Another entry to my "Donna tries new things" list......

I am giving fair warning that if you hate guns, do not believe in the 2nd amendment or are against people owning guns.....you might want to skip this entry.....you have been warned

Jenn and I went for a shooting lesson to get ready for our CWP class.  We are attending a Ladies Only class on September 9th.  Neither of us had ever shot a gun before so it was a little intimidating.  When we arrived at Lexington Gun and Shooting Range we met with our instructor, Elaine.  She spent some time going over the basics and asking why we wanted to get our CWP.  We sat in the classroom while she showed us various types of guns and ammo.  She taught us about which eye was dominant, how to hold a gun and spent a lot of time on gun safety.  After all of that was over she asked if we wanted to shoot.  We both said we would like to try it so off to the range we went. We put on our headsets to block out the noise of the range and eye protectors.  I volunteered Jenn  to go first.  Elaine put up the target, loaded then gun and reminded us of all the safety issues. 

Jenn got up and shot 5 times hitting the target each time.  I was next and my arms were shaking a little (ok a lot).  I did hit the target all 5 times too.  Then it was Jenn's turn again and then me.  We both felt much better having taken our first shots. As our instructor told us now our class will be easier because we won't be worried about holding a gun for the first time.  She said we will be able to concentrate more on the class.

Here are some pictures of us from the range......

Painting, family reunions, learning to shoot and the CWP class....I am about adventured out for now.....

Further Out Of My Comfort Zone....

Last week I had a real treat.....I was able to catch up with a cousin I hadn't seen in 25 years.  Her son, Ryan, had just graduated from Fort Jackson.  We hooked up at Rockaways....a local burger joint.  Jenn and I got there a few minutes early so we could snag a few tables and put them together.  After a few minutes Gina, Craig and their family showed up.  I met her daughter, son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter.  After a few minutes it was of we had just seen each other yesterday.  Jenn bonded with Sabrina over their love of collecting shot glasses.  Gina and I shared family memories.  It was nice for Jenn to meet some of my Mom's family.  When Ryan talked about where he had listed to be stationed he said his list included Italy, Hawaii, Alaska but not South Carolina.  I asked if he would want to be stationed here again.....he was very definite that South Carolina was not on his wish list.....what a surprise....LOL!!

It was fun evening that went way too fast!!

OK so you may be wondering why I titled this entry "further out of my comfort zone"??  Well, that is because about an hour before I was going to meet my cousin I almost called and said I couldn't make it.  Why?? Because of how I look......OK OK I know I know......I am a work in progress but there is that person in my head that keeps telling me I am fat and ugly.  I wasn't sure if Gina would even recognize me.  But then I thought about all the opportunities I have passed up because of how I feel about myself.   Well no more or at least I am trying to say no more......I have missed too many things because I am self-conscious and have had it drilled in my head I am worthless. 

I am learning I am worth something to someone.....ME!!!! Like I had said in an earlier post I am trying to say yes more and no less.....it is not easy but maybe after a while I won't have to hesitate before I say yes.  At least I hope I will.....I also need to think of all of the people who would have missed experiencing me....LOL.....now that would be a loss......

Donna the Artist

I have never been considered artistic.  My idea of a picture of someone is a stick figure.

Last week, as part of my Donna trying new things meant attending An Easel Evening with some friends.  It was held at a very cool old cotton mill that was converted to a restaurant.  There were at least 10 ladies in a section by ourselves.  At each place was an easel and a blank canvas.  We had a choice of painting daisies or a palmetto tree.  I chose the palmetto tree.  Next what colors did I want to use......I decided on Gamecock colors.  The I had a cocktail and then another to loosen up my creative juices....LOL.  I ordered an appetizer (no dinner) and water.  I didn't want to over do it in the creative juices dept.  Now I had to paint.  The instructor gave us the basic idea of what to do.  We selected our brushes and paints. 

Now I actually had to put something on the canvas.  There was a cutout of a Palmetto Tree that I traced.  I was even creative enough to put the top of the tree over to top of the canvas.  OK  I had traced the tree now I  had to paint.  In order to get the Gamecock garnet, I had to do several coats of the paint.  Meanwhile, I had to try an not paint over the outline of the tree.  Once I finished the background I had to paint the tree black.  I used some kind of a painting knife for that...I tried to make it look like the leaves of the tree were overlapping.  I also tried to make the trunk look rough like a real tree trunk would.

When I felt like I had done enough damage to the canvas I stopped.  I adjusted my easel and at that point the painting fell off onto me.  My green shirt was covered in blood red paint. Oh so that is why artists wear smocks???  I get it but it doesn't explain why they wear beret's.   I looked like I should be the corpse in an episode of Law and Order.  I tried to not look too embarrassed.  When we took our group photo I stood in the back so you couldn't see the red paint all over my top.

Soon, the class was over and I had the fun of trying to leave the mill without the patrons seeing my lovely stained shirt.......they might have thought I was part of a murder mystery dinner. 

Next month they are painting azaleas......not sure if I am up to that......I will be have to wait and see. I don't know how much creativity I can stand.  And I don't think it will ever qualify for an art show......at least not one I would want to be part of.......

So would you like to see my work of art????? Ok here it is......I call it "Gamecock Palmetto Tree".....

For those of you who would like one of these wonderful works of art for your own....please don't hesitate to contact me.  All it will take is a few cocktails and I can create it in no time!!!!

And here is a group shot of all the budding artists!!! Yes, I am hiding my paint stain in the second row......I wonder if Picasso had these problems???

Hallelujah......new rules at the gym pool!!!!

WOO HOO!!!!!!! I went to the gym and some of my prayers have been answered!!!!!!!!!!!  There was a notice on the entrance to the pool and the gym and the locker room........no one under 5 is allowed in the pool at all!!!!! The locker room is only for gym paying members and if you let others enter the locker room you can lose your gym membership!!! No one under 12 allowed in the locker rooms.

I guess there had been so many complaints.....including mine on many occasions that they finally decided to take action.  How many times do you have to shut down the pool for extra cleaning?  I guess it had to hit them in their pocketbook for the management to finally take action.  Happy dance.....Happy dance!!!!!!

As I have said many times the pool is there for exercise not for kids to play in.  When someone comes in to swim laps they shouldn't have to wait while a family with 2 kids in swimmies ties up the lanes.

I am so looking forward to going to the pool tomorrow.  Just me and the other adults that are trying to get a workout in........life is good!!!!

You are never to old to set another goal

You are never to old to set another goal or dream another dream. C. S.Lewis

How great is that quote!!!!!

I totally buy into that now that I am older.  While it is true there are things I will never do such as bungee jumping or be a size 6 or own a house by the ocean........

There is still plenty of time to make up new dreams or refine my bucket list. 

There are the obvious things like the weight and healthy eating.....those are givens.  But there are new goals and dreams to be dreamt.

More traveling.
More time with family,
More laughter.
More writing.
More love.
More yes's and less no's.....to the things I want to do.

I want to make sure that during the second part (or second act) of my life I worry less about what others think and not worry about getting the approval of others.

So please if you ask me to do something and I hesitate.....remind me of this blog entry and kick me in the ass if necessary.......remind me that I am not too old to dream.......

PS Goal number 1- I want to do my half marathon in the pool by the end of the year.....now it may be down to the last minute....say maybe December 29th LOL......but it want to do it this year.......there I have said it now I can't back out!!!!
 

Double Sided Mirror

A few weeks ago I wrote about the nightmare of my reflection in the fitting room mirror.  My sister told me about the double sided mirror......I see myself one way in the mirror and on the other side of the mirror are people who see me differently.  I needed to hear that......we are all much harder on ourselves than we are on each other.  I know that I can look at others and not see the flaws that they may feel self conscious about.  Whether it be their weight or their hair(or the lack of it) or a birthmark (especially the ones that suddenly resurface at midlife).......everyone has something they feel uncomfortable about.  I feel self conscious about all three of the items listed. 

My hair....ugh......there was a time when I had a nice full head of it.  Now I spend a lot of time making what I have look like it is more than it is.  When Wayne cuts and highlights my hair I love it!!! Last time I went to see him I actually wrote down the steps he takes to make my hair look full and beautiful.  I have not been able to get his technique down pat yet but I will keep trying.

The weight....need I say more??? I think I continue to cover this topic ad naseum......

OK the birthmark......so I had this birthmark when I was born.  It is right in the middle of my forehead between my eyes.  When I was young my parents discussed with my pediatrician whether they should consider plastic surgery for it?  The answer was no......it would most likely fade......which it did......until about a year ago.  Now it is back......really?????  I notice it every morning when I put on my warpaint.....ok make-up. There it is big as ......at least to me.  Others may not notice it as much but to me it is a giant red blob right between my eyes.  But if I put down my head to not look at it I end up looking at my ever thinning hair.......

Do I sound like I have some issues......oh yeah........do I need to get over myself......uh huh!!!

Maybe I need to take a trip around to the other side of that double sided mirror and try to see the Donna that the rest of the world sees. Yes, she might have weight issues and thinning hair and a stupid birthmark but she also has compassion and maybe an inner beauty and that wicked sense of humor......hey she sounds pretty neat!!!!

The outside will take care of itself one way or the other......that is all fixable.....diet and exercise for the weight......learn to do my hair the way Wayne does for the thinning hair and I am sure there is some make-up out there to cover the birthmark.  See  the outside is all fixed!!!!

And the inside........here is a shock........I think I look pretty good in that department........and I hope those on the other side of the mirror will agree.........

Oh Crap.....There Is Going To Be A Family Reunion

Please do not misunderstand......I love my family.

I am so looking forward to a reunion of the Welch side of the family next summer in Missouri.  Yes, I said Missouri......it is a central location where those who have to travel the farthest from both sides of the US will be able to make it in a day or two drive.  This will be the first major gathering of the Welch's in 25 years.  Of the original 9.....there are now 5. The family members that were the kids of the original 9 are now gathering as parents and grandparents......our "children" are in their teen's, twenties and yes.... even some in their thirties. 

If you know me well.....you know what my issue is......it's how I look.  Amazingly, time has stopped for some of my family.  They look young and thin and well you know......

For me......I was struggling with my weight 25 years ago and that hasn't changed,  I don't want to show up as the big one.  I know my family loves me  but I don't want to stand out. 

I want to go to the reunion so bad but I want to go as someone else......

Since going a someone else is not an option........I have a year to make me better,  A year......it sounds like a long time but next July will be here in a flash.  If nothing else motivates me maybe this will.......

I can tell you this for sure......it will be 4 crazy days.  I will be meeting some relatives for the first time and reconnecting with others who although we have not seen each other in years have never left my heart.  I have suggested we get "I survived the Welch Family Reunion" t-shirts.  I also think Missouri is a good choice since none of my family lives in the state.....so if we are asked to leave the state there won't be any issues.  We will need name tags to identify each other.  There will be committees for everything from food/cooking to entertainment.  It should be a blast!!!

Now I just have to work on me.....getting myself to a place where I feel comfortable with myself.  I have a little less than a year to do it......think I can??......yeah....me too......

Resetting to Zero

Instead of focusing on where I have been and what I have accomplished, I am going to act like tomorrow is Day 1.

Instead of focusing on what I have lost or am now able to do that I couldn't before or what I have learned about eating.....I am going to act as if this is the way I have always been and move ahead from here.  You might wonder why I am doing this.......I think by resetting to zero I won't focus on the past as much.

So when I get on the scale tomorrow.....that is the weight for day 1.  It doesn't matter how much I weighed when I started all this....it is where I am now and where I am heading.

That means that when I wake tomorrow I have always been able to do a few miles on the elliptical or run 3 miles in the pool.  I have always been a member of a gym.  I have always worked out on a stepper.

That means tomorrow  I will have always known what quinoa is.......and how to pronounce the name correctly.  I have always known that carb's are not a required food group.  I have always known I should eat when I am hungry not just because it is dinner time.  I have always known that even natural sugar in food isn't good for me.  I have always gone to food stores and been willing to spend a little more to get the healthy foods I like.

That means that tomorrow I will have always written a blog. I will have always shared my personal and thoughts with anyone willing to read my blog. 

I have been searching for a way to refocus and renew my efforts.  Maybe by resetting to zero I can let go of the past and move to the future.  I can leave some of the baggage behind to lighten my load.  OK so here we are Day1.........let's get moving.......

Vacation and Reality

I had a great time on vacation......once we got there.  It was the first real ME vacation in a zillion years.  I was able to decide what time I wanted to get up, sleep, nap, eat and just sit an read.  I was lucky....I didn't like the desserts they served...LOL.  I did get in the pool every day and jogged too.  I didn't stress about getting in the pool with strangers or worry about what people thought I looked like in my bathing suit.  For one glorious week I didn't think about work, the dog, what to make for dinner or any of the other things or people that bring stress to my life......it was heavenly!!!! One afternoon, I actually fell asleep while reading by the pool.  Another morning, I sat on a deck near the ocean and read while listening to the sound of the ocean.  If I didn't want to do something....I didn't.  How fabulous is that??? Yes, I did indulge a little.....those lovely island drinks.......an occasional snack......nice breakfasts......I didn't go berserk and still got in my daily exercise. I don't think my blood pressure went up a point....in fact it probably went down a lot......

Now I am back home......
back to the gym......back to healthy eating......back to focusing on trying to lose weight.  I think the vacation rejuvenated me.  Back to portion control.......back to what's for dinner? Back to reality.....

Hopefully, some of the magic from vacation will stay with me......for a while......or until my next vacation.  It gave me a chance to recharge and to see what life is like when I don't have to answer to anyone but me.....guess wha......t it was nice.......more to think about.

OK vacation is over.....time to get back into  4 to 5 trips to the gym each week, healthy eating and Dear God some weight loss......the pounds are going to come off come hell or high water!!!! When things get bad....my mind will wander back to that deck and the ocean and the water and me.....just me....

The Ups and Downs of the Internet....

This week I have faced the highs and lows of the way we work and communicate.

The low......

I had to do some work at home this week-end.  I brought home my laptop and hooked it up to my extra monitor.  I even figured out how to have both screens with different info.  I spent hours working on a project for work.  I know I hit the save button.....I know I did.....I am absolutely sure I did.......I think......

When I went back to open the report and the spreadsheet.....all my notes were gone.  I will admit I started to cry....all those hours of work ......gone.  I got myself together and tried to re-create the wheel.  It took about 1 1/2 hours and I was lucky that I had copies of e-mails I had sent.....so once again I finished and I saved it to my desktop, my file, my e-mail and anyplace else I could.  The one good thing is that I checked it while I was at home and I didn't find out about it after I arrived at the office this morning.

The high.....

My cousin set up a family site on Facebook.  He started it last week and it already has almost 90 members.  I have reconnected with cousins I haven't seen in years and am getting to know their children too.  People are posting pictures and sharing memories.  There is even talk of a reunion next year!!!!

I definitely experienced the good and bad of having a computer.......

Thank goodness there is an auto save on this blog site or you might have missed some great entries!!!!